Here it is! The long awaited sixth chapter of Harley Quinn's Red Mark!
First of all, I want to thank you all for your patience and understanding. It really means a lot to me knowing that you were all willing to wait and did not aggressively harass me to update this story.
Second, I want to apologize for the long wait. I originally wanted to post this new chapter either before or on Christmas day so that way you guys had something to read over the holidays. But there was a lot more editing and revising to do than I originally thought. Now, I guess you can call this chapter a late Christmas present from me to all of you.
I hope you all like it, enjoy!
Chapter 6: A Tome for the Ages
Throughout the following day, the Harley crew and Poison Ivy moved their belongings into the abandoned mall that would now be their home and lair. Harley, Clayface, and King Shark were excited about the change and could not wait to shape the place to their liking. The others, however, were not as enthusiastic; Ivy was concerned for her plants and Dr. Psycho hated the thought of living in a gross dump. Naruto also did not like the decision mostly because he hated the idea of his girlfriends living in a rundown building but he knew he could not change Harley's mind.
"I still say she should've gone with the volcano. At least that place had a supervillain vibe to it. This dump looks more like a breeding ground for STDs," grumbled Psycho as he and his two cohorts carried their belongings past the future living area where the couch was placed.
Clayface responded with a smile, "Oh come now, Psycho, this place is full of untapped potential. A blank canvas we can shape to our image."
"First of all, people don't shape canvases. And second, what fuckin' image? That we're a bunch of trolls living in garbage? We have no image!" scowled the telepath.
King chimed in, "If I may in-"
"I'd prefer you didn't."
The shark-man ignored that remark and continued, "I think this place fits us perfectly. I've noticed that our crew doesn't have a theme and neither does this mall. And just like Harley and Clayface said, we can turn this place into whatever we want."
Psycho dropped his things in anger, "Fuck our theme! Being a supervillain is about image! When's the last time you saw Luthor or Penguin scrounging through the sewers? Huh?"
His crewmates glanced at each other as if to say to each other that he was just exaggerating the issue.
"Plus, our image is already in the fucking shitter thanks to Harley."
"What're you talking about?" asked King.
"Hello! She confessed to the world that she is banging Red X. The Legion of Doom won't take us now!"
"Why not?" Clayface asked.
Psycho sighed then began to explain, "Because Red X is high on the Legion's 'most-hated-persons' list! Every villain there hates him for one reason or another. And because we work for Harley who is dating him, we are now associated with Red X."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that we're now outcasts in the villain community! We're lower than shit now!" yelled the telepath.
Ivy soon came onto the scene as she carried Frank in her arms.
"What's with the screaming?" she asked.
"Yeah. I haven't heard this much yelling since the last threesome this one had with Harley and X," chuckled the mutant flytrap, pointing at the redhead.
"Frank!"
"What? It's true. It was like two goddamn banshees."
She growled at the plant then Dr. Psycho spoke, "Oh, you wanna know? Fine, I'll tell you. Your blonde bestie fuckin' ruined our lives!"
"Huh?" asked Ivy.
King Shark replied, "Oh, Psycho's just ranting about how Harley ruined our chances of getting into the Legion of Doom by dating Red X."
"Yes. And his level of drama is quite over the top," added Clayface.
"Shut the fuck up!" yelled Dr. Psycho.
Ivy set Frank down near one of the flowerbeds she planned on turning into an indoor garden then says, "Psycho, you need to chill."
The telepath glared at her, "'Chill'? You want me to 'chill'? Are you serious? Do you have any idea of the situation we are in now? Our lives are over!"
Clayface chimed in, "See what I mean about the drama level?"
"If we still want to get into the Legion of Doom, we only have one course of action to take."
"And that would be?" asked King Shark.
"We need to get rid of Red X. Harley needs to break up with him . . . or we can get rid of him personally," a deranged smile appeared on Psycho's face as he started thinking, "Yes, yes. It should be simple enough to do. With our combined efforts, we can kill Red X. That'll get us some serious respect among the Legion of Doom. They'll be begging us to join after doing that!"
He started to cackle evilly then Ivy walked over and slapped him across the face.
"Snap out of it, you deranged dickhead," she scowled.
"Ow," Psycho rubbed his cheek.
"I'm gonna tell you again – you touch X and I'll skewer you on a thick vine. Ass first. And it'll be a cold day in Hell when Harley breaks up with him. Got it?"
Psycho was about to respond when Harley and Red X came in, having a talk while carrying some stuff.
"Okay, okay. What about this? Have you ever killed someone by shoving a grenade down their throat? And just let it explode?" the blonde with the pigtails asked her boyfriend.
"Yeah, a few times. But not with typical grenades. Too big. I had to use my smaller explosive pellets," he replied.
While they were having their 'intellectual' discussion, Dr. Psycho narrowed his eyes at Ivy.
"Well let's see what she has to say," he made a dash for his blonde boss.
Ivy immediately gave chase, "Get back here!"
The telepath called to the bleached-skin babe, "Harley!"
He got Harley's attention as her best friend followed up, "Harls, don't listen to anything he says."
Psycho came up to Harley and smiled, "Harley dear, if I may speak freely as your friend-"
Ivy arrived and pushed him aside, "Keep your trap shut, you gnome!"
"You stay out of this, you Eco-Goth wannabe!" the telepath snarled back at her.
The redhead looked offended, "'Wannabe'? Oh I'm definitely going to kill you now!"
Before anything could happen, Harley let out a loud whistle and got the two to stop arguing.
"That's better. Now, Psycho, what were you sayin'?" asked the lady clown.
"Thank you, Harley," her telepathic teammate smiled politely and cleared his throat for a moment, "As I was saying – if I may speak as your friend and most valuable teammate . . . "
The rest of the Harley crew and Ivy rolled their eyes at those words as he kept talking, "I must ask you something important."
His boss shrugged, "Shoot."
"Thank you. Now, you want to get into the Legion of Doom, right?"
"Of course."
"And can I assume you'll do anything to get in?"
Harley arched her brow, "I guess."
"Excellent. So, what you need to do next is . . . " Psycho points at Red X and gives him a manic glare, "Break up with that murderous psychopath!"
The master thief was taken back a bit by those words, "Wait . . . I'm a psychopath now?"
"You shut the fuck up!" the telepath yells in response then resumes his polite demeanor for Harley, "So what do you say, Harley?"
A second passed before the lady clown started laughing out loud; her reaction made Ivy smirk and Psycho frown.
Harley manages to calm down a little, "Good one, Psycho. Like that will ever happen."
"But you have to! It's the only way we're getting into the Legion and, more importantly, getting me back in," Psycho continued to plead his case as her laughter died down.
"Oh really?" she asked, humoring him.
"Yes, really! And it's your responsibility to do so. Since it's your fault that our fuckin' chances of getting in are down in the shitter!"
Harley was confused now, "Huh?"
"You and your big mouth went ahead and told all of Gotham City that you're banging Red X and there's no doubt that the Legion of Doom heard your announcement too!"
"Am I supposed to get what you are rantin' about?"
"The Legion of Doom hates Red X! He's on top of their list of people they want dead! And because of you, we're now associated with him!"
Harley rolled her eyes, "Oh, that's not true. You're just being dramatic again."
"And being overly so," Clayface called out.
"I AM NOT!" screamed Dr. Psycho.
As they continued their argument, Red X set the stuff he was carrying down onto the floor and was about to go get some more from the van outside. He barely took two steps when an orb of black smoke appeared in front of him and became Tala.
"Master!" she wrapped her arms around him.
Her voice caught the attention of everyone else and they were surprised to see her in their new home.
"Who the fuck is that?" asked Dr. Psycho.
"Oh, that's just Tala," Ivy answered casually.
"Who?" Frank asked.
The aforementioned sorceress continued to hug Red X as he inquired, "What are you doing here, Tala?"
"Master, I found it! I finally found it!" she answered happily.
"What? Really? You found it?"
"Yes. At long last, I found it. I cannot tell you how happy I am. I haven't felt like this since we first met . . . though that will always be at the top of my list," she started cuddling into his chest.
He put an arm around her as the others came over.
"Okay. So anyone gonna tell me why some skank in black just suddenly appeared in our new lair?" asked Dr. Psycho.
Tala's demeanor suddenly changed from happy to livid as she held out a hand towards him then a ring of magical energy wrapped around his neck and started strangling him.
She brought him over and glared daggers into his eyes, "Call me that again . . . and I'll pull your organs out through your nose."
Ivy smirked from hearing those words, "I'm starting to like her more and more."
"I'd listen to her, Psycho. I've seen her do it . . . it was gruesome," said Red X, giving the telepath some very helpful advice.
Psycho made some choking sounds before croaking, "Got it."
Tala released the diminutive villain who gasped for air.
King Shark and Clayface joined the group with the former asking "So X, who's your friend?"
"Yes. And why does she call you 'Master'?" asked the shapeshifter.
The thief and assassin looked at them, "Oh. Guys, meet Tala. She's . . . uh, how do I put this-?"
"I am his devoted servant," she smiled.
Her response caused the shark-man, the mutant flytrap, and the clay blob to be surprised while the telepath grumbled, "Of course."
"Tala, I wish you'd stop calling yourself my 'servant'. It sounds sleazy," said Red X.
His servant sorceress looks at him, "But I am your servant, my dearest master. And I adore being at your service."
She resumed cuddling into his chest as he asked, "Anyway, are you sure you found it this time?"
"This time I'm sure of it," Tala replied.
Harley speaks up, "Hey, so can either of ya tell me what the fuck is going on here? And what is this 'it' you're talkin' about?"
-(Legion of Doom headquarters)-
In his medieval-themed office, Felix Faust was grinning like the Cheshire Cat as he looked through a large tome on his worktable; the door to the room slid opened and there stood Lex Luthor.
He entered, "Felix, this better be important."
"Ah, Lex. Please, come in. Come in," the sorcerer magically moved his office chair to his villainous colleague, "Have a seat."
