Blog 25 - Spiders and Eyes-Scream

"I'm Meleezon, and the rogue cowering behind is my trusty companion, Divo."

The two green-brown clad Amazons looked her up and down and snorted.

"Ah yes, 'zee Meleezon'. Vee 'ave 'eard of you, even in our corner of zee island."

Divo raised an eyebrow.

"Meleezon, what're they talking about?"

She didn't answer, only glared back at her distant kin with hard eyes.

"And you would be servants of the great and mighty Hamster, correct?"

At the sound of their leader's name, the two Amazons clicked their heels together and saluted.

"Heil Hamster!" they said simultaneously. Then the female looked back towards Meleezon. "I am Kriemhild, and zis is Knochengeist. But vee prefer Agent K and Agent G."

"Agents?" Meleezon asked, "What mission has Hamster -"

"Heil Hamster!"

" - sent you on now?"

The two Gerbils immediately stiffened, noses raised high.

"Excuse us. Vee must dizcuss."

Meleezon and Divo waited while they talked quietly to each other in a language they didn't understand. Finally, Agent K stamped her foot and stood at attention.

"Vee 'ave decided you can be trusted. Lord Hamster has sent us on a qvest of utmost importance. Vee are to find a vay into Hell, subdue and capture Diablo and return him to base camp Alpha. From zere, Hamster has readied many torture devices zat vill help convert him to our cause."

"And what's that? Growing fatter live stock to feed his obeseness?"

G shot her an icy stare.

"Lord Hamster is on a diet; 'All you can eat but no carbs.' It is vorking vonders - gas emissions aside - and his desire for Vorld Domination is returning."

Divo gasped.

"The Carb Monster! I've heard about this back at the Monastery. He lurks everywhere, invisible, just waiting to strike. A sister of mine tried to be good on her diet, but somewhere along the way she snuck a chocolate sundae. Three years later: BAM! Cellulite."

K nodded.

"Vee are vell avare of zee dangers. Lord Hamster is under constant surveillance. Now, since vee 'ave told you our mission, I must ask; vot is yours?"

Meleezon and Divo looked at each other and mumbled quietly, then turned back.

"Exactly what you said, except we plan to convert Diablo with kindness and fluffy objects."

"Vhat? Zat is not funny!"

"It's true."

"You are lying. Vee thought of it first, it's our plan."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"We thought of it three years ago."

"Lord Hamster has been planning zis from zee beginning of time!"

"Has not."

"Has too -"

--- Fast Forward - Many Hours Later ---

"So that's our real mission. We were about to head off and get the eyeball now. Did you wish to come along?"

K and G analysed them through squinted eyes.

"How do vee know you von't betray us?"

"What, you mean as in use you to distract the spiders so we can get the eyeball while they're feasting on your flesh? Nnaaahhh... we'd never do that!"

"Hmmm... very vell. But vee shall be vatching you."

--- Fast Forward - Many Hours Later, Deep in the Spider Forest ---

"I am not liking zis forest. Zat is the third time I have stepped in poop."

"My, G, you certainly have a way with words."

All four travelers were trudging through the dense foliage of the jungle, sweating heavily from the humidity. Meleezon felt like she was swimming in her armour.

"Ugh. This reminds me of home. No wonder I left."

"Not vot I heard..." muttered K.

They were just considering heading back when Divo let out a scream. They all turned, expecting an attack, and instead saw the Rogue wrestling with herself.

"Get it off get it off!' she screamed again.

Meleezon went over to help, and saw she was covered in thin white strands. Spider webs.

"I think we're getting close guys," she mused while picking web from Divo's hair.

K, who had walked on ahead, called back:

"Closer then you think, Fräulein Meleezon." She waved towards a gaping hole in the ground beside her, almost completely covered in thick web. "I believe zis is vot vee are looking for."

"Well, the quicker we get down there the quicker we can get back," Meleezon grimaced, silently wishing she could wait outside while the others went in. Divo followed close behind as they descended into the gloomy hole.

"Ew. Gross. So gross. Worse then when I was pushed through the slime wall."

--- Fast Forward - Spider Cavern ---

The natural formed cave reeked of death and wet earth. Cocooned carcasses and thoroughly gnawed bones littered the floor, and strange green puddles pooled in the dips. The foursome crept down the narrow passageways cautiously.

"Zere is somezing big down here," G said. "Somezing very big."

"How do you know that?"

"Look at zee size of the poop I just stepped in," he replied, pointing to his foot.

"Hmm... you're right. Very big."

They continued to creep forward; Meleezon and Agent 'K' Kriemhild in front, Divo and Agent 'G' Knochengeist covering the rear. K had her spear raised high, using it to slash apart the spider webs growing fastly thicker in their path. A slight downhill sloop told them there were slowly going deeper into the earth.

As K cut the final web, the corridor opened up into a large cavern. The rounded shape suggested that unlike the rest of the cave, this had been burrowed out. The roof was a collage of webs and tangled tree roots, and large holes in the floors and walls did not go unnoticed. But it was the large ornately carved chest that sat at the far end that caught their eyes.

"Impressive," muttered G as they entered the cavern.

