WARNING: This chapter contains material that may cause flashbacks/issues for people who have struggled with abuse. There will be other material in later chapters, as it is crucial to the story. I will put a warning like this at the beginning of the chapters that will contain such material. Thank you for reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans
Three weeks. It'd been three long and tedious weeks since the crime scene and there was still no progress on the case. Only some forensics had come back which had led to identifying the dead man. They had used that to try and find any known accomplices of his. So far, they were all either in jail or dead. All interviews had ended with the same line, "I don't know who else he's been mixed up with and I wouldn't tell you if I did". It was lining up to be a really great week.
Johnathan dragged his hands down his face. He'd been staring at his computer for hours looking for any lead that they had possibly missed. So far nothing had turned up. He was about ready to go to the streets with a photo and ask, "You know him?".
"I need coffee." He muttered to himself. As he stood to get his third refill, he glanced at his phone. The past three weeks had been slow at work but had been very productive in his personal life. Since the banquet, he and Airen had continued their little "game". They had even gone so far as to start texting each other teasing little hints to try and break the other during their professional lives. He smiled. Even though playing the game was fun, getting to know Airen was even better.
In the last week alone they had begun simply talking like people who didn't hate each other instead of playing. They still played but they were beginning to, dare he say it? Become friends.
Sure enough, there was a text message from Airen.
What are you doing?
He smiled as he texted a reply.
Nothing. You?
He didn't have to wait long for a response.
Sitting at work waiting for them to tell me what to do. Uuugghhhaa! Sooo boring!
He smiled. If he wasn't careful, he'd end up proving Tony right.
"Yo Logan!" Tony popped his head into the office. "Wipe that smile off your face and tell Airen you gotta go. We got a lead on one of the dude's accomplices."
Johnathan put his mug down and grabbed his weapon and his leather jacket. It was only 80 degrees outside but he preferred to have a jacket to conceal his weapon.
"Who is it?" He asked once he caught up to Tony. Tony handed him a file.
"Some guy named Shawn Carlson. He's a part-time photographer but he used to be a full-time thief. He started out slow, pickpocketing, candy, ATMs, stuff like that."
"I wouldn't call ATMs slow."
"Wait until you hear what he graduated to. When he hit his teens and young adult years he started hitting high-end jewelry stores, big banks, even museums. It wasn't until he tried to rob Wayne Enterprises that he got busted."
Johnathan chuckled. "Let me guess, Batman?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?" Tony looked confused.
"Wild guess. So, how does he know our bad guy?"
"That's the next part. After Batman busted him, he spent 3 years in jail. And guess who was his cellmate for the duration of his stay?"
"Our dead guy."
"Yup. He got out about 5 or so years ago while our dead guy stayed for another 2 years. That's part of the reason why he didn't flag at first. It's been so long since they shared a cell and officially they've had no contact since Carlson got out."
"Okay, but photography? How do you go from thief to photographer?"
Tony shrugged. "Part of his probation. He had to go through a rehabilitation program where he picked and learned how to do a trade. You know, keep him off the streets type thing."
"Okay, well where is he now?"
"Work."
Johnathan and Tony stepped off of the elevator and followed the receptionist's directions to the studio doors. They walked into the studio and were met with loud music blaring from overhead speakers in a large room with cement floors and vaulted ceilings. The room was dim with most of the light coming from spotlights shining on the short runway and stage area in the center of the room.
Along the far edges of the room surrounding the stage were sets of rods and curtains set up to be dressing rooms. Off to the side across from the doors was a long table set up with a line of mirrors and chairs with lights for hair and makeup. A few girls were sitting at the table getting their hair and makeup done.
Another table was set up along the back wall filled with food. A few people milled around the table eating and talking. Johnathan guessed they were crew members.
"Lord help us." Tony gasped.
"What?" Johnathan asked surveying the room for what had caught his partner off guard.
"I can see why he became a photographer," Tony said a bit louder with a playful grin on his face. It was then that Johnathan noticed the models.