Lex sat down then Felix turned to him, "I have a little question for you - what would you say if I could . . . deliver the destruction of the Justice League and total world domination all at once?"
"I would say . . . I'm listening."
The evil sorcerer's grin got a little wider, "You know how I have been reacquiring my set of magical tomes over the years?"
"I am aware."
"Well so far, I have only found twelve of them," Felix levitated eleven of the aforementioned books from a nearby bookshelf and onto his desk where he was reading the twelfth one, "But now . . . I am happy to announce that I have found the thirteenth and final one."
"And this last book will give us world domination and destroy the Justice League?" asked a skeptical Lex.
"In a way," the sorcerer summoned one of his tomes over and opened it to reveal a pentagram inside a circle with writing around it, "This is a part of a ritual I discovered centuries ago. Each of my books has a piece of the ritual hidden within its pages. On their own, they are useless . . . but together, they create a portal that can summon forth one of the Old Gods. Beings of unimaginable power and terror, the likes of none has ever seen!"
"Go on," said the leader of the Legion.
"Once I get my last tome, I can perform the summoning and command an Old God to kill the Justice League and use its power to conquer the world!" Felix started to laugh manically.
Lex was certainly intrigued by the idea, "Interesting. And you can deliver this?"
The sorcerer grinned, "Oh yes. By this time tomorrow, the Legion of Doom will be the ruling force of this world."
"Very well. Best get to it," Superman's nemesis stood up from his seat, "And just where is this book?"
-(Back at the mall)-
"The British Library in London? Seriously?" asked Harley.
She and everyone else were sitting around Tala who was showing them a magical projection of the aforementioned location.
"I know, right? It's kind of a cliché," said Ivy.
Red X stood up, "It doesn't matter what the location is. If it's there, we gotta go get it."
"You're gonna pull off a Red X heist in a library? That sounds like a step down for you, don't ya think?" asked the lady clown.
"A heist is a heist, no matter the location."
"While I'd hate to agree with him, he does make a point," grumbled Dr. Psycho.
Tala ceased projecting the image and said, "This won't be a heist. We are merely picking it up."
"Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Miss Magician, but the U.K. is five hours ahead of our time zone. It's five p.m. now and that library closes at 6 p.m. every day. You've missed your chance," smirked the telepath.
"Not true, you pint-sized misogynist. I have informed my superiors of the news and they contacted their branch in London who called up the curator of the library and informed them of the situation. They should be there by now and waiting for us to arrive," smiled the sorceress.
Psycho scowled at the insult thrown at him while Ivy snorted and tried to keep herself from laughing.
"Ah, a rare easy mission. Let's get to it," said Red X.
Tala hooked her arm around his and smiled, "Exactly what I was thinking, my beloved master."
He looked at the others, "Why don't you guys come with?"
"Say what?" Harley asked.
The sorceress frowned as her master responded, "Yeah. After the library, we can enjoy the nightlife of London. A lot of clubs and bars in that city."
His lady clown lover liked the sound of that but Dr. Psycho spoke up, "Fuck that! The last thing we need is to be seen with you."
"Psycho, shut it," she hissed at him.
The telepath of the crew grumbled while his blonde boss smiled at her shared boyfriend, "We'd love to come."
Tala's frown grew bigger upon hearing the acceptance of her master's invitation as King Shark and Clayface cheered.
The shark-man grinned, "I've always wanted to try authentic steak-and-kidney pie. And ask where they get the kidneys from."
"Maybe there'll be a late-night theater. I'd love to see a truly masterful performance based on the works of William Shakespeare," grinned his shapeshifter crewmate.
Ivy spoke up, "Uh Harls, the last time I checked, we were still in the process of moving our stuff into our new home. Shouldn't we stay focused on that?"
Harley goes over to her, "I know, Ive, but we could use a break. Come back refreshed and full of alcohol."
She leans in and whispers into her best friend's ear, "And maybe get some hot club sex with our guy."
The eco-terrorist could not help being a bit intrigued by that idea.
Psycho started to walk away, "Well since I'm being ignored here, I'll stay here and unpack the rest of our shit-"
The back of his collar was grabbed by his blonde boss, "Oh knock it off, Psycho. It won't kill ya to tag along."
The telepath briefly growled then said, "Fine. But I'm finding the nearest pub and gettin' wasted after we leave the library."
"Deal."
"Frank, you stay and hold down the fort," Ivy said to the mutant plant.
"What the fuck? Why do I have to stay?" Frank asked angrily.
"Because someone needs to. And I'm not carrying you throughout London," the redhead retorted.
He growled, "Fine. But you better bring me back some of those muthafuckin' fish and chips they got there!"
"Ugh. Fine," said Ivy.
"Okay, that's settled," Red X turned to Tala, "Tala, let's go."
The sorceress, still annoyed at the idea of not being alone with her beloved master, took a breath and said, "As you wish, Master."
Her eyes glowed purple before a plume of smoke engulfed the party of seven and they all disappeared into thin air.
-(British Library, London)-
Tala's smoke cloud appeared at the entrance and vanished to reveal the group.
Harley checked out their new surroundings, "Wow, instant international travel."
"Yep. Just one of Tala's many talents," said Red X.
Tala blushed and smiled, "You flatter me, Master."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we just go in already and get this over with? I got a mug of beer with my name on it somewhere," Psycho pointed towards the door.
"Okay, okay. Let's go."
The master thief and assassin led the way inside where they saw some lights on and at the front desk sat an older yet sleepy-looking man in a tweed coat; the group walked up to him.
Tala put on a polite smile, "Excuse me, we are here to pick up something."
The old gentleman let out a yawn then grumbled, "Oh. So you're the blokes who told me to wake up and come down here?"
"I'm guessing you're the curator," said Red X.
"I am. And I was happily sleeping until I was woken up by a phone call telling me to re-open the library. Said something about it being a matter of international importance," said the curator.
"That might be a bit of an exaggeration," responded Tala.
"And just what is it you're looking for?"
"We'll know once we see it," said X.
"May we go in now?" the sorceress requested.
The old man yawned as his eyes started drooping before he pointed to his left.
"Thank you very much," Tala led the group into the library by the time the curator started to softly snore.
Upon entering the huge room, the villains were taken back by the numerous shelves all filled to the brim with books and such.
"Holy cow, look at all these books," exclaimed King Shark as he looked around.
"Even I gotta admit that I've never seen this many books before. And I spent most of my college days in the library," said Ivy.
Harley spoke next, "Tell me about it. I'm gettin' some serious flashbacks."
"Hate to break up your trip down memory lane but we better start looking," said Red X.
"Are you fuckin' kidding? Look at the size of this place! It'll take us forever to search everywhere," said Dr. Psycho.
"I don't think so," the thief and assassin turned to Tala, "Do it."
She smirked, closed her eyes, and held up her hand.
A second passed before the sorceress spoke, "Follow me."
She led the group further into the room and through the stacks of shelves while slowly waving her hand back and forth in the air; their journey eventually came to an end in a far corner in the back.
"It's here," said Tala then they looked at the surroundings shelves.
Red X soon noticed something within a lower shelf and pointed at it, "There."
The others looked and what they found was a tome about nine inches thick and colored a faded maroon with a gold trimming; it was also underneath a stack of heavy-looking books
Tala's eyes lit up upon seeing it and smiled, "Yes, that's it."
Her master was about to kneel down to get it but she said, "No need, Master. I got it."
The sorceress waved her hand in a circle and caused the other books to levitate off of the tome then fly into the arms of Harley and her three crewmates; Dr. Psycho fell over from the sudden extra weight.
"Hey!" Harley glared at Tala but she was ignored as the beautiful magic-user levitated the tome into her own arms.
It was now shown that the front cover had the stylized image of a demon skull though she was unfazed by it and smiled, "Hello, my old friend."
King Shark set down his stack and looked at the large book, "Oooh, an evil-looking skull on the cover. I'm guessing this a book full of dark magic that can bring great destruction, right?"
"No, dear shark-man. The design is just a creative choice on the creator's part. He was quite . . . 'eccentric'," smiled Tala.
"Sounds like you knew him," said Ivy.
"You could say that."
Clayface set his load of books down, "Oh, the hinting of a mysterious past. The classic foreshadowing of a backstory yet to be revealed."
"Jesus Christ, Clayface, this is real life. Not a movie or a play," said Harley, setting her cargo down.
The shapeshifter chuckled, "Oh Harley, the entire world is a stage. One filled with countless characters, plotlines, and twists around every corner."
Tala looked at Red X as if to ask him what Clayface was talking about but her master just shrugged.
Dr. Psycho finally emerged from the pile of books that covered him, "Okay, okay, we found the damn thing. Now can we get out of here?"
Before anyone could move, the surrounding bookshelves suddenly lifted up and moved off to the side; it turned out to be the work of Felix Faust and his magic.
"Haha, at last. At long last, I shall finally have-" he soon notices the lady magic-user, "T-Tala? Tala, is that you?"
She glared at him with great disdain, "Felix Faust."
The evil sorcerer smirked and looked her up and down, "Huh, I haven't seen you in centuries. The years have certainly been kind to you, very kind."
Tala could feel him checking her out and hated it and was ready to unleash a blast of magical energy at his head.
His eyes soon landed on the tome in her arms, "And I see you're after my book as well."
His words angered her but before she could do anything, Red X stepped forward, "Finders keepers, Faust. You're not getting the book."
Felix finally noticed him, "Red X? Here? Why?"
Tala immediately hugged her master's left arm, "He's my master."
The sorcerer was in disbelief, "What?! Him?!"
"Oh yes. And he's more of a man then you could ever be," the lady magic-user smirked and nuzzled X's arm.
"I can confirm that," Harley said aloud.
Ivy spoke next, "Same."
Faust noticed the villainesses, "You two are here as well?"
He looked at Harley's crew, "And Quinn's ragtag team of second-rate rejects?"
King Shark frowned and crossed his arms, "That's rude."
"Indeed," agreed Clayface.
