It's finally here! The fifth chapter of 'Harley Quinn's Red Mark'!

I'm sorry this is so late but I hope you enjoy it either way.


Chapter 5: Being Harley Quinn

"Please! Please don't! Come on, I got a family!" begged the man dangling above the bubbling lava within the mouth of a skull-faced volcano.

Holding him by the ankle was a medieval-styled executioner who ignored the poor guy's pleas and dropped him in before waving at the blonde woman with Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Red X on the ground below.

"Now that's just a staging kill but if volcano sacrifices is your thing, this is the lair for you," said the woman as the man who was suppose to be dead stood up next to his supposed killer.

Her name was Kathy and she was the villains' lair real estate agent Harley and Ivy hired to help them look for a new place to live after Sy evicted them; Red X was there for support.

The aspiring villainess liked this location, "I'll take it!"

"Great! I'll draw up the papers-" Kathy started reaching for her purse until her client spoke again.

"Aah . . . you know, on the other hand, is the giant skull a bit too flashy for my brand?"

"Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything but since you did, I gotta admit this place doesn't seem like you. It seems like it would belong to someone trying to kill Jonny Quest or sacrifice ladies to King Kong," said Red X.

Harley looked at the volcano again, "Oh yeah, I see what you're saying now."

"Can we see some other options?" Ivy asked the now disappointed lair agent.

-(One hour later)-

"You'll love this one. A short getaway from all the major banks," pitched Kathy as she and the dating trio stood in a small area of a local park.

"Sounds like a dream," grinned Harley as she looked around for a building, "Where is it?"

"You're standing on it. An intricate system of tunnels carved by The Mole."

"I mean, hey, I love it, but am I really going for a 'mole lady' vibe?"

A rumbling soon came from underneath them before a large hole appeared right behind Red X who jumped away to avoid falling in; he and his ladies leaned over and looked inside to only see darkness.

"Oh wow, nothing says badass like having your ceiling come down on your head at any time," he said sarcastically.

Ivy sighs, "Ah, okay. Next!"

-(Another hour later)-

They were now inside a pizza restaurant with a video game arcade and a stage with animatronic characters; it was also covered in snow and ice.

"The last tenant, Mr. Freeze, did a number on the place but the castle is perfect for entertaining," said Kathy.

Harley and Ivy shivered as they huddled close to Red X for warmth and he had his cape wrapped around them to help in that.

"Hmmm, not sure my nips and her buds can handle this cold," said the pale-skinned beauty.

Their villain's real estate agent sighed and glared at her, "You've seen six lairs."

"Okay, thank you. Let's just discuss this out of the cold," suggested Ivy before things got too heated between those two.

-(Later at Poison Ivy's soon-to-be-former apartment)-

The four of them were sitting in the living room where Kathy was talking, "A supervillain's lair is a reflection of who they really are. So . . . who is Harley Quinn?"

Harley started thinking, "That's a hard question to ans-"

"Harls, you got us uniforms?" asked a grinning King Shark after entering the room and peeking into an open box.

He reached in and pulled out a black t-shirt with big red letters on the front that spelled out 'Suicide Squad' except the 'q' was a skull.

This excited the shark-man, "Ooh! Suicide Squad? Is that our name?"

Harley looked at the shirt in annoyance, "Ugh, it's a group that keeps trying to get me to join."

"Don't join. The dental is great but the job is total bullshit," said Red X.

His girlfriends looked at him in curiosity, which he noticed then muttered, "Don't ask."

It was then Dr. Psycho and Clayface came into the room with the former saying to the latter, "I don't want to run lines with you."

"Good! Because I despise that phrase. People run marathons, not lines. Actors exchanges truths!" said the shapeshifter.

"Look what Harley got us," King Shark, now wearing a Suicide Squad t-shirt over his hoodie, came over and put one on Psycho then Clayface.

The diminutive telepath was wrestling with the new article of clothing, "Ah! Ah! Come on!"

Harley just sighed at the antics of her crew before the door opened and revealed Sy, "Ivy, you're evicted! You and the circus act here need to move out faster than sauerkraut through my lower intestine."

Ivy came over to deal with the old man before King Shark came up from behind and put a Suicide Squad t-shirt on her.

"Yes, Sy! We're leaving in a minute," she replied to her former landlord.

"Good. I'm showing the place to-" she shut the door on him then he shouted, "That just cost you your security deposit!"

Back in the living room, Kathy saw things were a bit hectic and stood up.

"You know what, why don't I come back another time?" she suggested.

"No, sorry, sorry, don't go. Don't go," begged Harley as King Shark came over and slipped a t-shirt on her then she sighed, "It's just Joker made the big decisions."

Ivy sits back down next to Harley, "Okay, how about we ask you some questions and maybe that'll help?"

"Worth a shot," the lair agent sat back down, "Why did you first become a villain?"

Harley started to answer, "Well, you know, it's because . . . "

"There you go. You know this answer," said her best friend.

"Uh, well . . . "

"You know this."

Everyone waited to hear her answer while off to the side, Red X let King Shark slip a Suicide Squad t-shirt on him.

Harley finally gave an answer, "I guess . . . I don't know."

Ivy sighed and facepalmed, "Oh my God."

Red X heard that too and did the same thing.

Kathy tried a different question, "What villain do you most admire?"

"I don't know!" the lady clown answered in an irritated tone and got off the couch.

"Harley!" Ivy could sense her friend was getting upset.

The lair agent asked a third question, "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"I don't know!" shouted a now-frustrated Harley, turning her back to them.

Kathy was getting the same way and stood up, "Harley! I can't help you until you tell me who you are!"

The aspiring villainess finally blew her stack, "I don't know! I don't know! I don't KNOW-"

Her bones cracked and she suddenly froze in place, scaring everyone in the room.

Red X and Ivy went over to her with the former looking her frozen friend in her still eyes, "Oh, shit. Harley?"

She waved her hand in front of her face, "Honey, can you hear me?"

Their shared boyfriend snapped his fingers at the beauty with the bleached skin, "Harley? Babe? Hello?"

It was at this time Dr. Psycho finally got his head free though his t-shirt was backwards.

This gave him a chance to read the shirt's tag, "'Dry clean only'? Fuck this."

He soon noticed the situation, "Okay, who broke Harley?"

Ivy turned to Kathy, "Uh Kathy, maybe you should go. But we'll call you if we need anything."

"Yes. Of course. You have my card, just call me," the still-frightened agent gathered her things and left the apartment in a hurry.

In truth, no one in that room could blame her for wanting to get out of there.

The eco-terrorist returned her attention to her best friend, "Harley, are you in there? Dude?"

Suddenly, King Shark came over and wrapped his mouth around Harley's entire head.

Psycho laughed while Ivy stepped back and shouted, "Whoa! Stop!"

"Unmouth her, fiend!" demanded Clayface.

"That is not a snack!" cried out Red X.

The shark-men took his mouth off the pale-skinned blonde and explained himself, "I was just trying to give her CPR."

"Who told you to do it like that? A fucking basking shark?" asked the annoyed master thief, combing some shark spit out of his frozen girlfriend's hair.

"Actually, it was bull shark," grinned King.

Ivy came over and gently shook Harley, "Harley! Snap out of it! Come on!"

"Let me try something," Red X goes behind the still blonde and delivers a quick slap to her butt.

His redhead lover looked at him with a deadpan expression, "Dude, seriously?"

He shrugged, "It usually works."

"Ah, no response to physical stimuli. It's probably a level-four brain freeze," said Dr. Psycho.

"That's a thing?"

"Oh yeah. Just pray ya never see a level-five. It's not a pretty sight."

"Okay. Everyone, shut up for a second," said Ivy then she turned to the telepath, "Psycho, can you fix her? Like, go in her brain and do the fucking thing."

"That sounds like something a doctor could do. But not someone you just referred to as 'Psycho'," he replied.

"Ugh, fine, Dr. Psycho!"

"Yes?" Psycho exclaimed with a shit-eating grin.

"Can you fix her?"

"Can I fix her?" the telepath laughs like he just heard a joke, "Of course I can fix her!"

He walks over to Harley, "I'm just gonna slip inside her brain, do my thing, wham-bam, thank you ma'am, and I'm done in-a two minutes."

