SL: Okay, I finally got this chapter up! It took a long time because my teachers like to give me stacks of homework. I'm working on the next chapter already. No promises this time…
To everyone who reviewed, thanks.
It Must Be the Donuts
Chapter 1- Target #1: Olivia Benson!
SVU Squadroom
12:17 p.m.
John discreetly hid himself next to the lockers, dressed in black leather. He spoke into the two-way radio he held in his hand. "Munch to Munch, do you read me?" He took out the other two-way he had in his pocket. "Yep, loud and clear," he replied back to himself. He had a plan. Sort of. Ok, he'd have to think that through again.
Unexpectedly, Fin's voice rang out. "Hey, John, there you are. Where the hell have you been? Cragen's on my ass, and he's gonna be on yours as soon as I drag you back to him," he told John.
At the sound of Fin's voice, John almost jumped a whole mile and posed himself in a karate position. Fin gave him a puzzled look and said, "Yeah man, whatever, I always knew you had problems. You didn't have to remind me,"
"I can't do whatever Cragen wants me to do," John said, relaxing back into a normal stance.
"And why not?"
"'Cause."
"'Cause what?"
"…Shut up."
"Look, we've got a job to do, so whatever happened to your head you better screw it on back straight," Fin said. "And what are you wearing?"
"Oh, you like?" John said, curtsying. Fin rolled his eyes and walked off, giving up on trying to talk to him.
Now, John needed to get back to the task at hand. He pulled out a pair of binoculars and peered at a familiar woman seated at her desk.
Olivia Benson was going over a hard case, trying to pick up on anything she missed, when she felt eyes watching her. She whipped around to see no other than John looking not just at her, but at everything that moved in the office.
"John, what the hell are you doing?" she asked, walking towards him. "I hope this isn't anything about the government," she said. The precinct was well fed up that week from hearing Munch drone on about how the government is now cooking up a plan to drop people who know "the truth" off on a deserted island.
He let the binoculars hang loose around his neck. Facing Olivia, he said, "Olivia, go sit down."
"What? No," she said stubbornly. She wasn't about to let anyone tell her what do to. Okay, maybe sometimes. But not today. Today, she had PMS.
"I see I'm going to have to do this the hard way," John said, in a mysterious voice unlike his usual. He produced a donut from the box he had bought earlier, which for some reason he had toted around with him. He tossed the donut towards her desk.
"Ooooh!" she clapped her hands happily and ran towards the donut. Forget she was watching her weight. She needed something sweet to eat, like, quick.
She sat down and ferociously ate the donut. It was every cop's dream. Well, at least hers, anyway.
It was time for John to make his next move. He took out a giant boom box and set it on her desk. Pressing play, he waited until the music began.
He began to dance to the music. John jumped on top of her desk, did a little shake, and then turned around and popped his butt right in her face.
At the same moment, Fin and Elliot walked in, animatedly chatting, but stopped dead when they say Munch dancing. At first, they stood there with their mouths wide open for several seconds. Then, in unison, they exploded in laughter, clutching their sides and falling to the floor.
Olivia was stunned. She sent a pleading "help me" look to Elliot, but he was too busy dying from laughter.
About a second later, Cragen walked in carrying a file. He looked first at John, who still had his butt in Olivia's face, then at his other detectives rolling around on the floor. He shook his head and disappeared into his office, but not before shouting, "Get back to work!"
Fin stood up, wiping tears from his eyes. Elliot soon followed, but they still continued to laugh as Olivia frantically tried to scoot her chair back.
"Hey man, I got one question to ask you," Fin started, trying to hold his laughter back, "Why'd you pick 'Ms.New Booty' to dance to?"
SVU Squadroom
2:00 p.m.
Two o'clock.
John's steady gaze rested upon the clock ticking on the wall. It was two o'clock, and all he had managed to do was send the squad into fits of laughter.
Old people need some, too, dammit!
He stared, looking at the enormous stack of papers that almost covered the surface of his desk. He decided he would do paperwork tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Hell, he just might not do it.
John proceeded to twiddle his thumbs for the next half hour. Then, he balled up about fifty pieces of paper and tried to aim for Fin's head. It hit several times, but Fin could not figure out where it was coming from. He even blamed Elliot, who was innocently working behind him.
When he got bored with that, he decided to plan for his next target. Smiling to himself, he pulled out a notepad and began jotting down several items.
But he wasn't done with his first. Not yet…
SVU Squadroom
2:37 p.m.
"I swear, the next time one of those paper balls hits my head, I will personally shove my shoe all the way up your ass." Fin turned around in his chair and gave the man behind him a death stare.
"It's not me, I swear," Elliot said, putting his hands above his head. Fin grumbled and returned to his work.
Actually, it was Olivia, who had picked up on where John had left off. She began to giggle and Elliot turned around.
"What's so funny?" he asked, looking at her. "Nothing, nothing," she hastily said, and he faced the other way. She launched another paper ball at the back of Fin's head.
Fin cursed loudly and snatched up some papers, walking out of the room.
Dr. Huang's Office
2:56 p.m.
"I can't quite explain it, I feel as if I'm in a constant state of elation," Munch explained to the man sitting in front of him.
Huang studied him closely. Okay, there was undeniably something wrong here. John Munch had just waltzed into his office and opened up to him faster than a girl that just got dumped opens up some Rocky Road ice cream. Of his own accord.
Change of heart? No, that couldn't be it. Ah, he had it. Drugs. It had to be drugs.
"Okay, John… Have you been taking anything, anything particularly, um, unusual lately?" Huang asked.
"Umm…" John searched his brain. A light bulb went off. "Yeah, I took some anti-abduction pills last week."
Huang raised an eyebrow. Anti-abduction pills were cheap sugar tablets sold to paranoid people that are afraid of aliens. Even if it was something more than sugar, it shouldn't be in his system for more than a week.
"I'm leaving now," John announced, standing up. "The birds are calling for my daily enlightenment."
"…Hey John?"
"What?"
"Can I buy some of whatever you're on?"
John smirked and walked out of the room.