"Oh, go bitch to someone who cares," Felix noticed Dr. Psycho, "I'm surprised to see you here, Psycho. And with Red X of all people."
"I am NOT affiliated with that fucking man-whore!" yelled the telepath.
"Again with the 'man-whore'," muttered Red X.
"Enough!" Felix pointed at the tome, "Give me my tome or else!"
"Or else what, Felix?" Tala sneered at him.
The red jewel on the sorcerer's headband glowed as he conjured a portal appeared behind him and a dozen of his minions came marching out.
"Get me my book," he ordered.
His men charged forth but Tala snapped her fingers and caused a bunch of books to fly off the shelves, smash into Faust's goons, and slam them into the nearby walls.
"I love it when you do that," Red X praised the sorceress who smiled from the compliment.
Felix let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose upon seeing his now-unconscious henchmen, "I knew I should've brought A-Squad but no, I had to give D-Squad a chance."
He directed his attention back to Tala, "Fuck this."
Next, the sorcerer held out his hand to the tome and used his magic to pull it out of her arms. It was halfway there when the lady in black did the same thing, stopping the book in its tracks and beginning a midair tug-of-war with Faust.
"Let go, you wicked bitch!" growled the evil mage.
"Go to Hell, Felix," Tala replied.
Red X pulled out one of his X-shurikens and threw it at Felix; it flew past his face and sliced his cheek in the process before returning to its master. The sudden attack worked in making the mage lose his magical grip on the book thus allowing Tala to take it back.
"Watch who you call a bitch in front of me," said the master thief.
"Oh Master," his sorceress said lovingly and snuggled into his chest.
"Okay, Tala, stop that. It's getting annoying," said Ivy.
Felix checked his bleeding cheek then sneered at Red X and Tala, "I'm going to kill you two now."
He thrust his hands out and bolts of lightning shot forth from his palms but the lady in black quickly conjured an energy shield that deflected the electricity.
Faust stopped his attack, "Still quick-thinking as ever."
"That means so little coming from you," purple energy soon cloaked Tala's right hand then she raised it into the air, "Ridică-te, slujitorii mei ai umbrelor."
From the surrounding shadows, a dozen creatures of various forms and made of a thick black fog came forth; they roared, snarled, screeched, and growled upon coming into existence.
"Holy shit," Harley staggered back a little from seeing the beasts.
Ivy followed up, "Well, this is a thing."
Harley's crewmates were certainly spooked by the creatures with King Shark and Clayface staying close to each other as Dr. Psycho cowered behind them.
The evil sorcerer, however, looked unimpressed at the frightening monsters, "Shades? Really? That's so last century."
"They are more than enough to handle you," Tala snapped her fingers.
Her shades charged right for Felix but with one simple wave of his hands, her shadowy minions were vaporized into a plume of black smoke.
He smirked, "You'll have to do better than that."
Three small metal balls suddenly flew through the dark cloud, collided with his body, and exploded into a large glob of blue goo that cocooned him from the chest down.
He fell onto the floor and struggled against his unique restraints, "What magic is it?"
The group walked over to him and Red X answered his question, "Just a spell called 'Sticking-To-Your-Ass'."
"Bye, Felix," Tala mockingly smirked then the seven of them started to leave.
They were almost out of the room when Felix called out to Harley, "Quinn! Quinn, wait!"
She stopped and looked back at him.
"Help me get my book and I could put in a good word for you and your gang at the Legion of Doom. I am a rather influential member after all," offered the wizard.
Dr. Psycho responded with a grin, "Oh, really? That would certainly help us out."
"Psycho, shut it," his blonde boss said to him before turning to the evil sorcerer, "Thanks but no thanks. We can handle gettin' in ourselves."
Both Psycho and Faust grumbled before Red X threw another goop pellet at the latter's mouth to cover it up.
"No more out of you," said the thief and assassin then the group finally left.
They walked by the reception desk where the curator was asleep with his head on the counter.
"Huh, heavy sleeper," commented Ivy as she and the other villains made for the front entrance.
Red X and Tala, however, went over to the old man then the former knocked on a spot beside his head, "Hey, Pops."
The curator stirred and groaned, "Huh?"
"Our business is done. You can go home now," the sorceress said politely.
All he did was mumble a little and go back to sleep; X just shrugged at the lady in black then they went to join the others.
Back in the library, Felix Faust was using a fire spell to heat up the goop holding him so it would melt off.
Red X and Tala exited the front door and joined the others outside.
"So who's up for some clubbing?" Harley started dancing a little.
"Unfortunately no. Same goes for any other fun things you guys had planned," answered her boyfriend.
The villains were shocked by his words as the lady clown stopped shaking her groove thing, "What? Why?"
"Felix's appearance has complicated things. We stay here and he could find the tome again. As well as anywhere else in the world," explained Tala.
"And my goop won't hold him for long," said X.
"Then where the fuck are we supposed to go?" growled Psycho.
"I got this," the master thief took off his left gauntlet to reveal his hand as the covering over his mouth opened then he put his index finger and thumb to his lips and whistled twice.
A pair of wooden double doors appeared in the air before them and opened up.
With his gauntlet back on and his mouth covered up again, Red X motioned to the doors, "Go on in."
Tala did what he asked though the villains were stunned at what just happened.
"Come on, guys. Let's move it," the master thief said to them.
His words knocked them from their state and they went through the opening with him following close behind. The doors shut behind them and disappeared into thin air by the time Felix Faust came storming out of the building.
He was baring his teeth like a mad dog, "Enough of this! Surrender my tome to me or-"
He noticed that there was no one around before letting out a loud yell of frustration.
-(Unknown location)-
The entire group was now in a dark room.
"Where are we?" asked Clayface.
"It's dark in here, dumbass. How would any of us know?" Dr. Psycho replied.
Tala rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, causing a fireplace and the candles of a hanging chandelier to be set ablaze. The light revealed their new surroundings to be a living area similar to one in a cabin or mansion complete with a couple of armchairs and sofas, a large coffee table, and a staircase at the far end. It was also worth noting that the hardwood walls of the room were lined with numerous shelves containing books and various objects.
The villains were taken in by the place as Poison Ivy spoke, "Whoa. No offense babe but this place is nicer than yours."
"It's nicer than ours . . . of course, every place is nicer than ours," grumbled Dr. Psycho.
"Yes, with very exquisite woodwork," Clayface admired the mantle over the fireplace.
Harley wandered over to a shelf holding a stone slab with a strange symbol on its face.
"Neat lookin' stuff," she reached out to touch it.
Her fingertips were inches away when a stern female voice said, "I would advise you not to touch that."
The vocalization belonged to a nude woman with purple skin, sporting a short Mohawk, and a pair of wings in the shape of flower petals; despite being naked, she did not have any 'exposing' features.
Harley yelped in fright and fell backwards upon seeing her, "Who the fuck?"
The other villains too were surprised at this mystery woman.
"Oh Orchid, there you are," Red X greeted the newcomer.
Orchid smiled as she walked over to them, "Hello, sir. It is good to see you and Tala again."
"Hello Orchid," smiled the sorceress.
Harley got back onto her feet as Ivy asked, "So who's this? Another side lover or something, X?"
Red X replied, "It's not exactly what you think. This is Orchid, she's literally the spirit of this place."
"And what exactly is this place?" asked King Shark.
"The House of Mystery."
"Hold on, this is the House of Mystery?" Dr. Psycho looked around at the place, "Huh, I was expecting something different."
"You know what this place is, Psycho?" asked Harley.
He answered, "Kind of. Felix Faust and the other magic users in the Legion used to yammer on about this place. Said to be an interdimensional treasure trove of magical objects and shit."
"Correct. The House of Mystery holds many powerful and dangerous mystical artifacts that have been collected throughout the centuries," Orchid looked at Harley, "The rune you were about to touch would have granted you great and dark powers."
The lady clown smirks back at the rune, "Really?"
"Yes. But at the cost of your life. The power would have grown too powerful to control and would have torn you apart. Painfully," finished the purple woman.
Harley was not smirking anymore, "Oh . . . "
"Back the fuck up, I heard this place was supposed to be guarded by that asshole John Constantine," asked Psycho.
"John Constantine was indeed a powerful protector of the House but his services came to an end long ago," Orchid answered.
"What happened to him? Did he die?" asked King Shark.
She responded, "He bet the House in a card game and lost."
The villains of the group were dumbfounded at the reveal then Clayface said, "I guess what they say is true, 'never bet the house'."
"Especially if it holds magical artifacts," added Tala.
Ivy smirked at Red X, "And I'm guessing that card game included you."
"Yep. I won so I got the House and Orchid," he answered.
"That's one way to win a woman," smirked Harley.
"Like I said, it's not like that. Orchid here is the literal spirit of the House. She's the mind and soul of this place and she guards the artifacts," he replied.
His lady clown lover snorted as Ivy mumbled, "Yeah, right."
Red X let out a low growl then said, "Anyway, I'm now the guardian of the House and I can use all the cool stuff it holds."
"Ah, jealous," Harley whined a little.
Orchid noticed the tome in Tala's arms, "And it appears we will have a new addition to the collection. I see you were finally successful in finding the tome of Felix Faust, Tala."
"Indeed, Orchid. But Felix found it too. He appeared after we did. It's why we had to come here," said Tala.
"The defenses of the House will certainly keep Felix from finding it again."
"Wonderful. But now it is time to get to work. Could you get the lab ready, please?" asked Tala.
"Of course," the house spirit looked at the others, "And what of your companions? What do you wish to do with them?"
"They can stay. They won't cause any trouble," Red X looked at the villains, "Right?"
Harley put on an innocent smile, "Of course not. You can trust us."
Orchid gave her a hard look then said, "Your soul is a torrent of madness and anger towards the one who scorned you . . . yet there is a spark of light. Brought on by your love for Red X."
The lady clown was speechless as the purple woman turned her gaze towards Ivy, "You too have anger but it is towards humanity for harming the planet. You feel connected to Nature and find comfort in the peace of plants. But you too have great love for Red X."