It basically sounded like he was planning on having a disgusting quickie and the others picked up on that tone, especially Ivy and Red X.

"Oh, fucking gross!" said the redhead then she and her boyfriend pushed Psycho away from their blonde companion, "You think we're gonna let you creep around Harley's head without us, you perv?"

"Yes, perv!" agreed Clayface.

"You're the perv!" the telepath pointed at the shapeshifter before pointing at the master thief, "Also, he's the man-whore here! If anyone's a perv, it's him!"

"Well that was just unnecessary," muttered Red X.

"Though he might have a point," said Ivy.

Dr. Psycho resumed speaking, "But! As a professional, I will tell you to prepare because this is serious, meticulous, neuron processing we're about to undertake. Now, everyone hold hands and squeeze your butt cheeks together. And I'm very serious about that last part."

They soon gathered in a circle around the still-frozen Harley as the disguised Naruto made contact with Kurama, 'Hey partner, mind looking after the place until I come back?'

'Very well . . . though I think you should just leave the whore clown to her fate,' growled the nine-tailed fox.

'Kurama.'

'Fine. Good luck in bringing her back,' his internal partner forced himself to say.

'Thank you. See you in a bit.'

Red X stood in between Poison Ivy and King Shark, joining his hands with theirs as the rest of them did the same to each other while circling Harley; they also squeezed their butt cheeks together as previously instructed. Dr. Psycho soon shouted and used his mental powers to connect to Harley's mind before connecting to the others' then their psyches entered the head of the aspiring supervillainess. The five mindless bodies and the still-frozen blonde fell down but after a second, Red X's eyes suddenly opened and he slowly stood back up with a groan and a growl.

He took off his helmet and sighed; he looked a little different than usual with the whisker marks on his face being a bit thicker and his eyes now red with vertical pupils.

"That's better," said the deep voice of Kurama.

He placed the helmet on the couch and started doing some minor stretching, "It's been a while since I was in charge of a real body. I've almost forgotten what it felt like to be made of actual flesh. It's restricting."

It was now apparent that this was indeed Kurama the nine-tailed fox and he was now in possession of Naruto's body.

"Guess I better watch over these guys."

The fox quickly noticed Harley's still-frozen form and a wicked idea came to his mind as a mischievous grin appeared on his face; he reached into the X-Belt and pulled out a black marker. He went over to the unconscious lady clown before drawing something on her forehead and stepping back to admire his work, laughing the whole time.

"I wonder what they got to eat around here," Kurama thought aloud then went into the kitchen.

-(Harley's brain)-

The group of five screamed as they flew through a multicolored tunnel but their journey ended with them falling through a pair of double doors and into a white room.

Ivy sat up and said, "Whoa! Everybody okay?"

Red X stood up but was a bit wobbly from the trip, "Wow! What a rush! Let's do it again."

He helped his redhead lady to her feet as the others got up then she noticed Dr. Psycho was nowhere in sight, "Where's Psycho?"

Grunting sounds soon came from Clayface's stomach and the aforementioned telepath burst out like a Chestburster from Alien.

"Dr. Psycho!" he sneered, correcting Ivy.

"What an ugly baby I have birthed," stated the shapeshifter.

"Yep, it'll be hard to find someone who would adopt that face," joked Red X, getting a snort from Ivy.

"Ha ha ha, very funny. How about a little help, dipshits?" growled Psycho as he struggled to removed himself from the blob of clay.

"Okay, okay, you angry little goblin," chuckled the master thief and assassin.

He came over and grabbed Psycho's arms then started pulling.

"Does Clayface taste like fudge?" King Shark asked the telepath in a gleeful manner, "In my dreams, he does."

Red X finally got Psycho free and set him down then everyone started looking at their surroundings to find pictures featuring scenes from Harley's life guarded by velvet rope barriers and glass cases housing objects connected to her.

"Huh, it's different than I thought it would be," said Red X.

"Yeah, Harley's brain is much cleaner and less Harley-ish than I would have imagined," agreed Ivy.

"I know! I know. Because this is her Museum of Memories," Dr. Psycho responded with a grin, showing them a sign that read 'Museum of Memories' over a doorway.

"Oh, that makes a lot more sense," said X.

"Aww! Look," King Shark pointed at a picture in the next room.

They went over and saw it was a portrait of Harley as a kid and playing in the kitchen with a pair of dolls, one a man and the other a woman; the picture was labeled 'Happiest Moment'.

As the group got closer, the portrait started to move and speak with the blonde child imitating the female doll, "You came home late again, Nick. Smelling of alcohol and whore."

She now started speaking for the male doll, "She's just a friend from work. Stop breathing down my neck, Sharon."

She went back to being the lady doll, "Can't breathe down what's not there, you cocksucker!"

The young Harley grabbed a nearby cleaver and chopped off the male doll's head, shocking Clayface and King Shark while Ivy and X just took it in stride.

"Mamma mia!" laughed Psycho, impressed by the little girl's bloodlust.

"It's pretty good scene work for a six-year-old," said the clay shapeshifter before they all moved onto another memory portrait.

This one was of Harley now in her late teens and dressed in red and black graduation attire, standing behind a podium and giving a speech to a large crowd.

The memory started to play, "I am honored to be the valedictorian and I just want to thank absolutely no one. Fuck all of ya!"

She flipped the crowd the deuces then continued speaking, "Fuck the principal. Fuck the shop teacher that looks at my ass every time I walk out of class. Yeah, I see you."

People were shocked and disgusted at the aforementioned teacher who looked like the cat that just ate the canary.

"Have a great fucking summer!" said the teenage Harley, tossing off her graduate cap as the crowd murmured.

"I basically gave the same speech at my sister's wedding," said Dr. Psycho as the group walked away from the memory.

Another memory soon caught King Shark's eye and he called out, "Hey! X is in that one."

He pointed at another memory portrait and Red X was indeed in it; curiosity grabbed the group and they went over. As they got closer, they could see the full picture of the aforementioned master thief standing in front of Harley when she was still a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum and both were in her old office.

The Harleen in the picture spoke, "I'm just saying that we need to be careful from now on. We almost got caught."

"Not my fault, you were the one screaming," chuckled the assassin in the memory, leaning closer to the doctor.

"But you were the one making me scream," she smirked.

His face got close to hers, "Yeah, I was."

The section over his mouth opened up and they shared a quick kiss before Red X started kissing her neck, getting a couple of moans from her.

His mouth was recovered then he spoke in a hushed voice, "I bet Joker doesn't make you scream like that."

"Now, now, there's no need to compare," said Dr. Quinzel.

"Well I must be good. Or else you wouldn't still be seeing me behind that clown's back."

The psychiatrist smirked then her secret lover wrapped an arm around her and lowered her backwards onto her desk.

"We really shouldn't," she coyly smiled.

Red X removed his belt, "Don't worry. We'll try something a little different."

She watched in excitement as he pushed her skirt up to expose her rather sexy black panties and was about to pull them off when the real Red X called out, "Okay, that's enough."

He started pushing the other guys away as Dr. Psycho protested, "Ah c'mon, it was getting good!"

"You heard the man. Move it!" Ivy helped in making them move then she muttered under her breath, "Though I might need a cold shower later."

The eco-terrorist and her boyfriend had just pushed the others into the next room when something caught her eye and she called out, "Hey! Look!"

Everyone followed her gaze and saw Harley sitting on a black bench, looking at a memory portrait.

They went over to her as Ivy and Red X called out, "Harley!/Harley!"

The beauty with the bleached skin turned around, "Oh hey, guys. What's up?"

Seeing her confused King Shark, "Wait, how can Harley be in here if we're in Harley, and if Harley is-"

"Yeah, I wouldn't think too hard about brain logic for the next 20 minutes," suggested Harley.

"Agreed," Red X knew exactly what she was talking about.

"We're just here to give your brain a hard reboot," explained Dr. Psycho.

He quickly noticed King going over to a glass case containing the two dolls and meat cleaver and was about to touch it then the telepath rushed over and slapped his hand away.

"Ow!" yelped the shark-man.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, listen up! While I find the switch, you all follow hooker rules," commanded Psycho.

