Here it is, the much awaited fourth chapter of 'Harley Quinn's Red Mark'! Enjoy!


Chapter 4: Finding Mr. Right

Poison Ivy whistled as she cleaned the glass top of her coffee table while her mutant plants vacuumed the rug, scrubbed the floor, and generally tidied up the apartment. They were not the only ones as Naruto, in his Red X gear except his helmet was on a nearby table, was pitching in too by cleaning the windows; he soon finished the last one.

Ivy fluffed a pillow when her boyfriend looked around and said, "I know your whole thing is controlling plants but you have some serious cleaning skills."

He walks over to her, "I wish I had a fraction of it years ago."

"Oh yeah, your legit bachelor pad. You were so embarrassed, it was so cute," Ivy chuckled, recalling the first time she saw his apartment and the mess it was.

He could not resist blushing a bit, "Yeah . . ."

His green-skinned girlfriend placed the pillow on the couch then she felt him wrap his arms around her waist and place his chin on her shoulder; she leaned back into him.

"Ya know . . . if you ever decide to retire from being a supervillain/eco-terrorist and choose to, you'd make someone one hell of a wife," he smiled a little.

His suggestion intrigued her, "Oh really?"

She turned around, wrapped her arms around him, and smirked, "And whom would I be married to?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe some lucky person who knows just how incredible you are."

Naruto leans in to kiss her but she backs her head away, "We shouldn't. The others might be back soon."

"My rose, Harley and her crew are robbing a bank. I'm sure they'll be gone for a while. We won't be disturbed."

He captures her lips in a passionate kiss that she immediately returned and they soon find themselves lying on the couch as their hands started wandering over each other's bodies. Things would have gotten more heated if not for Harley and her crew coming in, cheering and carrying in the spoils of their endeavors. Naruto was forced to get off of Ivy and vault over the couch; she realized what just happened then groaned and stood up.

Harley came over with a huge duffel bag full of money and an even bigger grin on her face, "Who has two hands covered in unwashable ink? Uh, this girl! We just made that bank our bitch!"

Dr. Psycho and Clayface join her in the living room as she joyfully drops the bag onto the coffee table, smashing it in the half.

"Dude! That was a noguchi coffee table!" yelled Ivy.

"And you just cleaned it too," said Naruto, leaning over the couch and now wearing his helmet.

"Sorry. But hey!" she pulls out a stack of cash, "Now you can buy a bunch of 'em!"

The bleached-skin blonde started mirthfully throwing money at Ivy and chanting 'guch'.

"You know you can just hand me some money, you don't have to make it rain," said her redhead best friend.

"Yet it's quite the enticing sight," said the master thief in black.

"It's noguchi!" Harley threw the rest of the stack into the air.

Ivy sighed, "I'm going to go make some nettles tea."

She went into the kitchen as her blonde roommate kept speaking, "Oh man, this was our best. Heist. Yet! And we hit the perfect tone! Like, okay, everyone in the bank was super scared of us but like not so much that they weren't also delighted when I just cartwheeled out!"

Red X eye-smiled and applauded his girlfriend, "Nice, very nice."

Harley turned and gave him a quick bow, "Thank you, thank you. And I'm sure everybody on the news is talkin' about it."

"I hope we didn't miss too much of the coverage," said Clayface as he grabbed the remote and turned on the television.

What came on the screen was the Channel 6 news and it featured a male reporter on the street saying, "Batman stops Joker from robbing the credit union."

"Credit union? That's just a poor person bank! We robbed a real one with a vault and money and predatory lending practices!" protested Dr. Psycho.

Harley came over, "No, the news probably did us first. Here, try Channel 7."

Clayface switches to the next channel which was, unfortunately, reporting the same story with a reporter saying, "And Batman foils-"

She groans and takes the remote, "Just let me look."

The aspiring supervillainess looks through a couple of different channels but they too were recapping the story about Batman and Joker, much to her disappointment.

"We-we're the most compelling story so they're probably saving us for last," said the shapeshifter, trying to keep the others' hopes up.

Harley turned the television to Channel 5 where a blonde anchorwoman was speaking, "And now our last and most compelling story."

"Enter, us!" Clayface pulls out his cellphone and gets ready to take a selfie for his social media.

"Turn up the volume!" shouts Psycho excitedly.

"It's about damn time," growls Harley.

Ivy brings her tea and rejoins the group along with Red X then they all watch the news report.

"A cardboard box of baby ferrets has finally been returned to their rightful owners," tells the newswoman and shows a picture of white baby ferrets in a cardboard box.

"Oh boy," muttered Ivy.

With an angry shout, Harley throws the remote at the screen and shatters it.

"You have been here two weeks and you have destroyed nine TVs," said the redhead.

The blonde sighed, "Sorry. I'm just pissed. Why aren't they talkin' about us?"

She sat next to Clayface as he said, "It should be our faces on that screen! We should be those ferrets!"

"They were cute though," chuckled Red X.

"You guys, like, realize you're committing serious felonies, right? Like, you actually don't want people to know who you are," said Ivy to the group of bad guys.

Harley got to thinking, "Or-"

Her best friend sat down beside her, "No, no 'or'. I just gave you great advice."

"But there's only one thing stopping us from being front page news – no one's trying to stop us!"

"Of course!" shouts Clayface then he transforms his hands into miniature statues of the Dark Knight and the Clown Prince of Crime, "Joker has Batman and suddenly a simple crime becomes a thrilling narrative between two titans."

"Exactly! We need a nemesis! Lex Luthor has Superman, Sinestro has Green Lantern, Psycho has his own inability to refrain from using the C-word-"

"My nemesis is Wonder Woman, that cu-okay, I see what you're saying," said Psycho.

"That's it then! I need a nemesis! Great advice, Ive," thanked Harley.

Ivy tries to protest, "No, that's one hundred percent not-"

"And I know exactly how to do it. I just need my laptop," the blonde goes to do just that.

The eco-terrorist sighed and facepalmed as did her shared boyfriend.

"This is gonna end in a mess, isn't it?" he asked.

She replied, "Yep."

-(One day later)-

Harley was on her laptop computer in the living room with Dr. Psycho who was reading a magazine and eating chips on the couch while Clayface was on a stool behind her, having a bowl of cereal. The whole place was a mess; Red X was trying to tidy up the kitchen a bit because Ivy asked him and he felt sorry for her since she now had to deal with two new messy roommates.

"Alrighty, so our profile page on Find-a-Nemesis has been up for a day and we have . . . zero messages?!" Harley groaned at seeing the results.

An angry Poison Ivy entered the room, "Clayface!"

She points a hairbrush covered in gunk at him, "Did you use my hairbush?"

Some of the muck falls onto the countertop, slithers over to the shapeshifter, and melds into his body before he looked away, "No."

Red X walks into the living room, holding up a pair of wet boxers, "And why were these in the kitchen sink?"

"Well I had to soak them somewhere," argued Psycho.

The master thief drops the damp garment onto the floor, "Dude, the laundromat's right down the street."

"Eh, the sink was closer," the telepath goes back to eating chips and reading his magazine.

"What the hell? You guys are messing up my apartment!" Ivy shouts at her two new roommates, throwing her now-ruined hairbrush to the floor.

"Your apartment?!" shouted a voice from outside the front door.