Ivy just looked away as Orchid looked at King Shark, "Despite your beastly exterior and bloodlust, you have a good soul. You admire the technological wonders of the modern age . . . but have issues stemming from your personal life."
"Despite the invasion of privacy, I thank you for not blurting out my issues out for the world to hear," smiled the shark-man.
The house spirit moved onto Clayface, "Your soul is good as well and you take great pride in your artistic skills. Your body may be clay but you have the heart of a human."
A chuckle came from the shapeshifter, "And you have excellent linguistics skills, my dear. I could feel the beauty in your tone. Have you ever thought of chasing a career in the theater?"
Now it was Dr. Psycho's turn to have his soul peeked at, "The light in your soul has been clouded by a sinister tempest of rage and you feel very little love for the people around you. And you despise women with a passion."
"Huh, she is good. Not even gonna deny any of that," the telepath smirked but soon found himself levitating into the air, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck?! Get me down!"
Orchid waved a hand at the double doors and they opened to reveal the living area of the Harley crew's mall.
She glared at Psycho, "You are not welcomed here."
The diminutive villain was sent flying through the opening; he crashed into the couch, which toppled over upon impact.
Harley winced and hissed in pain from seeing that before turning to King Shark and Clayface, "Maybe you guys better make sure he's alive."
"Uh, yeah. Maybe we should," King Shark turned to the others, "See you guys later. And a pleasure meeting you, Orchid."
"Indeed. Quite the pleasure," smiled Clayface.
She smiled, "It was nice meeting you as well."
The pair exited the House of Mystery and the doors closed behind them.
"Well, I guess I can take this off now," Red X took off his helmet and revealed the face of Naruto Uzumaki, "That's better."
Orchid smiled at him, "I have always believed your appearance is more pleasant without your helmet on."
"Thank you, Orchid," smiled Naruto as he ruffled his hair a bit.
Tala cleared her throat, "Orchid, prepare the lab, please."
"At once, Tala," the house spirit nodded then disappeared into thin air.
"We'll take the stairs," said the hero from another dimension.
Naruto and the ladies entered the laboratory and it looked like something from a movie or video game about magic. There were two large worktables with chemistry sets and fully stocked shelves and cabinets along the walls; there was even a cauldron near the back.
"Wow, looks like a fantasy nerd's dream come true in here," said Harley.
"Then it's a good thing they cannot get in without my permission," chuckled Naruto.
He took two steps when something suddenly dropped from above and embedded itself into the floor in front of him; it scared Harley and Ivy. The unknown object was a silver claymore sword with a guard in the shape of a horned skull with bat wings and the grip and pommel being a spaded tail.
Ivy got over her shock first, "What the fuc-"
"The Sword of Astaroth," answered Orchid whose sudden appearance made the villainesses scream out in fright, "One of the many deadly weapons stored in the House of Mystery. Naruto wielded it once and it has developed an . . . affinity for him."
"You make it sound like it's alive," said Harley.
"It is. In a way," the house spirit went over to Naruto and said to him, "It missed you. It awaits the day when you wield it once more."
The eyes of the sword's skull began to glow a faint red and a low growl emanated from the weapon.
Naruto smiled a little and spoke to the sword, "Sorry. Not today."
The glowing and growling stopped before Orchid waved her hand a little and the Sword of Astaroth disappeared.
Tala walks over to one of the worktables, sets the tome down, and starts looking through it, "At long last, I can begin."
The others joined her as Harley asked, "Begin what?"
"Yeah, why exactly do you need this book for anyway?" asked Ivy.
Naruto set his Red X helmet on the table, "Tala's been looking for this particular tome because she says it holds a formula for something special. What it is, I have no idea. She won't tell me."
"That is because it is also a secret, Master. One you will like," explained Tala.
"If that's the case, it's gotta be an infinite amount of ramen," said Naruto.
"I can tell you right now that it isn't," the sorceress remarked as she looked through the tome some more.
The hero from another dimension softly growled in disappointment.
Ivy spoke up, "Okay, you know what? I gotta ask something that's been on my mind since we left for the library."
"What is it?" asked Tala.
The redhead pointed to the large book, "How did you find this thing? And more to the point, how did Felix know where to find it? Before, it sounded like only you knew where it was."
Harley arched her brow, "Yeah. How could he have known it was at the library too?"
The sorceress simply replied, "No doubt Felix sensed the tome's awakening. It is how I was able to find it."
Her answer confused the villainesses as the lady clown said, "M'kay, I'm lost here."
Orchid went on to explain, "Magical objects like spellbooks and such will go into a hibernation when away from their owners for an extended period of time. They sometimes awaken for an hour and send out waves of magical energy that can be felt by any nearby magic users though their original owners will always feel them. Even if the owner is in another part of the world."
The ladies from Gotham City were still confused.
"Meaning that since Felix and Tala used this book a lot, they were able to pinpoint the exact location of the book and track it down," said Naruto.
"Oh," Harley and Ivy said in unison.
"Location spells can work during the hibernation period though they are ineffective most of the time," added the house spirit.
"Tell me about it," mumbled Tala.
Her words got a chuckle from Naruto.
Something soon clicked within the redhead's mind, "You know, Tala, you seemed pretty familiar with Felix Faust."
"Yeah. And he did keep saying that it was his book. How do you know him? You two exes or something?" asked Harley.
"He wishes," answered the sorceress.
"Then what's the deal?" asked Ivy.
Naruto placed a hand on Tala's shoulder, "Couldn't hurt to tell 'em."
"I agree," said Orchid, mirroring his actions.
The sorceress thought it over for a second then said, "Okay."
She took a quick breath, "Felix Faust was my teacher . . . five thousand years ago."
This revelation shocked the villainesses with the lady clown exclaiming, "Five thousand years? Holy shit. I mean Joker told me that Faust was some kind of immortal wizard or whatever but I didn't think he was that old."
"Does that mean you're immortal too?" Ivy asked Tala.
"No. I'm only twenty-six," the sorceress replied.
Both of the ladies from Gotham City were taken back by that answer.
The eco-terrorist asked, "Then how? . . ."
"Let me start at the beginning. Thousands of years ago, I discovered I had a gift for magic. Of course, I wanted to learn more so I sought out the only person I knew who could teach me – Felix Faust. Through him, I learned so much and grew quite powerful. Felix noticed too and one day, he approached me and proposed the idea of the two of us becoming lovers. I turned him down and, naturally, he didn't like that. But instead of throwing a fit like a big baby or taking it like a man, he transformed me into a spirit and imprisoned me inside of a mirror."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! He turned you into a ghost? Like he killed you?" asked Harley.
"No, no. He simply changed my physical body into a spiritual one. It's actually quite a simple spell. No killing involved," answered Tala.
"Oh. Please continue."
The sorceress did so, "Anyway, he said he would free him if I agreed to be his woman. So every day since then, Felix would approach me and ask if I changed my mind. Of course, I said 'no'. Then he would just smirk and say that it was only a matter of time."
"Wow, what a dick move," Ivy frowned and crossed her arms.
"He also told me that I had no choice due to an enchantment he put on the mirror that made people of this world unable to see and hear me in the mirror except for him."
"And the dick move gets bigger. What a surprise."
Tala continued, "Anyway, Felix kept pestering me . . . until one day, he just stopped. At first, I thought it was just some trick to get me to agree to his proposal so I waited it out. But after a few days, I grew concerned then next thing I knew, strange people came and took the mirror away. And me with it. I tried asking them what was going on and for help to free me . . . then I remembered the enchantment upon the mirror . . . "
"Shit," said Harley.
"Since then, I have been moved from place to place. Watching the world change and learning the new ways that came into existence. During that time, I could not resist calling for help to anyone I saw despite my circumstances. My fate was sealed . . . until one day . . . "
-(Flashback: Two years ago)-
The doors to a large storage room burst open and two men in fancy black suits fell onto the floor; they were beaten, bloodied, and unconscious. Another person strolled in and it was none other than Red X who took a quick look at the priceless antiques inside and activated the communications link in his helmet.
"This is X. I found their stolen loot and it's a lot. We've got enough to either put their boss away for good or for me to hunt 'em down," he said.
A male voice answered, "Roger that, X. We're on our way to your location."
"Take your time. It's just me here," X cut the connection.
"Help me!" a woman's voice cried out.
Red X immediately became alert and looked into the room, trying to find the person who spoke.
"Hello? Someone there?" he responded.
"You heard me? Please, help me!"
The master thief quickly got back on the com-link, "Guys, forget what I said. I think these art smugglers have a hostage. Get to the storage room. Fast."
He shut off the link, went into the room, and began searching for the suspected hostage.
"Hello? Are you still here?" he called out.
"Yes! I'm here! Help me!" replied the unseen woman.
"Where are you?"
"Over here!"
Red X followed the voice as he weaved through the stacks of stolen antiques but he could not see anyone else.
"Where?"
"Here! Over here!"
He was still in hot pursuit of this unseen person calling for help though he had to stop upon coming to the back of the room; he still saw no one there.
"Where are you?"
"Here! I'm here!"
The thief and assassin jumped a little from hearing the woman's voice right next to him yet the only thing he saw there was a large silver mirror.
"Hello?" he asked aloud then the image of Tala appeared in the reflective surface and caused him to step back in shock, "What the hell?"
She banged on the glass, "Please! Help me!"
Red X got closer again and placed a hand on the mirror, "What is this?"
"Please, help me. I've been trapped in here for so long. Please get me out," the sorceress desperately begged.
Without even questioning her, he asked, "How did you get in there?"
"I was trapped in here by a wizard thousands of years ago. Please, will you help free me?" she asked again.
The hero from another dimension may have just met her but he can hear the sincerity and distress in her voice and see the desperation in her eyes; nevertheless, he decided to consult his inner partner.
'What do you think, Kurama? Should we?' he asked mentally.
'I can feel a powerful aura coming from her but I sense no malice or evil. I can also sense that she has been through much. A feeling you and I both know too well,' replied Kurama.
