Disclaimer: Do I own Red Dwarf? In my dreams! Along with all my other baybays, and we have lots of adventures... Mostly running away from killer beasts...
Well sorry this chapter's so short, but I think it deals with the situation ok - and plus I love they way I turned to the Lister/Cat/Kryten/Brainwave cliche around a little - Anyway enjoy!
P.S: Just read a review for Chapter 10 as I wrote this A/N and I thought I'd share this from Bex's review: "Cat's a former feline" I get what you mean Bex, now you explained that he's more man than cat. I just thought it was kinda funny you described him as if he was a recovering alcoholic or something. Aaaaaanyway, that was my useless observation of the day, so now have fun reading on while I go look for some Distal Gesic (or however it's spelt) for my back pain. (- Stupid Stairs/Scary Socks)
Maybe Not…
"Well?" Rimmer asked after quite a long pause.
"Well what?"
"What's your plan?" Rimmer reminded as he rolled his eyes and handed Nirvana to a protesting Cat.
"Yeah bud – This cannot go on for much longer! – Think of my beauty routine!" Cat whined as he gently unhooked Nirvana's fingers from one of the tassels on his jacket.
"What, oh yeah! – We could somehow change the molecular structure of the teleporter using the data we've collected and turn the ship into like a time machine so we can go search for this Chris guy!" Lister grinned and waited for lots of enthusiasm for the so simple an idea, followed by all the sciency stuff from Kryten, though got a completely unexpected response;
"Sir, an ingenious plan with just two drawbacks." Cat looked up in shock at Kryten – HE hadn't said anything dumb yet… He didn't think so anyway.
"One, it's impossible as – No Mister Cat, I'm not talking to you – It's impossible because of our limited technology and if we attempted to do what you propose now – We would all be turned inside out and explode simultaneously due to the unstable velocity and mass balance between the teleporter and Starbug. And two – The rest of us are not as mad as you appear to be!" Kryten then turned away, partly from shame of not been able to side with the human, and partly because a third reason was that he didn't want to die before he'd finished folding the laundry.
At the exact same moment of Kryten's turning, Lister blinked at being given the stupid treatment, while Cat blinked at not.
"I dunno what you just said but it was probably so stupid I should have said it!" Cat observed after a moment.
"It was just an idea!" He defended, smiling sarcastically at Cat.
"Yeah and if you want yourself killed, that's fine, but don't bring us into it – I for one don't want to be splattered across the universe thank you very much!" Rimmer said, flaring his nostrils and smiling smugly.
"Alright! Keep your 'H', groinal attachments and crocodile skin shoes on!" Lister urged feeling quite angry – At least he was trying to do something!
"It's alligator." Cat corrected knowingly, playing 'juggle the baby' as he stood up. He passed Nirvana to Lister and mumbled something about changing into a tassel free suit as he left the room.
Lister watched as the others followed, he wanted to shout something out – But what? He looked down at Nirvana who was beginning to whine and gurgle in his arms. "You can shut up and all!" He warned though his voice was jaded and lethargic – All his anger and frustration gone, like a dog abandoning its master.
