April Fools
Seamus and Dean's Little Fun
'That was genius Mione!' Neville exclaimed.
'Yeah, made Ron's look like crap!' Dean agreed.
'Truly brilliant! Fred and George would be in awe,' Seamus complimented.
'Thank-you, thank-you,'
'It was alright,' Ron grumbled.
'Oh come off it Ron, your just jealous cause Hermione beat you,' Harry argued.
'Na I reckon the real reason is cause now everyone knows Ron likes his girls big,' Draco taunted. The group laughed- except Ron of course.
'Would you like me to set you up with my cousin, a whale that one, an arse the size of Greenland!' Seamus teased.
'A toast!' Dean declared 'To big butts!'
The group raised their goblets and skulled down the butterbeer.
'So do you boys think you can top that one?' Hermione asked.
'I think we can Hermione,' Seamus grinned sheepily.
'In fact, I think we just did,' Dean smirked.
'Excuse me?'
'We got the house elves to put our potion in your cups!' Seamus laughed 'You just drank it, it should be taking effect any second,'
'Oh fuck not again,' Ron grumbled.
'We actually had a similar idea to you Hermione, with a few differences thank god!' Dean pointed out.
'Similar in what-,'
'THE BEST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE I EVER HAD WAS WHEN I SCREWED MILLICENT BULLSTRODE IN THE GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TRAINING ROOMS!' Ron yelled. He was met with absolute silence, which was abruptly ended by hysterical laughter, the entire hall was shitting themselves- except Ron and Millicent who both turned pretty darn red.
'As you can see,' Dean said giving a good impersonation of Snape 'Our potion makes the consumer announce who their greatest orgasm was with and where it was achieved,'
'Oh you two are plain evil!' Harry grinned.
'Na, we'd like to think of ourselves with Gryffindors with a dark side,' Seamus grinned.
'I hate you all so much,' Ron tried to disappear in his seat.
'I must say I'm surprised Weaselbee,' Draco pointed out 'After all the shit you gave Harry about going out with a Slytherin, you've been shagging one behind his back tsk tsk ,'
'Hey yeah!' Harry realised 'That's not fair!'
'I know Harry I'm really sorry…it's just you and Malfoy…it's just gross, everyone thinks so, right guys?' Ron tried,
'I think it's hot!' Hermione declared.
'Hermione!' Ron gasped.
'What? It is!'
'Seamus, Dean, back me up here!'
'Sorry mate, we're with Hermione on this one,' Seamus shrugged while Dean nodded.
'Thanks guys!' Harry smiled.
'Your welcome…so does this mean you'll let us join in then?' Seamus asked.
'No!' Draco and Harry.
'Oh gross! This is just…Neville! Mate tell me the thought of Harry and Ferret makes you sick,' Ron was getting desperate. Neville flushed and looked down to his food,
'Sorry Ron,'
'MY GREATEST ORGASM WAS WHEN DEAN THOMAS GAVE ME A MIND BLOWING BLOW JOB ON RON WEASLEY'S BED!' Seamus yelled then sat down quite calmly. The hall burst out into laughter as Ron leapt at Seamus' throat. They got Ron under control and resumed their lunch, Dean all the while had a proud look on his face.
'Wait a sec…,' Harry realised 'You put the potion in your own goblets?'
'Hell yeah! You'd think we'd miss out on all the fun?' Seamus was aglow.
'So who's goblets did you put the potion in?' Draco asked.
'Well all of ours obviously,' Dean answered.
'Oh and-,'
'THE GREAT SEX OF MY LIFE I HAD WITH REMUS LUPIN, AS HE HAD HIS WAY WITH ME IN THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE,' the entire great hall sat gob smacked at a very pale Professor Snape, even Dumbledore seemed shocked. Harry was the first to break the silence by snorting…yes snorting and exploding into laughter, at Harry's outburst Draco couldn't resist the strong urge in his gut and let his laughter out. Of course if Draco Mafloy did anything it was automatically fashionable so the entire hall had a good laugh at Professor Snape- except Dumbledore…who was still looking shocked.
'Wow Snape's gay,' Dean realised.
'Yeah and he fucks werewolves in his boss's office,' Draco added.
'How kinky,' Harry expressed 'Draco? When I get a job…will you fuck me on my boss's desk?'