'So that's a 'yes'?'
'Yes.'
'Okay. Any ideas on how to do it?'
'Remember what you learned? Magic is like ninjutsu and a spell or seal can be disrupted by a sudden input of energy. A strong surge of chakra should break the spell that is holding her prisoner.'
'Right.'
The masked hero channeled some chakra into his eyes and soon, he could see a string of magical energy circling the face of the mirror.
'Okay. Let's do this.'
He looked at Tala, "Hang on, I'm getting you out of there."
The sorceress looked hopeful as he placed a hand on the outer rim of the mirror where the invisible magical string was located and began channeling his chakra into it. It was already having an effect with the energy manifesting as sparks along the reflective surface and as he continued, they became more frequent and wild.
'One last big push,' he thought.
The masked Naruto pushed more of his chakra into the energy string and it was not long before it broke and the sparks disappeared. Tala's ghostly body floated out of the mirror and became solid once she was fully out; she fell into the arms of her savior.
He looked down at her, "You okay?"
The sorceress separated from him and looked at her hand before smiling in joy as she felt her flesh for the first time in so long.
She gave him a look of pure gratitude, "Oh, thank you. Thank you so much."
He gave her a nod in return, "You're welcome."
"Who are you?"
"They call me Red X. But when I'm not wearing this helmet . . . " her hero took off his helmet and revealed his true face, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki."
Tala was taken by how handsome he was and could feel her cheeks warm up but she managed to calm herself down quite quickly.
"Naruto Uzumaki, my name is Tala. And I shall forever be grateful to you for freeing me," she knelt down before him, "And it is out of that same gratitude that I now pledge my undying loyalty to you. You are now my master and I your servant."
The sorceress took his hand and gave it a kiss though Naruto was trying to comprehend her sudden declaration of loyalty in his mind.
'Nice work, Naruto. Your good deed gained you a sexy servant. This has to be the best mission you ever went on,' Kurama laughed.
A male voice suddenly called into the room, "X, we're here. Have you found the hostage?"
The blond called back, "Um . . . yeah."
-(End of flashback)-
Harley laughed, "'Um yeah'? That's what you said?"
Ivy too was laughing, "Real smooth, hotshot."
"Hey, give me a break. It's not like a beautiful woman pledges to become my servant every day of the week," Naruto blushed in embarrassment.
Tala leaned into her master and nuzzled his chest; her actions made the villainesses stop laughing and start frowning in jealousy.
"Ever since that day, I have been filled with much joy . . . as well as with other things," the sorceress blushed at that last part.
Orchid spoke next, "I know how you feel. I felt a similar feeling the moment I pledged my services to Naruto. It was almost as if it was the most natural thing to do."
The ladies from Gotham City smirked at Naruto and he gave them a slight glare in return, "Don't make it weird."
They snorted then Harley asked Tala, "And what about the book?"
The sorceress answered, "It's a volume from a collection of journals Felix created. Listing the many spells, rituals, and such he discovered or created throughout his life. I used it every day while under his tutelage."
"Well, at least that explains why you were able to find it once it 'woke up'," said Ivy.
"That's right. But more importantly, I sought it out because it has what I need for my little project."
"The one you still won't tell me about?" questioned Naruto.
Tala winked at him, "That's right. You'll just have to be patient, my darling master. I promise it'll be worth the wait."
"Fine," he sighed in defeat, "But I still say an infinite amount of ramen would be awesome."
His retort just made every lady in the room smile or laugh.
-(The next morning at the Legion of Doom headquarters)-
Felix Faust walked into the break room and poured a mug of hot coffee for himself then added some cream and sugar.
He was about to take a drink when he heard Lex Luthor behind him, "Felix, there you are."
The sorcerer turned around and saw it was indeed Superman's arch-nemesis and with him was the Joker.
"I was looking for you. I was hoping to get a report on that project you mention- Huh, there's something different about you this morning. Did you do something to yourself?" asked the bald businessman.
"Yeah, you look like shit," chuckled Joker.
As vulgar as that statement was, the Clown Prince of Crime was right as Felix had a disheveled appearance with his hair a mess, his clothes askew, and bags under his eyes.
"Ha ha ha, very funny, you foolish jester. It was so funny that I forgot to laugh at your lowbrow attempt at humor," grumbled the sorcerer.
Joker reached into his jacket, pulled out his Joker Gun, and pointed it at him, "Keep talking, you magical dipshit."
"I'm immortal, you idiot. That won't do anything permanent," Faust took a sip of his coffee.
The clown was about to shoot when Lex forced his weapon down and glared at him, "Enough, Joker. We don't have time for this."
Joker just grumbled and put his gun back into his jacket.
The nemesis of Superman turned back to the evil wizard, "Anyway, did you get the book?"
Felix inhaled then answered, "There was a complication."
"What kind of complication?" asked Lex.
"My former student Tala was there. She took my tome and vanished into thin air. I was up most of the night trying to find her and my book. Hence my . . . less-than-professional appearance," the sorcerer took another sip of coffee, "But I couldn't find her or my book anywhere."
"So you failed? Hahaha, priceless," laughed Joker.
"Yes, hilarious," scowled Felix, "And to make matters worse, Tala now serves a master. And he was there with her."
"Who was with her?" asked Lex.
The sorcerer drank some more of his coffee before answering, "Red X."
Once that name was uttered, nearby supervillains started to freak out and got ready for a fight. Captain Cold prepped his cold gun, Sinestro materialized a huge fist from his ring, Bane pumped some venom into his body, and Livewire coated her hands in electricity as they all searched for the aforementioned assassin.
"Calm down, everyone. Calm down. It was just the name. He is not here, go about your business as usual," Luthor called out.
The other villains did just that and left the immediate area.
The Legion's leader turned back to Felix, "Felix, we don't utter You-Know-Who's name here. Remember?"
"Sorry, sorry. Like I said, I didn't get much sleep last night. Honestly, this coffee is the only thing keeping me on my feet," the sorcerer took another swig of his drink then pointed at the Joker, "Your ex and her team of mismatched minions were there too."
"Harley? Huh, that's odd. Why would she steal a book?" asked the clown.
"It seemed like she was there to help Tala and . . . You-Know-Who. They must be working together now," replied Felix.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" mumbled the psychopathic jester.
"Anyway, I'm going to assume this small hiccup means we won't be summoning an ancient god to conquer the world. Am I right?" asked Lex.
"Worry not, Lex. I will get my tome back. I am far from giving up. I just need to think of a plan," replied the sorcerer.
Before anything else could be said, Joker spoke up, "Believe it or not, I might have an idea that could work."
"You? Are offering to help me? Why?" Felix asked.
"Let's just say . . . I have my reasons," a sinister grin spread across the clown's face.
-(Naruto's apartment)-
Naruto was sitting on the couch, having a cup of instant ramen and watching an action movie while Tala was snuggling up against him. A car chase scene was about to start but it was interrupted by a sudden newsflash; it was being hosted by Tawny Young who was looking quite scared.
She put on a nervous smile, "Hello, Gotham City. Tawny here, reporting to you Live from . . . the rooftop of the Gotham Broadcasting Company."
The camera zoomed out to show the area being, indeed, the rooftop of the aforementioned building and it also revealed that Tawny was hovering in mid-air over the edge.
She continued to speak, "And with me is evil sorcerer supervillain Felix Faust with a very important message."
Felix Faust stepped into view, "Indeed I do."
He levitated her microphone from her hands and to his mouth before facing the camera, "Red X, you have something that belongs to me and I want it back. You will bring it to me to this precise location . . . or else these people will suffer the consequences."
Felix stepped aside to reveal a circle of people tied together by ropes and gagged to keep them quiet.
The sorcerer steps back into view of the camera, "Bring me what I want within two hours. And come alone, just you. Two hours, Red X, two hours."
Faust laughs evilly into the microphone before the newsfeed cuts out; Naruto slurps down the rest of his noodles and stands up.
Tala grabbed his arm before he could do anything else, "You know it's a trap, right? There's no guarantee he'll release those people once he has the tome."
"I know," he said.
"But you're still going to go?" she asked.
"What else can I do? He's calling Red X out."
The sorceress replied, "If you're going to go be the hero, you'll need a plan."
"What did you have in mind?" he asked.
-(Rooftop of Gotham Broadcasting Company)-
Felix Faust tapped his foot impatiently as he checked his watch to see if the two hours he gave Red X were up yet.
"One hour to go," he turned to Tawny and her camera operator Harv who were now tied up with the initial hostages, "Maybe he'll get here faster with some incentive. Perhaps a couple of splattered bodies on the street below."
The reporter and cameraman grew nervous and attempted to back away when Red X materialized onto the rooftop with the tome on his arms.
"Yo, reject street magician! Back away from the hostages," said the master thief.
"'Street magician'? Now that's just insulting," growled Felix.
Tawny sighed in relief upon seeing their savior, "Oh thank you, sweet Jesus."
The wizard set his eyes on the book, "At least you brought me what I wanted. Give it to me."
"Release the hostages," replied Red X.
"Give me my tome," demanded Faust.
"Sure. Just release the hostages first."
"Give me my tome first then I'll release the hostages!"
"Release the hostages first then I'll give you the book."
"You first!"
"Nah, you first."
Their back-and-forth finally made Felix growl loudly in frustration, "I don't have time for these childish games!"
He used his magic to lift up Tawny and dangle her over the edge of the building then he glared at the holder of the tome, "Give me my tome or Ms. Young ends up the newest splatter art on Gotham's sidewalks."
His captive let out a small scream of fright.
"You do that . . . " Red X pulls out a cigarette lighter from his belt, flicks it until he gets a flame, and holds it close to the tome, "And your book goes up in smoke."
Faust growls again, "Alright, alright, alright! Here's the deal – I shall let Ms. Young and her cameraman go free, you give me my tome, then I shall release the rest of the hostages. Sound fair?"
"Okay. But you only get the book once those two are safely out of the area."
