Here it is, the long-awaited third chapter of 'Harley Quinn's Red Mark'. Apologies for the long wait but this one was a little tricky. I was trying to do something a little different for this one.
Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter 3: Jacked
The clock on the nightstand had just turned over to 9:16 a.m. when Naruto stirred in his bed and slowly opened his eyes. With a subtle moan, he rolled onto his left side before a bare and slender arm draped itself over him. Soon the content face of Tala comes up, rests against his neck, and nuzzles him in a loving manner.
She plants a gentle kiss on his skin, "Good morning, my beloved master."
"Morning, Tala. Sleep well?" he asked.
"Of course. I always do after one of our . . . nights of passion," she lets out a sigh of satisfaction, "You were wonderful last night. As always."
"Thanks," he looks at his clock and reads the time, "But I better get up."
The unmasked Red X was about to do that when his beautiful servant got a hold on him and snuggled into him, "Must you? I adore cuddling with you. Stay with me."
He chuckles then gently takes her arm off of him, "As great as that sounds, I can't spend the whole day in bed."
Naruto gets out of bed, exposing his nude form to the world when his bedmate said, "Of course you can. Especially with the right 'motivation'."
He looked back to see her take the covers off and reveal her own naked body. No matter how many times he saw it, it was still one of the most beautiful bodies he had ever seen.
The blond smiled, "Tempting, very tempting. Even if that were true, you still have to get to headquarters. I may have time off right now but you have important work to do."
She pouts, "It's so boring without you there."
He smiles, "I know, I know. You've told me many times. Still, your work is very important. You can't exactly ditch."
Naruto goes into the bathroom, grabs a washcloth and wets it in the sink then wipes his face before drying off.
He opens his eyes to see, in the mirror, Tala behind him and wrapping her arms around him.
She presses her body against his, "Și dacă aș putea? Am putea petrece toată ziua împreună."
He feels her plant a kiss on his shoulder then he smiles, "Tala, you have to go."
She kisses his shoulder again, "I don't want to."
A smirk appears on Naruto's face, "Are you trying to defy your master?"
"Maybe you should punish me," the sorceress nibbled on his right ear lobe.
The unmasked Red X could not help but find her affectionate actions pleasing and charming; she had been like this ever since they met two years ago.
"As fun as that sounds, it's probably best if we save that for another time. Besides, you're not the only lady who wants me around them," he said in a gentle voice.
Tala knew exactly whom he was talking about then she glares and pouts, "Oh I see."
Naruto saw her face in the mirror and chuckled a little, "Don't tell me you're jealous."
She looks away, "Maybe I am. So?"
"I'm just surprised. You were alright with the one-night stands I used to have from time to time."
"Yes, because those were just one-night stands. But now you have two full-blown girlfriends I have to share you with now. I'm not sure I like it."
Naruto smirks, "Well I'm sorry, Tala, but you have to share me now. Their feelings for me are no less than yours."
It was Tala's turn to smirk, "Or I could use some magic to make them disappear for a while . . . or maybe just the pigtailed one."
'I really like this one,' growled Kurama from the deep recesses of Naruto's mind.
The unmasked Red X smiled a little, "No, you're not allowed."
His still-nude servant thought for a second, "Can I at least punish the clown a little? Maybe with a curse? A non-deadly one?"
"No."
She frowns a little, "Tsk. You never let me shine."
"The answer is still no, Tala. And that is final."
An angry pout appears on Tala's face, "Fine."
Naruto could sense her unhappy vibes from behind so he turned around and said, "C'mere."
The sorceress did not have time to react as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her lips. Her initial shock soon wore off as she returned his actions in kind; they stayed like that for about ten seconds before separating.
She gained a look of content then he asked, "Feel better?"
"Very much so," said Tala before smiling slyly, "But I might feel even better if we were to have a date night. Like we used to."
The hero from another dimension chuckled, "Okay, I'll agree to that. No problem."
"You promise?"
"I promise. And you know I never go back on my word."
With the deal set, his nude servant smiled and pecked him on the lips before saying, "It's a date."
He smiled back, "Okay."
"But now, let me make you breakfast this morning. I won't have you grabbing another sandwich from that little hole-in-the-wall again," she said in a slightly firm tone.
"I'll have you know those sandwiches are very filling and are packed with essential carbs for helping someone get through the morning," he smirked.
"So you say. But I won't be shown up by some man behind a griddle."
He laughed, "Whatever you say, Tala."
She glare and pouts then he says, "But before we eat, let's get 'clean'."
He then leads her into the shower, turns on the water, and resumes kissing her as the water hits them, not bothered by the fact it was still cold.
-(Poison Ivy's apartment)-
"Listen up! We got our names out there. People know not to fuck with us and I got my highway. But now it's time to up our game," said Harley, placing a map of downtown Gotham City on the coffee table she and her crew surrounded.
It has been a couple of days since they beat the crap out of Maxie Zeus and stole his medals and now the crew was ready to do more.
Dr. Psycho gives an evil smirk as he looks at the map, "Downtown, huh? Got something big in mind?"
"Ya damn right. And if it goes well, we'll be stinkin' rich!"
"Likin' it so far."
Clayface asks, "What will our newest grand scheme be?"
"A jewel heist!" Harley announces proudly.
"Ah, a classic. And one that never gets old no matter how many times it is done. Like a cinematic masterpiece from decades ago," said the shapeshifter.
"So which store are we hitting? Gotham Jewelry? Diamonds of the Night? Eternal Sparkles? Oh! Maybe Rubies Galore?" asked Psycho, getting more excited with every name he lists off.
The blonde with the pigtails gave a smug smile, "All of them."
"Huzzah!" cheered Clayface.
His telepath teammate was just as excited, "Hot damn! That's what I'm talking about. So when do we do this?"
Harley answered, "Tonight."
"Excellent. So which one will we start our spree off with?"
"No, no, no spree. We are hitting all of them tonight. In one fell swoop. In one single night," she answered, smirking excitedly.
However, the enthusiasm of her crew died away as they looked at her like she just grew a second head.
"Um Harls, I know you want to prove yourself as a villain and get into the Legion of Doom. But it sounds like that plan will be a little . . . hard to pull off," suggested Ivy from the kitchen where she was having some coffee.
She was staying out of the planning since she was technically not a part of the crew; she was still a solo supervillainess.
"'A little hard'? It's damned near impossible!" Psycho pointed at Harley, "Do you have any fucking idea how many jewelry stores are in this city? Too many to rob in one night! A job this big will have to take two. Maybe three nights!"
The blonde just smiled, "That's why we're going to hit 'em all at the same time."
"In case you haven't noticed . . . there's only three of us!" shouted the telepath.
"I may be a master of disguise as well as an unmatched actor but even I cannot take on the role of an entire army," said Clayface.
"No, guys, we won't need an army. The three of us will be more than enough," she said confidently.
"Okay, well you've clearly lost your mind," said Psycho.
"A long time ago but that's not important right now. Listen, what do all the jewelry stores in Gotham have in common besides all being jewelry stores?"
"Their favored clientele are among the vastly wealthy?" asked Clayface.
"They all put their goods on display in very breakable glass cases?" asked Dr. Psycho.
"Well . . . I guess but no. They all get their gems delivered by the same truck," said Harley.
She reaches behind her, pulls out a few photos, and throws them onto the map to reveal them depicting the same large armored truck, "This truck to be exact."
Her crewmates look at the pictures then she continues, "This armored truck comes in every month and delivers jewels to every jewelry store in the city on the same day."
"And why does it look like something loaned out from the U.S. military?" asked Psycho.
"Because this is Gotham duh. I mean there's a supervillain around every goddamn corner," Harley looked back at the pictures, "This truck is decked out with heavy armor plating, thick all-terrain wheels, and bulletproof glass."
"And you want to rob this behemoth?" asked Clayface.
She answers, "Yes. Other villains have tried and failed. They all had to settle for waiting for it to make its deliveries before going for the jewels. We pull this off, the Legion will definitely notice us."
It was at this point that Ivy got a text alert on her cellphone; she checked it then smirked after reading the message and replied to it. Afterwards, she got up and opened the closest window before returning to the kitchen to drink her coffee.