It slid open to reveal Sy Borgman, Ivy's elderly and wheelchair-bound landlord with a cybernetic right arm and left leg, "It's my apartment! And if your dirty circus freak friends keep messin' it up, I'm kickin' ya out! You know the rules – no pets, no noise, no commies, no d-"

The eco-terrorist shuts the door on him, "I don't know if he was gonna get racist there but it felt like that's where it was headed."

"I thought robots were supposed to be helpful," said Clayface as he took his cereal and bowl to the couch.

"Right?" agreed Harley.

She remembered meeting the old man for the first time when she officially moved in with Ivy and it was something worth forgetting.

"He's not a robot, he's a disabled person," sighed the redhead as Dr. Psycho walked past her to get to the kitchen.

"A cranky one too," added Red X.

Ivy looks at Clayface lounging on the couch, "Anyway, you stained all my carpeting."

She turns to Psycho who was getting a soda from the fridge, "And you came home drunk and tried to mind-control the microwave and burnt a hole through the countertop."

"That microwave knows what it said!" the telepath closes the fridge and glares at the broken microwave.

There was a knock at the door and Ivy answers, "Dammit, Sy! I will move the trash bins-oh my god!"

Standing in the doorway was a humanoid great white shark wearing a blue hoodie, red cargo pants, and sneakers; Harley, Red X, and Psycho were shocked by the visitor. The shark-man enters the apartment with the redhead eco-terrorist backing up then summoning a pair of huge thorn-covered vines. Red X and Harley soon jumped in front to protect her before the latter swung her baseball bat onto the shark's head, breaking her weapon in the progress.

"Ow?" the aquatic creature said.

Clayface quickly got in between them and smiled, "Harley! Oh, oh, oh, this is a classic misunderstanding. Bat down, bat down. This is King Shark."

"Howdy," greeted King Shark in a friendly tone.

"Hacker extraordinaire and, perhaps more pertinent, social media maven."

"Uh, this giant, terrifying, half-man, half-shark is a computer whiz?" asked Harley, dropping her broken weapon as Ivy and Red X relaxed.

Dr. Psycho came over once he saw it was safe as Clayface continues to introduce his associate, "I don't like to brag but he took me from eight social media followers to eight . . . teen! Bravo! I called him to solve our nemesis problem."

"Mmm I'm guessing you're the one having trouble finding a nemesis," King Shark said to Harley.

"Well, we put the profile up and we're not gettin' any bites," she said.

"Is that a shark joke?" he asked menacingly, baring his teeth.

The blonde with the bleached skin cowered a little as she grabbed Red X's arm.

Suddenly, the shark-man grinned, "If so, it's very funny. Hahahaha. Now scooch, let me take a look at that profile."

He goes over to Harley's laptop, puts on a pair of nose-resting reading glasses, and gets to work as the villainous trio joins him.

"Hmm. Okay, now here's your first problem – you're not using any of the right keywords. I'll hack into the mainframe and get you featured," King starts typing away.

"How long's this going to take?" asks Dr. Psycho.

A 'bing' sound comes from the laptop, "There you go. Got your first match."

The shark-man turns the laptop towards the crew of villains and shows them the profile.

"Who the hell is Tommy Tomorrow?"

"He's got a personalized ray gun."

Clayface takes a look, "He says he's looking for something casual. Someone to fight on the weekends."

Harley did not like the sound of that and walks away, "I am not settling for Tommy Tomorrow. I wanna nemesis-up!"

"You're not gonna find any A-listers on here. There's no Batman," said King Shark.

This gave her an idea, "Or . . . we get Batman."

Ivy heard that idea, "Batman? You have fought him countless times and every time, ya end up at Arkham."

She was tidying up the living room once again with a little help from Red X.

"I know another way and by the end of it, Bats will be our nemesis," the blonde grinned excitedly.

"I don't know," said Psycho.

Clayface agreed with him, "Unlikely."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," her grin got a little bigger.

"Well whatever it is you plan on doing, you're gonna have to do it without me. I actually should be going," said Red X, putting down the trash bin he was putting garbage into.

"Okay-what wait? You're leaving? But it's not even 9," complained the lady clown.

Her master thief boyfriend started making his way towards the door, "Sorry but I got a mission. I gotta leave in the morning."

"Aww," pouted Harley.

Ivy goes over to him, "Well, be careful and do your job right."

She gives him a hug then leans in close and whispers, "Take me with you. Please."

Harley soon comes over and gives him a hug too, "I'll miss you."

Red X chuckles a little, "I'll be back tomorrow. You'll barely notice I'm gone."

He reluctantly separates from his girlfriends, "And when I get back, there's some good news I have to tell ya."

"Okay," said his redhead lover.

The babe with the bleached skin gave him a little wave, "Missin' ya already, X."

The master thief goes over to the door, "See ya."

He nods to Harley's crew, "Psycho, Clayface, later."

He glances at King Shark, "King Shark, nice meeting ya."

"You too," the shark-man grins.

Red X finally leaves.

"Was that really Red X?" asked the humanoid aquatic creature.

"Indeed," answered the shapeshifter.

"Wow!"

"Just watch your back around him," added the paranoid telepath.

He turns to his blonde boss, "So Harley, what was this plan you were mentioning?"

Harley responds with a mischievous grin.

-(On the streets of Gotham City)-

The world-renowned Batmobile sped down the road but instead of the Caped Crusader behind the wheel, it was a cackling Harley Quinn as she drove the vehicle through a fruit cart and a fire hydrant. All the chaos she caused attracted the attention of four police patrol cars and they gave chase; she took notice of them on the screen on the Batmobile's dashboard. The blonde with the bleached skin decided it was time to have a little fun so she pushed a button on the left side of the console but it just turned on the windshield wipers. She tried the button below it yet it only made the headlights blink a few times.

Harley started to catch on and pushed a button on the right side of the console and out from the back of the Batmobile fell out a cluster of tire spikes that took out one of her pursuers.

"Ha!" she pressed another button.

This one released the Batmobile's parachute that draped over another patrol car and caused it to drive off the road, leaving only two cars left.

The Batman's face appeared on the dashboard's screen, "You've crossed the line, Quinn. You're going to Arkham for goo-"

"Buh-bye," Harley turned off the screen before driving into a construction site.

She smirks at the unfinished building in the middle of the area then pushed a red button on the steering wheel that caused the driver's side paneling to open up. Four small rockets immediately flew out and sent themselves straight towards the incomplete project, exploding upon impact and making iron girders rain down. They landed behind her and cut off the police's chase thus allowing her to escape into a nearby service tunnel.

"Yeah!" cheered Harley upon seeing she was in the clear.


Harley drove the Batmobile towards a meat-processing plant located in the outskirts of a downtown business district; the building's loading doors opened to reveal Dr. Psycho and Clayface waiting inside. They cowered in fear but luckily for them, their blonde boss stopped the vehicle in time.

She stood up and shouted, "Ta-da!"

Her crewmates were amazed at what she had done with Psycho asking, "How the hell did you pull this off?"

Harley flipped out of the Batmobile then pulled out her cellphone, "The car's voice activated. So I took some recordings of Bats' voice and spliced 'em together."

She tapped the screen and Batman's voice started playing, "Open. Batmobile. Allow. Harley. To. Drive."

"He also said . . . " the blonde presses again.

"I. Definitely. Make. Love. To. Bats."

"Ha!"

"Heavens to Murgatroyd, he admits it!" said Clayface.