"Deal," the wizard placed Tawny back on the rooftop then freed her and Harv from their bonds, "Get going."
"Don't need to tell us twice," she said.
The reporter and the cameraman quickly left the area via rooftop entrance.
Felix glared at Red X, "The tome. Now."
The thief and assassin shut off and pocketed his lighter before holding the book out to the wizard who used his magic to levitate it into his awaiting arms.
"Your turn."
"Of course. But first," Faust held out his hand towards X then a wave of magic shot forth and flowed over him.
"What the . . .?" the master thief suddenly felt drowsy and his eyelids started drooping.
Surprisingly, the same thing was happening to Kurama; the both of them soon fell asleep and the masked Naruto collapsed onto the roof.
Felix smirked, "Nice try."
He waved his hand over the tome and it turned into a normal encyclopedia.
"Looks like Tala has become a bit rusty with her illusions," the wizard tossed the book aside.
The bound hostages vanished and in their place were the minions Felix had with him in the library last night.
He gave them an evil smile, "And it looks like you were useful after all, D-Squad."
One of his henchmen replied in a nasally voice, "Thank you, sir."
-(Back at Naruto's apartment)-
Tala was sitting on the couch while reading a fashion magazine and having a cup of tea, which was on the coffee table in front of her.
She finished an article about the latest fashions from Paris when she heard Felix Faust's voice, "Hello Tala."
The sorceress became alert and looked around, "Felix?"
"Down here," he replied.
She looked down and saw a miniature Faust made of steam; he was standing on the surface of her beverage.
"What are you doing here?" Tala glared at him.
"Oh, Tala. It seems you've forgotten my lesson about asking dumb questions. But since you asked . . . I want my tome back. The real one. Oh and nice try with the illusion but quite disappointing. You've become slack in your skills," he replied, casually checking his fingernails.
She crossed her arms, "And why would I just hand it over to you?"
"I was hoping you'd ask that," the miniature wizard waved his hand and forced some spare steam to take the shape of an unconscious Red X, "Let's just say if you don't, your precious 'master' shall ever awaken again."
Seeing her beloved master like that caused Tala's anger to spike as she bared her teeth like a wild animal and slammed her hands onto the table, "You do anything to him and I swear I'll-!"
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. That's no way to speak to someone who has leverage over you. Especially if the leverage involves a person you care for," Faust smirked.
As much as she hated to admit it, the sorcerer had a point; she took a deep breath.
"Where and when?" she asked in a slightly defeated tone.
A smug smile appeared on his face, "Hmmm . . . let's make it . . . the place where we first met. And as for 'when', you have one hour. See you soon."
Felix and Red X evaporated as Tala dug her nails into the couch cushion.
-(Almost an hour later in a British countryside)-
Felix Faust stood within the ruins of a stone castle and in the middle of the area were his twelve tomes all arranged in an incomplete circle; each tome was opened to the section containing the parts of the summoning ritual.
He glanced at his watch, "Five minutes left. She's certainly taking her time and I surely hope she tries something once she gets here. Just so I can rid this world of you."
The wizard looked to his right where large wooden roots were holding up the still-unconscious Red X then he grinned evilly, "Though maybe I should either way. The Legion of Doom would certainly rest easier at night knowing that you are dead."
"Touch him and your Legion will have one less member within its ranks," called out Tala's voice.
The sorcerer looked to find Tala walking over and in her arms was the real tome.
Felix's grin grew wider, "Ah, good. You've brought it. But if it's another illusion, I'll be quite cross."
"It's real, you rat's asshole," she growled.
He put on a faux forlorn face, "Oh, Tala, no need to be so cruel. I still remember when you used to call me 'teacher'. In fact . . . it was right here in this exact spot where you pledged yourself to my teachings, wasn't it?"
"Yes but that was before you trapped me in a mirror, you putrid slug."
"True. But even you have to admit that being in the ruins of my old castle must have brought back a few good memories to you, right?"
Tala said nothing and just glared at him.
"Oh well, it was worth a try. But I guess it's time to complete our business," Felix held out a hand, "My tome if you please."
"Release my master first."
"After I get my book. And I suggest you cooperate. If you want your precious master to remain in pristine condition," he snapped his fingers and the roots around Red X started to tighten.
Tala saw this and cried out, "Stop!"
Felix smirked as he commanded the roots to cease their actions.
She held the tome out to him, "Take it. Just let him go."
"Set it down and step away. Any tricks and Red X gets the life squeezed out of him," he warned with a smirk.
Tala did what he said; she set the book down on the ground and stepped back before Faust walked over and picked up the book.
He caressed the front cover in a tender manner, "At last."
"Now fulfill your end of our agreement, Felix. Let my master go," the sorceress demanded.
"Of course. I got what I wanted," Felix commanded the roots to place Red X down and sink into the ground, "But I'm afraid there will be a last-minute change to our deal."
With a wave of his hand, more roots sprung up from underneath Tala and wrapped around her.
"You snake!" she glared at him.
"What? I let your beloved master go. That was the deal. But now I have a new proposition for you," the sorcerer walked up to her, "Or more accurately, an old proposition."
He ran a finger over her jawline, "Join me, Tala. You and I can have the world at our mercy. We can even rule the vermin beneath us and crush them on a moment's whim. We will be like gods. What do you say?"
Tala's response was her spitting in his face.
"That was rude though not surprising. You were always quite fiery and stubborn," Felix casually wiped his face clean, "But no matter. There is more than one way to a woman's heart and mind."
Tala growled at her captor who walked over to the circle of tomes.
"First things first. Time to deliver on my promise to Luthor," Faust set the final book in the empty spot.
He quickly flipped through the pages until he came upon the section containing the part for the summoning ritual.
The sorcerer took a breath then said, "Veni, inquit, O antiqui unum. Sapientia enim huius mundi vocationem, et benedicere et magnitudinem tuam narrabunt. Adolebitque ea in ira tua deducet me, et qua ratione detester quem nobis. Post verba autem mea in pace versabitur. Veni foras! Veni, inquit, dico!"
A pentagram made of white light appeared on the ground within the circle of tomes and started to shine brightly. It soon created a luminous pillar that reached up to the sky, which was quickly being covered in dark clouds.
Tala spoke up, "That spell, that was-"
"A ritual to summon one of the Old Gods? Why, yes. Glad to know you retained some of my teachings," grinned Felix, "Once the god arrives, I shall use them to destroy the Justice League and hand the world over on a silver platter to the Legion of Doom! Bwahahahahahahaha!"
His captive just scowled at him.
"I must admit I was expecting so much more from you, Tala. I thought you would put up more of a fight or at least have some kind of plan. But you didn't and are now my captive. Even I have to admit that I didn't think this would work out so well. I guess I'll have to thank that clown for coming up with this idea."
The sorcerer threw her a lecherous smirk, "But you have indeed become too lax during your time with Red X. I had better properly reeducate you and then some later. Maybe tonight. And every night after that."
"First of all, eww. Second, what made you assume I had no plan?" she asked then smirked.
Before he could question her, something large burst out from the ground some feet away from them; it turned out to be a plant monster composed of many thorny vines and a closed red flower for a head.
The blossom opened to reveal an angry Poison Ivy, "Hey, fuckface! You have something that belongs to us!"
Her creature flicked one of its vines and sent a barrage of thorns at the sorcerer who immediately responded by letting loose a stream of fire from his mouth. His attack incinerated the spikes and hit the floral abomination, engulfing it in flames. Ivy, however, managed to avoid the blaze by jumping off and using her powers to mutate some nearby grass to catch her and set her down gently as her monster was reduced to ash.
Felix chuckled, "Seriously? Did you really think I couldn't handle Poison Ivy and her overgrown weeds? Frankly, I'm a little insulted."
"Then it's a good thing we brought our wild card," smirked the redhead.
"'Wild card'?" he asked.
The side of his head was suddenly struck from behind; the hit caused him to spin around and see that the culprit was a black wooden baseball bat wielded by Harley Quinn.
She swung her weapon into his right upper arm, "No one."
Next into his left thigh, "Messes."
Then she struck his stomach, "With."
She followed up with a hit to his back, "Our."
Finally, she uppercutted him in the chin, "Man!"
Her final blow caused blood and a couple of teeth to fly out of his mouth as he fell backwards and lost consciousness. Tala used her magic to burn away the roots restraining her before she and Ivy joined the lady clown.
"Nice work, Harls," the redhead looked at the downed sorcerer.
Tala nodded, "Yes, I knew it was wise to ask you for help."
"Well, I gotta protect what's mine," the blonde with the pigtails grinned.
"Okay. Let's grab our beau and get the fuck outta here," said Ivy.
The sorceress quickly spoke up, "Wait, we have to stop Felix's ritual before-"
A piercing roar from the pillar of light caught their attention and they watched as a large clawed arm rose up from below.
"Something comes through," finished Tala.
"Shit," cursed Ivy.
The sound of chuckling came from Felix Faust as he stood up, "Oh yes, this world shall feel the wrath of a god."
He threw the three ladies a manic grin, "And you three will make the perfect first meal for it."
"As badass as a god destroying the world sounds, I think we'll pass on that and the 'first meal' bit. Ive and I still got a lair to decorate and shit," retorted Harley.
"We'll also be taking back my book," Tala's hands became coated in her magical energy.
His smile turned into a scowl, "It's my book! And you'll take it over my cold dead body!"
"As you wish," the sorceress summoned about three-dozen shades.
"Pathetic," Faust summoned his own horde of shadowy beasts and his looked more fearsome than hers, "Now these are shade creatures."
His creatures immediately charged towards the trio of women but Tala had hers intercept; both sides began to tear each other apart into small clouds of black smoke.
"Time to uneven the odds," Felix summoned more shades that quickly outnumbered Tala's and ripped them into pieces before heading straight for the ladies.
"Enough of this," the sorceress shot some magic into the ground and created a wave of energy that destroyed Felix's shadow creatures and knocked him off his feet.
"Now! Go for the books! We need to grab just one to stop that ritual!" Tala led the two villainesses in a charge towards their intended target.