Several were milling around or standing and talking in robes while others simply walked around in their costumes for the shoot. It took Johnathan a moment to process what type of shoot it was.
It was a lingerie shoot.
Tony was practically drooling as they made their way further into the room. The models on the stage were wearing particularly revealing outfits.
"Focus man, we gotta find someone to talk to," Johnathan said. Just then a model walked by in full costume without a robe on.
"Hello, beautiful..." Tony said eyeing the model. She made a face and tossed her hair at him, model for "in-your-dreams-loser".
"Not that kind of talk. We gotta find someone who'll tell us where Carlson is." Johnathan said as he grabbed Tony's arm to keep him from following the model.
"Oh, I'll make her talk," Tony said winking at him. Johnathan raised a brow.
"You do remember what happened to the last guy that talked like that in front of me right?" Johnathan asked. Tony frowned and rubbed his nose.
"You wouldn't dare." He whined.
"I just might," Johnathan said as he looked around the room. "Now who can we talk to that won't brush us off?" Johnathan was ready to grab one of the crew members when his phone dinged.
Before he could even reach for it he noticed a head pop up from a chair between them and the stage. The back of the head looked very familiar. The person to who the head belonged turned toward them and Johnathan nearly dropped his jaw. Airen stood from the chair and made her way toward them.
She looked as surprised as he felt but once he noticed what she was wearing all formal thoughts stopped. Airen was apparently one of the models there working the lingerie shoot. All of the costumes that the models were in were pretty risqué, including the little number they had Airen in.
She was in a set of white lace bra and underwear that left very little to the imagination and barely covered what needed to be covered. The outfit also included white knee-length stockings, white high heels, and a white silk robe. Her hair and makeup were already done, her hair falling down her back like a waterfall of gold with a few curls to add to the appeal. Her makeup was light, only highlighting her eyes with white glitter and her perfect lips with nude lipstick.
When she smiled her confused and pleasantly surprised smile, he had to remind himself to breathe. He swore he could almost hear him purr.
"My, my! Would you look who we ran into!" Tony beamed with wicked mischief in his eyes. Johnathan sent him a warning look.
"What you two doing here?" Airen asked confused when she reached them. Johnathan was thankful he had practiced maintaining his composure.
"Hello, Airen." Tony greeted.
"Hey, Tony." Airen smiled at him. She turned to Jonathan. "Don't bother looking at your phone. It was me. I said, um…" She glanced at Tony who raised an eyebrow. "You know what? Maybe you should just, read it…later…." She finished weakly.
"Oh? What'd you send?" Tony asked over eager. Airen turned her face away from him but Johnathan could see the clear blush on her cheeks. If she was blushing…Time for a subject change.
"We're looking for a Shawn Carlson," Johnathan spoke gently but added a firm tone for Tony's sake.
"Is everything alright?" Airen asked frowning.
"Yeah, we just want to ask him a couple of questions," Johnathan said.
"He knew a dead guy that we're investigating." Tony piped up.
"Oh?" Airen inquired.
"Yeah, the body was found at the scene of a robbery. Apparently, his buddies stole some valuable reports of something like that about three weeks ago and we're looking for them." Tony finished proudly. Johnathan gave him a chiding look. They weren't supposed to just hand out that kind of information.
"Really?" Airen looked at Johnathan expectantly as though he was supposed to confirm something that only the two of them knew. When he seemed confused, she got rid of the expression.
"Shawn's over there." She pointed to the photographer that was currently taking the pictures. "I can't imagine that he had anything to do with it, but he's right there. I'm sure he'll be happy to talk to you."
"Thank you." Johnathan nodded pleasantly at her before walking toward Shawn with Tony. Now was not the time to admire her current attire and attempt to persuade her to be more than his friend, unfortunately.
Johnathan and Tony made their way toward the photographer.
"Shawn Carlson?" Johnathan called. The photographer looked up.
"We need to ask you a few questions," Tony said as they both showed their badges. Shawn nodded.