Psycho decided to chime in, "Please tell me you have a plan for this."
"Of course I do. Here's the pla-" Harley was soon interrupted by someone flying in through the window and into the apartment.
The unknown person soon announced, "You're all about to fucking die!"
This scared the villainous crew enough to shout in fear and for Harley to grab her baseball bat but she soon realized who the intruder was and glared, "X!"
It was indeed the infamous Red X and he was laughing, "Gotcha."
"Dammit, babe, you nearly scared the crap out of me!" yelled the blonde with the pigtails.
"Same here, you fuckin' psycho!" shouted Dr. Psycho.
Clayface glared and crossed his arms, "Agreed."
"And none of it would have been possible if not for my partner-in-crime – Poison Ivy," the master thief adds happily.
Harley gasps then points her bat at her best friend and says in a hushed voice, "Traitor."
Ivy just smiles and shrugs her shoulders, "He texted me and asked if the window was open. Of course I had to open it. I didn't want my window broken. Again."
"That was three years ago and I said I was sorry. I even paid for a new window, remember?" Red returned to being proud of himself, "Still, this hilarious prank was a success."
"Oh well, you know what else is funny? This!" Harley drops her bat, somersaults onto his back, and wraps her legs around him while getting him into a chokehold.
All Red X could do was make some choking sounds as the blonde on his back smirked, "Oh yeah, now we're having fun. This is fun, right?"
Using her weight, she makes them fall backwards onto the floor where the assassin in black wriggles around in her hold.
"Don't break him, Harls. We still need him for sex," said Ivy before taking a sip of coffee.
"Right, Ive," responded the Joker's ex.
Red X was about to grab her arms but, with her gymnast flexibility, Harley used her legs to hold his limbs back.
She grinned, "Say 'uncle'. Say it!"
"Okay, okay. Uncle," he gargled.
A smug smirk appeared on her face then she released her boyfriend and stood proud like the champion of a wrestling match.
"Whooo, fuck yeah. I defeated big bad Red X. New world champ, right here," announced the bleached-skin blonde.
She started doing a small victory dance but did not notice Red X standing up and looming behind her.
"Let's see if you can defend your title," he grabbed her from behind and threw them back onto the ground.
Before she knew what happened, Harley was on her stomach with both of her arms pinned behind her back and her boyfriend straddling her to keep her down.
"No fair," growled Harley as she wriggled.
"What's wrong, baby? I thought you liked me coming in from behind," teased the thief in black.
"Only during sex!"
She struggled some more when Dr. Psycho loudly cleared his throat, "As captivating as your bedroom antics might be, can we get back to this plan you claim to have?"
"Oh. Right," Harley looks at Red X, "Babe, ya think you can let me up?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure," he says then gets off of her and helps her up.
She got to her feet before rolling her shoulders a little and giving him a flirtatious smirk, "We'll finish this later."
He watched her return to her crew while thinking to himself, 'Bet it'll be a different kind of wrestling match though.'
"So what plan is Psycho talking about?" asks Red X, joining the others.
His blonde girlfriend was about to answer but the aforementioned telepath interrupted, "Don't fuckin' tell him! He'll jack our loot! It's what he does."
"Relax, Doc, I'm not gonna jack your loot . . . unless I have to."
"See!"
"Calm the fuck down, Psycho," glared Harley.
Her boyfriend noticed the map and the pictures of the armored truck on the coffee table and put two and two together, "Planning some kind of jewelry heist?"
The blonde with the pigtails smiled, "Damn right! And a badass one at that."
"And that's all you're gonna hear. So why don't you run along and let us villains try and earn a living," sneered Dr. Psycho.
"Jesus, fine. Plan away. Pretend I'm not even here," grumbled Red X.
"Or you could just leave. And maybe go die in a ditch somewhere," added the telepath.
"Psycho!" shouted Harley.
The masked hero from another dimension joined Ivy in the kitchen.
He sat down next to her as she sipped her coffee, "He's a real ball of fire, isn't he?"
His green-skinned girlfriend responded, "I'd say he's more like the ball of shit that you'd put in the bag before lighting it on fire."
"Not a fan?" the disguised Naruto chuckled.
"You could guess why. Anyway, want some coffee?"
"Sure," his eyes did the infamous eye smile Kakashi would often do.
Ivy grabs the coffee pitcher, "Grab a mug."
Back with the trio in the living room, Harley was explaining the plan bubbling in her noggin.
"As I was saying, this is how it'll go – the truck always comes in through the Vincefinkel Bridge entrance, we'll wait there. When the truck stops at the multiway intersection, Clayface and I will take out the driver. Then Psycho, you'll use your powers to open the back and make the jewels do that floating thing-"
"It's called levitation and it's one of the best things you can do as a telepath," defended Dr. Psycho.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, you'll grab the jewels then we hop into the van we stole yesterday and make our getaway. Then after the sun rises, we pour out all the jewels on the floor and roll around in them like fuckin' royalty before selling them on the black market for a buttload of cold hard cash."
A sinister grin appeared on Psycho's face, "Fuck yeah!"
"As disappointed I am in the lack of the chance for me to exercise my acting abilities, I must admit this plan appears to be a solid one," said Clayface.
"Right? This gonna be so fuckin' awesome," grinned their pale-skinned crew leader.
Soon they heard a loud humming coming from the kitchen; they looked to see it was Red X as he drummed his fingers and looked off to the side.
"You okay, babe?" Harley asked her boyfriend.
"Yep," he replied quickly.
Soon a thought came to her head, "Is there something wrong with my plan?"
"No, no, it's a good plan. It's a . . . good plan," his mouth became uncovered and he took a sip of coffee.
The blonde with the pigtails crossed her arms and gave him a slight glare, "Babe."
Red X stopped sipping his coffee and his mouth returned to being hidden before he said, "No, it's a great plan . . . just not for this particular truck."
"What do you mean?" asked Clayface.
"Yeah, spill it!" shouted Dr. Psycho.
The master thief shook his head, "No, no. I'm staying out of this. This is your guys' heist, do it your way."
"Ah, fuck this. I'll just mind-control him and get him to tell us," growled the telepath.
He was about to do it when Ivy glared at him before summoning huge thorny vines from her indoor gardens and pointing them at him.
"Keep your powers away from my boyfriend," she scowled.
Harley gave Psycho a similar scowl, "That goes double for me."
"Oh come on! Seriously?" protested the telepath.
"Seriously," replied the pale-skinned babe in a low growl.
The diminutive villain grumbled, "Fine."
Ivy retracted her vines as Harley said to her misogynistic teammate, "Let me handle this."
She goes over to Red X, wraps her arms around him, and starts cuddling, "C'mon sweetie. There's no harm in at least telling me what's wrong, isn't there? Please?"
She started giving him puppy-dog eyes and after a couple of seconds, Red X sighed, "I guess not."
"You're the best," his blonde girlfriend gave him a quick hug before getting down to business, "So what's wrong with my plan?"
"Okay. First of all, you have the right idea of waiting at the intersection. But that's it. You and Clayface won't be able to knock out the driver since his partner in the passenger seat would see you and sound the alarm. Also, they'd be fully decked out in armor and carrying high-powered rifles that could put a hole in Killer Croc's tough leathery hide. Plus they are also trained in other forms of weaponry as well as hand-to-hand combat."
"Holy shit," this information surprised Harley.
"Good lord," gasped Clayface.
"And if Dr. Psycho went ahead and got to the back, he would be met with about four other armed guards all wielding similar rifles. He'd be gunned down in seconds after opening the backdoors, turning him into Swiss cheese."
"Fucking hell!" cried said telepath.
"Yeah. So . . . sorry."
"Oh shit," groaned Harley.
Ivy chimed in, "Hold on, honey, how do know about the guys in the truck?"
"Yeah. How do you know?" his other girlfriend grew curious.
"Well . . . I guess you can say the people hired to guard the truck might have been hired from the same organization I work for," Red X points at Harley, "Before you ask, no, I have no idea who they are. Even if I did, I couldn't tell you."
The blonde with the pigtails groaned in disappointed as her redhead roommate asks him, "Seriously? They got government soldiers or whatever to guard some shiny rocks?"
