Chapter Two
Struggling with a heavy hose, Ava cursed and finally tossed it on the ground. A chuckle behind her made her turn around to see Aaron standing there. He nodded toward the hose and said, "She's a tough one to wrangle."
Ava scowled and gestured to the garden, where she had been trying to put the hose so she could water her tomatoes. "Didn't look as heavy as it is. I thought I could get it."
Aaron nodded. "I can help you."
"You sure you're not busy?" She asked, tilting her chin to indicate the stack of books in his hands.
He grinned. "I was just running these to the guard station for Eugene. Give me a minute?"
"I'll walk with you. It's too hot to stand in one place for long."
"Sure is," he agreed as he glanced up at the sun shining from a cloudless sky. "C'mon."
She fell into step beside him, appreciating his easy strides that were long but not excessively so. He made it easy to keep up with him, unlike Daryl who went at his own pace and expected whoever was with him to keep up. But that was okay; it usually meant Daryl was ahead and could see danger coming before anyone else.
"How're you liking it here?" Aaron asked. "I know you've been here a while, but things have been so busy we haven't had a chance to talk."
Ava nodded. "I like it. It's great."
"Getting along okay with everyone?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
They walked in silence for a while, waving at others who greeted them as they passed by, and then Ava asked, "How're you doing?"
"Okay."
"Good."
"I saw Daryl come out this morning, and he looked a little upset. Everything okay?"
She gave another nod. "Yeah. He had a nightmare last night and it pissed him off. I just let him go, sort it out himself."
"Probably the best thing. Sometimes trying to push him into talking just makes him..."
"Clam up tighter?" Ava filled in, and when Aaron nodded she added, "I know. That's why I left it alone. He's getting better at talking about things, but it has to be on his own time."
"So you two are pretty close."
A chuckle made its way past her lips. "I dunno about that."
"Why?"
They had arrived at the tower, and Ava took the pile of books from Aaron so he could bang on the metal door with his fist. When he turned back to her, she shrugged and said, "Sometimes I think so, but then he pulls away and barely says two words to me."
Aaron banged again on the guard tower before saying, "That's just Daryl. He keeps his distance as a defense mechanism."
"Well, I'd like to know what he thinks little ol' me is gonna do to him. I can barely fight, and he's got at least 60 pounds on me."
"Physically he's stronger, yes." Aaron swallowed a sigh as the door to the tower finally swung open, and Eugene stood there with a bland expression on his face. As soon as he saw the books in Ava's hands, however, he nodded emphatically.
"Those are the exact publications I have been searching for. I am very much looking forward to perusing their contents forthwith."
She handed him the stack. "Okay. Have fun with that."
"I appreciate you bringing these," he said to Aaron. "With the help of these manuals, I should be able to construct a more stable and efficient means of converting our extra corn supplies into ethanol, and after employing the help of Mr. Daryl Dixon and a few others who have been gifted with mechanical knowledge, we can modify the fuel tanks of our various vehicles to receive said ethanol, so that we can travel further in our blessed country than previously attempted with our now-dwindling gasoline stores. Speaking for everyone in this community, I sincerely thank you again."
Aaron simply nodded and patted him on the shoulder. "It's no problem. Glad to help."
Eugene stepped back into the building and closed the door, and they could both hear the lock engage with a click. Aaron turned to look at Ava, and she gazed back at him with her eyebrows knitted in confusion. He couldn't help but smile at her expression, and in turn she also smiled back. Then, she snorted a laugh and began to chuckle, and he joined in.
"Not to be mean, but he's just so weird," she said with a shake of her head. "How can anyone keep a straight face?"
"Sometimes it's just because no one can understand what he's saying," Aaron told her as they turned and began to walk back toward the gardens. He changed the subject after a long yet not awkward silence. "You care about Daryl a lot."
"Of course. He's a good man, but I think a lot of times he forgets that."
"So you're there to remind him."
She shrugged. "For as long as he'll let me."
"And then what?"
"Huh?"
"What happens if, or when, he decides he doesn't want you around anymore?"
"That won't happen," she said with a shake of her head.
Aaron lifted an eyebrow. "How do you know?"
"I don't, but..."
"You haven't thought about it," he finished for her.
"I have, briefly. But I try not to. I know he's a loner and values his personal space."
"Being with you two all the time is new for him. He's not even sure how to be around himself sometimes."
Ava sighed. "What are you getting at, Aaron? That I shouldn't be surprised if he takes off one day and doesn't come back?"
He shrugged, then leaned down and picked up the hose she had been fighting with before. Hanging it over his shoulder, he carefully stepped over the chicken wire fence surrounding the garden as he said, "All I'm saying is, Daryl's having a hard enough time figuring out life these days. And now he's also trying to fit you and Chloe into that equation. It might not be as smooth a transition as we think it should be."
