Blog 14 – The "Big Scary" at the Gates of Lut Gholein

"Morning stranger," Atma beamed as Meleezon entered the pub. "Have a nice rest after our big adventure through the palace and other dimensions?"

"No actually. Some insane howling kept me up all night."

"Oh that was just Geglash," Atma said, pointing to a fat ex-mercenary sitting in the corner. "He has a few to many to drink and thinks it's funny to run around like a loon and pretend he's a Werewolf. We're planning to have him neutered."

"I see. Well, today's the big day!"

"Which day is that?"

"The day we step foot outside the Lut Gholein Gates!" chimed in Divo who had just arrived.

Atma stared in silence.

"… You've been through the Lost City, traversed an inter-dimensional labyrinth, and discovered the legendary Canyon of the Magi… and you still haven't actually stepped outside these walls?"

"Nope."

"Well, then you wouldn't know anything about the hideous beast that lurks outside. It's been there for weeks, making it impossible for us to go out or receive any goods."

"Hideous Beast? I like the sounds of that. I must go and face it to further prove my worth!" Meleezon spun Bladebone expertly in her fingers and winked at Divo. "Let's go show this critter who ownz the desert."

"I'm not kidding you know!" called out Atma as they were leaving, "It's foul! Gruesome! Completely unhouse trained! Don't come crying back to me if you step in… ah to hell with them. I'm too old for this $hit."

---Fast Forward---

Meleezon was just nearing the gates when a large, gruff man stopped her.

"Hey, you look like a woman. You couldn't possibly be thinking of going out in the desert by yourself. There're monsters out there you know. Here, let me sell you a man mercenary. He'll keep you safe so you don't break any nails."

Meleezon and Divo stared opened mouthed.

"… Excuse me? Are you insinuating women can't fight?"

"No, I'm not… in-sin-u-wading… I'm telling you. But I can't expect you to understand that, you're blonde after all."

-WHACK! RRRRIPP!-

"Oh… oh my god! Is that... is that my spleen? OH MY GOD IT IS! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE! My spleen! My freakin' spleen… I feel… faint..."

The gruff man fell on his face, Meleezon presumed him either dead or dieing. Noticing that he was right next to a trap door leading to the sewers, she quickly opened it and – glancing around to make sure no one else was watching – stuffed him down.

"Damn sewer rats. I swear they just keep on getting bigger. Now they're dragging innocent victims to their deaths!" Meleezon chuckled to herself.

---Fast Forward---

The great arched gateway of Lut Gholien marked the exit of town and gave a lovely view of the vast nothingness outside its walls. As Meleezon and Divo arrived, they noticed a hero standing just inside the towns border, chin in hand, deep in thought.

Meleezon walked up quietly and tapped her on the shoulder.

"AH!" screamed the Sorceress in surprise, and Meleezon felt a surge of electricity flow up her arm and course through her body.

"God….dammit! What the hell was that?... I feel like you've singed half the hairs on my body! Oh wait, I'm about to lose half my lunch…" Meleezon put her hand over her mouth to try and avoid any projectile vomit.

"Oh, I am SO sorry! You just startled me. I know you'll only be feeling half as well as you usually do; that's what my static attack does. Halves my enemies lives every time I cast it."

"Ah, that's ok," Meleezon said, swallowing. "I'll get over it. So, if you're attack halves your enemies life, wouldn't that mean you could never actually kill them?"

"Yeah, I can get them so close to death, but I can't kill them. That's why I've been standing here thinking; there's a really nasty beastie out there and no matter how hard I try I just can't kill it."

"What if you did your static thing until he was really badly hurt, then went up and beat him with your orb there?"

"This thing?" the Sorceress said, extending her hand to let Meleezon have a closer look at the little glass bulb on a wooden handle. "Yeah, right. How am I supposed to hurt it with this? I know; I'll give it the most shocking anal probe it's ever had."

"You're witty. I like you."

"I like me too. What's your name?"

"I am Meleezon! Also known as 'Sarcastic B-tch' and voted 'Most likely to knock out bystanders when running'."

"Yes, I can see that. Us Sorceresses aren't exactly blessed in that area, but we make up for it by not looking butch."

"… I'm not sure whether to laugh or deck you."

"Would you like to know what it's like to feel half of half as well as you usually do?"

"Ummm…no?… I don't think so anyway."

"Then let's forget I said anything."

"Alrighty then."

Meleezon and the Sorceress went quiet for a second.

"Ah... hi. My names Divo!" The Rogue extended her hand out for the Sorceress to shake.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Static Zapour."

"Whoa whoa whoa… your special attack thingy is static… and your name is 'Static Zapour'?"

"Ya-huh."

"… you know, I think one day we're all going to have to track down our parents and ask them what they were thinking. I mean honestly… Scary Dude, Frozen Spooky, Static Zapour… is it all just a strange coincidence or even… fate?"