"No kissing on the mouth?" asked Ivy.

"I'm sorry. Stripper rules. Look but don't touch. The brain will protect itself if it feels threatened," the telepath goes to find the alleged switch.

"'Look but don't touch'? That doesn't sound right," muttered a confused Red X.

As everyone else starts to look around the museum, he and Ivy are led away by Harley, "Hey, guys, I think there's something really screwed up about me."

"I want to say this in just the most loving way, but there's no way that this is just occurring to you now?" the redhead asked in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"No, I mean, screwed up on top of the regular screwed up. And why can't I make a decision?"

"Well it's like you said before, Joker made all the big decisions. You didn't have to, all you had to do was swing the giant mallet and break bones," said their shared boyfriend.

"Well whatever the reason, we're in your mind right now. If the answer is anywhere, it has to be in here," said Ivy.

"Maybe the problem's in the shape of a jukebox and we can just pull a Fonz."

Harley snorted, "'A Fonz'? Just how old are you?"

"What? I can't appreciate shows and characters from the 70s?"

"Okay but if you start doing that 'Ayyy' thing, I'm dumping your ass," joked Ivy.

"Maybe I should during sex just to annoy the shit out of you," he joked back.

His redhead lady smirked and rolled her eyes when Harley called out, "Oh, I remember this!"

She leads them over to another memory portrait featuring her as her former self with Joker and they are standing on a walkway above a vat of green acid.

"It's when that bleached asshole pushed me and bleached mine."

Red X just narrowed his eyes at the portrait before moving on as the pale-skinned babe exclaimed, "Look! Look!"

The memory started to play but before anything could happen, it glitched and changed to Harleen Quinzel falling into the acid.

"Hey, it glitched and skipped over Joker pushing me," the memory replayed and the same thing happened, "Wha-it did it again. Did you see that?"

Ivy indeed saw that, "Whoa, that's weird. It's like a piece of your memory is missing."

"Ive, this is my origin story. It says so right here," Harley points to the accompanying plaque then turned back to the memory, "Look, your origin story's how you become who you are. If it's screwed up, no surprise I am. Ugh, let me see this."

She hops over the velvet rope barrier at the same time Dr. Psycho, in another room, finds the Brain Manual Override switch.

"Ha! Reboot time~," he said in a singsong voice.

Back with the ladies, Ivy was trying to talk Harley out of her idea, "Um, I, uh, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't-"

It was too late; the blonde with the pigtails reached her hand into the memory and caused a security alarm to blare out and the white walls to turn red.

The override switch disappeared and Psycho growled, "No one listens to me!"

He quickly joins the others as they were gathered together again due to hearing the siren.

"Who touched something?! Who did it? Was I not clear about the stripper rules?!" shouted the telepath.

"I was just trying to touch myself. That is a stripper rule," answered Harley.

"You triggered a brain lockdown! We need to get out of here before-" he looked towards the exit doors as they vanished, "Ah! Before that happens. Now we're trapped."

-(Back in the real world)-

Kurama, still possessing Naruto's body, was lounging in the living room of the apartment while eating some potato chips and drinking a soda as the bodies of Harley and the others still lay where they fell. He was also watching a movie on television; the feature in question was an old Godzilla movie entitled Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster.

"Tch, I can't believe he's considered to be king of the monsters. Shit, I bet I can beat him without breaking a sweat," sneered the nine-tailed fox, watching the mutated dinosaur fight a three-headed dragon.

He took a sip of his soda until he felt a subtle pressure in his lower stomach and knew what it meant.

He stood up, "The best thing about being a creature made of chakra is the lack of bathroom trips."

Forced to answer the call of nature, Kurama went into the bathroom and barely a few seconds passed before the front door slid open and in came Sy followed by a married couple and their baby in a stroller.

"Now, this apartment's a beaut. It's got a lot of light, perfect place for a fami-Jesus Christ!" he saw the bodies lying about in the living room.

The old man turned back to his possible new tenants, "Alright, this place isn't ready. You'll come back tomorrow. Tomorrow."

The pair was stunned by the sight and not moving so Sy yelled, "Why aren't you moving? Tomorrow, get out! Get out!"

He managed to usher them out though they left their child behind in the hurry.

"You forgot the baby!" Sy pushed the stroller out the door, waking the baby and making it cry before shutting the door.

His mechanical leg opened up to reveal a red phone inside; he grabbed and pulled out the receiver.

"Alright, let's see now. Let's see. Why do they print the numbers so small?" he mumbled to himself as he pushed in a number.

He held it up to his ear and soon got an answer, "Black Mamba, this is Gerbil. It happened again."

-(Harley's mind)-

"No, no, no, no. The fuck? Are we trapped in here?" Ivy growled at Dr. Psycho, "You need to tell me right now if we're trapped in here! 'Cause I'm gonna freak the fuck out! What's gonna happen to my plants, man?"

"Girl, we need to get you friends," added King Shark.

"'Oh, we wanna come with you. We're afraid you're gonna mind molest her!'" the telepath mocked them then he snarled, "Now who's the mind molesters? You! You are the mind molesters!"

He went on to rant when King heard the sound of a child crying then he looked over and saw a child-version of Harley sobbing sadly.

The kindhearted shark-man went over to her and knelt down to her, "Aww, are you lost, little girl?"

She looked up at him with teary eyes and nodded then he put on a sweet smile and wiped away some of her tears before taking her hand, "No need for tears, munchkin. I'll help you find your way."

The child smiled happily before her eyes glowed a demonic yellow, her teeth became sharp, and she let out an animalistic snarl; she grabbed his arm and slammed him into the floor repeatedly.

"Ow! Oh! Oh!" King yelped in pain then his tiny attacker threw him down, climbed on top of him, and started pummeling his face, "Get off me! Oh, stop! This small child is killing me!"

His pint-sized attacker was about to continue the beating until she was kicked off of him by Harley and sent flying into a nearby wall then fell to the floor in a twisted heap.

The others arrived when King Shark asked Harley, "Why did that sweet little you attack me?"

"Oh, yeah, I wasn't sweet at that age. Or any age, really. But yeah, I was a total shit back then," she answered.

"Shit," muttered the disguised Naruto, thinking she would have been one hell of a newbie genin back in his homeworld.

Psycho quickly spoke, "And that is exactly why the brain sent it. It thinks we're intruders. And yes, if we die in Harley's mind, we die in real life!"

"Ooh, Nightmare on Elm Street rules," said Clayface.

As they spoke, the mangled Little Harley managed to reset its twisted body back to normal and stand up before pointing at the intruders and letting out a horrific scream as more Little Harleys started appearing.

"Do you have any insights on what we should do here?" the telepath asked his boss as the brain's new security guards started closing in.

Harley quickly answered, "Run!"

"Yeah, that's what I was gonna say!" agreed Psycho.

"Exit with alacrity!" advised his shapeshifter comrade then the whole group ran for their lives with the Little Harleys chasing after them.

They were pursued through the halls until another group of their pint-sized enemies blocked off their escape.

"Harleys, this is Harley! Stop!" the pale-skinned beauty tried to get through to them.

It did not work as one of them leapt at the group but King Shark intervened and bit her in half before the group split up and ran. The upper half of the kid latched onto the shark-man's leg and he had to kick her off, whispering an apology to her.

A Little Harley was pursuing Ivy when it leapt for her but was grabbed by the leg and thrown into a wall by Red X, "Back off!"

The master thief followed his redhead lover while Dr. Psycho was dealing with two Little Harleys that lunged at him; he quickly used his mental powers to slam them into each other. The end result turned out to be some kind of nightmarish pair of conjoined twins from a horror movie.

"God, I hate brain physics," he snarled before making a run for it.

The real Harley was being chased by two demonic manifestations of her younger self when she skidded to a halt in front of a memory portrait and grabbed one of the poles from the velvet barrier.

She held it like a baseball bat then grinned at the Little Harleys, "Hey, quit it and I'll tell you where Mom hides the makeup."

The short-statured psychos looked at each other for a second then lunged at the blonde adult who immediately batted one away and smacked the other into the floor.

"Dammit! I was sure that was gonna work," she said.