Suddenly a grappling hook wrapped a rope around his body and he was hoisted into the air.

Dr. Psycho grins, "Ha ha! The signature grappler! The bat-eth hath arrived-eth!"

"Success! Ha ha!" cheered the shapeshifter as he hung and slowly spun around in the air like a piñata at a party.

"Stop talking, I gotta make an evil first impression. Shit! I shoulda thought of an opening line," Harley soon posed like an experienced supervillain, "Uh, good after-doom? Pleasure to beat ya?"

A shadowy figure with glowing white eyes landed on one of the ceiling rafters and glared down at the supervillains that were excited to fight the Dark Knight. However, that excitement went away when the unknown person stood up and they turned out to be Robin the Boy Wonder.

"What the?!" shouted Harley.

"Not so fast, losers!" he yelled at them.

"Oh, come on," groaned Psycho.

"Robin, what are you doing here? Where's Batman?" asked the annoyed blonde.

"You think Batman has time to deal with you guttersnipes?" Robin jumps down from his perch, "You're lucky I even showed up."

"Oh, was Batman too busy doin' this?" she touched her phone's screen and held it up.

"I. Definitely. Make. Love. To. Bats," the recording said again.

"Shut up and battle me, nards," demanded the kid in the costume.

Dr. Psycho facepalmed, "Oh god, last week I was in the fucking Legion of Doom and now this is my life."

"We're not battlin' a twelve year-old from the fuckin' Ren Faire," said Harley.

"I was raised by an elite group of assassins from birth. And you're a clown. And an old one at that. What are you? Thirty?" Robin insulted back at her.

Shocked at being called 'old', she could only watch as the costumed pre-teenager dropped down and tried to sweep her legs but ended up kicking her in her left calf.

"OW! You little shit!" Harley flipped over him, grabbed him, and hung him up by the seat of his pants on a meat hook.

"Hey! What are you doing? Put me down!" the Boy Wonder wriggled about like a worm used for fishing bait.

"Tell Batman we're coming for him," growled the blonde and she was about to leave when she glared back at him, "And F.Y.I . . . I'M ONLY TWENTY-SIX!"

With that said, Harley and Dr. Psycho started to walk away and were soon joined by Clayface, who managed to ooze out of his confinement, and left Robin there to hang.

-(The following morning)-

"Well Tawny, then Harley said, 'I'm coming for you'. 'Course then we had a huge battle," said Robin, 'retelling' the 'events' of last night to Tawny and her live studio audience.

"Mm-hmm," hummed Tawny as she listened to his tall tale.

"Tons of punching."

"Mmm!"

"Some lasers, lotta lasers."

"Boy, stop it!" the blonde was enjoying the story.

"When I beat her butt, that's when she asked me to be her nemesis."

Now she and the audience were stunned and impressed with the latter soon bursting into applause.

"Your first nemesis at just twelve years-old. Now, are you a little sweet potato pie? 'Cause I could just eat you up!" the television reporter grinned.

"Yeah, I'm a little sweet potato pie," the Boy Wonder battered his eyes in a cute fashion.

"Oh! He's just so cute!" she squealed.

The special guest just looked at the camera and gave a smirk.


At the apartment, the Harley crew, Ivy, and King Shark were watching the show.

"Ah. I gotta tell ya, I think he's adorable," said the green-skinned redhead.

Harley was certainly not charmed by the boy and bared her teeth like a mad dog then, with a yell, brought her baseball bat down onto the glass top of Ivy's new coffee table, smashing it to pieces.

"You know what, this one's on me. I shoulda known that this was gonna put you in a smashy mood," the eco-terrorist went to go get a broom.

"Robin's lying. Why would I fight a kid? I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!" shouted Harley.

"Well that rules out Batman," Ivy chuckles, "Catwoman says he waxes everything."

She and one of her mutant plants start cleaning up the mess as her blonde best friend speaks again, "You know what? It's gonna be fine. Maybe this story will run one news cycle and be gone."

"I don't think so," said King Shark while looking at Harley's laptop, "You just got a Google alert for an article from the Lois Lane. And the headline is . . . never mind."

"Let me see that!" Harley takes her computer and reads the headline aloud, "'Harley Quinn Fights Child, Sets Evil Women's Movement Back Decades'."

She gasps deeply then Clayface says, "Well, the headline is clickbait but I bet the article itself is more positive."

"Really? You think that?" asked Ivy sarcastically.

"Ah shit! It's behind a paywall," Harley growls then turns to her crewmates, "Does anyone have a login for the Daily Planet?"

Dr. Psycho answers, "Nope, I already burned through my five free articles."

"I can't subscribe to another thing. My inbox is already swollen," said Clayface as he got up and went into the kitchen to get himself a snack.

"Well I'm not payin' seven ninety-nine a month to see shit like this!" cried out Harley, tossing her laptop into the air.

King Shark caught it as the sadistic telepath suggested aloud, "Let's just kill her."

His blonde boss started thinking again, "Or-"

"No. No more 'or'," interrupted Ivy as she was getting ready to clean some more.

"Or we kidnap her and make her retract the article."

"You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people. What if Superman comes?"

"Great. Then I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the world."

"Oh, brother," the redhead sighed.

It was then Harley's cellphone started ringing then she pulled it out and looked to see who was calling.

A huge grin appeared on her face, "It's Red!"

"Well answer it. And put him on speaker," Ivy came over to her.

Her blonde friend did just that then said into the phone, "Hey babe."

"Hi," the eco-terrorist greeted as well.

"Hi ladies. How are things?" Red X asked on the other end.

Ivy decided to answer, "Well since you asked-"

"Things are fine, just fine," Harley interrupted her, "So how's the mission goin'?"

Sounds of gunfire came from the cellphone then he answered, "Oh it's going just fine. Typical stuff, ya know."

An explosion was suddenly heard before he spoke again, "Anyway, I was calling to congratulate you, Harley. I heard the news. I know he's no Batman but Robin's not a bad first nemesis."

"No, babe, he's lying. He's not my nemesis," Harley replies.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Huh . . . that's kind of a shame. Since-" gunshots interrupted him, "Hold on, Harley. I gotta snap a guy's neck."

It was not long before the sounds of fighting came from the phone followed by grunting, growling, and bones cracking; the last actually turned Harley on a little.

"Sorry about that."

"That's okay," the blonde managed to calm herself down.

"Anyway, I thought it was rather fitting for you two to be nemeses. The Joker's former sidekick battling with the Boy Wonder on a regular basis. It's like a Saturday morning cartoon or something."

"Well sorry, sweetie but he's not my nemesis and vise-versa. And there won't be any cartoon," said the pale-skinned babe.

"Damn. That's a shame," another round of gunfire followed Red X's words.

"Hold on, how did you even find out about it?" asked Ivy.

"I follow the Daily Planet. I got the alert for Lois Lane's new article."

"You read the Daily Planet?"

"Well I do live in Metropolis. So why wouldn't I? Plus I like Lois Lane's articles," he said before the sounds of fighting came over the phone.

Harley smirks, "Oh really? You sure it's her articles you like so much?"

The combative noises came to an end, "Ha! It's not like that. Though she did try to interview me a few times. Half of those times, she flirted with me. I turned her down though."

Ivy was surprised to hear that, "Huh, I figured attractive female reporters would make up about sixty percent of your one-night stands."