Felix saw this then created swords from the surrounding stone and sent them flying at the trio.
The sorceress saw the attack coming, "Watch out!"
They managed to dodge a few of the conjured weapons before Ivy used her powers to create a thick wall of grass to protect them as they kept running; the wizard kept up the assault despite the eco-terrorist keeping them safe. The ladies were getting closer to the pillar of light and now, the vague dark shape of a dragon could be seen inside of it.
"The ritual is almost complete. We have to stop it now," said Tala.
Harley got an idea, "Tala, when I give the word, give me a push."
"Huh?"
"Just fuckin' do it, bitch," the lady clown smirked and tossed her bat aside.
She jumped and quickly dropped into a sliding pose before touching the ground, "Now!"
Tala used her magic to do what the blonde asked and gave her a push, causing her to slide even faster towards the pillar of light.
Felix saw and snarled, "No!"
He conjured another stone sword, except this one was larger than the others, and sent it flying towards Harley. The weapon was almost upon her when it was shattered into dust by a magical blast from Tala; the blonde grabbed the nearest tome and took it with her on her slide.
"NOOOO!" cried out Felix.
The pillar of light and the being inside it disappeared by the time the lady clown skidded to a stop. Tala and Ivy joined up with her as the dark clouds in the sky broke.
The eco-terrorist smiled at her best friend, "Nice going, Harley."
"Yes, excellent job," agreed the sorceress.
"Heh, good thing I took Little League baseball as a kid," the blonde stood up.
A shout of frustration rang from Felix Faust as he glared daggers at the trio of women.
"That's it! I've had it with you meddlesome bitches!" he reached into his tunic and pulled out a small demon skull carved from stone.
Tala stepped back in fear, "Oh no."
"What? It's just a fancy carved pebble," said Harley.
"Not for long," Faust grinned sinisterly, "Evigilare faciatis daemonium in me et caro hominis evanescet."
The stone skull melted into his flesh then the wizard hunched over and was engulfed by a cloud of black smoke. Shouts of pain and manic laughter could be heard from the plume as it grew to forty feet tall before disappearing to reveal what happened to Faust. He had been transformed into a horned humanoid demon with gray skin, clawed hands, and talons for feet; his clothes were gone save for his headdress, bracelets, and pants.
Harley glanced at Tala and asked casually, "I'm guess that's what you meant, right?"
"Yes," the sorceress replied.
"Ah. Well, shit."
Felix looked down at the three women, grinned evilly, and inhaled deeply; Tala immediately used her magic to construct a rock wall to protect them from the flames the demon wizard let loose from his mouth.
His adversaries tucked down to further avoid the flames as Ivy said, "This complicates things a bit."
"That is an understatement," replied Tala.
Harley asked, "So we're not going to discuss what the fuck just happened? Why is that limp dick Faust that thing now?"
"The Demon Stone. After the wielder holds it and recites the incantation, they are turned into a demon and their power greatly increases."
"How 'greatly' are we talking here?" asked the redhead.
A blob of molten rock fell between them and burnt the ground.
Tala pointed at it, "About that much."
More blobs dropped down around them.
"Fun idea – let's move our asses, shall we?" Harley suggested.
The sorceress replied, "You two, take the tome and grab Master. I'll keep Felix distracted then we all get out of here."
Her cohorts nodded then Ivy grew the head of a nearby flower to the size of a small car and quickly got onto it, "Harley, let's go."
Harley followed her; the mutated plant pulled its roots from the earth and began carrying the two ladies towards their boyfriend. Felix saw this and was about to take action but his concentration was broken by Tala shooting him in the face with an energy blast. He snarled at her then conjured an orb of lightning in each hand and shot both at his former student.
Tala quickly levitated some nearby stone bricks over and arranged them into a giant pair of open hands to block the attack; it worked but they exploded afterwards and the shockwave knocked her to the ground.
"Gotcha," growled Felix.
He held out his left hand towards her and it glowed momentarily then that same glow covered Tala; she grunted as her body stiffened and levitated into the air. The demon wizard grinned at his handiwork and turned to the mutant flower carrying the other women towards the unconscious Red X. They were almost there until some spiked roots shot up underneath them, skewered their floral ride, and ripped it in half.
Harley and Ivy fell out and the former accidentally dropped the tome upon hitting the ground but before she could retrieve it, Faust cast the same immobilizing spell he used on Tala upon them. He levitated all three of his enemies towards him and grinned evilly as they struggled to move.
"You will die now," he growled and got ready to deliver another fire breath attack.
The ladies watched helplessly as flames gathered in Felix's fanged maw but before he could strike, two small objects flew through the air and embedded themselves into his face. He growled in confusion and his flames subsided; the demon wizard looked to find a pair of X-shurikens stuck in his right cheek. They beeped a few times and soon created a large explosion that caused him to roar in pain. He also lost his focus thus making his spells fail.
The females fell to the ground then looked in the direction the shurikens came from to find Red X on his feet and glaring at the demonized mage.
"Leave them alone," the thief and assassin growled.
The ladies smiled and ran over to him as Harley called out, "Babe!"
"Master!" Tala cried out in joy.
Upon reaching him, they wrapped their arms around X and Ivy said, "We're so glad you're okay!"
"I was so worried about you, my dearest master," said the sorceress.
Harley kissed the side of his helmet, "We all were."
Red X did hear them but he was still glaring daggers at Felix Faust who was growling in pain from his face being burnt.
"Sorry but this love fest is gonna have to wait," he separated from the group hug, "You three stay back. This asshole is mine."
Red X shot off like a bullet towards the demon wizard who finally got over his pain and scowled at his oncoming enemy then conjured some lightning orbs into his hands.
'Ready, partner?' the masked Naruto mentally asked.
'Damn right,' answered Kurama.
'Good. Let's kick this guy's ass. Give me a boost and make it subtle.'
'Got it.'
The master thief and assassin felt a surge of energy throughout his whole body and he sped up as Faust launched his attack. He was unfazed and just pushed his belt buckle thus making him vanish instantly and reappear some yards closer to his foe. Felix launched another pair of electric spheres and the result was the same with X teleporting to avoid harm while getting closer.
The demon wizard decided to switch things up by conjuring a dozen ice spikes then launching them at Red X who dropped down into a slide, pushed his belt buckle, and disappeared once again. Felix waited for his enemy to make an appearance but he was nowhere to be seen; what he did not know was X was behind him. The thief and assassin quickly pulled some metal pellets from his belt and threw them at Faust's left leg where they exploded on contact, forcing the demonized mage onto one knee.
Red X ran over to his demonic foe, jumped onto their back, and climbed until he reached the left shoulder and delivered two punches to either side of the joint; Felix roared as his arm went limp.
"Bastard!" the demon wizard tried to grab his pesky foe.
X reacted by tossing three X-shurikens into Faust's clawed hand; they delivered a painful electric shock that caused him to roar as his foe climbed to his head and clung onto one of his horns. The thief and assassin reached into a pouch at the back of his belt and pulled out a palm-sized black and silver grenade. He pushed a button near the tip of the miniature explosive and it started beeping then he kicked the demon wizard in the left eye, making him bellow in pain even louder.
"Open wide, bitch," growled Red X.
He threw the grenade into Felix's roaring maw and quickly teleported to the ground. The demon wizard felt something slide down his throat and heard a beeping sound coming from inside him; he soon realized what happened.
"Uh oh," Felix grunted.
A large explosion thundered from his gut followed by some smoke billowing from his mouth. His eyes rolled back into his head and he fell backwards onto the ground where he lost consciousness.
Red X walked over to the downed demon, "Never. Mess. With my ladies."
The aforementioned females ran over with Harley calling out, "Foxy!"
They soon saw his handiwork close up as Ivy said, "Whoa. Is he dead?"
Tala saw that Felix was breathing, "No, he's still alive . . . unfortunately."
Smoke started coming off his body and it was not long until he shrank to his original size and returned to being a human.
"Master, would you like to finish the job? And would you like some help?" the sorceress tried to send him a hint.
Red X let out a sigh, "Honestly, Tala, what I would like right now is a nice hot ramen bowl. A big one. With miso and pork."
"But if I may, my master, I believe we should take hold of such a rare opportunity," she said.
"Damn, you really want this guy dead, don't ya? Not that I can blame you," Harley picked up a nearby rock, "M'kay. Leave this to me."
She was getting ready to bash in the sorcerer's face when Ivy said, "Harls, he's immortal, remember? He'll just come back to life or whatever. The guy's like a cockroach."
"Oh, right. Fuck," the lady clown dropped the rock and pouted in disappointment.
Red X placed a hand on her shoulder, "No need to pout, baby. I promise you can kill the first mortal person that tries to kill us next."
Harley smiled a little from hearing him say that.
"And as wonderful as it would be to smash Felix's face in with a rock, I was actually talking about . . . something else," Tala smirked.
-(The House of Mystery)-
Orchid levitated all thirteen of Felix Faust's tomes into a bookshelf in the living area then she smiled, "There."
Naruto, with his helmet on the coffee table, was sitting in an armchair as he looked down at Tala who was kneeling before him.
"Please forgive me, Master. It was my fault you were captured. I should have came up with a better plan," said the sorceress.
"Tala, you rescued me. And helped stop Felix from bringing a dangerous god into our world. Not to mention that you got ahold of his entire collection of tomes. Everything worked out in the end so I call that a huge win," he replied.
"No, Master. Please, I deserve to be punished. Do with me what you wish. I shall concede to whatever you decide."
The hero from another world sighed for he knew she was not going to let this go so he had to come up with something; he quickly got an idea.
"Okay, Tala. You shall be punished," he cleared his throat for a second, "Starting now and for the next two weeks, you are forbidden from calling me 'Master'. You will only call me 'Naruto'. But when around people who do not know of my real identity, you will call me 'Red X'. Understand?"
Tala lowered her head, "Yes, M-Naruto. I understand. You are most fair."
"Good," said Naruto.