He shrugs, "It's Gotham City. There's practically a supervillain around every corner."
Harley looks back at her crew, "Told ya."
"So this heist has gone down the shitter?" asked a snarky Dr. Psycho.
The pale-skinned lady started thinking, "Hmmm . . . no, I think we can still pull off this heist."
"But you heard Red X. Even if we get into the truck, we'll be blasted by those soldiers or whatever!"
"I know, I know. That's why we gotta be smart about this."
"Does this mean you have a new plan in mind?" asked Clayface.
"Yep. And I think I know exactly what our first move will be," Harley smirked evilly.
-(3 a.m. the next day)-
The armored truck carrying the cargo of jewels for Gotham City exited the Vincefinkel Bridge and arrived at the urban area with the multiway intersection. Like Red X said, there were two people in the cab of the vehicle and four in the back and they all wearing tactical gear and armed with powerful rifles.
The driver stops at the intersection and looks in all directions before the sound of a person in distress rang out, "Someone help me!"
An adult male came running over, looking ragged due to his torn clothes and the numerous injuries upon his body.
He draped himself across the truck's hood, "Please!"
"We don't have time for this, Jackson. We have to get going," said the passenger in a female voice.
The driver replies in their own male voice, "We're thirty minutes early. Besides, Doyle, this is what we were originally trained to do."
Jackson puts the truck into park then gets out as Doyle sighs and follows him.
"Are you okay, sir?" the assigned driver asked the injured man.
Before he could get an answer, the supposed victim suddenly transformed into a large blob of clay and wrapped itself around Jackson.
"What the hell?!" cried out the armored driver.
Doyle saw what happened and hurried back to the truck to get her rifle but was stopped by a baseball bat hitting the side of her head and sending her to the ground, knocking her out. The attack was courtesy of Harley Quinn who glanced at her downed victim before strolling over to the trapped transporter.
"What? Harley Quinn?" asked Jackson.
"Night-night," said Harley before knocking him out with a bat strike to the head, "Clayface, you know what to do."
Clayface's head popped out of the glob, "Right."
There was a knock at the backdoor of the truck and an armored guard looks through one of the narrow windows to see it was Jackson.
The guard opened the doors then took notice of the area and saw no jewelry store in sight, "Jackson, what's going on? Why aren't we at the first location?"
Immediately, Dr. Psycho jumps out from behind Jackson and grins sinisterly, "Detour, you pricks!"
The guards were about to grab their rifles but were knocked out by the diminutive telepath using his mental powers to do so. Jackson soon transformed into Clayface then the two of them tossed their unconscious victims into a pile on the sidewalk by the time Harley walked over and looked at the twenty containers carrying the gems.
"Okay, Psycho, do your floaty thing and carry the gems to the van," she ordered.
"It's called levitation and it's an impressive skill!" he yelled back.
"Just fuckin' do it."
Psycho just growls as he levitates the jewel containers out of the armored truck and they all ran around the corner where their black van was parked.
"Get in!" ordered Harley as she hurried into the driver's seat.
Clayface opens the backdoor and crawls in followed by the floating containers and Dr. Psycho. The blonde leader of the crew wasted no time in starting the vehicle and driving away.
-(Parking lot outside of a Costco store)-
The sound of beer cans being opened filled the van as Harley cheered, "Whoohoo! We fuckin' did it!"
"Huzzah!" Clayface shouted happily.
"Hell yeah!" agreed Dr. Psycho then the three of them started drinking.
Their blonde leader took a few chugs then said, "Oh man, I can't wait for the Legion of Doom to hear about this. They'll be beggin' me to join."
"And now, we're stinking rich! There's gotta be thousands of dollars worth of gems in these things. Maybe even a solid million," grinned Dr. Psycho.
"Hell yeah. Psycho, crack one of those open. Let's see what kind of rocks we got," she grinned.
The telepath chuckled eagerly as he grabbed one of the containers and opened it . . . only to hear a small metallic click followed by seeing a pinless grenade taped to the bottom.
"It's a fuckin' grenade!" he cried out then used his powers to open the backdoor and throw the container out into the parking lot where it exploded.
Harley cried out, "What was that?!"
"A grenade, I just said that!"
The blonde was incredibly surprised, "Seriously?!"
"A booby trap. How devious," said Clayface.
"Someone planted it to blow us to Hell!" shouted Psycho.
It was then a thought came to all of their minds and they looked at the remaining containers.
"You don't think?" the shapeshifter asked his crewmates.
The remaining nineteen containers were soon laid out on the ground of the parking lot with the crew looking at them.
"Okay, Psycho, open 'em then chuck away any with grenades," ordered Harley.
"Yeah, no shit," replied Psycho.
She looks at Clayface, "Clayface, give us cover."
"Right away," he says before transforming into a wall.
"Cover?! Why the fuck did you tell him to give us cover?!" the telepath shouted.
"Duh, you always need cover during bomb disposal," Harley gets behind Clayface, "Okay, Psycho. Get to it."
The telepath grumbled then began using his powers to check the containers one at a time; every one he checked had a grenade so he had to chuck them into the air to avoid an explosive death.
He finished checking and tossed the last one when he yelled out, "For fuck's sake!"
"Are you kidding me?! No jewels?! Not one?!" shouted Harley upon seeing the final result.
"How can this be?" asked Clayface, reverting to his original form.
Soon the blaring of police sirens could be heard in the distant and they sounded like they were getting closer.
"Can we finish this conversation after getting out of here?" suggested Dr. Psycho.
"Good idea. Let's go," said Harley before they all climbed into the van.
Harley wasted no time in turning the vehicle on and driving them out of the area before the police showed up to investigate the series of explosions.
She started beating on the rim of the steering wheel, "Shit! Shit! Shit! What the fuck happened?! I planned everything out PERFECTLY!"
Clayface chimed in, "There's only one explanation – someone beat us to the jewels."
"No shit, Sherlock!" shouted Dr. Psycho.
"Taking the jewels but leaving bombs. Quite an inspiring and interesting twist."
"But who did it? Who could've beaten us to the jewels? We were the only ones going after the truck," growled Harley.
"I actually might have a pretty good idea on who did this," Psycho glared.
-(Poison Ivy's apartment)-
"You fuckin' piece of horseshit! Where are the jewels?!" shouted Dr. Psycho, pointing at the accused.
"Wait . . . what?" asked a confused Red X.
"Don't you play cute with us! Tell us where our jewels are or I'll rip the answer from your skull! PAINFULLY!"
Harley decided to step in, "Calm down, Psycho!"
He glares at her, "Don't tell me to calm down. He's the only one who could've taken them! He knew about our plan, he knew how to beat us to them."
"Listen here, you maniacal troll. Red doesn't have your jewels, he couldn't possibly have the time to do so. He's been with me the whole time up until now," said Ivy who was sitting next to her boyfriend on the couch.
"And how could you possibly know that?" the telepath growled.
"Because we were having sex the whole time!" she answered.
It was true; the two of them were going at it like rabbits since they had the apartment to themselves and were not going to waste the opportunity. They had just finished when Harley and her crew came home and right now, Red X was wearing only his helmet and his boxers while Ivy was only in her dark green bathrobe.
Frank pops his head out from one of the indoor gardens and calls out, "Fuck yeah they were!"
"Frank!" the eco-terrorist shouted before he laughed and slunk back into his cover.
The diminutive villain did not believe them, "A likely story. How do we know you two aren't in cahoots with each other so you can split the jewels fifty-fifty?"
Ivy did not exactly like that accusation, "I don't steal jewels, jackass. Not my style."
"Neither do I . . . unless they're already stolen," said Red X.
Harley spoke up, "Exactly."
Dr. Psycho glared at her again, "You're seriously going to defend him after he just tried to blow us up?!"
"What?!" shouted the master thief, surprised at this news.
"Harley, what is he talking about?" asked the redhead.
The blonde with the bleached skin started explaining, "Instead of jewels in the boxes, there were grenades. Rigged to blow after the pin was pulled out by opening the lids apparently."
"That's right. And Harley told us about you and that fake warhead. So the only one who could have done it was you!" Dr. Psycho pointed at the near-naked Red X.