"It's not that. I just don't do interviews."

"Because it adds to your whole dark-and-mysterious thing you have going on?"

"That and my bosses don't exactly like the thought of me talking about my job to the public."

"Gee, I wonder why," Dr. Psycho said sarcastically, overhearing the conversation.

"But no. There's nothing going on with me and Lois Lane."

Harley smirked, "Well good. 'Cause she and I are gonna have a little talk."

"A talk?"

Ivy spoke up, "She's gonna try and make Superman her nemesis."

"Seriously, Harley?"

"Yep. I'll have the perfect nemesis in no time," Harley announced proudly.

Red X sighed, "Oh God."

"Exactly my thoughts, hun," said the redhead with the green skin.

A yell followed by gurgling came from the phone before her shared boyfriend spoke again, "You sure that's a good idea, Harley? Maybe stick with Robin for a while. Then work your way up to Batman and Superman. How about Booster Gold? I hear he's good nemesis material for first-timers."

"No. Sweetie, trust me. I know exactly what I'm doin' here," the blonde grinned.

The master thief sighed, "Alright, I guess I have no choice but to leave you to it. Just be careful, okay? He may be a boy scout but Superman could probably kill you if pushed too far."

"I got this, don't worry."

Some explosions and gunfire rang from her cellphone before Red X spoke, "I gotta get going. I should be home in a few hours. See you all then. Bye."

"Okay, bye-bye," smiled Harley.

Ivy added, "Come home soon. Please."

Their boyfriend hung up before the blonde with the bleached skin turned to the only guys in the room, "Let's move out, fellas. We got a meeting with a reporter."

-(The Daily Planet, Metropolis)-

"I don't retract articles and I'm definitely not writing a puff piece about - what was your headline?" asked Lois Lane.

The lovely news reporter was tied to an office chair as Harley, her crew, and King Shark stood over her.

The blonde with the pigtails answered, "It's 'Harley Quinn, Number One Supervillain in the Many Multiverses, Still Hasn't Committed To a Nemesis, Much Less Robin the Boy Wonder, or Any Nemesis That's Boy or Bird Based.' Ya can punch it up if ya want. You're the writer."

Lois just chuckled, "Thanks. No."

"Okay, then I'm gonna have to kill ya," Harley pointed her baseball bat at her.

"Okay, go ahead," the news reporter answered as if calling out a cheap bluff.

Suddenly, the wall behind her exploded and from the cloud of dust came Superman, the Man of Steel and the world's most powerful superhero as well as one of the founding members of the Justice League.

He spits out a piece of drywall, "I need to remember to keep my mouth closed when I bust through walls."

"I've been tellin' ya that," said Lois as she was turned around.

Harley and her crew were surprised at their new visitor then she exclaimed, "Holy shit! It's Supes! King Shark, get the camera. Livestream me fightin' Superman, my new nemesis!"

King Shark takes out his cellphone and starts to live record, "Okay, you're live."

Showing no fear, the blonde walked right up to the Man of Steel, "Hey, Superman! Come get Lois Lame before I make her a deadline!"

She looked back at the guys, "That made-that made sense, right?"

Superman looked over at Lois, "Is she mad about the paywall too? Seven ninety-nine is an ambitious price point. And it doesn't include the crossword, which is ridic."

"Ya gonna fight me or what?" asked Harley, getting mad at being ignored.

The superhero in the blue tights simply chuckled then said, "Everybody duck."

Soon the wall next to him exploded and in flew Robin on a hoverboard and he pointed at the lady clown, "You were ill-advised to think you could get away from me, Harley Quinn."

Lois went "Aww!"

"Oh god!" groaned Harley.

"Again?!" shouted Dr. Psycho.

Superman laughed then ruffled Robin's hair, "Hey, sport."

The Boy Wonder pushed his hand away and frowned, "I fail to find the humor in this."

He soon noticed his nose starting to bleed a little and tried to stop it.

Metropolis' superhero saw it too then took out a handkerchief and held to the pre-teenager's nose, "No need to be nervous, kiddo. Just step into the box. You got this."

Robin pushed him away and said in a hushed tone, "You're embarrassing me in front of my nemesis."

Harley heard that and spoke up, "Actually, I'm not currently committed to anyone. But y'know, Supes, if you're avail, I'm-"

"Flattered but I have a pretty full dance card," said Superman.

"Leave us be, boy scout. I'm sure there's a cat up a tree somewhere," scowled the Boy Wonder.

His words just made the world's most powerful hero chuckle again, "'A cat up a tree'. Isn't this just the cutest thing ever?"

He looks over at the captive reporter, "Lois, you okay if the little guy takes it from here?"

Lois responds, "Yeah, whatever. We still doing sushi tonight?"

"You know how I . . . roll," Superman joked before flying out of the hole he made earlier.

Robin groaned at the horrible pun while Harley groaned from losing a potential nemesis.

Dr. Psycho looks back at King Shark, "Do me a favor. Can you untag me from this whole thing?"

The Boy Wonder turned his attention to the aspiring supervillainess who was regrouping with the others, "You ready to do battle, Quinn?"

Harley just sighed then said, "Let's go."

She led them out of the room as the pre-teen boy shouted after her, "That's right! Run away! Fear me!"

-(Poison Ivy's apartment)-

Harley slid open the door then she and the guys walked in as she groaned, "That was the most humiliatin' t-"

Everyone stopped upon seeing a miffed Poison Ivy surrounded by blue-colored decorations and gifts for a baby shower.

The blonde let out a loud gasp and gained a huge grin, "Oh my god! Ivy, you're pregnant?"

She rushed right over and gave her best friend a hug, "Oh! This is gonna be so bad for your career, but so good for your Instagram. You and X are gonna make such kickass parents."

The guys walked into the living room as Ivy pried her off, "No! All this shit is for you."

"Aww. No baby?" asked Harley in a sad voice and with a pout.

"Nope, no baby. But there is a card. And it was addressed to you, so I didn't open it because I'm not a rude person," the redhead pointed to a baby carriage holding an envelope with Harley's name on it.

The bleached-skin babe picked up the packet and opened it to find a card that said 'It's a Boy!'; she flipped it open to reveal a pop-up baby boy whose eyes suddenly turned red.

Joker's voice chimed out, "Congrats on Robin the cradle. Hahahaha! From all your never-gonna-be-your-friends at the Legion of Doom. Hahahaha!"

A whirling sound started coming from the card and Harley knew exactly what was about to happen so she threw it up into the air before it exploded into a plume of green smoke. Luckily, nothing was damaged and no one was hurt; there was just piles of ash strewn about.

Ivy coughed a couple of times and frowned as she looked at her newly dirtied living room before sarcastically saying, "Well, this room was missing a dusting of ash everywhere."

To be honest, this new mess was not as bad as the ones she was previously cleaning up.

Harley was scowling, "Alright, that's it. Enough of this shit. We're killin' Robin."

Everyone was shocked to hear her idea.

"Harley, you can't kill him," said Ivy.

"You don't think I can kill a twelve year-old? Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face. With a bat! LIKE A WATERMELON!"

The eco-terrorist held up her hands in defense, "Oh, no, no. I believe you have the ability to kill him. What I'm saying is if you do it, you validate what everyone's saying that Robin's your nemesis."

"Also, you'd be a child killer, which some may argue is worse," advised King Shark.