Dr. Psycho called out, "Come on! Stop fucking around and follow me! We got an elevator."

There was indeed an elevator and he quickly led everyone into it as the Little Harleys kept chasing after the supposed intruders; one of the vicious kids leapt towards them but the doors closed in time to decapitate her.

The group watched the head roll on the floor then Red X sighed, "Honestly, not my worst experience with kids."

"No offense Harls but after seeing all that, it's, in a way, comforting to know that you've always been this fucked up," Ivy said to her best friend.

The blonde with the pigtails agreed, "Yeah, isn't it? You know, I'm starting to realize why my mother recycled so many wine bottles back then."

"Fun as this has been, let's get the fuck out of here, alright? There should be an emergency exit to the real world in Harley's subconscious somewhere, which I think is this button right here," Psycho went over to a button pad in the shape of Harley's brain.

He was trying to reach when the Little Harley head suddenly came back to life and bit King Shark on the leg, causing him to scream and thrash about in fright; he ended up backing his dorsal fin into a button on the pad.

The elevator started to move when the telepath growled, "Okay, your stupid fin hit the wrong button, dummy!"

"Do not fin shame me," King Shark retorted as Harley smashed the head of her younger self like a watermelon.

Their lift flew through Harley's brain and soon came to a stop; the doors opened and everyone was startled by the sight of a giant Sy and an unknown elderly woman in black looking down at them.

"He must have hit the button to the optic nerve," informed Dr. Psycho.

"Ooh, looking through the eyes of another. Now it appears we're playing by Being John Malkovich rules," said Clayface.

"Another suicide cult," said Sy from the real world, obviously referring to the 'Suicide Squad' t-shirts their bodies were still wearing.


"If word gets out, I'll never be able to rent this fakakta apartment," he said in a distressed tone.

The elderly lady, whose name was Golda, put on the latex gloves she brought with her, "So let's make sure it doesn't. Where's the bleach and the bone saw?"

"No, no time for that. And I'm not paying to re-carpet this place."

"So we call our explosives guy."

"He exploded."

"Well, I guess eventually, the worms will get us all."

"Oy," groaned Sy.

"Jesus. Why not burn down the place and take the insurance? A little Jewish lightning never hurt anyone," Golda suggested with a smirk.

An idea soon came to the old man's mind, "A fire. Brilliant! We'll burn the bodies in this old furnace I own!"

His suggestion got his lady cohort chuckling, "Oh, yes! There's the Sy who armed Bin Laden in the 80s. Let's do this."

She bent down to pick up Harley's body but was a bit disturbed by the open eyes.

"Close slutty Casper's eyes, will ya? Feels like she's watching me," she requested.

Sy smirked, "Sure thing, baby."

He closed Harley's eyes and they got to work in picking up the 'lifeless' forms but what they did not know was someone was eavesdropping on their conversation.


"'Slutty Casper'? Seriously? Now I'm some kind of whore ghost? I'm a fuckin' clown! A clown! Why is that so hard to understand?" Harley yelled angrily.

"Maybe your concept's too vague?" suggested Red X.

She groaned then Ivy spoke up, "I can't believe Sy used to be like a spy. He's so . . ."

"Gross. You're looking for gross," said the blonde with the pigtails.

"Yeah, that's it," nodded the redhead as the elevator doors closed.

King Shark asked, "What's 'Jewish lightning'?"

"Perhaps Black Lightning's Israeli cousin," Clayface suggested.

"Excuse me! But am I the only one who heard that they're gonna burn our fucking bodies?!" yelled Dr. Psycho.

"So stop yapping and do something!" Harley picked him up like if he were a child and held him to the button pad.

Despite how silly he looked, the telepath was able to push the correct button and the elevator flew downwards; they arrived at their destination.

"Harley, welcome to your subconscious," said Dr. Psycho as the doors opened.

What they saw was a grim-looking carnival filled with barkers . . . and they were all Joker and they all started doing their barking.

"Step right up."

"Guess your Wi-Fi password."

"Whack-an-insecurity."

"Try your hand at a game."

"Take your chance."

"Step right up."

The group walked through the carnival as Harley facepalmed and groaned in embarrassment, "Ugh, are you shitting me?"

"Yeah, this isn't awkward whatsoever," said Red X, sarcastically.

His blonde lover grew more embarrassed from hearing that.

Her redhead best friend spoke up next, "So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you're not totally over your ex-boyfriend yet. I mean, are you sure that this glitch is just in your origin story?"

Before Harley could answer, they found themselves in front of a Joker and his stand.

He grinned at the aspiring supervillainess, "Yes, you, young lady, the one with the smeared lipstick who is still clearly obsessed with me. Try your luck at a game of skill? Win Daddy's Love!"

The barker presented his game with the large heart-shaped sign that read 'Win Daddy's Love!'

The blonde with the pigtails responded, "Yeah, not gonna bother with that one."

"Oh, I know. It's rigged," added King Shark.

Dr. Psycho started leading them away, "Come on! Spread out and look for the emergency exit, all right? And stay focused!"

They barely took two steps when another Joker stepped out in front of them, "Step right up! Step right up! We have a new attraction."

He steps aside to reveal a black-colored building similar to a funhouse and it had hearts and kiss marks painted all over it; it also had a sign that read 'The Live XXX Show'.

"Come one, come all! To our new live sex show! Featuring the kinkiest fantasies! We got whips! We got hot wax! We got handcuffs! Come one, come all!" the barker soon laughed.

Everyone was stunned then Psycho said, "Could be in there."

"Oh fuck no!" yelled Harley.

"Yeah, we're leaving. Now," agreed Red X.

Before they could walk away, the horrifying scream of the Little Harleys rang out then they started appearing as the Jokers ran away in fear; the short-statured security guards spotted their targets and ran right for them.

"Yep, X is right. Time to leave," said the telepath quickly.

Everyone ran for their lives once again as they were pursued by the demonic versions of Harley's childhood self. One even tried pouncing upon Dr. Psycho but King Shark bit and threw her into a nearby wall though there were still more coming. The group had ran past a merry-go-round when Clayface got the idea to stretch his arms forward and grab two stands then knock them over once they passed by. This worked in stopping some of their pursuers except for the ones who jumped over the makeshift roadblock.

One Little Harley took to running along the underside of a roller coaster track and was catching up to Red X and the ladies. Harley soon noticed their tiny chaser and pushed Ivy and their shared boyfriend out of the way then booted her younger self away. They were about to move when a second small psychopath leapt down from above and bit into the side of X's neck; the Kevlar of his suit kept her from completely sinking her teeth into him but she still broke the skin.

"Ah!" he cried out in pain.

Both Ivy and Harley saw this and cried out, "X!"

"You fucking little spider monkey!" the thief and assassin growled before grabbing the pint-sized beast and throwing her into a nearby game stand.

"Move!" he commanded then the trio resumed running.

Harley looked at the blood on his neck, "Babe, you're bleeding!"

"Just a flesh wound. I'm fine."

She bore her teeth as they caught up with the others, "That's it! The only Harley allowed to bite my boyfriend is me!"

The aspiring supervillainess picks up a mallet from a strength tester then leads the group towards a swing ride that they all hopped and hung onto while the lady clown swung her new weapon at every nearby Little Harley.

"Ha!" smirked Harley.

Her boasting was cut short due to another child version of herself messing with the ride, causing it to break and crumble down. The villains and Red X pulled themselves out of the debris; everyone was unharmed but they saw a pack of Little Harleys creeping towards them.

Their backs were against a condemned building with a sign that appropriately said, 'Dead End' and Clayface exclaimed, "We're trapped!"

Red X stepped out in front of them and glared at their pursuers, "Good. I'm sick of running from these things."

He walked towards the Little Harleys as the real Harley called out, "What are you doin'?!"

"I'm gonna discipline these little brats," he answered.

The master thief and assassin made his way towards the little psycho children who looked at him like wolves hunting a small rabbit then he shouted at them, "Bring it!"

That was all the goading the brain's security needed to charge forth and pile onto him in no time.

Harley and Ivy tried to rush in to help but they were held back by Dr. Psycho using his mental powers, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you two doing?"

"We gotta help him!" answered the pale-skinned blonde.

