A/N: Sorry about the wait, I've had a lot of stuff to do. Hey, it snowed here! I felt like I was eight years old again, running to the window every ten minutes to make sure it was still coming down. Then it melted, which was a total let-down. Oh well. Anyway, I'm sure you've had enough of my jabbering, so here it is, chapter nine!
Disclaimer: 'Final Fantasy IX' and all of its components are property of Square Enix and not of Wakizashi. Rats.
----
Requiem for an Angel
a Final Fantasy IX fanfiction
by Wakizashi
Chapter Nine: Different
----
There was a time when Kuja Tribal would not have given a second thought to keeping a promise. Deceit and betrayal were second nature to him. He delighted in lying, and he was an expert at trickery. He was a backstabber from birth, and until recently, it seemed unlikely that any of that would ever change.
But something had happened to Kuja that he had never expected or intended to happen. He had changed. He was no longer the corrupt, unethical liar he once was. Hatred no longer festered in his heart. He was calm, at peace, almost liberated. When he smiled, it was not out of wickedness or greed, but of merriment and joy. He finally knew what it meant to truly live. It was as if he was a new person, a better person.
It was that girl. She had done it. Zidane may have saved his body, but she had saved his soul. Kuja didn't know how, but she had redeemed him. From the moment she crash-landed into his meaningless life, she had pulled him out of his mental darkness and had given him a second chance.
If only... If only there was more time...
And if only those morons would stop singing.
In an effort to get the two thieves to stop bickering, Claire suggested that Jack teach Felina the song she had taught him, "Hey Jude". It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now Kuja had to wonder if the arguing might be better. Jack admittedly did not have a bad voice, but the blond's singing sounded like a cat that had gotten sat on by a bandersnatch.
"Naaaa, na na, na-na-na-naaa! Na-na-naaa, hey Jude!" Felina sang loudly as they came out of the marshes in the Zamo Basin onto higher ground. No mistake about it; she sounded like some kind of dying animal.
"No, no, it's not 'na-na-na, hey Jude'," Jack corrected her. "It's 'na-na-na-na, hey Jude'. There's an extra 'na' in there."
Felina frowned. "I thought there was only three 'na's at that part."
"Nope, four 'na's," he confirmed.
Kuja felt his tail begin to bristle. "Does it really matter how many 'na's there are?" he asked, annoyed.
"Well, sure," said Jack. "You have to be able to sing the song right. Wouldn't want to sound like an idiot."
"Oh, no," Kuja replied under his breath. "Surely that's the last thing you would want." He turned and cast a mildly reproachful glance at Claire. "This is your fault, you know," he told her sternly.
She smiled sheepishly. "My bad."
He narrowed his eyes at her, but he couldn't quite smother a smile of his own. In truth, it had not been such a bad journey so far; though he would never admit it to those two singing buffoons. Most of the bad blood between Jack and Felina had cooled down to a grudging acceptance, and their coordination in battle was quite impressive. Jack's curved, wickedly sharp sword packed a considerable amount of power, and Felina, whose weapon of choice was a shuriken, was nearly flawless with her aim. More importantly, Claire was improving rapidly in her archery skills. All other annoyances aside, such as the necessity of sharing a tent with Jack the night before and discovering that the thief talked loudly in his sleep, he could have done worse with his traveling companions.
Abruptly, Kuja was jolted out of his thoughts to find Felina walking alongside him, staring up at him intently, her pale brow creased in thought. "May I help you?" he asked dryly.
"You look real familiar, mate," she said slowly, tapping her chin. "I think I seen you somewhere before, but I can't remember where for the life of me. It's gone straight out of me head."
Forcing down his alarm, Kuja shrugged casually and looked straight ahead of him. "I'm terribly sorry," he replied nonchalantly. "I do hope you find it someday."
"Hold on there," she persisted, looked carefully up at him. "I don't think I ever caught your name," she said suspiciously. "You tryin' to hide somefin', mate?"
He cleared his throat, trying not to let his apprehension show. "Bob Jones, pleased to meet you." At his other side, Claire elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Ow! All right, all right. My name is... Kuja."
"Huh. Kuja." Felina stared fixedly at him with her keen gray eyes for such a long time that he felt sure that Claire's planet must be a few chunks of floating debris by now. Finally she shrugged. "Naw, I ain't never heard of you," she concluded, quite ungrammatically. "Sorry 'bout that, guv."