A light bulb went off in Harley's mind then she smirked and arched her brow, "Unless . . . "

Ivy stepped forward, "Ah, you got that 'or' face. Just-can you make your eyebrows normal?"

"I've . . ."

"Yes?"

"No no, I wasn't sayin' your name. I was saying 'I've' . . . as in I've got a plan."

-(Inside a warehouse in downtown Gotham City)-

Dr. Psycho and Clayface lead King Shark over to a large glass-lined swimming tank full of water with a connecting staircase and platform; it was almost like something a person would find at a marine animal park.

"Listen shark-man, get in the tank. All you gotta do is swim around and scare the kid so bad he admits he's lying," said the diminutive telepath.

"Oh, I'm not that kind of shark. I'm more of the tech savvy kind," answered King, feeling uneasy about the idea.

"It's fine. I can play the role of shark if he won't," Clayface immediately transformed into the walking shark, "Roar! 'Tis I, the violent type of shark! Straight from the beaches of Amity. Fear my rows of teeth, my unpredictable nature!"

The master hacker responded, "Yeah, that's offensive in a number of ways. I-I'll just be the shark."

Clayface turned back to normal as King Shark started walking up the stairs then spoke, "But, just to double-check here – I-I'm not gonna do any biting, right? 'Cause I do not do well around blood."

"No blood. You're just supposed to scare him," answered Psycho.

Harley comes running in with a huge sack slung over her shoulder, "I got him!"

She throws the bag onto the floor and her captive inside starts to move and grunt, trying to escape.


Robin was hanging upside-down over the water tank as King Shark, now wearing only swimming trunks, swam in circles underneath him.

"You're gonna die, Robin!" shouted Harley from the platform before the shark-man lunged and bit off the end of Robin's cape, "Admit it! Admit we never battled, I never asked you to be my nemesis."

"Unhand me, you freak!" demanded the Boy Wonder.

"Not until you tell the truth about us!"

"Why would I ever tell the truth? I'm Gotham's little sweet potato pie, remember? Those rubes will believe anything I say."

Soon the sound of a crowd booing rang through the air then a large curtain dropped and lights came on to reveal a studio audience, Tawny, and the set of her show; there was even an audio clip of a man yelling "Busted!"

"Ya hear that, Tawny? He admitted he lied!" shouted Harley.

Robin was shocked at this, "Tawny?! You set me up, Quinn!"

The aforementioned news reporter and television personality furrowed her brow at the Boy Wonder, "Mm-mm-mm! My, oh my, how the sweet potato pie has crumbled."

Her audience booed some more then the aspiring supervillainess spoke up, "So, as everyone can see, I could've killed him any time I wanted. But I didn't 'cause he's a kid and kids are gross. Also, he is not my nemesis."

She stuck her tongue out at Robin as the crowd kept booing and hissing at him; he began to sweat as his nose started to bleed, sending a small drop of blood down his head, through his spiked hair, and falling into the water tank below. King Shark noticed and inhaled the red liquid into his nose before his pupils fully dilated.

"Blood. Ooh! Blood!" roared the shark-man as he started to lunge, snap, and claw at the suspended pre-teenager like a ravenous animal.

"Ah! Help me!" shouted Robin in fear.

"Ah, shit," groaned Harley upon seeing what was happening.

Tawny was shocked too, "Woo! He gonna get eaten!"

"Please! I'll bring you on stage at the VMAs next week!" cried the boy, hoping to bribe someone to save him.

"Abort! Abort! King Shark, heel!" shouted the bleached-skin blonde.

"Let me down! Help!"

On the tank's staircase, Dr. Psycho and Clayface watched the scene before them as the former said, "Oh you know what? This must be that 'not being good with blood' thing. I thought it just meant he got a little fainty."

His teammate responded, "I did too."

"It was misleading."

"How funny," chuckled the shapeshifter.

Back in the tank, King Shark kept lunging for Robin who cried out, "Hey! Stop that! Help!"

Harley climbed onto the platform's railing then launched herself through the air, grabbed the Boy Wonder, and landed outside of the pool. He gave her a thankful grin as the audience went 'aww' at the rather cute sight but they started to scream upon seeing King Shark swimming at full speed and bursting through the glass behind the pair.

"I'll kill you all!" roared the shark.

The water sent Harley rolling over to Tawny who yelled out, "Everybody run!"

Robin was washed over to the other side of the room and he looked up to see King running towards him, claws and teeth ready to maim and tear him apart.

"Help! Help! Batman! Batman!" the Boy Wonder scooted backwards but hit some crates, stopping his retreat, "Father! Help! No! Dad! Help!"

King Shark was almost upon him when Batman came crashing in through the skylight and landed on top of the bloodthirsty aquatic creature, pinning him to the floor. He forced King's head down then pulled out a blue spray can labeled, 'shark repellent' and sprayed green gas into the shark's face that caused him to slowly calm down and fall asleep.

The Dark Knight got off the beast and pocketed his gadget in time for Tawny to happily announce, "Ladies and gentlemen, Batman!"

Cheering erupted from the crowd as Batman asked aloud, "What is this?"

He turned around and saw the news reporter, "Tawny? Are we live on Tawny?"

He noticed Harley still on the floor, "What the hell are you doing, Quinn?"

"Changin' the optics?" she replied, trying to sound innocent.

"You almost killed my ward. You're going to Arkham for good, Quinn," said Batman, looking incredibly pissed off.


The double doors of Gotham First Bank exploded open as a cloud of green smoke billowed out followed by a few people who all had huge and unsettling grins on their faces. It was not long before Joker and a couple of his goons walked out, carrying out large sacks full of money with them.

The Clown Prince of Crime grinned and held out his arms, "Bring it on, Bats!"

A second passed before he realized the Caped Crusader was nowhere around, "Bats?"

He looked around, "Batman?"

Joker started to look at the tops of buildings to see if his nemesis was arriving but there was still no sign.

"Is he . . . this is no fun," said the disappointed clown.

"Uh-uh boss?" said a henchman who was watching something on his cellphone.

"Uh, uh, uh. What, Steve? Spit it the fuck out."

Steve showed Joker the live feed of Batman fighting Harley on the set of Tawny!

"Oh, what the hell?" groaned the mad clown.


Ivy was cleaning her new noguchi coffee table when she heard grunting coming from the television. She looked up in time to see Batman throw Harley face-first into a camera.

The eco-terrorist was surprised, "Oh! What the hell?"


At a gas station far outside of Gotham City, Naruto, wearing casual clothes, walks into the store and starts looking through the selection of tasty snacks with his eye occasionally glancing at the instant ramen noodle cups. He soon hears people chatting and cheering then he looks over and finds them crowded around one of the televisions mounted on the wall. His curiosity gets the better of him so he goes over and sees Batman chasing Harley around on the screen.

"Oh, what the hell?" he asked aloud.

The camera switched over to one focused on Tawny and she started talking to it while the action continued behind her, "Okay. So, Batman blames Harley for endangering his ward but Harley says she's just a supervillain looking for an adult-size nemesis. Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?"


Harley backflips onto the talking area of the set with Batman following her then she throws a right jab at him but he deflects it and counters with a palm strike to her face, giving her a bloody nose and knocking her onto the table. She quickly wipes off the blood before grabbing a pillow and throwing it at the Caped Crusader who simply knocked it away. It was not long until the bleached-skin blonde tossed another though the next thing she threw was a large potted plant that the Dark Knight was forced to block as it broke upon impact. She took the opportunity to perform a jump kick at her enemy yet he grabbed her leg and slammed her face-first onto the floor and gave her another bloody nose.