"Leave him. He can handle himself. He's Red fucking X!"

"They'll kill him!" argued Ivy.

"Eh, then his death will be a sacrifice in our favor," shrugged the telepath.

Harley yelled, "That's fucked up, Psycho!"

Suddenly, the mangled and bloodied body of a Little Harley landed beside the group of villains and they shouted in surprise; Psycho even released the ladies from his mental hold.

"Holy shit!" cried out Harley.

"Well I'm traumatized now," said King Shark.

"See? This is what I was talking about! The guy's a fucking psychopath!" shouted Psycho.

The vicious shrieks of the Little Harleys captured the villains' attention; they looked to see Red X taking on the pint-sized beasts . . . and he was winning. He swung one of the demonic children around like a baseball bat and used her to bash his surrounding foes before pinning her to the floor and ripping her leg off. Harley and the others winced in fright when they saw the master thief and assassin shove the dismembered limb through the head of a brat trying to attack him.

Red X followed up by using his clawed gauntlets to dig his fingers into the midriff of a nearby Little Harley and rip out a handful of black goop and flesh before shoving her away. Another lunged at him but he caught and threw his attacker to the ground where he stomped on her neck so hard that he decapitated her; he proceeded to kick the head into the face of an oncoming Little Harley. Two more of them soon pounced onto his back and were about to bite him though he fell backwards and crushed their little bodies under his weight. He quickly got to his feet in time to see more of the vile little monsters charging at him yet he ran straight for them and right into the heart of the pack.

It was here he let loose punches and kicks left and right, using his clawed gauntlets to slash and slice, and made use of a multitude of martial arts to dispatch the Little Harleys. Off to the side, the group of villains watched the whole thing with wide and fixated eyes.

"So . . . should we still help?" asked Ivy.

"I-I-I-I want to . . . but I can't move or look away," answered a mesmerized Harley.

"Indeed. It's like a ballet with blood and gore. Beautiful yet bloody," said Clayface.

The villains watched as Red X grabbed a Little Harley by the back of the head and dunked her face into a pot of boiling oil on a fried dough stand; his short-statured foe struggled for a bit before going limp. Another one of the brain's security guards leapt onto his left shoulder before he grabbed her and swung her into the edge of game stand counter where her head split apart upon impact. A third Little Harley was about to attack when the master thief shoved both of his armored hands into her chest, held her up, and ripped her apart vertically.

Red X's suit was now covered in black goop; he looked around and saw the dead and mutilated bodies of the Little Harleys before he turned towards the group of villains who were shocked at the spectacle they just witnessed.

"What? They weren't real," said X as he went over to them, wiping some of the goop off his body.

"Still, that was horrifying," said King Shark.

"Yeah. And it was . . . FUCKIN' EPIC!" grinned Harley.

"Wait, what?" asked Ivy.

The blonde went over to her boyfriend and trailed a finger across his goop-covered chest, "Watchin' ya slaughter those little freaks was the most exciting thing I ever saw."

Needless to say, the lady clown was a bit horny right now.

She looked up at Red X, "Please tell me that's the kind of thing you do for work."

"Pretty much. Except these were evil constructs of your mind. And they had no bones. Or organs," he answered.

A loud and horrifying scream filled the air, startling everyone and it was the loudest they have ever heard so far.

"The fuck was that?" asked Ivy.

"Ah shit! Your fucking boyfriend upped the stakes! Because he wiped out those Harleys, the brain now believes it is in greater danger than it originally thought. So now, it's sending a larger amount of those things after us!" shouted Dr. Psycho.

"Oops," said Red X.

Harley gave him a kind smile and a pat on his shoulder, "Aww, it's okay, baby. I know you were just trying to help."

It was not long until the Little Harleys were showing up and like Psycho said, there were a lot more than before; the master thief and assassin was ready for another rumble.

"Our doom is approaching! What I wouldn't give for a deus ex machina right now!" cried out Clayface.

Suddenly, the door to the 'Dead End' building opened up behind them to reveal a cloaked figure.

"Follow me. I know the way," said the mystery person before retreating back inside.

"Sorry you didn't get that 'machina' you were talking about but at least that guy showed up out of nowhere to help us for no reason," grinned King Shark.

As the Little Harleys made their way over, the villains and Red X ran inside the building except for King who smashed through the wall instead of using the door. The group then burst out from a pair of double doors to the outside in time to see the unknown individual take down a large tarp and reveal a metal hatch with a sign that read, 'Emergency Exit' above it.

Dr. Psycho grinned, "Hey, hey, this is it! Thank you for helping us . . . whoever the fuck you are."

The person lowered their hood to reveal themselves to be a pre-teen Frankie Muniz.

"Oh my God! It's eleven year-old Frankie Muniz?" grinned Harley.

"Hi, Harley," smiled Frankie.

"He knows my name. I could die," she shook Ivy and Red X in excitement.

"Yeah, this isn't creepy," retorted Ivy sarcastically.

The child star shook his head, "No, it's not like that."

"Better not be," grunted X.

"No, no. I had a major crush on him when I was a kid," explained the blonde with the pigtails.

"Well, I guess that's different," shrugged the eco-terrorist and the master thief.

"Yeah, I was planning to kidnap him, marry him, then once we hit puberty, I was gonna tell him that I was taking birth control but then, like, not take it and I'd get pregnant with his kid."

"Mmm-hmm," nodded Frankie.

"And back to creepy," said Ivy.

"Yep," agreed Red X.

He was starting to think it was a blessing he had never met Harley when she was younger.

"I know what's going on here. He was Harley's first true love. So, some small, sane part of her brain sent her a vision of him to help us," explained Dr. Psycho.

"That's right," replied the child star then he turned to Harley, "Good luck, Harley. B.T.W, all those times you stared at my poster in your bedroom, I was staring back."

The aspiring supervillainess gained a huge grin, "I knew it!"

He put his hood back on, "Take care."

Frankie took his leave then Psycho said, "Let's go. There's two geriatrics trying to burn our bodies before NCIS comes on."

-(Back in the real world at an abandoned shopping mall)-

"You know, I forgot how much fun moving and destroying dead bodies is," grinned Sy as he and Golda threw King Shark, Clayface, and Poison Ivy down a flight of escalators.

"Nothing gets the heart racing like one that's stopped completely,'" chuckled his companion as she tossed down Dr. Psycho.

Sy laughed then sighed happily, "Ah, Golda. Do you ever regret not having spy kids together?"

"Nah. I have normal kids and normal grandkids. I lead a good normal life now, Sy," smiled Golda as they tossed down Harley Quinn's still-frozen form.

"Ah, well, what if it's not too late? Eh?" the old man grinned then pulled out his wallet and took out a card, "I still have my license to kill."

"That's your AARP card," said his lady friend.

"Oh," he looked at the card before putting it back, "Yeah, well, the kill thing is in here somewhere. I may be old, Golda, but there's nothing I can't handle."

Sy gave a lecherous chuckle as he pulled a giggling Golda onto his lap then they looked at the bodies below.

"Well, the neighborhood kids don't call me Old Scary Machine Man for nothing," he pushed a button on his left armrest.

"Now there's a monster for ya," chuckled Golda as a set of handlebars popped up behind Sy, as did a helicopter propeller that spun to life.

The old man grabbed the handles then started grunting and groaning as he worked to get his wheelchair airborne.

"Come on, get that piece of rust working," grumbled Golda.

It was not long before Sy was successful and they were slowly ascending into the air.

He cheered, "Booyah! Up! Up! And-"

The propeller slowed to a stop, "I'm out of diesel."

The geriatrics went crashing down and landed near their intended victims, surprisingly not hurt from the fall.

-(Back in Harley's mind)-

"Come on, come on. They're probably heating up the furnace right now," urged Dr. Psycho.

Harley was about to go down the hatch when a bright light fell upon the group and got their attention; they spied what appeared to be an island holding a grim-looking prison.

"Is that-?" she asked.

The telepath spoke, "Repressed Memory Island? Yeah. That's where you keep all your screwed-up memories. Trust me, you do not want to go anywhere near it."

The blonde climbed out of the hatch, "Ive, remember the glitch in my origin story?"