Kuja's shoulders sagged in relief. If Felina recognized him, that would be the end: the end of Claire's respect for him, the end of their friendship... the end of any notion that he could have ever been happy. He closed his eyes and uttered a silent prayer.
"Oi!" His eyes snapped open to see the blond gaping at him, her hand over her mouth. "Now I know where I seen you before!" she exclaimed in horror. "You're that one chap what done--"
A fierce bellow cut her sentence short, and Kuja turned around quickly. While they had been talking, a malboro had ambushed them and now stood in their path, its slimy green tentacles undulating violently.
"Wh-What the heck is that?" Claire yelped, grabbing Kuja's sleeve in a death grip.
"A malboro?" Jack said in disbelief. "I didn't know there were any malboros around here! I thought there were only little weak things, like serpions and hedgehog pies!"
"You're wrong there, mate," Felina replied, pulling out her shuriken. "Back when all of Gaia was covered in Mist a couple years ago, it spawned all kinds of nasties, like this here charmin' bloke."
Claire swallowed, her eyes locked fearfully on the hideous green beast. "So, wh-what do we do?"
"We destroy it," Kuja replied simply. "Get out your bow, little bird. You'll fight along with the rest of us."
With fumbling hands, the brunette unshouldered her bow and fitted it with an arrow from her quiver. Pulling the string taut, she let it fly. The malboro howled as it struck one of its larger tentacles.
"Good show, poppet!" Felina cried approvingly. "Now let's see if I can put out his spunk, eh?" Closing her eyes, she focused a water spell on the malboro, and the field was awash as she drenched the monster.
Jack grinned. "Not bad, kitten," he said. "Aww, but now he looks cold. Let's warm him up!" He followed with a firaga spell, and the malboro roared its fury as it writhed in the flames.
Claire was loading another arrow when the malboro suddenly dove at her with all of its power and rage. She grunted and fell to the ground, fighting off the beast's slippery tentacles. With a shout, Jack quickly launched himself into the fray, expertly hacking and slicing with his curved sword. Distracted, the malboro backed off, its anger focused on the redhead.
Kuja knelt beside Claire and helped her onto her feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked.
"No," she said, shaking her head disgustedly. "Just sticky." Picking up her bow, she dashed headlong back into the fight, and Kuja felt a swelling of pride.
The battle was not progressing well. The malboro had slapped Felina down with its tentacles, and Jack was in the process of healing her with a hi-potion. Suddenly the monster hissed ferociously, and a thick cloud of sour, acrid gas filled the air they were breathing.
Claire stopped in panic, blinking rapidly. "Hey, I can't see! I can't see anything!"
Jack and Felina were on the ground, poisoned and trying vainly to move. The malboro was slithering inexorably toward them with terrible purpose. Torn between coming to their aid and restoring Claire's sight, Kuja stood for a moment, his mind racing in indecision.
And then, all at once, he felt fire coursing in his veins, and his vision grew blurry and red. He had felt this once before, and as before, he shuddered in bliss as he felt the unbelievable power flowing through him. Out of nowhere, his own words came back to him from long ago:
"So... an eruption of anger against one's surroundings induces a complete Trance! It's not the will to live, nor is it the desire to protect another!"
...Trance...
...He prayed to any divine being that might be listening that he did not hurt anyone.
----
Curled up in an armchair with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a book of Lord Avon's plays in his lap, Kuja began to nod. He shook his head violently, trying to fight off his fatigue. Beside his chair in a huge canopy bed, Zidane Tribal tossed restlessly in his sleep, his forehead slick with sweat. Despite his own exhaustion, Kuja could not rest until he knew the boy would recover.
Returning to his book, he tried to resume his reading.
'Marcus: Nay, ne'er would my love speak false. I must have faith! She shall appear if I only believe! As the sun lends me no ear, I pray instead to the twin moons! I beseech thee, wondrous moonlight, grant me my only wish! Bring my beloved Cornelia to me!'
Kuja sighed and closed the book, staring into the crackling fireplace. His eyes were so tired that the words were blurring together. He had to do something before he fell asleep where he sat.
"Ugh," Zidane suddenly groaned, and Kuja sprang up from his chair, his blanket slipping off his shoulders. The boy's blue-green eyes fluttered open, and they swiveled around in his head as he took in his surroundings. Finally they settled on Kuja. "Where am I?" he asked in a dry, papery voice.
"My palace," Kuja replied. "I didn't know where else to take you." He managed a wry smile. "Somehow I doubted I would get a warm reception at the Black Mage village."