"Yeah, of course, give me just one second." Shawn turned and took off his camera to an assistant. As soon as he did, he took off running in the opposite direction.
"Shit." Tony breathed as they took off after him.
Shawn ran through the room like a mad man. He knocked over equipment and made a break for the dressing rooms. He ran into one and ran through the row of dressing rooms through the connecting curtains. Tony followed him while Johnathan tried to get ahead of him from outside. The occasional shriek could be heard from the occupied rooms.
Shawn burst out of the end of the row ahead of both Johnathan and Tony. He turned right and ran behind the stage area. Johnathan and Tony followed him. Crew members jumped out of the way, Shawn knocked stuff to the ground and models were screaming in the chaos. Shawn rounded the corner with Johnathan and Tony hot on his heels.
A model suddenly emerged from some dressing rooms on that side of the stage. Shawn saw the opportunity and took it. Johnathan saw what he was going to do just before he did it.
'Shit.' He thought.
Shawn grabbed the model and turned to face Johnathan and Tony. She screamed as he grabbed her head as though he was going to break her neck. Johnathan and Tony came to a screeching halt.
"Not another step of I kill her!" Shawn hollered. The model was whimpering and crying. Some subconscious and idiotic part of his mind noticed that the model was wearing the exact same thing that Airen was wearing only in black.
'Oh Azar, Airen! We can't let this lunatic getaway or she'll be in danger.'
"Protect her." He growled.
'I couldn't agree more.'
"Let her go, Carlson. This won't end well otherwise." Tony said.
"Yeah? Well in what version of this does it end well, huh? I'm not going back to jail! I'm telling you that I'm not going back!" He yelled.
"Let the girl go, Carlson," Johnathan said firmly.
"You want the girl? Fine. You can have her!" Shawn shoved the girl at Johnathan and Tony and took off again. The girl stumbled into them. Johnathan freed himself and pushed her onto Tony taking off after Shawn.
"I'm not going back!" He screamed at Johnathan.
Shawn went to round a corner when something flew out from behind it smacking him in the nose with a loud "Wham!". Shawn's head flew back, and his feet went out from under him. He landed straight on his back. He stayed there groaning and holding his nose. Johnathan stopped and put his hands on his knees panting. He looked up to see Airen standing over Shawn holding a long black curling iron like a baseball bat. She certainly made a decent picture, holding the curling iron bat of triumph standing over the bad guy in all of her lingerie glory.
Tony ran up next to Johnathan and copied his stance. Tony looked up at Airen.
"Dude," he said to Johnathan, "If you don't marry her, I will."
Airen hid the blush from Tony's comment. She chose to ignore it. Johnathan walked over to her while Tony flipped Shawn onto his stomach. While Tony read Shawn his rights and handcuffed him, Johnathan came up next to Airen.
"A curling iron?" He asked. She shrugged.
"Only thing I could find that would do some damage." She grinned. "Plus, it's still hot."
"Ooo." Johnathan winced. They turned and watched Tony finish frisking Shawn and pull him to his feet.
"I want a lawyer!" Shawn cried.
"Yeah, I bet you do," Tony said annoyed. Johnathan turned to Airen. He glanced at her outfit then back at her face.
"That text you sent…..it wouldn't have anything to do with that outfit you're wearing would it?"
Airen smiled evilly. "You'll have to read it for yourself and find out."
She laughed at his visible gulp and the way he blushed.
"Go on prude, you've got a prisoner to question." She said as she walked away laughing.
Airen sighed. She was tired. After the commotion of Shawn's arrest had died down another photographer had taken over the shoot and they'd moved on. It'd been a very long day and she needed an iced coffee drink.
Airen walked into the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. Leaning up against that back wall she smiled to herself remembering Johnathan's little visit. True, in the past he'd gotten on her nerves, and he still did sometimes. But now she found herself looking forward to times she knew when she would see him. Or like today, when she saw him unexpectedly, it had been the highlight of her day. She even caught herself looking at her phone in anticipation of texts from him.