"Oh, so you think it's like a repressed memory or something?" Ivy caught on to what her friend was getting at.

"Right. And it's on that island."

"Oh, then we gotta go."

"And what did I just say about going to that island? We are all going to be burned to death if we don't leave your mind right now!" objected Psycho.

"Okay, fine. Then the rest of you guys go. I'm not leaving. In the real world, I'm still catatonic, drooling all over myself," Harley left the group to make her way towards Repressed Memory Island.

"Okay, she made her choice. Let's go," said the telepath.

He was about to crawl into the hatch when Ivy announced, "I'm going with Harley."

"Of course you are. She's your only friend," the annoyed little man glared at her.

"True. But that's only because she's one of the few people in this world I think is worth a shit," replied the eco-terrorist.

Red X stepped forward, "And obviously, I'm going too."

This just made Psycho angrier, "Oh fuckin' hell! And what's your excuse? Can't be a man-slut with only one girlfriend?"

"Okay, that's twice now. One more and I'm breaking your little arms," threatened X, "And I'm going after Harley because I actually love and care about her. Though I'm pretty sure the concept eludes an angry little munchkin like yourself."

Ivy tried to hold in a laugh as the telepath grumbled and growled about that 'munchkin' comment.

The redhead quickly calmed down and cleared her throat, "Plus, the rest of you owe it to Harley to help her."

She looked at Clayface, "Hey, Clayface, how many acting jobs did you get before Harley came along?"

"Well, I filled in for the dog that played Air Bud when he was run over . . . by me . . . on the second to the last day of shooting . . . you know what? I'm in," said the shapeshifter.

"And Psycho, who took you in when, literally, the worst people on the planet turned you away?" she asked the telepath.

"Fine! I'm in," he growled.

Ivy turned to King Shark, "And King Shark, let's all remember the time-"

"I'm in!" shouted the grinning shark-man.

"Oh thank God, 'cause I had nothing," she turned back to Psycho, "Alright, Doctor, help your patient."

"Alright, alright, alright, I got a plan," he said.


Harley walked down a dock, going towards Repressed Memory Island to figure out the glitch in her memory but she was unaware of the Little Harleys crawling underneath her as they said "We'll have fun!" and "Hey, come play with us."

It wasn't long before the demonic children burst their way topside and the real Harley was soon surrounded by the visions of her younger self as they kept saying "We'll have fun." and "Come play with us." as they moved in for the kill.

The lady clown tore a board from the dock and got ready for a fight, "If I go down, I'm taking all you little shits with me!"

Before a fight could break out, the sound of Dr. Psycho crying out "Whoa!" filled the air as he rolled down the pier like a thrown bowling ball. He collided with the Little Harleys and knocked them away like pins then the real Harley moved out of the way so the telepath could 'pick up the spare' and take out the rest.

He finally stopped rolling and yelled, "That was not the plan!"

The rest of the group arrived as Ivy said, "We got your back, Harls."

"Fuck yeah, we do," agreed Red X.

Harley smiled, "Aww, you guys."

Their happy moment left as the Little Harleys climbed back onto the dock and pushed their targets to the edge where it bordered shark-filled waters. The pint-sized nightmares out in front started shooting out their jaws like Xenomorphs, adding to their freakiness factor.

"We might be fucked. You guys totally should have left," said Harley.

"Fuck this. I killed 'em once and I can do it again," said Red X.

He was about to step forward when Clayface held his arm out and stopped him, "No. I know what needs to be done."

The shapeshifter turned to the lady clown, "Harley Quinn, it has been the utmost pleasure to serve in your company."

He walked over to the Little Harleys as his boss replied, "Clayface, no!"

The walking blob of clay transformed into the one thing he knew could pacify the evil girls – an 11-year old Frankie Muniz.

His plan worked as the Little Harleys quickly turned from vicious monsters into squealing fangirls as they cried out "I love you, Frankie!" and "Give me babies!"

"Well, hello. It is I, Frankie Muniz!" Clayface called out before he ran up the dock as his new admirers followed him.

"There goes the bravest blob of clay I have ever met," Red X said in a respectful tone.

"Ah, screw this. Now, how the hell are we gonna get to that island?" Dr. Psycho asked angrily.


Their dilemma was resolved thanks to King Shark carrying the rest of the group on his back across the water.

"I cannot believe this. I mean, it is just the most unlikely set of circumstances that would put me about 70% shark, in a situation that pretty much demands a mostly shark man," laughed the shark-man as he swam.

They soon reached Repressed Memory Island where King's passengers got off his back.

"We made it," cheered Harley as everyone gazed at the new destination.

"Not exactly a prime vacation destination. Unless you're Dracula or Frankenstein's monster," stated Red X.

Dr. Psycho started pulling on his collar and fanning his face, "Is it me or is it getting kind of warm around here?"

-(Back in the real world)-

Dr. Psycho's body was propped up against a brick oven in an old pizzeria within the mall as Golda was feeling the heat coming from the flames.

"Sy, the fire's good and hot," she reported.

Sy rolls over to her and grins, "Then what are we waiting for? Let's get to cremating!"

"Cremating!"

Before either of them could do anything, the geriatrics suddenly felt something sharp at each of their throats.

"Turn around. Slowly," said a deep voice behind them.

Sy and Golda did just that and were shocked to see that the mystery person was Red X; he was holding two small knives to their necks. This time, it was Kurama behind the mask and his natural voice coming through the vocal modifier made him sound quite terrifying.

"Ah shit, Red X," grumbled the old man.

"Hate to spoil your cremating fun but I cannot let it happen," said the disguised demon fox.

He was tempted to let them burn Harley to a crisp while sparing the others, especially Ivy, but he knew he would never hear the end of it from Naruto if that happened.

'Red X' looked at Golda, "I couldn't help overhearing how you have kids and grandkids. I get the sense you'd love to see them again after this."

She nodded in fear, "Yeah, I would. Very much."

"Then here's what is going to happen. I'm going to let you go and you are going to leave this place and forget you were ever here. Understand?"

"You got it. No problem," Golda answered immediately.

"Good," Kurama took the knife away from her neck, "Now go."

With a sigh of relief and great haste, the elderly lady left the pizzeria then exited the abandoned mall altogether.

'Red X' glared at Sy, "Now, old man, you and I are going to have a long talk."

The old man with the mechanical limbs could not help gulping in fear before giving a nervous smile.

-(Repressed Memory Island in Harley's mind)-

The group was inside and immediately noticed that the place had a familiar look to it.

"Why does it look like Arkham?" asked Harley.

Dr. Psycho answered, "Because your sick brain is trying to lock up memories so vile that you repress them, so do not look-okay, why do I even try?"

The rest of the group was crowding around a metal door as they slid open the little viewing window and peered inside to watch another memory from Harley's childhood.

"When's Daddy done with his business meeting?" the younger Harley asked her mother who was drinking a glass of wine.

The little girl watched in horror from the kitchen window as one guy held her father back while another slugged him in the face a few times, knocked him to the ground, then took all of the money in his wallet.

"That's enough," said Ivy.

"Yeah," Red X shut the window then they moved on.

They came upon another door, opened the little viewing window, and saw it was another memory from Harley's childhood with her sitting on her bed in her room.

She was reading a letter out loud, "'If you violate the restraining order again, Mr. Muniz will take legal action.'"

The little girl blew a kiss to the Frankie Muniz on her poster before crumpling up the note, "See ya soon, Frankie."

"So that's why I went to juvie," grinned the real Harley before they closed the window and continued their search.

They walked down the hall until Harley suddenly heard the oh-so familiar laugh of the Joker; she looked and saw it was coming from a door with yellow police tape across it and a large sign that said 'DON'T!'. They all go over it and the aspiring supervillainess rips away the warning and tape before opening the door to reveal another memory . . . and it was the exact one they were looking for. It was herself as Dr. Harleen Quinzel and she was with Joker, standing on a walkway over some acid vats inside Ace Chemicals.

"This is it!" cheered Harley as they gathered around to watch.

Red X, instead, looked away as the memory played out.

"Here we are, puddin'. Dive in as Harleen Quinzel and rise as Harley Quinn! My beautiful creation," said the Clown Prince of Crime.

