Disclaimer: Do I really own Red Dwarf and everything related to it?... No, no i don't - But I do own my imagination and that's in my brain and NO ONE can take that away from me!... Unless you are a mad scientist with a hacksaw... Or a zombie hunter with a really big shotgun...
Sorry it's taken soooooo long! I've been busy with school work and stuff - I should be now but I was determined to get the next chapter up before I went to finish off my History.
On another note I thought I'd give you an example of a good thing and a bad thing that happened to me yesterday (the dreaded Friday 13th)
Good Thing: Got an A or A+ on all my GCSE History Coursework.
Bad Thing: Fell down 6 of our 7 stairs because of those stupid pink scary socks my cousin got me for my birthday! I now have a giant bruise forming on my spine, am in lots of pain and I think it made my arthritus in my left hand worse... Then again I don't have to do PE on Monday & Tuesday, so yay!...ish
Anyway - Read on!
Bright Idea?
Lister and Rimmer staggered into the cockpit to find a rather unusually dishevelled Cat asleep in his chair with cotton wool hanging out of his ears – Held in place by stylish velvet ear muffs. Lister yawned and collapsed into his chair, groaning as he pulled an empty mug that Kryten had missed from underneath him. He dumped the mug on his console clumsily, causing the mug to fall to the floor and shatter, the crash waking Cat up with a start. The crash also woke somebody else up as a sound of crying came from the kitchen.
"Awwwww my gawd!" Cat moaned as he ran a hand through his hair, removing the ear muffs and cotton wool at the same time, in one fluid movement.
"Sssorry." Lister slurred with tiredness in response to Cat's moan of anguish and Rimmer's screwed up facial expression.
"Cat squinted at his reflection in one of the darkened monitors and looked closely at his tired face, his imperfect hair, his heavy and luggage carrying eyes… What made him feel even worse was how his precious black suit with the gold tassels was crumpled beyond repair – not mentioning the missing tassel that had got caught in the safety pin when he had been on brown alert the night before.
"I look worse than one of your dates – Look at me – I have big enough bags under these eyes to carry all my clothes! – Somebody please – Send me to a health spa!" He groaned and closed his eyes, trying to block out the sound of the crying that seemed to be getting louder and louder. He opened his eyes and turned round to see Kryten coming towards the cockpit, carrying Nirvana.
"You remember the time I said the best thing about having kids is when they grown up and leave home?" Cat said, turning back to Rimmer and Lister who nodded in response.
"Any chance of it happening in three days again?"
"As she's already several weeks old and been here for two of them – I wouldn't hold your breath." Lister replied sullenly as Kryten entered.
"What's wrong with it now? The cup smashing was minutes ago!" Rimmer grumbled as he inched away from Kryten and Nirvana. He had been trying to stay away from her as much as possible and resented it when she was in close proximity or he was forced to baby-sit while the others slept and Kryten got some downtime.
"Deaf mode cancel." Kryten muttered under his breath, beneath the baby's wails. "What did you say sir?"
"I SAID what's wrong with it now!" Rimmer repeated in an exasperated and tired voice as despite being a hologram and technically not needing to sleep, Rimmer still felt tired and wanted to sleep and dream – he supposed it was one of those problems with his programming Kryten had been talking about before Rimmerworld.
"I'm afraid I don't know sir, she's fed, burped, and no longer on brown alert – In all honesty – I have no idea what's wrong with the little bugger!" Kryten yelled above the continuous drone of Nirvana's vocal chords.
"Great! Fantastic! This is all your fault Lister!" Rimmer accused at the top of his lungs.
"Oh yeah? And how'd you work that one out?" Lister yelled back as he took Nirvana and tried to rock her to sleep, the crying subsiding slowly.
"Well you… It just is ok!" Rimmer blustered as he snorted and folded his arms.
"Right Rimmer, absolutely, you NEVER mess up now do you?" Lister sighed sarcastically as the small, blanket clad bundle in his arms became silent except for her soft, quiet breathing.
"At last – This is worse than watching you give birth… Almost." Cat yawned as he stretched back in his chair.
"Nice to know you have such strong maternal instincts." Lister scoffed as he rolled his eyes.
"Hey – When I have kids they'll be easy to look after." Cat protested sleepily.
"Oh yeah? Why?"
"There'll be a woman involved for a start!"