"You make it sound like you have a problem with Daryl."
He shook his head. "Not at all. I love him like a brother; have since I met him. But I don't want to see you get hurt."
"Why?" She asked. "You barely know me."
As he guided the hose over the fence and then set the end back on the ground inside the garden, he shrugged and ducked his head sheepishly. "I just don't. Go ahead and turn the water on."
She did so, but she also refused to let the subject drop. She didn't know him as well as Rick or Daryl, but she did know that Aaron never did anything without a reason, "just because".
"Aaron."
He looked up at her, his blue eyes bright in the sun.
"Come back over here."
Avoiding the dirt that was now turning muddy from the gushing hose, he climbed back over the fence and met her on the other side. She took his hands in hers and peered up into his handsome face. She was glad that he'd finally shaved his beard down to stubble. The thick hair on his face had made him look so much older than he was.
"What is it?" She asked.
He stared down at her wistfully. Softly, he said, "You look so much like her. It's..."
She shook her head, the breeze blowing through her chestnut hair so it got caught on her lips. "Who?"
She was mildly alarmed to see tears form in his eyes as he answered her. "Charlotte." He let out a watery sigh and blinked, sending twin droplets sliding down his cheeks, and her heart ached for him. "She's...she was my sister." He huffed out a laugh. "I dunno why I'm...it's been so long."
Pulling him into a hug, Ava laid her head on his shoulder. She wanted to say something to make him feel better, but words were not what he needed now. She simply stood there holding him. Daryl walked past with a questioning look on his face, as if he were asking her if she needed his help and which she answered with a short shake of her head. She stayed there even when Judith rushed up to her and hugged her legs, but thankfully Enid quickly came to her rescue and snagged the toddler up in her arms.
When Aaron finally cleared his throat and sniffed, she gently released him from the hug but instead laid her hands on his shoulders. Looking straight into his eyes, she said, "I'm sorry."
He nodded, unable to trust his voice at first. When the lump in his throat had shrunk enough to speak, he replied, "Thanks. She was...amazing."
"You miss her a lot."
"I do. But then I see you."
And it's not so bad, she finished his thought for him. She let her hands drift to his face, feeling the slight stubble scratch her fingers. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head, but then said, "I'd love to." Before she could speak, he rushed on, "But I'm supposed to go out with Rick and Glenn soon. I just...I wanted to make sure you were okay."
She smiled. He was so sweet. "I get it. But you don't have to worry. Daryl would never hurt me."
"Not on purpose. But like I said, this is all new territory for him. Mistakes are bound to be made."
"That goes without saying. For both sides."
"Ava..." he sighed, and she chuckled once before gently kissing his cheek.
"I know. Thank you for worrying about me, and I'll be careful."
He nodded and gave her a quick, tight hug. "I'm here, any time."
She laughed. "Well, except now because you're leaving."
That made him smile, finally. "Right."
"I think it'll be okay. Daryl will probably behave himself while you're gone, anyway."
"He better."
"I mean, it's not like he's gonna suddenly jump up and grope me or something."
He eyed her. "You sound disappointed."
"I am," she admitted a little glumly. "I mean, we've kissed, but then he gets all weird and shuts down." Aaron just looked at her, and she started to blush furiously. "I mean, uh...nothing crazy has happened. He's a perfect gentleman."
"You don't want him to be?"
"No. Well, yeah. But just once I'd like to know exactly how he feels..."
He sighed. "But that's the problem. He doesn't even know that." At her confused stare he explained, "When Daryl first came to the camp, even before I met them, he was a hothead. Impulsive, immature, full of rage and confusion. He had a ton of issues and no way to resolve them. Over time he managed to grow up some, but that current of anger and lack of impulse control still runs through his veins."
"I know," she told him, recalling their various arguments in the past.
"And as I'm sure you also know, once he gets to a certain point - wherever that is - he loses control and lets whatever emotion take over. And that scares him. It makes him feel like he's failing."
She shook her head. "Failing? I don't..."
"If he can't control himself, then how is he supposed to keep anyone around him safe? How is he supposed to protect others if he can't even protect them against himself?"
"So what you're saying is that he won't let himself get close to me because he's afraid of losing control and hurting me?"
Aaron held up his hands. "Just a guess."
"But an educated one," she murmured. The more she thought about it, the more sense it made. She blew out a breath. "D'you think he'll ever get over it?"
"No clue."
"Great."
The curly-haired man inhaled deeply and slowly let it out. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to doubt that he cares for you, because he definitely does. Like I said, I just don't want either of you to be hurt because you don't understand what's going on."
Ava nodded in return. "Thanks."