"Okay, look, here it comes. Here's when that piece of shit pushes me in the acid," said Harley.

Nobody heard the quiet sigh her boyfriend gave off.

The Joker in the memory spoke again, "If you love me, then jump. And you'll be mine. Forever."

Dr. Quinzel smiled, "A dream come true, puddin'."

It looked like she was going to dive off the walkway and the real Harley was about to cry out when someone called out, "Harley, no!"

The group of villains and the Joker and Dr. Quinzel in the memory were surprised to see Red X drop down from above and land on the walkway.

"Red?" asked the psychiatrist upon seeing him.

Joker just sneered at the master thief and assassin, "Oh great, this guy."

The Harley crew and Ivy looked back and saw their Red X was still with them thus confirming that the newcomer was part of the memory; they resumed watching.

"Red, what are you doing here? How did you even find me?" Dr. Quinzel asked the master thief.

"I have my ways. And I'm here to stop you from making a huge mistake," he answered, stepping towards her.

"And what mistake would that be?" grinned a smug Joker.

"Following your pale ass, you psychotic piece of shit," Red X held out his hand to Harleen, "Harley, you don't have to follow Joker. He's doesn't love you. He never did."

"Lies! Such filthy lies! Don't listen to him, puddin'!" shouted the Clown Prince, faking disdain.

"Shut it, clown!"

The pale supervillain just chuckled as the master thief resumed speaking to the doctor in the room, "Harley, come with me. Unlike him, I actually care about you. He'll only hurt you. Don't go with him."

Joker smirked, "Hmm, he's right. Maybe you should go with him."

Harleen turned to her villainous love, "What?"

"Yes, go with him. Stay the stiff and boring Dr. Harleen Quinzel you are now . . . or choose me as well as the freedom that only I can give you. Quite a no-brainer, really."

She looked back at Red X, back at Joker, and then back at the master thief before giving him a slight glare, "No, X, I choose my Joker. You don't know him like I do. He loves and cares about me, he wants to free me from my shit of a life. You just want to keep me in it. You're the one who never cared about me! So you can fuck off and get the fuck out of my life! Forever!"

"Preach, puddin'! Preach!" cheered Joker.

"Harley-" Red X reached for Harleen but she jumped off the walkway and fell towards one of the vats of acid below.

"NO!" screamed the real Harley and it was not long until there was the sound of a large splash.

"So that's what really happened," said Ivy after seeing the whole memory.

No sooner did she say that did Harley fall to her knees and buried her face into her hands.

Everyone else soon noticed her state then the redhead quickly knelt down beside her, "Whoa, Harley. Are you okay?"

Harley took her hands away and revealed the sad look on her face, complete with tears in the corners of her eyes, "No, Ive . . . I'm not."

"Oh Harls . . . "

"All this time . . . I thought Joker pushed me . . . that it wasn't my choice . . . but it was . . . all of it . . ."

Ivy started piecing things together as the memory reset, "So . . . you told yourself it was out of your control?"

"Yeah, because it was easier to blame him than accept the truth."

"And the truth being, what, exactly?"

"That it was my choice . . . I was in control all along . . . of everything . . . " the tears finally fell.

It was at this point Red X came over, knelt down beside her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Harley looked at him then wrapped her arms around him, "Oh Red . . ."

He held her close and gently stroked the back of her head then spoke softly to her, "Shh. There, there."

"I'm so sorry . . . I shouldn't have said those things to you . . . I shouldn't have chosen Joker over you . . . I should have listened to you . . . I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she sniffed and sobbed into his chest.

"I know you are, Harley. I know you are," he gently turned her face up towards his and wiped away her tears, "But that's in the past now. You can move on and look towards your future. And this time, I'll be right here beside you. Every step of the way."

His mouth was revealed and he proceeded to lovingly kiss Harley who returned the action with just as much emotion. The scene touched Ivy and King Shark with the former wiping away a small tear as the latter was trying to keep from bawling; Dr. Psycho just rolled his eyes and looked away.

The kiss ended then Harley smiled a little, "Thank you. And you're right. I can move on."

She stood up as the memory reset itself again, "But there's something I gotta do first."

The next thing she did was walk into the room as Joker spoke to Dr. Quinzel, "If you love me, then jump. And you'll be mine. Forever."

Harley soon phased into her former self, took control, and responded, "Hard pass."

This surprised the clown, "Wha-what?"

"I said no, you fuckin' idiot."

"But you have to jump, you can't change this. I mean, it's already happened. It's your origin story!"

"Wrong! It's not my origin story. My real origin story didn't happen here. It happened in your lair," the scenery soon changed into the interior of Joker's funhouse.

"And I wasn't wearing this costume," Harley ripped her former attire off to reveal her true self and summoned her baseball bat, "And believe me, I wasn't saying you were a dream come true. I was saying, 'Go fuck yourself!'"

Joker spoke up, "Harley, stop this nonsense. I-"

She jabbed the tip of her bat into his chest before pushing him backwards, "I know you think you created me, but no one did! My fucked-up parents didn't make me the way I am."

Next, she shoved him, "Neither did Jessica Sarner when she fucking lied to the whole camp and said I lost my virginity to a horse! A horse!"

Harley jabbed her blunt weapon into the clown's crotch angrily, "Or those cops who questioned me for hours about what happened to Jessica Sarner."

She pointed at him, "And you sure as hell didn't fucking create me, puddin'!"

Joker slapped her hand away, "Yeah? Well, I named you."

"You got Harley Quinn out of Harleen Quinzel? Nice work, genius!" Harley mocked before striking the clown across the face with her bat.

He got a bloody nose, a tooth was knocked out, and he fell to the floor in a daze.

"You didn't make me, Joker. I made myself."

"But you can't change your memories! This isn't Eternal Sunshine rules!" Joker protested.

Before anything else could be said, a pool table landed on top of the clown and the scenery changed once more to show the funhouse being completely demolished; he was still alive and cowering under the table.

Harley glared down at him, "My mind, my rules."

With that said, she dropped her fake bat and exited the memory to find herself back in her Museum of Memories with the others; her new origin story started playing and the red alarm lights stopped flashing.

This made the blonde with the pigtails sigh in relief, "Sanity restored . . . kinda."

She smiled at the group, "Thanks, gang. I owe you everything."

"I'll just put it on your tab," Red X chuckled.

His pale-skinned lover giggled from his joke then Psycho said, "Okay, job done. Let's get outta here before we are burnt to a crisp."

He started leading everyone towards the exit then suddenly, an open door appeared on a wall near X; he looked and what he saw made him stop and his eyes widen in surprise.

The others did not notice and continued on their way when Harley asked, "Hey, has anyone seen Clayface?"

At that moment, a Little Harley appeared and got between them and the double doors leading to the real world.

"No! Because those little psycho shits killed him!" yelled Dr. Psycho in fright.

"Did not!" shouted the little girl before she changed into Clayface, revealing that he was alive and well.

"Apologies for the disguise. I had to 'go native' to thwart Harley's younger demons," the shapeshifter smiled.

Harley, King Shark, and Ivy rushed over and gave him a group hug with the blonde saying happily, "Oh, we're just glad you're alive."

"Thank you, friends," said the blob of clay.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is all nice and shit but we gotta move! Our bodies could be in the furnace as we speak!" insisted Dr. Psycho.

They were about to run to the exit when Harley looked and saw they were one person short, "Wait, where's X?"

The others looked and Red X was indeed gone.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Now?! Of all times?!" shouted Dr. Psycho.

"Okay, okay, relax. You guys go and stop Sy from turning us into gross barbecue. I'll go and find Red X."

Ivy tried to object, "What? No, Harley. We're not leav-"

"We don't have time for this, Ive. Go! X and I will be right behind you. Hurry!" insisted the lady clown.

"You heard the lady! Let's go!" said Psycho.

Ivy and the rest of Harley's crew were forced to agree and run into the exit doors as Harley started running around the museum in her mind to find her boyfriend.

"Naruto? Naruto? Naruto! Where the fuck are you?" she called out.

Since her crew wasn't around, the aspiring supervillainess could use his real name.

She kept running about, "Seriously, Naruto, we gotta go! Come out!"