As they studied the room around them, thousands of tiny spiders emerged unseen from the corridor behind. With incredible speed and dexterity, they wove an intricate web over the mouth of the tunnel, and by the time Divo turned back to the exit it had been completely sealed over.

"Err... guys?" she stuttered, pushing against the web and almost getting thoroughly stuck. "I think we may have just walked into a trap."

G turned to see the blocked passageway for himself and paled.

"I suggest vee grab zee eye and portal out of 'ere. I am not liking zis at all."

He made to run to the chest, but Meleezon grabbed and pulled him back fiercely.

"Wait!"

Seconds later, a massive tangle of abdomen and legs fell from a hole in the ceiling and crashed on the chest. The giant red-tinged spider glared at them through her multiple, unblinking eyes.

Meleezon cringed in response.

"Spiders... is there anything grosser?"

"Besides zee bottom of my shoe at zee moment: I'd have to zay, nein."

The spider clicked its fangs together in reply, daring them to have a go at the chest she was so defensively roosted on.

"Wait, I think I know about this," Divo said suddenly. "Cain mentioned it in his tale. This is Sszark, one of the ancient spiders. Apparently the council told her if she guarded the eye she could eat any human that came to claim it. I'd say she's been doing pretty well."

They glanced around at the bones and armour littering the floor. Not bad at all.

K suddenly hefted her spear and moved forward.

"Vell, I don't plan on being big spiders breakfast. Take zat!" She hurled the spear directly at its head, but was startled when Sszark merely swatted it from the air as she would an insect. She'd obviously had alot of practice in the past.

Meleezon gulped as the now angry arachnid gave a snarl and leapt off its chest, crawling towards them.

"Uummm... maybe we should come back later. With a really big can of Raid-"

-FLIT-

An arrow streaked past and imbedded itself in Sszarks oversized abdomen. Oozing orange goo and screaming a high pitched squeal, she immediately backed off towards the chest again.

Answering cries suddenly drifted from the holes in the floor and walls, and withi seconds eight more spiders emerged. These were green-tinged and just as big as Sszark; the venom dripping from their fangs thick and potent.

"Children of Sszark ay? Well done Divo, I think you pissed them off."

--- Fast Forward ---

G launched another bone spear and ripped the leg off the spider advancing on him. It slowed, but crawled on anyway with frightening determination.

In a corner, Meleezon was battling her phobia's more then just metaphorically, taking on two spiders at once. Divo stood by her side firing arrow after arrow in the arachnid's fat bodies.

Four of the spiders now lay thrashing on the ground; two incapacitated beyond the ability to continue fighting, the others well and truly dead. And at the far end, oozing goo from the wound in her abdomen, Sszark still sat on the chest, chirping in fury.

K finished off the spider she was fighting and snarled at the ancient red one, who glared back just as fiercely. Without warning Sszark suddenly fell flat and raised her abdomen high above her. A stream of super-sticky web streamed out and hit K's arm, flinging the spear from her grasp. With a hard tug, the spider pulled the Amazon off her feet and slowly began to reel her in.

Desperate and mere meters away from poison filled mandibles, K pulled a nifty knife from her boot and began to slash at the web. It merely stuck to the blade, fraying but not breaking. Sszark chirped in glee and prepared to sink her fangs into K's shoulder, but before she could the Amazon pulled the knife free and thrust it deep into the spiders clustered eyes.

Sszark gave a scream and fell backwards off the chest. K immediately took the opportunity and dove forward to open the lid. Inside was a single eye, staring up at her expectantly. She grabbed it and shoved it ito her armour.

"Meleezon, I 'ave zee eye. Open a town portal, now!"

Barely hearing her over the sound of squealing spiders, Meleezon shouted in acknowledgment. Raising Soulflay high, she thrust it downwards into a spiders head, and used the support to pole-vault clear over its abdomen. She stumbled to the middle of the room, opened a portal and fell through.

Divo, mimicking Meleezons actions, stepped again on the flailing spiders head and launched herself off its enormous buttocks. She landed gracefully in front of the portal, almost collided with G as he ran past, and quickly followed him through.

K was last to run towards it, and was almost there when a hard tug on her arm sent her reeling back again. Sszark had righted herself and was once again reeling her prey in.

The Amazon screamed in frustration and fought back, making her way inch by inch towards the exit. Sszark, seeing that dinner was about to escape, let go of the web and crouched on the box, ready to pounce. K used the slack she'd been given and tumbled through the portal at last, just as the spider sprang behind her. The portal closed, cutting the web line in half, and a second later Sszark flew through where it had once been.

--- Fast Forward - Kurast Docks ---

All four hero's lay in the square, panting for breath. They were covered in web, dust and spider bits from head to foot; basically looking as if they'd just had a thorough bout of spring cleaning.

"Wow," gasped Divo, "that was really serious."

"Yeah," agreed Meleezon, "there was really nothing funny about that at all. I guess when it comes to spiders; it's just not a laughing matter."

K coughed and sat up, a broad smile on her face. She pulled the eye from her armour and threw it over to Meleezon.

"Vee fought hard, but in zee end, vee vere victorious."

Meleezon smiled gratefully and grimaced at the small object in her hand that stared back at her.

"I hate spiders," she sighed.

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