"Why the fuck would I want to explode one of my girlfriends?" protested the disguised Naruto.
"Tying up loose ends! It's what hitmen like you do."
"Not to my own girlfriend!"
"Lies!"
"But isn't the old saying that one is innocent until proven guilty?" asked Clayface.
"You shut up!"
It was then a loud whistle came from Harley, getting everyone's attention.
"Shut it!" she yelled then she turns to Dr. Psycho, "Psycho, X has no reason to kills us and Ivy doesn't go for jewels. I'm pretty sure they weren't the ones who beat us to the heist. So knock it off!"
Her telepathic teammate gives Red X one last glare before growling, "Fine."
The atmosphere was calming down when Harley spoke, "Now, we just gotta figure out who stole our heist, tried to blow our asses up, then beat theirs into a mushy paste."
"But who could have done the deceitful deed?" asked Clayface dramatically.
An idea soon came to Red X's mind, "I might have a way to find out. I'll be right back."
He got up and went to Ivy's bedroom and while he was gone, Harley soon noticed that said redhead was thinking.
"Something on your mind, Ive?" she asked, sitting down on the couch.
Her crew took some seats as the eco-terrorist responded, "It's just I don't know why but stolen jewels being replaced with bombs sounds familiar to me."
Her blonde roommate was about to question her when Red X announced, "Got it."
He made his way back with his tablet in hand and retook his spot next to Ivy, "With this, I can look up all known criminals and supervillains. Your culprit is bound to be on the list."
The master thief opened the application holding the aforementioned list and started typing in the query, "Better be specific. Thief . . . replaces jewels . . . with bombs."
Everyone else soon gathered around him as the search continued.
"How long is this gonna take?" asked Harley.
Red X answered, "Don't know. Could take five minutes, maybe a whole day-" a beep came from the tablet, "Or just a few seconds."
They all looked at the screen as he said, "And it looks like there's only one match."
The masked Naruto soon brought up the mug shot and profile of a young woman with silver hair, wearing dark glasses, and dressed in a black jumpsuit with feathered shoulders.
He read her name, "Margaret Pye a.k.a. Magpie."
"Oh! That's it. That's why this whole thing sounded familiar," exclaimed Ivy in a relieved manner.
"Ive, you know this chick?" asked Harley.
"Yeah, Magpie was an inmate at Arkham. She often took the room opposite to mine. Annoying as hell," the redhead said.
"So what's your toy say about this broad?" Dr. Psycho asked Red X.
"Let's see," the master thief began looking over Magpie's profile, "Says here she's a classic kleptomaniac. Usually goes for jewels but has been known to steal other shiny objects."
Ivy spoke, "Yeah, that sounds likes Maggie alright."
"You gave her a nickname?" asked the blonde with the pigtails.
Her redhead roommate shrugged, "A lot of us in Arkham called her 'Maggie'."
"But you seem to know this lady quite well, Ivy. Please, what can you tell us about her?" asked Clayface.
"Nothing really to tell. It's like the profile says, she's a klepto and likes to steal shiny stuff. In fact, she often stole metal trays, utensils, and cups from the cafeteria at the asylum. Hell, there was even one time she spotted a brand-new wedding ring on one of the guards, pounced on him, and bit his finger off to get the ring."
"Good Lord. Just like the infamous Gollum of the Lord of the Rings."
"Hey, like I said, she's crazy."
"And the grenades?" Dr. Psycho asked her.
"She tends to replace any jewels she steals with booby-trapped explosives."
Red X looks at Magpie's profile, "Yep, says the same thing right here. Apparently she has caused multiple injuries and deaths by doing so."
Harley just scowled, "Well when I find her, I'm gonna shove a grenade up her ass and take my jewels! I planned hard for those!"
She looks at Ivy, "Ive, any ideas on how to find her?"
"How would I know that?" asked the redhead.
"She was your friend, right? You two must have talked. Exchanged information and secrets and shit like that."
"She wasn't my friend. Barely an acquaintance to be honest. We didn't exactly talk to each other."
"Well I'm gonna find that little birdie and clip her wings for good," growled the blonde with pigtails.
"And just how are you going to do that?" asked Red X.
Harley thought for a second before an idea came to her head and a smirk appeared on her face.
-(One hour and a half later)-
On the roof of a building in downtown Gotham City was a metal pole wrapped in many layers of aluminum foil and surrounded by miniature spotlights shining on it. Behind a large rooftop air conditioning unit was Harley and her crew, watching the metal pole as well as keeping an eye out for anything or anyone.
"This is fucking stupid. There is no way this will work," grumbled Dr. Psycho.
Harley responded, "You heard Ivy and Red. Magpie goes after shiny stuff. What's more tempting that a shiny metal pole?"
"A big pile of diamonds, maybe?"
"Look, this is gonna work. She arrives, we nab her, and make her give us the jewels that are rightfully ours."
"You know, I was wondering earlier why we are even doing this in the first place. The jewelry stores in Gotham still have plenty of rocks for the taking. Why don't we just go and nab some of them?"
"This isn't just about the jewels, this is a matter of pride. I was the one to create a plan to get past the armed guards and armored truck. I deserve those fuckin' jewels and I'm gonna get them."
Dr. Psycho was about to respond when Clayface whispered to them, "At the risk of using an unoriginal line, we are about to have company."
The other two looked and saw someone traversing across the nearby rooftops and coming their way fast. It was not long before the mysterious person was one rooftop away then did a daredevil leap onto theirs and landed with the grace of an expert gymnast.
Harley could not help being impressed and whispered aloud, "Nice technique."
Dr. Psycho hissed at her, "Fuck her technique. That's gotta be Magpie."
"Oh shit, right. Let's go," they all walked out from behind their cover.
The mystery person walked over to the foil-covered pole and grinned at it, "Shiny, shiny."
They were about to touch it when Harley called out them, "Hey! You Magpie?"
The unknown newcomer turned towards Harley and her crew then stepped into the light and revealed them to indeed be the infamous Magpie. She, however, was wearing an outfit consisting of a black bustier top with a feathered collar, matching hot pants, thigh-high boots, and arm-length fingerless gloves.
Clayface spoke, "Huh, she looks different from her picture."
Magpie glared at them and spoke in a silky voice, "What's this? Three little rats here to take my prize?"
Harley pointed her baseball bat at her, "You took ours first, you feathered bitch! Gives us the gems!"
The bird-themed thief scowled, "Never! The shinies are mine."
Dr. Psycho smirked, "Give me the word, Harley, and I'll get this Lady Gaga impersonator to sing. Maybe turn her brain into a scrambled egg while I'm at it."
He was getting a mental beam ready when the blonde answered, "No. She's mine."
With her bat ready, Harley started marching over to Magpie as she bared her teeth like a mad dog.
"Ah I sense an one-on-one showdown about to occur. A classic yet exciting scene," grinned Clayface.
The diminutive telepath just crossed his arms and grumbled, "Whatever."
Harley glared at the thief in black, "Listen here, you chicken bitch! You are gonna give me my jewels or I'm gonna beat the shit outta ya until you do."
"You're welcomed to try, you circus pornstar reject," glared Magpie.
Dr. Psycho whistled at the insult as his shapeshifting colleague said, "Oh snap."
Joker's ex felt her rage rise then with a war cry, she somersaulted over to the bird-themed thief and brought her baseball bat down upon her. Magpie held her forearm up to block the attack and the blunt weapon hit hard . . . though she showed no pain and simply smirked. This shocked Harley a little but she immediately got over it before swinging her bat into Magpie's exposed side; her foe still showed no pain.
"The fu-?" the blonde was slugged in the face and knocked away.
Harley glared at Magpie who still had the smug smirk on her face and beckoned her over. The beauty with the bleached skin called her bluff and charged right for her with her bat at the ready while the bird-themed thief did the same. As they got closer, Magpie reared her right arm back as her nails extended into claws. The two ladies met with Harley swinging her weapon but her foe ducked, scratched her left thigh, and jumped back.
The blonde looked at the five shallow cuts and smirked, "Pfft. Is that all you got? I've taken deeper cuts from butter knives."
All Magpie did was return the smirk as her nails retracted to their normal shape.