"You'd rather be named 'Asdfgh1337'?"

"Good point."

The three women strode to the gate entrance and stared out across the sand.

"So. You and Atma both mentioned this 'hideous creature' lurking out here. Where is he exactly?"

"I'm not sure. He hides under the sand and waits for people stupid enough to wander out."

"You've been out a few times, haven't you?"

"Yes, and each time he's popped up and nearly eaten me on the spot. All I could do was run back here to safety. He doesn't come into the town; takes away the thrill of the hunt."

"Well then, let's see how the hunter likes to be hunted."

Meleezon hefted her axe and shield and began to creep out onto the sand.

"Divo, back me up. Tell me if you spot anything."

"Rightio."

Static followed close behind.

"Guys, I'm reeaalllyy not sure we should be doing this. This beast is hideous! Foul! And completely unhouse tra-"

"Yeah yeah we know."

---Fast Forward---

"Ok. Well that was fun. Two hours walking around in the blazing heat and not one sign of this 'hideous creature'. I think my backpack is giving me a rash…"

Static looked confused and slightly hot.

"I don't understand it. Whenever I came out before he was after me like a shot."

"Maybe he doesn't like you're perfume?"

"It's Cravin Brine's "Essence of Kurast". How could he not like it?"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake, and a small pile of sand started to rise up near Meleezons feet.

"AH! IT'S THE BEAST!" screamed Static, already beginning to run back to the gates. Meleezon took a few steps back but held her ground.

"Divo, get ready."

The two stood, weapons ready, as they watched the sand rise higher. Sharp horns pierced through, and slowly the sand flowed away to reveal…

"Squeak!"

"…. What… the hell… is that?"

A creature, no bigger then a large dog, crawled out from its hole in the sand and glared at the intruders. It was covered in scales and spines, and looked very, very ugly.

"Squeak," it said again… menacingly(?)

"Static, get your green skirted ass over here this instant."

The Sorceress cautiously obliged.

"Tell me: did you wait around to actually see this hideous creature before running for your life?"

"Eeerr… not really... when the sand started rising I just assumed the worst."

"I see. Well, now that we can see it, what's your opinion?"

"It's… it's kinda cute! In a hideously gross and scaly way."

"Squeak?"

"Shut up, we're not talking to you yet. So, Static; am I to understand something this big scares you enough to go fleeing for cover?"

"Well, not now that it's visible… but…"

"And you're after Diablo too, right?"

"Ya-huh."

Meleezon shook her head, but said no more.

"Right, time to deal with the 'big scary' at the gates." She raised her shield and began to walk forward, keeping her eyes steadily on the little beast. It began to back away, making soft cat-like growls.

"YAR!" Meleezon cried, lashing out with her axe.

-KABOING-

The creature disappeared. The three women looked around them, and saw nothing.

"… Ok… that was either the best magic trick I've ever seen, or we've all breathed abit to much hallucinogenic zombie gas lately."

Divo shaded her eyes and looked to her left, to her right, then up at the sky.

"HOLY CRA-"

-THUNK-

The beast landed heavily on top of Divo's head, flattening her to the ground. Meleezon immediately sprung into action.

"YARG!" she cried again, lunging into a full on spring attack complete with cartwheel.

-KABOING-

"Oh, dammit, not again."

Static and Meleezon watched the dark form sailing through the air.

"Careful, he's a really good aim," Static cautioned.

"Yeah... hmmm... gives me an idea." Meleezon raised her spiked shield above her head and grinned.

"……ssssqqqqeeeEEEEEAAAKK---ERK!"

Her legs almost buckled from the impact, but she braced herself, then shook the shield. A multiple punctured and rather gory body peeled itself off the spikes and fell into the sand.

"Well, so much for the 'hideous creature' outside the gates."

As if someone had just announced it during the 'big game' on a wide screen TV, a head popped out from around the gates archway.

"The beast is dead?"

Another soon followed.

"The heroes killed the hideous creature?"

Soon, half the town was out on the sands, giving praise and cheering.

"Oh, bless the heroes; we are free again!"

"Free to wander the sands! Free to come and go as we please!"

"I'm going to build a sand castle!"

"I'm going to push a hoop with a stick!"

"I'm going to explore this lovely, wondrous massive… huge… empty expanse of…" The townspeople suddenly went quiet.

"… It's really bright out here."

"And hot."

"I'm thirsty."

"Ow, my lips are cracking."

"Eh, I'm bored, let's all go back to the pub and get hammered where it's cooler."

The townspeople left, grumbling something about heroes not being like they used to, and why can't they do anything good these days.

"Hmph. Well that was short lived," Static sighed.

"Yeah. You'll get used to it. We've killed a Hell Lord and brought back the sun; we're not exactly being showered with chocolate and puppies." Meleezon sighed as well and hefted her weapon. "Oh well, let's go wander in the desert. There's got to be more then sand out there."

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