"Dream on." Listed sighed as he stood up.
"I will." Cat sang as he closed his eyes and put his ear muffs back on.
Lister shook his head and turned to the others. "Sleeping beauty's out so which of you two will look after her while I go change?"
"Why'd you need to change?" Rimmer asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Rimmer, I'm covered in drool!"
"Never bothered you before." He replied with a sly smile.
"Very funny, even I have some standards you know."
"Yes but with you standards usually mean the flag variety."
"Oh I'm in stitches, Kryters?" He asked as he turned away from the hologram and looked pleadingly at Kryten.
"Errrr well sirs I've got to clear up the broken cup and someone has to turn on Howard and keep an eye on Percy." Kryten insisted guiltily as he disappeared to fetch a dustpan and brush.
Lister and Rimmer raised their eyebrows and looked at each other sceptically for a moment. "He's lost it." Rimmer muttered after a small silence, Kryten returning a few seconds later.
"Who's Howard and Percy, Krytes?" Lister asked as he gently rocked Nirvana.
"What sir? Oh yes, Howard the washing machine and Percy the iron – I find the electrical equipment much more agreeable with identities." Kryten explained as he began to clear up the shards of broken pottery.
"…Oooooookay, well that just leaves you Rimmer." Lister stated as he pushed Nirvana into Rimmer's arms and jogged out of the cockpit before he had a chance to object.
Rimmer scowled crossly, so far he had completely managed to baby sit her without having to hold her, (mostly by staying in soft light form) and he knew why he recoiled at having to hold her – He hated physical contact, he liked to keep a barrier around himself – It was always easier, but she reminded him of pain and suffering. This innocent little thing reminded him of Rimmerworld, what he'd gone through, what he could have been, what he wanted to forget...
He bit his lip and frowned as he wondered if he ever could have changed like Nirvana's mother had… He didn't think he could really, he was too old… Well too dead to change now.
He sighed dejectedly and looked down at Nirvana, realising in shock that she was awake and looking up at him with her now clear emerald eyes. He waited for her to start crying… But nothing! – She even seemed content!
Kryten looked over and noticed Nirvana's consciousness and seemingly happy demeanour. "She must recognise a bond between you and her mother." He observed quietly as he brushed up the last of the debris and stood up.
"Well thank you Trisha! Haven't you got irons called Percy to council?" Rimmer snapped grumpily.
"Sir! I think that's a tad inconsiderate! Percy's problems are just… Well… They are… I'll just go…" He mumbled as he realised what he was saying. He shuffled out of the cockpit and disappeared into the kitchen.
Rimmer sighed again but noticed that he was starting to feel more relaxed. He scowled at Nirvana, though in response she just gurgled and smiled. For a moment Rimmer smiled back as well, but then dismissed her expressions as wind and scowled again.
After a few minutes of listening to Cat's quiet, even breathing, and Nirvana's soft cooing Rimmer felt himself drifting off to sleep for the first time in days.
He smiled in his slumber as he saw an image of a woman in the distance, surrounded by light. He ran towards her but she turned away before he was close enough to see who she was. He continued to run – So close now, he could hear his name been called in the air. He stopped beside her and stretched out his hand to touch her and…
"RIMMER!" Lister hissed as loud as he dared so as not to disturb Nirvana whilst shaking Rimmer's shoulder.
Rimmer jolted awake and looked up at Lister who had a grin plastered across his tired and ragged face. A cleanish shirt – The one with only 2 gravy stains and some mashed potato was half on, half off and he seemed as excited as a kid at Disney Land – Before they ate too much and threw up on a roller coaster.
"You complete and total GIT! I –" Rimmer began but was blocked by Lister as he began to babble.
"I've got a plan!" He blurted out as Cat yawned and opened his eyes sleepily.
"Is it a 'smeg us off so much we whack you with a sledgehammer' plan?" Rimmer hissed grumpily.
"Haven't you too ever heard of consideration? I'm trying to catch up on a backlog of beauty sleep here!"
"Will you guys just listen?" Lister said in a now exasperated manner as he pulled his other arm through the shirt and picked out one of his jackets as Kryten came in carrying a pile of washing.
"I know how to send Nirvana to her father!" Lister stated proudly, grinning proudly again as everyone stared in shock and hope as the news began to sink in…