Someone whistled then, shrill and loud, and Aaron winced. "I'd love to chat some more, but that's the Rick-signal. Gotta go."
She grinned and hugged him again, and Daryl, who happened to be walking past once again, shot her a confused glance. She didn't know what he was worried about; Aaron was most definitely not into girls and everyone knew it. Hell, he had a boyfriend.
"Be careful," she told him.
He kissed the top of her head, warm from the summer sun. "You, too."
Waking up in a bed was still disconcerting for him.
He was so used to bedrolls, tents and concrete floors that feeling the plush mattress under his back almost sent him into a near panic. Even as a child, the bed he'd slept on had been little more than a thin pad on top of a slab of plywood, with a threadbare, folded-up blanket for a pillow. Sheets were a luxury reserved for his parents' bed; the exception to this rule were the old crib sheets his mother had recycled into window curtains, so stained up that they almost looked tie-dyed.
Just as frightening for him was the warmth of another person sleeping beside him. Yes, he and Merle had shared a bed when they were young, often out of necessity as they were both freezing under their thin covers. But unless Merle had suddenly decided to smell like Britney Spears it was not him lying there now.
Not to mention that Merle was dead and had been for quite a while, so...there was that.
Daryl moved his head and caught another slight whiff of perfume, and now he recognized it almost right away. Lavender. Ava's shampoo was lavender. He knew, because he'd been the one to get it for her. She said it was her favorite so far; it left her hair smooth and moisturized.
Why the fuck did he know that? Normally he didn't pay attention to mundane shit like that. Where the deer were running, where they were bedding down and when they were in rut - those things were important to him, or had been. Not things like makeup and shoes.
Thinking of girly stuff made him think of Chloe, asleep in the next room. Would the world have settled back into some sort of normalcy by the time she grew up? Would she have a prom, go on a date? Would she have a fairy-tale wedding with the poofy dress and tuxedos? The idea made him break out in a cold sweat. He wasn't even sure how to raise a toddler - how was he supposed to be a parent to a teenager? Would he do a good job or fuck it all to hell like his parents did?
Ava's hand on his arm made him open his eyes. She was staring at him in the dim early-morning light like he'd grown a second head, and it took a moment for him to realize that he had said some of what he had been thinking out loud.
"You'll do fine," she told him in a soft voice, just before a yawn overtook her. Then, she snuggled into the crook of his arm and amended, "We will do fine."
"How d'you know?" He asked, gently stretching his sore limbs so he didn't reopen the wounds on his torso. Thankfully in the last few days since Carol's arrival the swelling over his eye had gone down, the black turning to a yellowish purple. It still looked terrible, but it didn't hurt as much as before.
Her lips quirked up in a smile. "Because you love that little girl..."
"You sayin' my parents didn't?"
"No," she replied. "And I'm not saying we'll never make mistakes, 'cuz we will. But think about it, Daryl; you once told me that you were lost out in the woods for nine days and when you came back no one even noticed you were gone. Does that sound like they cared?"
He shook his head. "Guess not."
"Because I saw how you looked when Jude went missing. You were almost as upset as Rick. You can't tell me that if Chloe were to disappear you wouldn't go crazy looking for her."
"I'd kill anyone, tried to hurt her."
Ava grinned and kissed his cheek. "And that's how I know you're a good dad."
He made a sort of grunt in his throat and pushed himself up onto his elbows. Realizing that he was bare-chested, he started to pull the sheet over it out of habit but then suddenly stopped. He no longer needed to hide himself from her. She had seen and felt his scars a long time ago, and she had not acted at all as he'd feared she would - like he was some freak at a circus - but instead had remained silent and just traced them with her fingertips. It was what he needed, not to be pitied or felt sorry for but just to be understood. Still, he wished to retain some sort of decency around her. He had let her sleep beside him, but he was fairly sure she understood it was not some sexual thing but purely a perk of their friendship. Which, he also felt bad about. He knew she liked him - she had made it abundantly clear many times since they had met - and although he liked her, too, he just couldn't allow her to be that close to him. Not because he didn't trust her, but because he didn't trust himself. But having her close meant he didn't have to go far to protect her, and he needed to do that, for Chloe's sake.
A thought came to him then and made him frown, and she wrinkled her forehead in concern. "What's wrong?" She asked. "Something hurt?"
"Nah," he answered, though honestly his back did burn where the stitches pulled. "Jus'...we don't know when Chloe's birthday is."
"We can guess. Maybe Doc Carson can tell..."
"Could be off by months."
She nodded. "Possibly. Unfortunately we don't have a calendar anymore. We have to guess a lot of things. Holidays, other important dates..." She ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, do you really know when Jude's birthday is? Or yours?"
"She 's born in the summer. It 's hot as hell."
"Well, let's see what the Doc says when he gets back, and pick a date around then."