'Oh…' Draco suddenly realised what Harry was asking and he felt himself stand to full attention 'HELL YEAH!'
'Can we watch?' Seamus asked.
'No!' Draco and Harry.
'Oh yuck, yuck, yuck,' Ron screamed.
'THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM I EVER HAD WAS WHEN BLAISE ZABINI SCREWED ME IN HARD IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMONROOM!' Neville yelled. This could be the funniest moment…hour…day of the year…decade…entire history of Hogwarts.
'Wow Neville, I didn't know you and Blaise went at it,' Drao asked.
'He said I had a goofy charm,' Neville blushed.
'Was it just the one time?' Harry asked.
'…No,' more blushes. Seamus and Dean were going into laughing spasms.
'Is the whole world gay?' Ron yelled.
'Alas no that would be the perfect world…this is the small world,' Draco sighed.
'Four down,' Dean smiled
'Four to go,' Seamus finished, 'Who will be next?'
'All I know is that I better be Draco's best experience or else I'm going to have to rearrange my priorities and bump Voldermort down a notch,' Harry promised.
'Oh please I only had straight sex before you and trust me that left a lot to be desired,' Draco pointed out.
'Really? How bad was it?' Seamus asked.
'Hello? I'm gay remember?' Draco clarified 'Besides that was all just sexual curiosity, not the meaningful relationship I have with Harry,'
'THE BEST SHAG I EVER HAD WAS WITH PERCY WEASLEY IN THE LIBRARY,' Hermione yelled. The laughing is really inevitable.
'Hermione,' Ron gasped.
'Eww Percy?' Harry asked.
'Aww geek love,' Dean sighed.
'Does anybody ever have sex in a bed?' Draco asked.
'You know that's a good question,' Seamus agreed.
'This is a lot of fun,' Hermione exclaimed.
'What the sex with my brother?' Ron sniped.
'No Ronald! The prank, well done guys I think have passed the torch,' Hermione complimented.
'Thanks Mione,' Dean grinned.
'So that means our only competition is Neville, Harry and Draco,' Seamus listed.
'And we've yet to see this grand scheme Malfoy's got planned to frighten the shit outa me,' Ron added.
'Yeah I can't wait for that!' Dean exclaimed.
'All in good time impatient Gryffindorks, in good time,' Draco grinned.
'I reckon your bluffing!' Ron glared.
'Do you?' Draco smirked.
'Yep! I reckon your stalling hoping to come up with something before twelve,' Ron accused.
'I guess you'll just have to- THE GREATEST SEX OF MY LIFE I HAD WITH HARRY POTTER AS I POUNDED HIM INTO SNAPE'S DESK!' Draco announced. Draco went on about lunch as normal, Harry turned a deep shade of red. Not so many people were laughing this time, most were drooling at the image Draco had just brought to their mind.
'I'm gonna be sick!' Ron yelled and dry heaved.
'I told you you're my best,' Draco beamed at Harry.
'300 000 points from Slytherin!' Snape yelled. Which made everyone laugh.
'Snape's desk huh?' Dean repeated 'We haven't done that yet,'
'We soo should!' Seamus jumped up and down eagerly.
'Good luck,' Draco smirked 'I have a feeling Snape's gonna be guarding it on nightly patrols from now on,'
'Son of a- I HAD THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE WITH SEAMUS FINNIGAN, FRED WEASLEY AND GEORGE WEASLEY AT ONCE IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT,' Dean proclaimed.
'Holy fuck!' Ron yelled 'My brothers are all sex fanatics!'
'Says he with the big butt fettish,' Draco murmed.
'Wow a foursome with Fred and George,' Harry commented 'They're really experienced!'
Draco raised an eyebrow at Harry.
'Relax it was just what I heard,'
'Yeah they were…' Dean said dreamily 'It was brilliant,'
'Fucking fantastic,' Seamus added 'But still not my best,'
'How can you say that?' Dean asked.
'Too many people Seamus explained 'I prefer the one person who's entire attention is focused only on me,'
Dean shrugged.
'THE GREATEST FUCK I EVER HAD WAS WHEN DRACO MALFOY SHAGGED ME SENSELESS ON RON WEASLEY'S BED!' Harry declared. Ron very calmly stood up,
'If you'll all excuse me I'm going to go hand myself over to Voldermort,'
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Author's Note: One more chapter to go, What will be Draco's prank?