Clayface and Dr. Psycho were holding up a now-dressed King Shark when they caught sight of what happened and let the shark-man fall to the floor.

"Use your fisticuffs, Harley!" advised the shapeshifter.

His telepathic cohort smirked a little at the situation before them.

Batman stood over the downed Harley and brought one of her arms behind her as he pulled out a pair of handcuffs, "Game over, Quinn."

He was about to restrain her when the both of them heard a rumbling then from a pair of double doors came a plant monster with many thorny vines and a closed purple flower head. The flower opened to reveal an angry Poison Ivy sitting inside.

"Let her go!" she demanded.

Harley's crewmates found a place in the front row of the crowd and set King Shark down when the shapeshifter greeted the eco-terrorist, "Ivy! Always a delight."

Ivy advanced towards Batman as he backed up a little but was ready for her next move, which was sending some vines at him and he responded by diving through them. However, one wrapped around his right ankle and tossed him into the air where more vines grabbed his limbs and suspended him from the ceiling, trapping him.

"This is getting too good, y'all," grinned Tawny.

Harley too was grinning as her best friend came over, "Ive! You came to save me."

Ivy got down off her creature, "Look, I always do. My entire existence seems to be spent cleaning up your fuckin' messes."

The audience gasped and went 'ooh' upon hearing her words.

"Is that gonna be bleeped?" she thought aloud.

Tawny went on to announce her show's newest guest, "Please welcome another surprise guest – supervillain Poison Ivy!"

"Nope."


At Noonan's, the live show was being played on television and right up front was Kite Man as he bobbed his shoulders up and down in happiness upon seeing Ivy on the screen. He was obviously thinking about the last time he and her were together during Penguin's nephew's bar mitzvah, still believing they had a special night.


Ivy kept protesting, "Not a guest. Also, I actually identify as an eco-terrorist so . . . "

Tawny came over, "Seems like you're having some animosity towards Harley for not respecting your boundaries."

She turned to her audience. "Am I right, audience?"

They responded with 'boos' and one guy called out, "You suck!"

"Tell us how you feel," she suggested to the eco-terrorist.

"No, no, no. Not gonna do that."

"Okay."

"But since I'm here. If I could just . . ." she borrowed the blonde's microphone and faced the people, "You don't have to rise out your cans and bottles before putting them in the recycling bin, okay? That's just a myth and it wastes water."

While she was giving her lecture, Batman managed to reach into his utility belt and pull out a vial of acid that he proceeded to use to melt the vines and free himself.

The crowd started to cheer and applaud, as did a newly-awakened King Shark as he stood up and clapped, "I love you, Batman!"

"N-n-no, no. Sit," said Clayface, guiding him back into his seat.

"Aww," pouted the shark.

Ivy looked back in time to see Batman toss one of his batarangs at her but it was deflected by a kick from Harley who jumped in front of her.


The inmates at Arkham Asylum started cheering for the two women taking on the Dark Knight of Gotham City on television.


Harley and Ivy nodded to each other before the former charged straight for Batman and the latter summoned some vines and wrapped them around her wrists. The pale-skinned beauty launched a flying kick at the superhero in black only to be thrown over his head but she tried another kick that he rolled out of the way of. Soon he had to block a few lashes from the vines his redheaded foe was using as whips then he cartwheeled out of their range only to be kicked from behind by Harley. The Dark Knight managed to block it and elbow her in the face in time for Ivy to capture his arm with a vine.

Batman won their little tug-of-war by throwing her into her blonde best friend and knocking them to the floor where their faces came close to kissing each other; the sight got Tawny and her audience to gasp excitedly. Harley smiled at Ivy and fluttered her eyes in a flirtatious fashion but she just ended up pouting due to the redhead leaving and getting back to fighting the Dark Knight. She tried for another vine attack though she only ended up taking out the furniture of the talking area due to him dodging her.

Harley took the chance to attack from behind but he ducked and captured her; she started to grunt and struggle in an effort to free herself. She did not have to wait long due to Ivy using a flower to spray Batman in the face with green gaseous pollen, forcing him to drop the blonde and back away as the ladies laughed at him.


Penguin, his sister Mrs. Cobblepot, and his nephew Joshua were watching the show at home.

"Kill him, Ivy!" cheered Joshua.

Before the fighting could continue, a wall behind the top row of the audience bleachers exploded and a cloud of green smoke followed.


The smoke soon cleared and in walked a furious-looking Joker.

"Harley! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he snarled.

"Ooh-hoo-hoo! It's getting heated!" announced an excited Tawny.

The Clown Prince of Crime started making his way down through the crowd, pushing and kicking people out of the way.

"Are you trying to steal my Batman?" he scowled at his ex-girlfriend.

Batman glared at his nemesis, "Joker!"


The live show was even playing on a wall-mounted television in a sushi restaurant in Metropolis where Superman and Lois Lane were having their date.

"Uh, Batman, Joker seems to claim you as his nemesis," Tawny pointed out.

Superman glanced at the screen, shrugged, and went back to eating since he knew Batman could handle things by himself.

Lois, however, was still concerned about what was happening on the show.

"But you came here to fight Harley and now, you're fighting Ivy. Which one is it?" asked the blonde newswoman.

Joker popped up next to her on the screen, "Me! I'm his, he's mine. I mean we're together. Ha!"

He shoved her out of his way.


"Oh!" Tawny cried out before two stagehands caught her to keep her from falling.

The crowd started to chant "Tawny! Tawny! Tawny!" like they were watching the Jerry Springer Show.


The chanting could be heard on the cellphone of Aquaman who was currently on the toilet and watching the live feed all the way down in Atlantis. He watched as Joker joined Batman, Harley, and Ivy in their intense showdown.


A guy in the crowd yelled out, "I love you, Tawny!" when Batman kicked Joker in the stomach before Harley tried to kick him in the face and he jumped backwards. She was immediately grabbed from behind by her ex-boyfriend then vines wrapped around his neck and tossed him aside; the blonde gave her best friend a thumbs-up. Ivy did not have time to return it due to the Dark Knight throwing a couple of batarangs at her and she was forced to use the floral tendrils to guard from the attack. She, however, did not count on the weapons exploding on contact and sending her back towards the empty pool.

The audience gasped then Harley grabbed a piece of pipe, charged forth, and started swinging at Batman with intense fury as he blocked her attacks. Joker noticed the two of them were under some stage lights on a metal lighting grid and a devious plan formed in his head as he pulled out one of his putty grenades.

"Two birds, one stone," he grinned, turning on the explosive and throwing it.

He hit his target and the whole grid fell upon both Harley and Batman, trapping them underneath the debris.

"Dad!" Robin cried out at seeing the Caped Crusader in trouble.

The trapped pair started trying to get free when Joker came over but bypassed his nemesis.

"I'll be with you in a minute, Bats. I have some unfinished business to take care of," the clown grinned as he pulled out his Joker Gun.

Harley was working to get her arms free when her ex knelt down in front of her and put the barrel of his custom weapon against her forehead.

She glared at him as he kept smiling, "Say goodnight, puddin'."

