Chapter 4: Apologies
"Uhhhh..." Drake mumbled sleepily. He hated weekdays and he hated his stupid alarm clock. "Shuddup!"
Josh was already awake and was watching Drake from his bed. Unintentional as it was, he smiled when he realized what he was doing and sighed. I could get used to this, he thought. He got up from the bed and climbed up the ladder of Drake's. Shaking him gently did the trick and when he opened his eyes, they were wide with surprise. Drake smiled slightly, then sat up and rubbed his eyes while he yawned.
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"You boys are awfully quiet today," Audrey noticed at the breakfast table.
Drake and Josh just smiled and said "Yeah," at the same time. They looked at each other for a split second before looking back down into their cereal bowls. Neither of them wanted to say anything and they didn't until Josh spoke up suddenly.
"Ooh, we're gonna be late for school,"he said"Let's go, Drake."
" 'Kay," he replied.
The entire car ride to school was silent. They didn't want to turn on the radio for fear they might "accidentally" touch hands. Drake didn't know what to say except he wanted to apologize. He wasn't really sorry for what he'd done. In fact, he'd been wanting to kiss Josh ever since the incident with Drew and Jerry. Up until that point Drake never realized that he had feelings for Josh. But when he stopped spending time with him to hang out with his almost-twin, he knew. The entire thing was laughable, but that gave them a little push in the direction Drake now wanted to be going in.
I knew I should have said something before, he thought. Now he was scared that Josh would be afraid of him, that he'd push him away now that he knew. The need to apologize was so great that just before Josh opened the door he said "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"For what I did to you at the Premiere. I'm really sorry and- and if you hate me now I understand so just-"
"Drake, no. Don't apologize. It's okay. You had every right to do it," Josh said trying to comfort him.
Drake smiled as he said a small thank you to Josh and exited the car.
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Eating lunch at the same table as Mindy Crenshaw was giving Drake indigestion. Not because he hated her so much, but because the whole situation was awkward. Here he was sitting directly across from the guy he had kissed not more than twenty-four hours ago and he was having lunch with his girlfriend. It didn't feel right, so he decided to do something about. Drake got up and Josh followed with his eyes. He didn't have to ask why he was leaving; he just knew.
Mindy didn't think much of it. She knew, in her mind, that Drake was rude that way. She leaned in to give Josh a kiss, but was surprised when he flinched a little.
"What's wrong, Josh?" she asked.
"Huh?" he said absent-mindedly "Oh, no-nothing. Nothing eventful."
She knew that when something was wrong with Josh he would act as if it wasn't a big deal and say that "nothing special" was up. She shot him a look and his face turned sad.
"It's that bad, huh?"
"Yeah," he said not looking at her "Mindy, I- there's...there's something I have to tell you."
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"So, see, I'm really sorry, Mindy, but I don't think I can keep on being with you. I hate feeling like I did something wrong, and staying with you after this happened...well...I just...can't."
"I don't understand it, Josh," she said "How do you suddenly have feelings for Drake?"
It took him a while to answer the question, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized about these feelings.
"It's not sudden," he said to Mindy and himself. "I never realized it before he kissed me, but I guess it brought up all these feelings I...never even wanted to admit I had."
"So, then, why did you keep dating me?" she tried to reason with him.
"I-I don't know. I think...I just wanted to convince myself that I didn't have any feelings for him at all. And-and I guess that didn't work out too well. I'm sorry. Your probably hate me now and I don't blame you-"
"I'm mad at you for not telling me about this, Josh...but I'm not mad at you for feeling the way you do. Despite the fact that my hatred for Drake just doubled, do you think we can still be friends?" Mindy asked hopefully.
"What? You mean, y-you don't hate me?" He was puzzled at her reaction. Half of him had expected her to get up and throw a carton of milk at his head. The other half expected her to never speak to him again. But this? Friendship? From a girl he had just dumped for his own step-brother?
"How could I hate you, Josh?" she responded with a smile "You gave me my first real relationship. Even if you don't really love me that way, you've proven to me that you are an incredible person. I love you. To give you up just like that would be incredibly stupid and selfish of me."
"You're an awesome girl, Mindy," he told her sincerely "I hope you can find someone who really loves you one day. You deserve it...and I definitely want to be friends with you."
The bell signaled the end of the lunch period and they both hugged each other as they stood up.
"You know," Josh told Mindy as they walked out the doors arm-in-arm "I think that went well. You know, despite me having broken up with you."
Mindy laughed out loud and gave his arm a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before they parted ways to get to each of their classes.
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Drake sat in his Math class silently. He had his head down but he wasn't looking at anything in particular. When Josh walked in, all he could do was blush, still very embarrased.
"Hey," he heard Josh say.
"Hey," he responded, barely lifting his head and waving his hand slightly.
The two of them sat in awkward silence for the rest of the class. The little things that used to be so innocent were now a big deal. In the middle of class, Drake dropped his pencil and as he turned to pick it up, Josh had the same idea. Their hands brushed against each other for a split second and suddenly Drake wasn't so interested in the pencil anymore. Josh was, however, and he handed it to his step-brother a few seconds later with a smile. Neither of them ever imagined that they'd have nothing to say to each other.
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Josh and Drake had spent the past few hours not interacting with each other much. The awkwardness had settled in and it prevented them from saying much other than the ocassional "hey" and "thanks". After a while, Josh spoke up.
"Hey, Drake," he said aloud.
"Yeah?" his brother said, a little bit surprised that Josh was suddenly talking to him again.
"Am I, uh, am I correct in assuming that the reason you hate Mindy so much is because...because...you know...?"
Drake laughed a little bit and smiled at Josh playfully. "Well...what do you think?"
Josh slapped himself on the forehead and said "Of course! That explains a lot. All this time I had thought it was because she framed you for the whole 'car-in-the-classroom' thing. I'm so stupid!"
"Josh. Josh! Relax, would you?" Drake said as he got up and put his arm around him.
The other boy smiled and moved in closer. He sighed heavily and decided to ask Drake a few questions. "Hey, can I, uh, can I ask you some stuff? I'm just a little curious."
"Sure, what's up?"
"Like, if you've liked me this whole time, why have you been going out with girls and stuff?"
"Well," he explained "think about it. If I had just suddenly stopped dating girls, don't you think people would notice?"
"Yeah, but," Josh said "people are gonna notice now."
"You know, Josh," Drake replied "I really don't think that's gonna be a problem. You see, the whole reason I never wanted anyone else to know is because I was afraid that you'd find out. So now that you know, I don't really care what anyone else thinks."
Josh smiled at him and stared into his eyes for a moment. "I love you..." he said before looking down at his feet. It was a moment of revelation for the both of them. Josh had uttered the words he never thought he would say to Drake, at least not in this context and Drake couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"You-you do?"
"Yeah..." Josh couldn't say anything else. Suddenly everything he wanted to say was stuck in his throat. He just stood there helplessly, not knowing what to do or say.
"You don't have to say anything else," Drake replied as if knowing exactly what Josh was thinking. He turned around to face his step-brother and pulled his chin up with his finger so that their eyes met once more. Staring into Josh's eyes for a few seconds, he leaned in closer, put his arms around him and kissed him.
Josh didn't move, except to wrap his arms around Drake. This wasn't like the kiss at the Premiere; it wasn't unexpected or (slightly) forced. It was just what he needed and everything he wanted at that moment.
"Boys?" came a voice from the door.
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Note: Yeah another cliffhanger ending. I know I say this after every chapter, but thank you so much to my reviewers...again! I mean it. It makes a world of difference to have encouragement and that's what I'm getting from you guys, so thanks again. )