"My tur . . . urn?" Harley felt a little dizzy as her body started to go numb and she fell over.
"Holy crap!" cried out Dr. Psycho as he and Clayface watched the whole thing.
The bird-themed thief grinned as she went over to the foil on the pole, "Now, my shiny."
"Get her!" ordered the diminutive telepath before he and the shapeshifter ran for her.
Magpie, however, was too quick and she grabbed the foil, ran, and leapt off the rooftop onto another one.
"She has eluded us," stated the shapeshifter.
"And seriously? She took the foil?" the telepath was in disbelief of it.
Their attention was soon captured by a groan and gurgle from the downed Harley.
-(Back at Poison Ivy's apartment)-
Harley was lying on the couch with her eyes rolling up into her head and her tongue hanging out of her mouth as Dr. Psycho, Clayface, and a fully clothed Red X looked down at her.
"This is a first. A woman's making that face and I'm not the cause of it," said the master thief.
"You wanna take her into the back for the next hour or so?" asked Psycho.
The disguised Naruto was disgusted by that question, "What the hell kind of person do you think I am?"
"So is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?"
Red X sighed and shook his head then asked them, "How did this happen?"
Clayface answered and pointed to the claw marks on Harley's thigh, "Magpie scratched poor Harley."
"Then she went down like a ton of bricks," finished Dr. Psycho.
The master thief thought for a second, "Obviously some kind of poison."
A fully clothed Poison Ivy came over with a syringe full of light blue liquid in her hand, "Yep and this should fix her up."
She lifted Harley's left arm, stuck the needle in, injected her, and stepped back. It was not long before the blonde with the bleached skin blinked her eyes and withdrew her tongue back into her mouth.
She was soon moving more then sat up and asked in a groggy voice, "Where the fuck is Magpie?"
"Forget her. What the fuck happened?" asked Ivy.
"That bitch cheap-shot me."
"What?"
Red X answered, "She got scratched and got poisoned."
"Yeah," the pale-skinned babe pointed at the redhead, "Ya didn't tell us she had poisonous claws or whatever."
Ivy was confused, "Poisonous claws?"
"Yes, one scratch and Harley was defeated," answered Clayface.
"Well you're lucky you got her to me in time."
"Why's that?" asked Dr. Psycho.
Ivy answered, "That poison was derived from the curare plant. If left unchecked, Harley would have died from suffocation due to her lungs being paralyzed."
"WHAT?!" screamed Harley as the others were shocked from the news.
"Yeah, really nasty stuff."
"And you never told me she uses that stuff?!"
"She didn't. She must have just started using the poison."
"It must have been really recent because there was nothing like that in her profile," said Red X.
"Then how do you explain the retractable nails and able to take a hit from a baseball bat?" asked Dr. Psycho.
"Okay, now I know she never had either of those last time I saw her years ago," said Ivy.
"Could be some kind of genetic modification. Or sudden mutation," said the master thief in black.
Harley growled, "Who gives a fuck what it is? I want my jewels."
"Harls, those jewels are gone. You're not getting them. I mean Magpie took you down with just a mere scratch," Ivy pointed out.
"I don't care. I'm gettin' those rocks one way or another. I worked for those, I planned for those. They're mine," the blonde said in a determined tone as she stood up.
"And what's the plan this time? Another pole wrapped in foil?" Psycho asked sarcastically.
The bleached-skin babe picked up her baseball bat and started walking towards the door, "Fuck that. We're takin' the fight to her. We're gonna find her hideout, smash it up, and take back our gems."
"Excellent! A reverse of plans. Another classic albeit predictable move," smirked Clayface.
Harley grinned sadistically, "Damn right. Once I'm done with her, Magpie will be nothing but meat pulp and feathers."
"Okay, eww. And how exactly are you going to find her?" asked Ivy, stepping in front of her roommate.
"From what I can guess, she's somewhere in Gotham."
"That's a start."
"And if she's a bird, that means she nests. Maybe somewhere up high. Like a tower or something."
"Harley, just because her theme is being a bird doesn't mean she takes it to the next level."
"Why not? Batman has the Batcave, Joker has a funhouse, and Riddler has his sphinx. Why can't Magpie have a nest or something?"
"Not all superheroes and supervillains go that extra mile," chimed Dr. Psycho.
Ivy spoke up, "Exactly. I mean you don't see me living in a flower shop or garden."
"You literally have plants all over the place. You're clearly committed to your gimmick," Harley pointed to all the plants in the apartment.
"And not being committed to one's act is a crime in itself," Clayface added.
"Exactly. Thank you, Clayface."
Psycho frowned at the shapeshifter, "Now you're just being a suck-up."
Ivy sighed, "X, can you please help me here?"
She did not get a response.
"X? Babe?"
A second lack of response made everyone look to find Red X sitting on the couch, watching his tablet and doing the occasional scroll.
"X, what are you doing?" asked Harley.
"Looking for Magpie," he replied casually, still looking at his tablet.
"What? Really? How?"
Everyone gathered around as the master thief answered, "Eagle cams. Gotham City started putting them on almost every high-rise building when bald eagles started showing up and nesting. Some kind of conservation act when it was still a threatened species. But the cameras are still there and active so I figured since you guys said that Magpie traveled by rooftop-"
"You could find her and her hideout?" Harley grinned excitedly as she stood behind him.
"I think so," he said.
The blonde with the pigtails wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on the left side of his helmet, "You're the motherfuckin' best."
"Hold onto that thought 'til I find her place," Red X scrolled through a video that showed Magpie.
"Why are you even helping us? It's not like you get anything out of it. I thought you were some kind of hero or some shit," said Dr. Psycho.
The master thief scrolled through some more footage, "Well she almost killed my Harley. That's all the reason I need."
"Aww," the pale-skinned beauty was touched by those words.
"Such chivalry," said Clayface.
"Oh gag me," grumbled the telepath.
Red X continued to scroll through a few more videos until he said, "I think I found it."
"Where? Where, where, where?" Harley asked excitedly.
Her boyfriend enlarged a video showing an apartment complex five blocks away from the Gotham Botanical Gardens then he fast-forwarded it to a spot and let it play like normal. A second passed before Magpie appeared, stepping out onto the rooftop and jumping onto an adjacent building; she started running until she was out of frame.
"There's her nest," the pale-skinned blonde growled.
"And it's near the botanical gardens. Which explains the curare poison. There's a display of it in the South America exhibit," said Ivy.
Harley released Red X and grabbed her bat, "Time to get our jewels. Let's go boys."
Her and her crew started to leave when the eco-terrorist spoke up, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't be serious about going down there."
The trio of bad guys stopped in their tracks as their pale-skinned leader responded, "Hell yeah I am. I want my jewels."
"You do know that she won't give up the jewels willingly, right? She'll tear you apart to keep them. I'm serious. One time, a guard at Arkham tried to take back a lunch tray she snagged and they got their arm broken in four places and their left ear sliced off."
Harley's two crewmates winced as they covered their left ears in fear of painfully losing them.
Psycho looked over at Clayface, "Why are you covering? You don't have ears."
"I'll have you know that it would still hurt like the dickens," replied the shapeshifter.
The telepath rolled his eyes as Harley replied, "Oh please, I'd like to see her try."
"Did you also forget about her poisonous nails? What if she scratches you again?" asked Red X, standing up.
"I won't let her get me again. I got this," the blonde with the pigtails looked at her teammates, "Let's go."
They were about to leave when Ivy groaned, "Stop, stop."
Her words worked in stopping them again then she sighed, "If you're serious about this, you're going to do it prepared this time."
"Whatcha got in mind, Ivy?" asked her master thief boyfriend.
The eco-terrorist glared at her best friend and pointed at the couch, "Harley, couch. Sit. Now."
Harley widened her eyes in shock and held up hands in surrender, "Okay."
She did what she was told then the redhead said, "Stay there. I'll be right back."
Ivy looked at Red X, "Make sure she doesn't leave."
He gives the redhead a salute, "Yes ma'am."
His nature-loving lover goes to her room then his pale-skinned girlfriend asks him, "What would you do if I leave before she comes back?"
He narrows his eyes at her, "No sex. For a whole week."
"I'll be good," Harley says in a small voice.