It was then something caught her eye and the lady clown skidded to a halt; she looked at it and was stunned.

"It can't be . . . "

On a nearby wall was a door or more specifically, it was the one to the office she had when she was still at Arkham Asylum. It read,

'Dr. Harleen Quinzel.'

Harley got closer and now could hear two people talking then she grabbed the knob and opened the door just a bit so she could listen better.

" . . . I guess even after all these years, I still feel guilty," said Naruto's natural voice.

A woman's voice replied soon after, "But you have nothing to feel guilty about. What happened wasn't your fault."

Harley immediately recognized the second voice as her own; she opened the door a little more to get a look inside and there was Naruto sitting on the couch with his helmet in his hands while across from him in a chair was her former self.

"I willingly went with Joker. You didn't make me do a thing," said Harleen.

"I know . . . but I should have fought harder. I should have just grabbed you and taken you out of that building. Or after your dunk, I should have just knocked Joker the fuck out, took you, and ran. But instead . . . I just left."

"Taking me wouldn't have changed anything. I would have just run back to Joker the first chance I got. I mean I was seriously screwed up back then."

"But worst of all . . . I let my anger keep me from coming back to Gotham, keep me away from you and Ivy. There were so many times I wanted to come back but I just couldn't. Because I was too damn stupid and angry."

Harleen smiled a little then shook her head, "My God, you are way too hard on yourself."

She got up, sat down next to him, and held his hand, "You're allowed to feel angry and you had every right to be back then. You were hurt by someone you cared about and loved a great deal."

Her patient let out a small sigh before Dr. Quinzel gently turned his face towards her, "You let your anger get the best of you and that's okay. You may be an incredible person but you're still only human and have all the emotions that go with being one."

Naruto nodded a little as she continued to speak, "Plus what was it you said to Harley? Something about it being in the past and moving on? Maybe it's time you do the same for yourself."

Her words caused him to chuckle and smile, "Damn . . . I hate when someone uses my own words against me. I guess I'm a fucking hypocrite."

"Maybe a little. But one with a heart too big for this world," smiled Harleen.

Naruto smiled back at her then suddenly, Harleen planted a kiss on his lips that he returned almost immediately. The real Harley saw it too and felt a bit jealous . . . but also a little turned-on as certain ideas filled her head.

Dr. Quinzel soon ended the kiss then placed her forehead against his, "I've wanted to do that ever since Harley found your card on the train."

Naruto gave her his trademark foxy grin before she called towards her office door, "You can come in now."

Harley snapped out of her daydreaming then she entered the office.

The thief and assassin looked up at her, "Oh. Hey, Harley."

"Hey," she said back then directed her gaze towards her former self, "This is seriously the weirdest thing to happen today."

Harleen smiled and stood up, "To see the vision of your former self in person?"

"No, to see that there's a sliver of sanity still left in my fucked-up noggin."

"Well who do you think sent Frankie to help you?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Harley looked at Naruto, "As much as it would be fun to have the kinkiest threesome right now, we gotta get going, babe."

Naruto quickly stood up, "Oh shit, right. My bad."

He put his helmet back on and became Red X once again, "Let's go."

Harleen came over, "Take care of yourselves. And of each other. Especially each other."

"We will," nodded Harley then she and the master thief left the office before it disappeared into thin air and they made a beeline for the exit.

-(The real world)-

Harley and Red X woke up and found Ivy and Harley's crew watching over them then cheering upon seeing them open their eyes.

The redhead eco-terrorist rushed over and hugged the pair while smiling in relief, "Oh thank God, you two are all right. You guys scare me like that again and I'll kill the both of you."

"Noted," Red X chuckled.

"What the fuck happened in there?" demanded Dr. Psycho.

"Just some last minute private business, Psycho. Nothing to freak about," Harley told him calmly.

"Well if it had something to do with some kind of kinky mind sex, I'll kill the both of you too!" shouted the telepath.

The lady clown rolled her eyes at him as Sy came over and said, "'Bout time you two woke up."

She glared at him before rushing over, grabbing the front of his shirt and hoisting him up until he was eye level with her, "You fuckin' tried to burn us alive, you asshole!"

"What? No, no, no. You guys looked cold so I did what any good citizen would do –bring you to a dead mall and try heating you up in an abandoned pizza oven," the old man smiled nervously.

The rest of the group gathered around and looked ready to beat him into submission.

"Okay, okay, I admit it. But hey, let me make it up to ya," Sy offered.

"How?" snarled Harley, still wanting to tear him apart.

"Ya see, I got the sense you were havin' problems finding a new place so I figured I could help," he grinned.

He was plopped back into his wheelchair as Ivy asked, "You want to help us find a new place?"

"I know it sounds strange but believe it or not, I got some friends in the real estate business. Any one of them can find you a good deal on anything you're lookin' for."

Sy kept trying to convince everyone of his idea as Harley split off from the group and looked around the mall and the more she looked, the more she liked what she saw.

"This is it," she grinned before calling back to the old man, "Hey Sy, what about this place?"

Everyone turned to her as the wheelchair-bound geriatric responded, "What about this place?"

"Think you can move us into here?"

"Here? But it's just a mall I acquired for tax purposes," he said.

"And he just tried to kill us here," added Ivy as they all went over to Harley.

"But this place is perfect, it's a blank state. Ideal for helping us move forward with our futures. It will not define us, we will define it," pitched the blonde with the pigtails.

"Uh-huh. Can we define someplace else? This one's gross," grumbled Dr. Psycho.

"No," Harley answered the telepath before turning to Sy, "So what do you say, Sy?"

The old man wheeled over to her and chuckled, "You really are broken in the brain, aren't ya?"

"Yep."

"In that case, how about, we say, 100 grand a month?"

"How about a dollar and we still won't kill you for trying to kill us," Harley negotiated.

"Deal. But on one condition – you let me come along on some of your heists. Lugging around your dead husks made me feel alive again. I want back in the game, baby!" he suggested excitedly.

Harley thought about his offer, "Well you did manage to carry seven bodies to a pizza oven. I mean that's something. Deal!"

She held out her hand and Sy shook it with his mechanical arm to seal the deal . . . then the artificial limb popped off during mid-shake.

"Oh, that's not good," the blonde stated, looking at the detached arm she was still holding.

Sy, however, was calm about it, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry. It happens all the time. Anyone have a Philips head?"

"Right here," Red X held up the requested tool, grabbed Sy's robotic arm, and started reattaching it to the old man.

Harley grinned, "Yes! Okay, gang, back to the apartment. We're movin' in."

"Real quick, Harley. I just gotta ask – where did you get the new ink?" Dr. Psycho started laughing, as did King Shark and Clayface.

"Huh?"

Ivy took out her compact mirror and handed it to Harley then pointed at her forehead, "There."

The blonde angled the mirror and soon gasped upon seeing that on her forehead was a crudely drawn penis.

"What the FUCK?!" she screamed angrily then her crew started laughing harder, "Was that there the whole time? Even during that enlightened speech of mine? Why didn't you guys tell me?"

"We just did," laughed the telepath as he rolled on the floor.

Harley glared at her crew, "Okay! Who did it?"

They were still guffawing as they shook their heads and Psycho answered, "Not us. We swear."

"Don't look at me. I was going to kill ya, no point in doing something like that if I was," said Sy.

The blonde turned to her best friend and gasped, "Ivy?"

"No, no. It wasn't me," said Ivy as she was starting to laugh too.

Harley looked at her new 'tattoo', "Well it wasn't X. He was with me in my mind. So who?"

The disguised Naruto discovered the answer when he suddenly heard Kurama's booming laughter.

'Really, Kurama? Really?' he asked the fox.

'Hey. Sometimes, you gotta go for the easy joke,' his partner just kept on laughing his tails off.


I hope you all enjoyed this new chapter.

Spoiler for my next upload - it won't be another chapter of 'Harley Quinn's Red Mark'. I looked at my poll proposing my idea for that collection of lemons and it looks like 'Yes' is the clear and decisive winner! So the next update I will be the first chapter in the lemon collection. Also, I want to thank everyone who took part in my poll whether their decision was 'yes' or 'no'.

See you all next time!