'Lord help me, could actually be…falling for him? No! That's ridiculous! Besides, I can't fall for anybody. I have a job to do.'
Satisfied with her self pep-talk, Airen exited the elevator when it dinged, and the doors opened. She exited the building glancing around to see if there were any people nearby. Just when she was satisfied that no one was around, a horn honked from across the street.
Airen looked to see none other than Johnathan leaning up against a black corvette. Airen blinked. Astounded, she crossed the street.
"What is this?" She asked. Looking at the car.
"A car." Replied Johnathan. Airen gave him a look. He shrugged.
"Birthday present from the parents."
"Okay….but what are you doing here with it?" She asked.
"What? I can't pick you up from work?" He asked grinning playfully. She gave him another look as she leaned up against the car next to him.
"So, I noticed that you were working in a bad part of town. I didn't want you walking home alone."
"It is not that bad…" Airen began to protest. Just then sirens began to wail nearby. Johnathan glanced up and pointed giving her a pointed look.
"Okay fine. I'll give you that one." She paused. "How'd you know when I would get off?"
"I might have given Violet a call." He said.
"Uh-huh…." Airen raised her eyebrow.
"But I only called because I was getting off of work and I was checking to see if she needed anything since I was running some errands in that area. She mentioned that she wanted to pick you up because you wouldn't get off until after dark." He added quickly.
"Mmm….sure…" Airen studied him. Johnathan then pulled out a cup filled with iced coffee.
"She might have also mentioned that you liked these." He said nonchalantly. Airen gasped and stared at him wide-eyed. He just rolled his eyes.
"Just get in."
A few minutes later they were driving through downtown quietly while Airen sipped her drink. She had her forehead pressed up against the glass of the window trying to see the sky. Unfortunately, the lights and tall buildings prevented her from seeing it clearly.
"You okay?" Johnathan asked.
"Yeah." She said with a sigh.
He glanced over at her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just that…never mind. It's nothing."
"What is it?" He asked frowning.
"I just wanted to see the stars." She said.
"The stars?"
"Yeah. Where I'm from I can see them clearly, but they're different from the ones here. When I left to come here, I was looking forward to seeing the differences. But I didn't realize…." She trailed off.
"That the big city isn't exactly the best star gazing location." Johnathan finished with an understanding tone.
"Yeah," Airen said quietly.
The car was silent for a few moments before Johnathan spoke up.
"I wanna show you something."
Airen looked at him as though he'd turned purple. "What?"
"Just, relax. It won't take very long. I just want to show you something." He said smiling.
"Okay…" Another moment of silence went by. "So, did you interrogate Shawn?" She asked.
Johnathan stiffened for a moment and then heaved a sigh. "Yeah. I might as well tell you since Tony pretty much already did. The guys who robbed the place a few weeks ago were working for someone who wanted information on stocks. Whoever the boss is wanted secure, legitimate financial funding for his underground operations. Well, apparently, he intends to do that through stocks and bonds. Only, he's going to use stolen information to know which stocks and bonds to invest in and sell when." Johnathan explained.
"Sooo….insider trading?" Airen summed up.
"Kind of, yeah. Anyway, we interviewed Shawn and after a little persuasion, he told us that he was actually one of the thugs that robbed the place with our dead guy. Well, kind of already figured that when he ran. What we didn't know was what they stole or who he was working for."
"Didn't the owner of the information tell you what was stolen?" Airen asked confused. Johnathan shook his head.
"No. He was out of town when the robbery occurred and by the time, he was able to look the information was useless. Or at least he figured that. He never got back to us. When Tony called him, he said that he was sorry but he had shredded the information saying what had been stolen. Since it was only info about stocks and bonds no longer useful he figured we didn't need it anymore. I don't think I've ever seen anyone hang up on a phone so hard." Johnathan shook his head.