-(Two hours later outside Magpie's apartment complex)-
"We're here," said Harley as she and her crew crossed the street to the front of the building.
"Okay. So we found where she lives but how do we find her?" asks Dr. Psycho.
"I could go undercover and search every room. I even have the perfect character for such an occasion," Clayface transforms into a handsome male janitor, "Meet Jake, a simple common man who only had one dream – to become a janitor. His father raised him due to his mother leaving when he was still so young and his father was too a janitor. They lived a hard-"
"Yeah no, we don't need a character, Clayface. Thank you," said the leader of the trio.
The shapeshifter transformed back into his original form and pouted.
"Then how are we gonna find her?" asked the telepath.
"Follow me," the pale-skinned beauty led them inside into the lobby of the building where the front desk was with a female concierge behind it.
The trio walked up to her and she said, "Hello. Can I help you?"
Harley leaned on the table, "Hi, we're looking for Magpie. Can you tell us which apartment is hers?"
"Seriously?" asked the diminutive villain in a deadpanned voice.
He was shushed as the building employee looked through her computer and said, "I'm sorry but Ms. Magpie has requested to not have visitors unless we are told otherwise."
"Gee, I wonder why," Dr. Psycho asked sarcastically.
His blonde boss just said, "Oh, that's okay. We'll just go and-Psycho, read her mind!"
With a shout, the telepath connected his mind with the concierge's via mental energy beam and read her thoughts.
He soon found what they were looking for, "Magpie's in Room Seven-Sixteen."
The lady concierge was released from his hold as Clayface crossed his arms and frowned, "Hmph, Jake would have done it with more finesse and character."
Harley walked up to her and smirked, "You've been workin' too hard, take a break."
Before she knew what happened, the concierge was knocked out due to a punch to the face then fell to the floor.
"Now for Magpie," said pale-skinned blonde.
On the seventh floor, Harley and her crew were standing in front of the door to Magpie's apartment.
"Think she's out?" asked Psycho.
The blonde babe answered, "Only one way to found out."
She held up her baseball bat and swung it into the door, breaking the lock and knocking it open. The trio enters the rather stylish apartment and was surprised at the numerous arrangements of shiny objects everywhere.
Dr. Psycho looks at a pyramid of non-labeled tin cans, "This broad seems more like a hoarder than a jewel thief or whatever."
"Well her profile did say that Magpie likes the shiny stuff," Harley looks at a crate full of empty wine bottles.
Clayface was admiring some exquisite crystal figures on a shelf, "But at least she has good taste."
"Okay, focus. We need to find those gems. Since she hasn't come in yet, chances are that Magpie's out but no clue when she'll be back. Let's get to work, search everywhere. Go."
With that, the team split up with Harley taking the kitchen and looking through the cabinets and cupboards though all she found were stashes of glassware, metal cooking ware, and utensils. She then started looking into the drawers and was in awe at what she found in there – jewelry. There were rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, cufflinks, brooches, pendants, and tiaras.
Harley smirked, "Don't mind if I do."
She started putting some stuff on and made sure it looked good on her.
Clayface took the lid off the tank of the toilet and found plastic bags filled with coins.
"I dread to think the kind of wishes that go into this well," he puts the lid back on and moves onto the medicine cabinet
The shapeshifter opens it to find many glass bottles of perfume then he takes one, gives it a spray, and sniffs the air.
He smiles, "Oh, lovely fragrance."
It was not long before Clayface moved onto the cupboard under the sink and took a look inside to find stashes of keys, clear plastic bottles, metal bottle caps, and Christmas light bulbs.
"Nope," he started to think, "Perhaps if I were to get into the mind of Ms. Magpie, I could succeed at this scavenger hunt."
The shapeshifter transformed into Magpie and thought aloud, "Now where would I put gemstones in this room?"
An idea soon came to his mind and he opened up the clothes hamper, "Aha!"
The only things in there were some dirty clothes.
"Maybe not," Clayface returned to his original form.
In Magpie's bedroom, Dr. Psycho used his mental powers to pull out the dozen metal boxes underneath the bed. He opens them up and lets out a quick scream upon seeing them full of grenades; he calms down upon seeing they still had their pins.
"Holy shit. So this is her bomb stash. Hmmm maybe we'll take some with us," he grinned at the thought.
The telepath moved onto the nightstand and opened it to find it full of ball bearings and marbles.
"Nothing good here," he closes it before moving onto the dresser.
Psycho starts going through every drawer to only find clothes with the last one holding panties.
He smirked as he picked up one made of black lace, "Huh, didn't think she was the type."
The underwear was returned to its proper place when Clayface came in, "Have you found the object of our pursuit, Psycho?"
His telepath closed the drawer, "No but I did find a shitload of grenades. You?"
"Alas, I have come up empty-handed," answered the shapeshifter.
"Well the only place I haven't looked yet is the closet. So they gotta be in there. C'mon."
The pair went over to the closet, opened it up, and found many clothes as well as countless large containers.
"The jewels have to be in these," said Psycho.
They pulled one out, opened it . . . and found it full of gemstones and jewelry.
"Jackpot!" cheered the telepath.
"Well done!" agreed his shapeshifting teammate.
The diminutive villain wasted no time in calling out to their boss, "Harley! We've found them! In here!"
He and Clayface immediately opened up the other containers, which were also filled with gems and jewelry, before Harley came running in, "You found them?"
"Ha ha! Right here, boss lady," he looked at her, "Why the hell do you look like a jewelry store vomited all over you?"
The bleach-skinned beauty was practically covered from head to toe with jewelry ranging from a couple of tiaras in her hair to gold bands around her ankles.
She struck a pose, "The dumb birdie bitch had them in the kitchen. Figured I'd take a few for my troubles."
It did not take her long to notice the jewels, "Oh fuck yeah!"
"Check out what I also found," Psycho pointed at the grenades.
"Nice," she turned to Clayface, "What did you find, Clayface?"
"Unfortunately, nothing of interest. Except maybe some bags of coins. And some rather exquisite perfume," he answered.
"You know what? Grab 'em. We'll add them to our haul here. She wants to steal my stuff, I'll steal hers," Harley grinned.
They carried some of their haul out into the living room and set it down in front of a window facing the street outside.
Harley opens it and looks out then Psycho asks, "What now?"
She smirks at Clayface, "Clayface, think you can give us a slide?"
He grins proudly, "Ha ha, give me a challenge."
The shapeshifter goes over to the window and transforms into a slide that reaches from there to the sidewalk below.
Harley smirks, "There we go."
"Alright, let's just get going," said the telepath then the both of them started loading and sliding the loot down the Clayface-slide.
It took some time but Harley and Dr. Psycho managed to get all of their newly-acquired ill-gotten gains out of the apartment before they used the slide to exit the dwelling.
Clayface reverts to his normal form as Harley cheers, "We did it!"
Her two crewmates shouted in joy.
"Okay, let's get the van and load this stuff u-" the pale-skinned blonde was suddenly knocked to the ground from behind.
She got a bloody nose from the impact; she looked behind her to see Magpie on her back, snarling like a lion.
"MY shinies," she growled, elongating the nails on her left hand into claws.
The bird-themed thief was ready to attack but Dr. Psycho used his mental powers to toss her off their boss.
Harley stood up, wiped off the blood, and smirked, "What's the matter, Maggie? Don't like people stealing your stuff?"
"Now that you mentioned it," the nails on Magpie's other hand extended, "I HATE it!"
Psycho was readying a mental energy beam and Clayface transformed his hands into spiked balls but their blonde boss spoke up, "No, she and I have unfinished business."
"Are you positive this time?" asked the shapeshifter.
"Yeah," she stepped forward, "You and me, Magpie. Let's rumble."
It was not long before Magpie charged forward with a yell as Harley readied her baseball bat for a swing and smirked, "Bring it, bitch."
The two villainesses immediately became enthralled in combat with Magpie trying to get a couple of swipes in and Harley swinging her bat, hoping to land a hit. She managed to do so on Magpie's right thigh but the kleptomaniac simply smirked and took the attack.
"Seriously, are you half Superman or something?" complained the pale-skinned babe.