Zidane wiped his forehead weakly with the back of his hand. "How... did we get here?"
"Silver Dragon, of course," said Kuja.
The boy frowned. "But I thought we killed it."
Kuja rolled his eyes impatiently. "I replaced it, you dimwit," he replied irritably. "There's more than one Silver Dragon on this planet, you know." Sighing, he forced down his annoyance. "How are you feeling?"
Zidane yawned loudly. "I don't know," he said. "How's a dimwit supposed to feel?"
"Lucky." Kuja poured him a glass of water from a pitcher on a nearby table, and he drank it thirstily. "Lucky, and... proud," he added quietly. "Proud that he's not as big a dimwit as his brother."
Zidane's eyes connected with his as he drained the glass. Silently, he held it out, and Kuja returned it to the table. Then he cleared his throat. "Look, I'm glad you're alive and everything," he said slowly. "But I'd appreciate it if you don't call me 'brother'. It's just... it's too weird."
Kuja was silent for a long time, staring at Zidane without really seeing him. "Yes, of course," he said in a monotone. "I understand."
The boy looked away awkwardly, rubbing his eyes. "How long have I been out?" he asked.
"Let me see..." Kuja counted on his long white fingers. "At least sixteen hours. What do you think you're doing?" he demanded as Zidane struggled to get out of bed.
"I've got to get back to Alexandria," he said, his forehead breaking out in another sweat. "I promised Dagger I'd come home. She must be worrying herself sick by now." He stood up, and sank back down just as quickly.
"You're not going anywhere," Kuja said crossly, tapping his foot in disapproval. "In your condition, leaving now would only be reckless stupidity. You're no good to Dagger dead from exhaustion. Now lie back down and rest."
Zidane tried feebly to stand up again, but Kuja could have knocked him down with a feather. Groaning, he returned to bed, gasping from the physical exertion. "You don't understand," he said weakly. "I have to see her again. She's the reason for everything I do. I can't..." He yawned again, his eyelids drooping. "I can't live without her."
"You'll see her again, as soon as you recover," Kuja assured him. "I'll have Silver Dragon take you to her, but in the meantime, you must rest."
Zidane shook his head minutely. "You don't get it," he said, closing his eyes. "I... I love her..." He finally fell silent. In a few minutes, he was snoring.
Sighing wearily, Kuja returned to his chair and pulled the blanket over himself. He told himself he couldn't sleep for long; he had to make sure Zidane didn't try anything stupid, which was his middle name. But perhaps he could doze for a little while. He had to, before his whole body shut down from exhaustion. Just for a little while, he thought, his eyes drifting shut.
Suddenly his eyes snapped open. How long had it been? An hour? Two? He sat up abruptly in his chair, rubbing his face. As his hands fell away, his stomach gave a lurch. The bed was empty.
Cursing sharply under his breath, Kuja stood up and stalked angrily toward the door, vowing to strangle Zidane if he ever saw him again. As he walked, his eyes fell upon a small slip of paper lying on top of the book he had been reading. He snatched it up and read it:
'Kuja - Sorry to leave like this, but I can't wait around anymore. I can't rest until I see Dagger again. If you ever fall in love, maybe you'll understand. Anyway, maybe I'll see you around some time. Don't kill anyone. Your brother, Zidane.'
Kuja read the last three words over and over again. Then, with another curse, he crumpled up the note and threw it viciously into the fireplace.
----
Ever so slowly, Kuja opened his eyes. He found himself looking up at a makeshift roof of skins sewn together with thick brown thread. Through the thin partition, he could hear the sounds of a bird chirping, and of lowered voices. He blinked several times and spoke, his voice barely audible. "What happened?"
"Finally, you're awake," said Felina, who was sitting cross-legged beside him, her red derby in her hands. "That was some fireworks show you put on. I ain't never seen the like of it. Knocked you out cold, it did. Jack and me set up a tent for you 'til you woke up."
Gradually, it started coming back to him. "I went into a Trance," he said weakly. A sudden thought struck him, and he sat up straight, oblivious to his pounding head. "Was anyone hurt? Where is Claire?"
"Oi, take it easy there!" Felina reprimanded, pushing him back down. "She's fine; everyone's fine. She and Jack's outside right now, waitin' for you to come round. She wanted to come in, too, but I made her stay out."
Kuja frowned. "Why did you do that?"
"'Cause I wanted a word wif you, that's why." Felina looked at him for a long moment, her expression unreadable. "Look, mate, I won't dance round it no more. I know who you are, and I know you know what I'm talkin' about."