Joker could not resist laughing as he put his finger on the trigger and the crowd waited to see what would happen next but before anything could, something flew through the air and knocked the gun out of the Joker's hand.

"Who the-?" the Clown Prince of Crime looked at his gun and saw a red four-point throwing star embedded in it and soon he put two and two together, "Oh for fuck's sake, no!"

He stood up and turned around in time to see Red X landing in the middle of the room then the two locked eyes.

"You!" growled Joker.

"Get away from her, you Ronald McDonald reject!" X charged at the clown.

The maniac in the purple suit responded by throwing a couple of punches but they were dodged and the thief let loose one to the face, another to the gut, and a third back to the face, resulting in a bloody nose. A kick to the chest followed and knocked Joker backwards onto the floor as the crowd cheered.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome our biggest surprise guest – the infamous Red X!" announced a grinning Tawny.

Soon, the crowd grew louder though the female members were the loudest then an attractive and buxom woman stood up and called out, "I love you, Red X!"

She lifted up her top and flashed him her large breasts, making the crowd cheer more and whistle.

Robin, still off to the side, was shocked as well to see the newcomer then spoke to himself in a hushed voice, "Whoa. It's him."

Back at where the action was, Red X came over to Harley and Batman who were still trapped.

He grabbed the lighting grid keeping them pinned down, "Hang on, you two, I got ya."

It was not long before he lifted the rather heavy metal with help from the two captives then once it was high enough, they crawled out to safety before the master thief dropped it and the crowd cheered some more.

Harley wasted no time in jumping onto him and giving him a big hug, "X!"

He returned it and smiled underneath his helmet, "Hey Harley. You've sure been busy."

The master thief turned towards Batman, "Long time no see, Bats."

"Red X," replied the Dark Knight.

Joker retrieves his gun and points it at Red X, "You fucking prick! I'll kill you!"

He did not get the chance to shoot because of Batman rushing forward and knocking the weapon out of his hand before they became enthralled in combat. Red X separated himself from Harley and was about to join in on the fight when Tawny walked up to him and put her microphone to his face.

"Red X, real quick. Does the fact that you being here mean you have returned to Gotham? And why are you here?" she asked.


Back at the sushi restaurant in Metropolis, Lois gritted her teeth at seeing Tawny trying to get an interview with the infamous Red X.

On the screen, Red X moved the microphone out of his face and said, "I don't do interviews."

"Aww," Tawny groaned in disappointment as he left to join the fight.

"Ha! If I can't get an interview with him, what makes you think you could?" the reporter for The Daily Planet said aloud with a smirk.

Her outburst actually startled Superman and their sushi chef.


As Batman and Red X fought the Joker, Tawny turned towards a camera, "Well whatever the reason, this is the first confirmed sighting of Red X in Gotham City in three years."

Her microphone was suddenly grabbed and Harley moved in closer before speaking, "Also Tawny, I'd like to set the record straight that I was the one who broke things off with Joker and now me and Ivy are both in a hot and steamy relationship with Red X. AND Red X's dick is bigger and better than Joker's any day of that week!"

The audience soon went 'whoo' then Poison Ivy called out to her, "Dude! Seriously?"


"What? It needed to be said!" said Harley from the television in Naruto's apartment in Metropolis.

The one watching the show was Tala who was lounging on the couch and eating a cup of instant ramen noodles. She did not want to admit it but the sorceress grew a taste for them during her two years with her beloved master.

"As does this – Red X knows how to please a woman in AND out of the sack!" the aspiring supervillainess announced, making the beautiful magic user smirk upon hearing the truth.


Joker was holding his own quite well despite being forced to take on both Batman and Red X though he did have some help from the switchblade knife he was now wielding. Both of his opponents were ready to attack again until they all heard Harley shout as she charged at the Caped Crusader and was again using a piece of pipe as her weapon; she swung at him only to have her attack blocked.

"We're not done, Bats," she growled at the Dark Knight.

Red X looks back at her, "Harley, now is not the t-"

He was interrupted due to Joker lunging at him with the switchblade ready to stab and he was forced to hold back the attack before they locked hands.

"Let's see how good of a lover you are after I slice off your dick," grinned the psychotic clown.

"I'm not worried. I could still give Harley bigger and better orgasms than you ever could," replied the master thief in a mocking tone.

The audience started whooping and laughing at that joke then Joker scowled at them, "Shut up! It wasn't even that good!"

Red X took this chance to knee the clown in the stomach then throw him to the floor and punch him in the face as he took the switchblade into his own hand. He soon pinned the psychopath in the purple suit down and held the knife up high, ready to strike.

"Say 'bye-bye', clown," the master thief growled.

He was about to drive the blade into the Joker's neck when someone grabbed his arm to stop him; it turned out to be Batman.

"No killing," the Dark Knight said sternly.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

Harley suddenly pounces onto Batman's back and gets him in a headlock, "Don't bother my man when he's workin', Bats!"

The Dark Knight proceeded to try and get her off his back and this gave Joker the chance to pull out another putty grenade.

He grinned at Red X, "Hey X, catch!"

The clown threw the sticky bomb at the master thief who moved out of the way, causing the explosive to land right by Tawny; she gasped upon seeing it. Little time passed before the disguised Naruto got up and made a beeline for the reporter then he tackled her away to safety just before the grenade went off.

She found herself in his arms like a bride and quickly realized it, "Oh my."

He looks at her, "You okay?"

A blush crept upon Tawny's cheeks, "Yeah."

Back with the Joker, he quickly retrieves his gun, "Fuck this."

He soon spots Robin, who was trying to get out of his bonds, and he grins as a thought came to his mind; he goes over to the tied-up Boy Wonder, laughing evilly.


Wonder Woman, having a lazy day in her apartment, watches the Clown Prince of Crime pick up Robin and drape him over his shoulder; she was obviously shocked at the events taking place.


Joker takes out a couple of active putty grenades and throws them at the wall, blowing it up and creating a large hole. Batman was still trying to get Harley to release him as Ivy loomed in the back and ready to use some vines for an attack when he heard the explosion and saw what was happening.

"Robin!" he shouted.

"If you want to see the Boy Wonder alive again, you better start showing up to my cool crimes," the psychopathic clown made his escape through the hole with his young hostage.

The Dark Knight grabbed Harley and threw her into Ivy before giving chase to save his ward. Red X ran over to his ladies to make sure they were okay; they were despite some cuts and bruises then he proceeded to help them up.

"Oh! What a show, folks!" chuckled Tawny to the camera.

"Well I am spent," said Clayface as he, Dr. Psycho, and King Shark got up to leave.

"Well stay tuned 'cause up next, we're bringing out those rescued ferrets," said the reporter as a picture of the box of ferrets came on the set's screen.

"Ooh! I wanna squeeze one!" squealed Harley upon seeing them.

"Nope. Come on, we're leaving," Ivy started dragging her away.

"Right behind ya," said Red X, following them.

He barely took five steps when Tawny came over, "Thanks again for saving me. But if you have five minutes for some quick words-"

"Again, I don't do interviews," he proceeded to walk away, leaving her with a pout on her face.

"Reporters can be such a drag . . . " the master thief muttered to himself.

He soon realized what he just said and thought to himself, 'Shit, I sounded like Shikamaru.'

It was not long before her heard Kurama's booming laughter in his head.

-(Back at Poison Ivy's apartment)-

Harley was sulking on the couch with Red X sitting next to her as they re-watched the newest episode of Tawny! that featured them.