Magpie retaliated with a roundhouse kick that Harley barely avoided before she was forced to use her bat to block some swipes to her face. They were quickly followed by a kick to the stomach that made the blonde double over and let her open to receive another to the face; she returned to a standing position.
The bird-themed thief grinned sadistically, "Gotcha."
She scratched Harley on her right thigh and jumped back so her poison could take effect.
Magpie smirked, "Now to watch you die."
All that happened was Harley smirking back at her, "Nice try."
The kleptomaniac was shocked, "What?"
Magpie wasted no time in charging forward and headbutting her blonde enemy in the face then scratched her left forearm, her upper chest, her right side, and her right cheek. The lady in black stepped back to see if her poison would work like it should be doing . . . but Harley just stood up like normal and smirked.
"Why?" snarled Magpie.
"My friend Ivy gave me a little something to counter your curare poison, she's kind of a genius about poisons and shit like that. So scratch all you want, it won't make a difference," the bleached skin beauty casually said.
The kleptomaniac bird let out a shout and, again, ran towards Harley who got baseball bat ready; the two women became enthralled in combat once more. The aspiring supervillainess let loose many powerful swings that could break bone but her foe in black took the hits and retaliated with swiping with her claw-like nails.
Off to the sides, Dr. Psycho and Clayface watched the whole thing as the telepath said, "Some intense catfight."
"Indeed," replied the shapeshifter.
"If we had some mud, we could probably make a little money on the side," he gets an idea and looks at his crewmate, "Hey, turn into a mud puddle and get underneath those two."
"Absolutely not."
"Why not?!"
"Such a role is beneath me and my talents. I have my dignity."
"You're a fucking blob of clay! It's hardly a stretch and you wouldn't have to do anything!"
"Exactly! A simple puddle of mud? What kind of motivation is that?"
"Your motivation is to make money by exploiting two scanty-dressed women! That's all you need to know!"
"Hmph, such basic character. Come back to me when you have something stronger," Clayface turns away from him.
"For fuck's sake!" shouted Dr. Psycho.
Back with the combating ladies, Harley managed to somersault over Magpie and get her in a neck hold using her bat before trying to choke her. The thief in black stomped on Harley's right foot, driving in her heel so the blonde would shout in pain then followed up with a backwards headbutt into her foe's face. Her attack combination succeeded in separating herself from the pale-skinned woman and she delivered a right jab to her face.
Harley stumbled and growled, "Ah! You piece of shit."
She wasted no time in raising her bat and rushing forward before delivering a powerful strike to the left side of Magpie's face. The attack made her stumble backwards a bit then glare at the blonde who soon noticed the small trickle of blood coming from her mouth.
"So you can be hurt," smirked the Joker's ex.
Magpie just wiped away the blood and grinned sinisterly, "I'm going to pluck out your eyeballs and add them to my shinies."
"Come and get 'em," Harley readied her baseball bat.
The bird-themed thief lunged at her but the blonde moved out of the way and swung her bat into her enemy's lower back, right onto the spine. Her attack made the kleptomaniac stumble a little before she turned around and made another lunge for the blonde with the pigtails. She had her claws ready to sink into her foe though they never did due to the aspiring villainess striking the side of her head with the piece of sports equipment like before. And just like before, the attack resulted in some blood coming out of Magpie's mouth.
The thief in black did not have time to evaluate her situation since Harley decided to upswing her baseball bat into her chin, resulting in more blood gushing from Magpie's mouth.
"Bet that hurt. Huh, Maggie?" smirked the mocking blonde.
Magpie only responded by yelling in anger and lunging forward but Harley somersaulted over her and swung her bat into the thief's right shoulder. She followed up with another attack to the left side of the head and kicking the back of the right knee to knock her foe to the ground. Before the bird-themed villainess could get up, the blonde with the pigtails swung her blunt weapon into Magpie's face and knocked her onto her back as well as knocking her out.
Harley sneered down at her, "Nobody fucks with Harley Quinn."
She spat at the downed thief and walked over to her crew who were cheering for their boss' victory.
Clayface gave her applause, "Bravo, Harley! Bravo!"
"Not bad, blondie. Not bad at all," praised Dr. Psycho.
Harley was panting a bit, "Okay, okay. Clayface, get the van and let's load up and get out of here."
The shapeshifter left to do his job when something soon clicked in her mind, "Oh Psycho, turn around for me."
"Huh?"
"Just do it."
The telepath shrugged before doing what was asked then Harley slapped the back of his head.
"OW! What the fuck was that for?!" Psycho glared at her, rubbing the spot where he was hit.
"That's for wantin' to turn me into a mud wrestling attraction. Yeah, I heard ya," she scowled as their van backed up to their location.
Psycho frowned, "It would have been a perfect cash cow too! If only the walking turd would have just went along with the idea."
Clayface arrived and opened the back as he heard the conversation, "He wanted me to play an one-dimensional prop. I would never stoop so low."
"A mud puddle doesn't need dimensions, you diva!" Psycho picked up some of their loot with his mind.
Harley did the same except with her arms, "Just load the van."
The trio began doing just that as the telepath kept grumbling, "Oh like it would have been such a stretch for you. With your motif."
"What are you talkin' about?" she asked.
"The whole prostitute theme you have going on."
"WHAT?!" Harley angrily pushed a jewel container into the van.
"I mean look at you. You're showing a lot of skin, your outfit barely leaves anything to the imagination. You're obviously hoping to use your body to distract your enemies, right?" the telepath placed a couple of the grenade boxes inside.
"It's for maneuverability when I do my gymnastics! And it shows my independence as my own woman and as a supervillain. And it's a clown motif! I'm supposed to be a clown, maybe a jester."
"Nah, sorry. Don't see it," dismissed Psycho as he kept loading up the back of the van.
"I'm afraid I must agree with Psycho here, Harley. Your character does not scream 'clown' or 'jester'. Perhaps if you were to add a red nose, a neck ruffle, a scepter, or perhaps one of those hats with the bells?" suggested Clayface as they finished loading the last of the loot.
"I'm not gonna degrade myself to that. I gave up that crap once I left Joker. And FYI, he doesn't wear that shit and people understand that he's a clown."
"Yeah but he has green hair, red lips, an evil cackle, and clownesque props. You just have a baseball bat and a revealing outfit," said Dr. Psycho, shrugging.
With a growl, Harley shut the back doors, "Shut up and let's go."
The trio of bad guys got in the van and drove away with their boss in the driver's seat, leaving the unconscious Magpie on the street . . . where her eyes suddenly opened.
The Harley crew started driving across a stone bridge overlooking a river, headed for Poison Ivy's apartment to celebrate their accomplishment though it was beginning early in the van.
Dr. Psycho was scooping through one of the gems containers in the back and cackling, "We're so fuckin' rich!"
Clayface was trying on some of the jewelry when Harley grinned, "Yeah, we are! And this is just the beginning. I have big plans for us. And I know exactly what our next heist should be."
Despite being covered in scratches and blood, she was reveling in her victory.
"Please tell me it's going to make us richer."
"And will it possibly have characters with more depth than a puddle?" asked Clayface, mocking his diminutive associate.
"Will you just shut up already?" growled the telepath.
Their boss smiled, "Yes and maybe. Haha, just wait 'til Ivy and X see-"
Suddenly, a loud thud came from the top of the van.
"What was-?" Harley was interrupted from the sound of the roof being punctured and ripped open to reveal a furious Magpie baring her teeth and bleeding from the mouth.
"Holy fuck!" cried out Dr. Psycho.
"She has returned!" Clayface pointed dramatically at her.
The bird-themed thief dropped into the vehicle and glared at the two of them, "MY! SHINIES!"
After a quick squeak of fear, the shapeshifter took off all the jewelry he was playing with before the intruder lunged for the jewels.
"Don't let her get 'em!" ordered Harley as she kept driving.
Psycho was readying a mental energy beam but Magpie kicked him in the face and sent him flying into the front passenger seat with a bloody nose.
Harley saw this then called out, "Get her, Clayface!"
"Yes, ma'am," said the shapeshifter then his hands turned into hammers.
He engaged Magpie in combat by swinging at her but his attacks were dodged then she leapt at him, clung onto his chest, and drove two of her extended claws into his eyes; he screamed.