"Anyway, Shawn told us what they stole and who it was they had been reporting to. He said that they knew that he wasn't who they were working for, but they never knew who they were working for. They only got the jobs through texts on burner phones from burner phones. Then when the jobs were done, they reported to random locations all over the city and only ever saw the one guy. They handed over the stolen property and received wired payments in return. Then everyone went their separate ways. But after the last job went wrong they were informed that that was their last job.
"Shawn said he hadn't been the one to shoot our dead guy. He said that one of the other two guys had. Shawn gave us the names and addresses of the other two guys."
"And?"
"And we found one of them dead and the other missing." Johnathan's jaw hardened. "We've booked Shawn and we're hoping whoever the boss is doesn't have ties in prison, but…."
"He probably does." Airen finished. She looked out the window and the city scenery flying by.
"What I don't understand is why not just invest the money? Why go to all the trouble of messing with insider trading?" Airen mused out loud.
Johnathan shrugged. "Security? Knowing that you're doing everything you can to ensure you don't lose your money? People who aren't crim bosses do it all the time."
Airen nodded. They finished the rest of the ride in silence. After a little while, they left the city. After driving for about 10 minutes in a rural area they drove up a hill. At the top of the hill was a clearing with a small fence to keep people from falling over the edge of the steep hill. Johnathan pulled up to the fence and parked. They got out of the car and walked over to the hood of the car.
Airen looked out beyond the side of the hill. Down below and a little way out she could see the city lights. If she concentrated, she could hear the distant wail of the sirens.
"Its… it's beautiful…." She whispered.
"It's called Lookout Point. Teenagers usually come up here to make out and stuff." Johnathan said.
Airen turned to look at him. He was leaning up against the hood of the car with one foot propped up against the front bumper. Tonight, he was wearing his dark jeans, a simple black muscle t-shirt, and his black leather jacket. Same thing he had worn to arrest Shawn. If she focused, she could just barely see the bulge where his gun was holstered. His hair was tussled with a few strands laying carelessly on his forehead. He was cleanshaven and his black combat boots completed his look.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I knew something was up when you picked me up from work." She crossed her arms.
"Huh? What-No! I swear-!" His eyes grew wide with concern until he noticed her smirk. She was teasing. He frowned at her.
"That wasn't funny."
"Yeah, it was." She said.
"No, I brought you up here because it's the perfect spot for stargazing." He nodded up toward the sky. She looked up and gasped. Millions of stars could be seen twinkling up in the dark sky.
"Wow…." She whispered in amazement.
"Come here." Johnathan patted the hood beside him.
For the longest time, they sat like that just looking up at the stars. After a while, Airen felt Johnathan shift next to her. They had laid down on the hood of the car to get more comfortable.
"Airen?"
"Hmm?"
"Why did you come here?"
"You brought me ding dong."
She heard and felt him sigh. "No, I meant why did you come to Gotham. You talk about coming here, but you've never said why."
Airen thought for a moment.
"Tell you what, why don't we play a game. 20 questions. You ask one question and then I'll ask one and so on. We each get one pass and one ground rule. Mine is you can't ask me where I'm from." Airen proposed.
"Okay. Mine is…umm….you can't ask about my love life."
"Embarrassed?" Airen teased.
"Are you?" He retorted.
Airen thought for a minute before answering. "No, it's just a touché subject for me." She finally replied.
"Okay, same with me. Now I start. Why did you come to Gotham?"
Airen sighed. "It's kind of a long story. I guess the short version is this: Growing up I didn't really have a dad. I mean, I have a father somewhere, but he's never been in the picture. I've never met him, never even seen a picture. I have no idea who he is. My mom has always been very honest with us about everything but when it came to my biological father she always clamped up. So, when I turned 18, I took off. I decided that I was going to find my biological father. The only thing I knew was Gotham City. He might not even be here anymore, but this was the only lead I had."
Airen looked over at Johnathan. He was watching her with a considering look on his face.
"Okay, my turn. Do your parents not live in Gotham? Cause you and Violet never go their house and the only time you two said anything about seeing them was at that fundraiser a few weeks ago."