"Well, that was a shit show," said Ivy as she came and sat at Harley's other side.

"Yeah but it was a fun show. Except for Batman kickin' my ass on live TV," said the blonde as she watched a scene of Batman uppercutting her and sending her flying.

"Not to mention the fact you almost got a kid killed, ya know," said the master thief.

"That was an accident!" she defended herself.

He facepalmed and sighed, "Jesus Christ, Harley . . . "

His blonde girlfriend just pouted.

Ivy decided to cheer her up a little, "At least you got a swag bag out of this whole mess, right?"

She picked up a small gift bag with the show's logo on it and rummaged through it before pulling out a bottle.

"Ooh! Look at this. Organic shampoo," she got a closer look at the label, "Ugh! It says 'for fine to normal hair'. Dammit."

She tossed the shampoo aside then Harley said, "I can't believe after all this, I still don't have a nemesis."

"I don't know. You might be on Batman's list now for almost killing Robin," said her boyfriend.

"But you know what? You can't force it. I mean, there's someone out there just for you," said Ivy.

Her best friend sighed loudly before she kept speaking, "Do the crimes that make you happy and the rest will come. JKH, right? Just keep heisting."

"JK's already a thing! You add a 'H' to it, and I don't know what that is," said Dr. Psycho, using his powers to vacuum the furniture.

"It's muddled," added Clayface as he swept the floor.

"Yeah, I'm not here to workshop this," Ivy said to them.

"But Ivy does have a point. I mean I have made a lot of enemies over the past ten years. Just by doing my thing. A lot of them have sworn revenge and some have even tried before I hunted them," said Red X.

"There you go, Harls. Prime example."

Harley sighed slightly, "Okay, I get it."

"Good. At least some of my advice got through to that thick skull of yours," chuckled the eco-terrorist.

Her joke even got the lady clown and master thief to laugh a little.

"Okay, I deserved that one," the blonde grinned.

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"Thanks for always givin' me great advice, Ive. Even if I don't always use it."

"You actually never use it."

"But I love never usin' your advice more than anyone else's advice I never use. Also, listen, I am very sorry for the way me and my crew have been treatin' your place. That changes today," Harley declared.

King Shark came over with a washcloth, some cleaning spray, and a friendly grin, "Yes. We promise to keep your apartment much cleaner."

His words confused Ivy, "Wait, why is he cleaning? Did you add that giant shark to your crew?"

"Actually, I'm a normal-sized shark but I suppose I am large for a man. And yes, I'm in the crew. It's just nice to be on a schedule," he answered before laughing and returning to his cleaning duties.

"Yeah, you saw what he can do when he flips out. I mean, how am I gonna say 'no' to that? Plus, he does computer good," said Harley.

Red X nodded, "It's true. You always need a computer expert on your team."

The blonde with the pigtails smirked, "Damn right. This guy gets it."

"One more thing Harley – I think it's time to up your game."

"Huh? What do ya mean?"

"I mean I think it's time for you to learn how to fight."

"Um sweetie . . . I already know how to fight."

"No, I mean real fighting. With actual technique and precision. And I can teach you. Plus you are gonna need it if you're going to start butting heads with the likes of Batman and others."

"You think so?" Harley was a little intrigued.

"Yep," Red X held up his hands, "You see these hands? These are not just tools of pleasure. They are also dangerous weapons. Even without these gauntlets."

He presented his right thumb, "I once killed a man using only this thumb."

His blonde girlfriend stared at the appendage with shock and admiration before grinning, "When can we start?"

Before her boyfriend could give an answer, the door to the apartment opened and revealed an angry-looking Sy.

He wheeled his way inside as his robotic arm held up a note that read 'Eviction Notice' in big red letters, "That's it! You're outta here!"

Ivy goes over to ask what he was talking about but he just gives her the paper, "This is a formal eviction notice."

She gave it a quick glance then asks, "You're evicting me? On what grounds?"

"Your lease says 'no pets'," he points at King Shark, "Him!"

"Well, that's racist. O-or at the very least xenophobic," protested the shark-man.

"Xeno who? The bikini broad with the sword as big as she is? I love her!" Sy glares at the eco-terrorist, "But the shark's been coming in here all week."

"Please, Sy. I love this apartment more than anything. I-I'll kick them out. I'll kick all of them out," begged Ivy, hoping to reason with the old man.

"'All'? I don't even live here," muttered Red X.

"Too late! You're evicted, honey!" Sy leaves the apartment after putting his foot down.

Harley decides to try and cheer up her best friend, "Hey! At least you don't have to keep cleaning up after us anymore, right? 'Cause you know, let's be honest, it was really only gonna get worse."

Ivy growled then slammed the door shut, causing the coffee table to shatter and spook the others.

She takes a deep breath, "We can split that one."

"Sounds fair," said the blonde in a small voice.

"So . . . would now be a bad time to tell you my good news?" asked Red X.

His redhead lover answered, "You know what? Tell us. I could really use some good news right now."

"Okay," he quickly clears his throat, "I'm moving back to Gotham."

"What?" the ladies asked in unison.

"Oh fuck no!" complained Dr. Psycho.

"That's right. I talked it over with my superiors and they are currently looking at a place in downtown Gotham for me. I should be moved-in in a couple of days," said the master thief.

"Are you seriously?" asks Ivy with a grin.

"I'm dead serious. This means no more lengthy drives to Metropolis and back. Instead, we'll only be ten to fifteen minutes away from each other."

"Oh my god, baby! That's so fuckin' awesome!" Harley rushes over and gives him a big hug.

Ivy comes over and smirks, "Well I know where me and Harley are moving into."

"What about us?" complains Psycho for the rest of them.

"Relax Psycho, crews stick together. Ivy was just joking," the aspiring supervillainess reassured her crew and looked over at her best friend, "Right, Ive?"

The redhead forces herself to smile a little, "Right . . . joking. I was joking."

Red X chuckles a little.

-(The Batcave)-

Robin was sitting at the Bat Computer, playing a game on his cellphone when Batman came around the corner with a plate in his hands.

"Damien, I made your favorite," he showed the boy a grilled cheese sandwich with a toasted 'R' on the top bread slice.

"You didn't make that, Alfred made that," the Boy Wonder said in a hushed voice before turning away from his father.

"I made him make it," replied Batman, trying to save a little face.

He set the plate down, went over to his son, and turned him around so they could talk.

"Are you mad because I had to save you from Joker?"

"No, I'm livid because everyone in Teen Titans is getting a nemesis, except me," said Robin, crossing his arms in disappointment.

The Dark Knight sighs then speaks, "I'm gonna say something embarrassing here. I didn't have a nemesis until . . . my late twenties."

"Don't patronize me, Father. It's unbecoming."

"It's true. I wasn't ready for one. You want your first nemesis to be special. Someone who you could see being your nemesis for the rest of your life."

"I suppose you're right, Father . . . when can I start having sex?"

"I think I hear the Bat Signal," Batman quickly pulls out his grappling hook, shoots and latches it onto something, and zips away like a bat out of Hell.


And that's it! I hope you enjoyed it!

'Finding Mr. Right' is one of my favorite episodes of 'Harley Quinn' so I tried to do it as much justice as possible. Also, I want to apologize for the overuse of lines. The document manager does not exactly give me complete creative freedom.