Psycho saw what happened, "Fucking hell!"
Harley glanced into the rearview mirror and saw the same thing, "Holy shit!"
The poor blob of clay could only yell and flail about as Magpie dug into his eye sockets some more until he fell onto his back and she pulled out. He whimpered for a moment before his eyes reformed and he calmed down.
"That was certainly a less-than-pleasant sensation," he said.
"I should have fuckin' known," grumbled Psycho.
"It still hurt!" protested Clayface before Magpie yelled, grabbed his head, and ripped it off.
She tossed him away and he landed on the dashboard.
He frowned, "Now that was just rude."
The bird-themed thief proceeded to rip his body apart then Harley said to her crew, "I'll take care of her. Psycho, drive."
"Me? I can't reach the pedals!" protested the telepath.
The blonde grabbed Clayface's head and dropped it by the pedals as she took her foot off the accelerator, "Clayface, work the pedals."
"I shall play my part," the shapeshifter said proudly before extending his tongue and pressing down on the pedal.
Harley climbed out of the driver's seat and crawled towards the back as Psycho took her place and drove the van. She made it to her destination to find Magpie still ripping Clayface's body to pieces but stopped upon seeing her.
"Looks like it's time for round three, Maggie!" Harley charged forth with her baseball bat at the ready.
She swung at Magpie who dodged the attack and responded by trying to drive her claws into Harley's midriff but that too was evaded and followed up by a bat to the face. The strike was strong enough to cause the kleptomaniac in black to fall onto the grenade containers and knock some of them open. She looked down and saw the explosives before grinning and grabbing one.
Harley made her way over as she readied her bat and smirked, "Bye-bye, pretty bird."
She was about to swing when Magpie held up the grenade then pulled the pin out and dropped it back with the others, grinning in a deranged manner the whole time.
Harley's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, "Grenade! Abandon van!"
Immediately after saying that, Harley ran and jumped out of the van with Dr. Psycho doing the same followed by Clayface whose reformed body grabbed his head and leapt for it. The ditched vehicle veered off to the right and crashed through the bridge's railing and plummeted into the river.
Still inside the van, Magpie scooped up some of her gems and gazed at them lovingly, "Shiny, shiny."
The vehicle soon crashed into the water and started to sink . . . then the grenade went off and blew up the other explosives, destroying everything in a cloud of fire. Harley and her crew rushed over and saw the burning van disappear into river.
"Good Lord," Clayface exclaimed in a hushed voice.
Psycho said, "I guess this means we need a new van."
The trio of bad guys heard something land behind them and they looked to see it was a silver ring with a one-half carat diamond; Harley goes over and picks it up.
She sighs, "Shit."
-(Later Back at Poison Ivy's Apartment)-
Sitting on the couch to the right of Harley, Red X pours some iodine on a cotton ball and starts to gently wipe it against the scratch on her right cheek; she hisses from the burning and stinging.
"Easy, Harley. I got ya," he said, still cleaning her wound.
His blonde girlfriend sighs, "Thanks."
She and her crew sat around the coffee table where their single piece of loot laid.
"Surely it must be worth something," suggested Clayface.
Dr. Psycho responded with a snarl, "Are you fucking stupid?! Look at it! It's a single ring with a tiny diamond! Even if we cash it in, it's probably only worth less than four hundred bucks! Chump change!"
Harley picks up the ring and frowns at it, "A single. Fuckin'. Ring. All that work . . . and that's all we got to show for our efforts."
She drops it back onto the coffee table as Red X dresses the scratch on her cheek with a gauze pad and some medical tape.
The blonde with the pigtails groans, "This was a disaster. Maybe I should have just had us rob the stores themselves and saved ourselves the trouble."
Ivy comes over with a tray of medical supplies and sits to Harley's left, "Hey, hey, come on, Harls. It was a really good effort. Things just went sideways."
She starts to clean up the scratch on her roommate's left forearm as their shared boyfriend added, "Ivy's right. Magpie was just an unexpected surprise. You did great."
Harley could not help smiling from his words, "Thanks-ow!"
"Sorry," said Ivy, applying some iodine onto the scratch.
"Speaking of that batshit crazy bird, ya think she's gone for good?" asked Psycho.
The eco-terrorist dresses her friend's wound, "No clue. I know you guys said she was tough but I doubt she could survive an explosion."
Harley groaned, "I really hope the Legion of Doom doesn't hear about this. The last thing I need is for them to know about me losing my loot to another villain."
Red X points to the television, "Something tells me you don't have to worry about that. Look."
Ivy turns up the volume as they watch Tawny Young reporting in front of the armored truck that was originally transporting the jewels, "Found earlier this morning, the armored truck that normally brings Gotham City the jewels for its stores was robbed and the guards found unconscious."
The camera follows the blonde reporter as she goes over to the guard known as Jackson who had his helmet off and was sitting on the sidewalk.
"Mr. Jackson, can you please tell us who did this?" asked Tawny.
He answered, "It was Harley Quinn and her crew. They took us out and took the jewels."
"You heard it here, people. Harley Quinn and her crew robbed the armored truck many other supervillains tried and failed to rob. Looks like Harley could be the strongest up-and-coming supervillain we have seen in a long time and a possible new candidate to join the Legion of Doom with such an impressive feat under her belt."
"Holy shit! Did you guys hear that?" Harley grinned.
Ivy smiled, "Yeah."
"'An impressive feat'. I mean the robbery was jacked and we lost our entire haul but I still impressed people. The Legion has gotta notice this."
"Fuck yeah, they will. I'm proud of you, babe," Red X's mouth became uncovered and he planted a kiss on her cheek.
"There is still one thing that puzzles me – how did Magpie steal the jewels before we did?" asked Clayface.
"Yeah. They didn't mention that crazy chick on T.V. How the hell did she beat us to the punch?" asked Dr. Psycho.
Red X recovered his mouth then answered, "I actually looked into that on some of the footage from last night. Turns out Magpie snuck into the Archie Goodwin International Airport where the jewels were being held and snuck them out. She must have swapped them for the grenades while she was there too."
"Makes sense," said the telepath.
"Agreed," said the shapeshifter.
It was then something came to Haley's mind and she looked to her shared boyfriend, "Hey babe, last time you swooped in and helped us. But not this time. How come?"
Psycho crossed his arms and growled, "Yeah. We could have used the extra muscle. And protection. Like a shit-ton of it!"
Red X ignored the angry short person and answered his blonde girlfriend, "Well Harley, I felt it was best to let you do this on your own. There will be times when I cannot be around so I thought you should handle things. And look what happened. You took down one of Gotham's most notorious thieves and got one step closer to the Legion of Doom. I knew you would do great."
The bleached-skin babe was touched, "Awww babe."
"Oh gag me," the diminutive villain grumbled before standing up, "Anyway, I better get going. Gotta start moving my shit out of the house."
"Huh?" asked Harley.
"After the divorce was finalized, Giganta kicked me out, gained full custody of our kid, and is selling the place. Now I gotta get my stuff before that bitch throws it away."
Psycho starts making his way out when Clayface called out, "I will walk out with you. I have some business to attend to as well."
"You too?" their blonde boss asked.
"Yes. I need to ask my landlord for an extension on my rent. I quit my bartending job to join the crew," answered the blob of clay.
He and his cohort walked towards the door when Harley got an idea and stood up, "Fuck that! You two are moving into here."
"Wait what?" asked Ivy.
"Joker had his crew live in his funhouse so my crew is gonna do the same in my apartment," grinned the blonde with the pigtails.
"Excuse me, your apartment?"
Harley sat back down and turned to her best friend, "Please Ive, please. They're my crew. It's only right."
She started giving the puppy-dog eyes to the redhead who caved in after one second, "Fine."
The trio of bad guys cheered then the pale-skinned blonde stood up again, "Alright, now onto our next heist. I'm thinking bank robbery, a big one. And if we do everything right, we could walk away with a million dollars or more-ow!"
She looked down at her right side and saw Red X trying to clean the scratches on it with some iodine on a cotton ball.
He just shrugged and said, "Sorry."
And that was chapter three! Hope you all liked it.