Johnathan chuckled. "They live here sometimes. They have a townhouse uptown, in the middle-class area. They also have a townhouse in Jump City California, a few other properties that my dad inherited, and then a house in Africa. They usually bounce around a lot between all of their properties. They don't like to stay in one place for too long."
Johnathan looked at her. "My turn. So why modeling? What I mean is, you're a law student but you're modeling on the side. Those aren't exactly in the same field."
Airen smiled. "No, they're not. My mom. That's why I model. She used to do it a long time ago and she loved it. When I came here, I needed some extra money so I used some of her old contacts. They were more than happy to help me out. Plus, it helps me feel close to her, in a way I never really got growing up."
Johnathan nodded in understanding.
"So why homicide detective?" Airen asked.
Johnathan shrugged. "It just made sense. When I got out of the military, I wanted to keep doing the same thing, protecting people, stuff like that. Since becoming a mercenary was out of the question, that seemed like the next logical thing."
"Why'd you leave the military if you loved it so much?" Airen asked.
"Wasn't exactly my choice. By the time I was 18 I had already graduated both high school and college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. So, I joined the military. My parents weren't the most structured type of people when it came to figuring out what you want to do with your life. They were sort of born into what they were supposed to do. For us kids, they wanted us to make the decision, so they never really pushed anything on us. Well, I didn't want to go into either family business so as soon as I was old enough, I joined up. I went through boot camp and loved it.
"They picked me out of a whole group of others for a special black ops unit. I was with them for three years. During that time the military paid for me to go back to school and get my master's. Around my third-year anniversary, they ran tests on us for some new vaccine or something. When they ran my tests, they found a genetic disease in my system. It was so distinct and remote that they had missed in their initial screenings when I joined up.
"I wasn't sick or anything, it just meant that I wasn't in perfect military condition. So, I got a medical discharge and came back here. You know the rest."
Johnathan propped himself up on an elbow. "Okay, I get two questions now."
"Okay." Airen laughed.
"First one, have you come any closer to finding your biological father?"
"No," Airen said simply.
"Okay, that was a waste. Um…second question…" Johnathan thought for a minute.
"So you've never had a father figure, ever?" He finally asked.
Airen's smile dimmed and she looked up at the stars. Johnathan frowned.
"I've had a father figure or someone who was supposed to be that. My stepfather however isn't the best person in the world, let alone the best father figure." Airen bit her lip. "My turn."
She looked up at him.
"So what do your parents do?"
"Mom has her P.H.D in English and she uses that to run the publishing company that she owns. She is also a novelist and owns a chain of bookstores that carry all sorts of books. Part of the reason she started it was because she couldn't ever find the books that she wanted to read." Johnathan shook his head.
"And my dad is a zoologist. He's one of the leading scientists in his field. He has a lab and research facility and team in Africa which is where most of his projects take place. He also owns a charity foundation to help endangered animals all over the world."
"Ah. That explains the house in Africa." Airen said.
"Yeah." Johnathan was quiet for a moment. "What's the deal with your stepdad?" He asked quietly.
"Deal?"
"You said he wasn't the great father figure."
"Oh." Airen bit her lip and looked back up at the stars. With a deep sigh, she answered.
"He's abusive."
Her words rang out in the silence like a loud gong in the still quiet of the morning. Johnathan's ears rang and his heartbeat quickened. Of course, he'd thought that that was a possibility, but he had hoped that it would be something more along the lines of she just didn't like him.
Johnathan stayed quiet as he waited for her to continue. Airen took a shaky breath before continuing.
"My mom…..she didn't want to marry him, but she was forced into it. And before you say anything about there always being a choice, let me assure you that the alternative where we come from was highly unpleasant. So yes, she was forced into it. From the beginning, he didn't like me or my two younger siblings. He didn't like us because she had us before she married him. This made him believe that that gave him the right to treat us any way he liked."
Airen paused.