"A'ight."
There was a long pause, and then she said, "You never said when your birthday was."
"Yeah."
"So, you don't remember?"
His reply was little more than a grunt, and she knew better than to push at a touchy subject, but she was really curious to know.
"It had to be on your driver's license," she went on as she sat up and crossed her legs under her.
"Don't," he warned, throwing an arm over his eyes in an attempt to look like he was going back to sleep, hoping that it would make her be quiet.
"I bet you're a November baby. You seem like a Scorpio to me."
"Ava..."
"What? I just think it'd be cool to know..."
He also sat up, ignoring the searing pain shooting through his body as he did so. "Are you deaf, or stupid? I don't wanna talk about it!"
Outburst over, he muttered a curse under his breath and flopped back down onto the pillow. Ava ran her tongue over suddenly dry lips. She wanted to apologize, but she knew that would just make things worse, so she simply sat there picking at the woven blanket.
Daryl cracked open an eyelid, watching her. He knew he was being an ass and should apologize. It wasn't her fault, he reasoned with himself. She didn't know everything about his life before. But thinking about his birthday brought up just about every bad memory he had, from his childhood onward.
But he had to make this right. He wasn't really mad at her; he was mad at his parents and their shitty upbringing. He lashed out at the wrong person. He closed his eyes and Beth's face swam up from the depths, her wide blue eyes staring straight into his soul, and he remembered that day at the cabin when she had accused him of being cold, of acting like he didn't care about anyone. You're doing it again, she whispered, her lips twisting into a disapproving frown, and he squeezed his eyelids together as if that would block her out.
Taking a deep breath, Daryl opened his eyes and reached out his hand, brushing Ava's arm with his fingertips. She stiffened for a moment, unsure of how to react, but when she turned her head over her shoulder to look at him she saw guilt in his eyes, and her eyebrows furrowed curiously.
"Sorry," he said. "Ain't mad at ya."
She simply nodded. If he wanted to explain she would listen, and if not then she would leave it alone.
"Never had a birthday," he quietly went on. "Ain't no money fer cake an' ice cream when yer shit-poor."
Her gaze softened. "You never even got a card? Or a Hostess cupcake?"
"Nah."
"A Twinkie?"
He shook his head.
Well, damn. Now she felt like an ass.
"I'm sorry, Daryl. I didn't know..."
"I know," he interrupted. He took hold of her arm and tugged her toward him, and as she lay back down beside him he wrapped his arms around her and softly said, "'S okay."
She settled in the hollow of his shoulder, her nose pressed into his collarbone. As he rested his chin on her head he pondered his level of comfort with her being so close to him. It was unusual for him and should make him nervous, but whether it was the calming effect of the soft early morning light or just her, he only felt...happy.
Like he could lay here forever and be totally fine with it.
Chloe fussed in the other room and Ava immediately moved to sit up, but Daryl tightened his grip and simply said, "Carol."
Before she could reply, she heard the bed in her room creak, and then the soft voice of the older woman murmuring to the baby as she lifted her out of her crib.
"She's got it," he told her, and she nodded.
"Guess so."
"Used to care fer Judith when she 's a baby. Lost 'er own little girl."
Ava nodded. He and Carol had both told her about Sophia a while ago; Daryl had merely mentioned her name and that she'd gone missing when walkers overran the highway the group was scavenging, while Carol had explained in great detail how hard Daryl had searched for her, almost getting himself killed in the process. Knowing herself how tenacious the hunter was, Ava could absolutely see that happening.
"I feel guilty making her do it," she said, and he squeezed her once before loosening his grip.
"She don't mind," he replied, his breath ruffling her hair.
"She said you two had very similar lives."
His chin rubbed against her hair as he nodded. "Husband was a dick. Hit 'er. Guess she was used t' it cuz her dad did it, too."
Ava's eyes filled with tears, her nose stinging with the effort of holding back a sob. When the lump in her throat shrank down enough, she managed a strangled, "Oh."
Daryl felt the change in her body language, and he moved his head back so he could see her face. "'S wrong?"
She wanted to tell him, she really did, but every time she tried her throat dried up and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She knew it was silly to still be afraid of speaking up about her childhood, but the terror refused to subside; it had been drilled into her head over and over not to tell.
"No one will believe you...anyone who does will blame you...This is all you're good for..."
"It's just sad, what she had to go through," she finally said. "And then to lose her daughter..."
Daryl doubted that was the issue, but he wouldn't push it. He knew all about secrets and the trauma behind them. Hell, he was practically the king of PTSD.
"She's a strong woman. She's okay."
"Because of you."
He shook his head. "Always been there. Jus' didn't know it."
Ava decided not to argue with that since he knew Carol better than she did.
She just wished she could be like that, too.