Over on a couch, Ivy and Harley watched the exchange.
The redhead whispered to her friend, "She seriously considers that a punishment?"
"It's gotta be a kink thing or something," whispered back the blonde with the pigtails.
The sorceress stood up then sat down next to the other two women though she was in a melancholy mood.
Naruto smiled at his ladies from Gotham City, "And thank you as well, you two."
Ivy replied, "Of course. Once Tala showed up at the mall and asked us for help, there was no way in hell we were refusing."
"Fuck no. No one kidnaps our man and gets away with it," said Harley then she smirks, "Though I thought you were supposed to be some kind of badass. And you went and got yourself captured."
"I'm only human. And the dude blindsided me with a sleeping spell. It wasn't like I saw it coming, I can't see into the future," retorted Naruto, defending himself.
Tala spoke up, "Actually, Mas-Naruto, that sleep spell might have been planned."
"What do you mean?"
"Felix mentioned how 'everything went so well'. So it stands to reason your capture was planned," the sorceress suggested.
"That would make sense. He captures Naruto and gets the tome from you," said Ivy.
"But wouldn't that mean Felix knew Tala might trick him?" Harley asked.
"Well as much as I hate to admit it, Felix is smart. He must have realized I wouldn't give up the real tome so easily and had a contingency plan," said Tala, "But he did mention something about thanking a clown. Whatever that means."
The blonde with the pigtails immediately knew what that meant and growled, "Joker. He must have helped Felix put that plan together. That asshole!"
"Probably to mess with you. Felix must have told him we were with Red X at the library and Joker must have given him the idea to hold X hostage if he didn't get the real book," said the green-skinned redhead.
"Argh! I'm caving in Joker's skull when I get into the Legion of Doom," Harley bared her teeth but she became saddened by a sudden thought, "But I doubt I'll be gettin' in now. I mean I just went against one of their senior members. That's gotta be bad for my chances."
"I don't know. Like you said, you helped stop one of their members from taking over the world. I think that might get you some serious recognition," said Naruto.
"You think so?"
"Yeah. Maybe it'll make them realize you're better off with them than against them. If you can stop a master wizard, you could probably stop any other villain out there. Trust me, they'll want you."
A hopeful smile appeared on Harley's face.
He continued to speak, "But I gotta admit, I'm proud of all three of you. You worked together and held your own against one of the most dangerous magical supervillains in the world. I feel I should reward you with something. Maybe dinner and a movie?"
The women on the couch looked at each other and smirked before the redhead among them said, "Actually, we had a feeling you'd want to reward us for saving you or whatever. So we came up with an idea already."
"Oh? What's that?"
She and the other two walked over to their shared lover and surrounded him; he actually became a little nervous.
Harley leaned against the left side of his armchair, "Since we just risked our lives to save ya and the fuckin' world for that matter . . . "
"It's only right you pay us back in the manner of our choosing," said Ivy on his right.
Tala draped her arms around his neck from behind, "And we have chosen . . . an angel's four-way. An intense one, our dear Naruto."
"Oh . . . you sure you ladies wouldn't want dinner first?" asked a nervous Naruto.
"No," they said in unison.
Orchid came over, "Shall I, once again, ready the master bedroom for sexual activities?"
"Please do, Orchid. And add some whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and honey this time," replied the sorceress.
"As you wish," the house spirit said with a small smirk.
Before she left, the lady clown asked her, "Wait, 'once again'? Have these two fucked here before?"
"They have, quite a few times. They say it is the best place to be alone," confessed the purple woman, "Though . . . Tala is not the first woman Naruto has taken within these walls."
"Oh? Who was the first?" the eco-terrorist was intrigued.
Orchid did not say a word; instead, she gave a coy smile and her cheeks appeared to blush.
"Ha! I knew it! I fuckin' knew it! I told you, Ive. I told you!" Harley grinned like a maniac.
"Okay, okay, you were right," said Ivy, admitting defeat.
Tala cleared her throat for a moment, "Orchid, the master bedroom, please."
"Of course," the house spirit disappeared then the three ladies grabbed Naruto and dragged him over to the staircase.
-(Later at the Abandoned Mall)-
Harley attached some wires to the back of the big screen television in the living area then grabbed the remote and turned it on.
She smiled upon seeing the screen light up, "Entertainment system is up and running."
King Shark finished filling their new indoor pools with toys and water, "Pools are done."
Clayface moved the last of the furniture into place before announcing with a big grin on his face, "And our furniture is set."
"Nice work, everyone. This place is definitely feeling like the most badass lair in all of Gotham City," said the lady clown.
Ivy placed the last of her plants into the gardening plots and turned around to look at their new home, "You know, Harls, I'll admit I had some doubts about this place. But there's no denying that it's really come together."
"See? I told you – we define the lair," replied her best friend.
"A blank canvas for us to shape into our very image," said Clayface.
"Uh, yeah. Exactly," Harley turned towards their new pizza parlor kitchen where Tala could be seen leaning over a counter, "How's it going over there, you two?"
Red X's head popped up, "Good. Should be done very soon."
"Sweet. Thanks, babe," Harley threw him a wink.
He ducked back down before holding a hand out to the sorceress, "Duct tape, please."
She grabbed the requested adhesive from a nearby toolbox and handed it to him, "Here you go, my dear Mas- I mean Red X."
"Thank you. And good job on sticking to your punishment," he took it and resumed working on whatever it was he was doing as his lovely servant smiled a little from his praise.
Back in the living area, Harley dropped onto the couch.
"Fuck yeah. This place makes Joker's look like a total dump in comparison," she grinned.
Red X and Tala soon came over then he announced, "And it's about to get even better."
He hands his bleached-skin babe a small remote control, "Your brand new lair-wide stereo system is ready to go."
She squealed in delight, took the controller from him, and pushed the power button; the sound system came to life and played "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions.
"Oh fuckin' awesome!" Harley immediately latched onto her shared-boyfriend, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
"No problem," he said.
Suddenly, Dr. Psycho's voice screamed out, "TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT DOWN!"
The telepath arrived onto the scene, holding a full icepack to his head, "Some of us are still trying to recover from a fucking concussion!"
He sat down on the couch as Harley turned off the sound system and asked, "How's the head, Psycho?"
"You tell me," Psycho removed the pack to reveal a rather large bump.
"Hey, it's not bleeding anymore. That's a good sign," grinned King Shark.
"Let us take a look," Clayface used his powers to give himself a white doctor's coat, a head mirror, and a clipboard, "Now, does it hurt when I do this?"
He gave the bump a quick flick and it made the telepath cry out in pain, "Owowowowowowowow!"
"Well, he didn't curse at the top of his voice this time. He must be getting better," Ivy smirked.
"I wouldn't have this goose egg on my head in the first place if you're fucking boyfriend's ghost didn't send me flying. LIKE A FUCKING ROCKET!" screamed the diminutive villain as Clayface assumed his normal form.
The redhead chortled, "That was still fucking awesome."
"Not my fault that she didn't like you, Psycho. Consider yourself lucky she aimed for the couch," chuckled Red X.
Psycho scowled at him, "Fuck you, you psychopathic asshole! You shouldn't even be here! The last thing we need is for you to be around us more."
"Ugh, this again?" Harley asked.
"Don't you get it? The Legion of Doom knows we were with X in London. They probably think we're his helpers or some bullshit. Our chances of gettin' in are gone! We. Are. Screwed. Big time!" stressed the telepath.
"And here I thought Clayface was the drama queen of this crew," said the lady clown.
"It appears I have been dethroned. Oh such is the cruel ways of the universe. It hath no mercy for those underneath its mighty thumbs," said the aforementioned shapeshifter in a dramatic fashion.
"Maybe fifty-fifty," said King Shark.
Harley spoke to her telepathic teammate, "Psycho, relax. The Legion of Doom is not going to think we're working with X. Once we go back to doing our own shit like stealing stuff or whatever, we'll be back in the running in no time. Plus I helped beat one of their members. They gotta be impressed by that."
The diminutive telepath glared at his blonde boss, "How can you be so fuckin' naïve? I'm telling you right now, our chances are dead. And all because of your asshole of a man-whore boyfriend and his overrated magic spewing bitch."
Suddenly, Red X gave Psycho a right jab to the side of his head then kicked him in the face so hard that he vaulted over the couch; the telepath lost consciousness shortly after.
Everyone turned to the master thief and assassin who shrugged and said, "What? He should've remembered what I told Felix – watch who you call a bitch in front of me."
Tala hugged his arm while giving him a loving smile, "My hero."
Harley suddenly asked everyone, "Hey, anyone up for some pizza?"
"Ooh, I could go for some. It is the traditional meal to have after a big move, after all," King Shark licked his lips at the thought of the aforementioned food.
"Let's go to Julia's in Little Italy. Their Parmesan breadsticks are superb and go excellent with their pepperoni and sausage pizza," smiled Clayface.
Ivy chimed in, "Ah, that make-your-own-salad is the best."
"I'm more of a fan of their calzones. Especially with that delicious garlic dipping sauce," said Tala.
"But the stuffed ravioli they make is pretty damn good too," added Red X.
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go," cheered Harley.
They took their leave as Frank called out from one of the gardening plots, "Bring me back a meatball sub! You owe me for those motherfuckin' fish and chips you forgot!"
"Got it, Frank!" answered Ivy.
He crossed his arms and grumbled, "Damn right."
The mutant flytrap decided to watch a little television so he stretched into viewing range to get a better look, completely ignoring the small groan of pain coming from behind the couch.
And there you have it! I hope you all enjoyed this new original chapter!
One more thing - this story has a new custom-made cover image! It was commissioned by Rebelling Death here on FanFiction and Koniak007 over on deviantART. I thank them both for such a wonderful and generous gift. Check them out!
Another piece of news comes from me - I got a couple of new story ideas bubbling in my mind. Maybe you'll enjoy them, maybe you won't. I'll have to write them first to see what happens.
Until next time, here's to a happy new year! See you all next time!