"The first time he hit someone it was Mom. He'd been yelling at us, basically verbally abusing us for weeks. He told us we were worthless, that no one cared. He told us that we were better off dead than alive. He even said these things in front of Mom. Since they were married, he viewed her as his property and where we come from, she was. One day my little sister broke something by accident. He lost it. He stormed around the room shouting as loud as he could, screaming profanities at us…" Airen took a shaky breath.
Johnathan reached over and gently rubbed her bare arm with a knuckle. She continued.
"He came over and I swear I could see murder in his eyes. I was too far away to do anything, so when he swung for my sister all I could do was watch in horror. Out of nowhere, my Mom materialized in between him and my sister. He backhanded her so hard it rang throughout the building. All she said to him in response was, "Don't touch my kids".
"He had glared at her and said fine, but she was going to take the beating instead. Mom told me to take my siblings into her room, so I did. We laid in her bed for hours listening to him beat the crap out of her." Airen sniffed. She felt the tears brimming and threatening to spill over. Her face was tingling and growing hot. She couldn't explain it. She'd thought about it a million times before and she never cried. But something about saying it out loud….
"When he finally stopped, he left, and we didn't see him again for days. Mom finally crawled into her bed and we all snuggled there for the rest of the night. It became a tradition." She paused to sniff again.
"A few years later he started to hit us. The first time he hit me I hit back. I actually managed to knock him flat and he didn't hit me again. But he went after my siblings. When he gave my sister a black eye and my brother a busted lip I went and beat the crap outta him. I told him that if he wasn't willing to beat up someone who could fight back then he wasn't going to be in any shape to beat up anyone. He couldn't walk for a week after that. Even when he had recovered, he left us alone for a while. Eventually, though he started the beatings again and I made a deal with him. I would take the beatings and I wouldn't put him in the hospital as long as he left everyone else alone. And it worked until I ran away."
Airen's voice broke on the last word. Johnathan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. He laid there just holding her while she shuddered and hiccupped trying not to cry. She felt so ridiculous, crying over something that was so long ago. She never cried and here she was crying in front of the last person she wanted to see her tears.
Soon she felt his hand brushing her hair. She could feel his chin on top of her head. She felt safe and warm laying there in his arms. She wished she could stay there forever. He was so warm and comfortable and safe….and she fit perfectly in his arms. When she felt his soft lips press gently against the top of her head in a kiss, she came to her senses.
"I-I can't." She stuttered and sniffled as she pushed out of his arms. She got down from the hood of the car and walked a few steps away.
"What?" Johnathan sat up looking confused.
"I-I can't do this." She rubbed her hands over her face and into her hair.
"Do what?" He asked.
"Fall- for someone…." She'd almost said, "fall in love".
'Good grief what is this guy doing to me? He makes me feel and think about things I never have before…..things I shouldn't.'
"Who said anything about falling?" Johnathan spoke calmly as he got off of the hood of the car. He slowly approached her as if she were a wild animal that would take off at any second.
"I-I….I can't…." She wrapped herself in her arms and crouched down in a ball. She couldn't do this. She shouldn't do this. And for heaven's sake, she needed to stop crying.
"Shhh…it's okay. It's okay to fall for someone. We all do." He said calmly crouching next to her with an extended hand.
"No! You don't get it!" She jumped up and marched away. She suddenly spun back to face him.
"I can't. I just can't! I'm here to do something, to find my biological father. Nothing more, nothing less. I can't afford…." She heaved a sigh. "I want, I need, for us to just be friends, okay?" She was on the verge of tears again.
Never in her life had anyone made her feel this way. So desperate and out of control. So defensive and unsure and emotional. She had never felt so wonderful and so bewildered in her entire life, let alone at the same time. Her heart was racing at the thought of being near him and her head was spinning at having to break his heart before it was even her's to break.
"It's okay. We can just be friends." He said quietly. He had managed to get close again. He reached out to hold her hand or touch her arm or something, but she jumped back.
"No!" She cried. "Please, don't…" Her lip trembled and she feared what might happen if she finished her sentence.
"Okay, no touching. Got it." He smiled gently and reassuringly at her. "Let's get home, okay?"