He closed his eyes and said nothing. So that was it, then. Goodbye, Claire. Goodbye, second chance. Goodbye, new life. It had been nice while it lasted, but in the end, it was nothing but a fantasy.
"I can see you ain't gonna try to deny it," she continued. "And I guess it's easier that way, 'cause you got a lot to answer for."
"I know that," he said quietly.
Felina was silent for a long time, and Kuja could only imagine what was coming next. "I mean," she said softly, "you know how many people you killed? Thousands, just in Alexandria. That's not even countin' all the cities Brahne destroyed wif your help. Burmecia, Cleyra, Lindblum... So many lives lost, all 'cause of you."
Kuja had long prepared himself for a speech of this sort, but now that it was actually happening, now that he was confronted with the thought of hearing someone else list all the atrocities he had committed, he found that he could hardly bear it. In his defense, he could have argued truthfully that Brahne's greed for conquest had not been his doing, but he doubted Felina would believe him. His throat constricted, his heart began to race, and it became difficult to breathe.
"Me best friend Dace," Felina said in a low voice, "He was in Alexandria during the attack. His grandfather was sick, see, and Dace was visitin' him. He sent me a letter, sayin' his granddad was gettin' better, and that he'd be back home in Lindblum in a few days. And then..." She paused, and took in a shaky breath. "And then you showed up."
If Kuja had been strong enough to get up, he would have left her then and there. He didn't want to listen to this.
"I ain't real sure what happened," she went on, her voice tremulous, "but when that dragon came, that Bahamut thing... I think it probably blasted his granddad's house, 'cause when I heard 'bout what happened, I went to Alexandria as fast as I could... but..." She sniffed hard. "The house wasn't there. Nuffin' was left but a pile of rubble."
In the silence that followed, Kuja opened his eyes and shot a brief glance at Felina. Her pale face, which was always proud or lively, was flushed, and tears glistened in her eyes. He quickly shut his eyes again.
"We... Dace and I... we was goin' to get married when he came back," she said in a whisper. "We was only seventeen, but Dace had just got a good-payin' job workin' in the airship docks. He said in his letter that... that he couldn't wait any longer." She took a deep, shaky breath.
If Kuja's punishment for what he'd done had been to listen to the stories of all the lives he had destroyed, he would gladly prefer death.
"That's just one person, guv," she said quietly. "One person out of countless thousands."
I know, I know, don't you think I know that? he wanted to scream at her. But he knew that if he tried to speak at that moment, he wouldn't even get a sound out.
"When I heard you was dead," Felina resumed in a more steady voice, "I was glad. But I was angry, too. Angry that you'd gotten the easy way out. I didn't think death was a good enough punishment. And I always thought, 'If he was alive and in front of me right now, I'd make him pay for what he done to me, to everyone.'" She took another deep breath. "But I ain't gonna do that."
At this Kuja's eyes snapped open, and he stared up at her in confusion. "You're not?" he managed to ask in a tight, strangled voice.
Ignoring him, she continued, "It's pretty obvious that Jack knows who you are, or else he wouldn't be blackmailin' you. And it's also obvious that Claire doesn't know."
Of course, it was all so clear to him now. He made another attempt to speak, and found it came easier to him. "Ah, I see," he said, more calmly than he felt. "I see, so instead of exacting revenge on me directly, you're going to destroy me by divulging my secret to the only person who doesn't despise me. I must congratulate you; it's a very clever tactic."
"You know a lot of fancy words, guv, but I do get your meaning," Felina replied. "And I probably should tell Claire what you done. But I won't. You know why?"
Shocked into silence, Kuja simply shook his head.
"'Cause I can't," she said simply. "No matter how bad I want to, I just can't. 'Cause you ain't the same bloke what done all those things. You're different, I can tell. You're angry, but you ain't full of hate. You're short-tempered, but you ain't violent. You're still troubled inside, but you're calmer. You're just... different, you know?"
He knew what she was talking about. He couldn't explain it any better than she had, but he knew. He had changed.
"So I ain't gonna tell Claire," she said. "I think she deserves to know, but I'm leavin' that to you." Kuja released his breath in relief, and it was only then that he realized he had been holding it. "But just remember, mate," she warned, "either she hears it from you or from someone else, but she will find out sooner or later. And if she does hear it from someone else, then you're gonna have to explain to her why you kept it from her."
Kuja nodded. "I'm aware of that," he replied.
"Well," she said with a sigh as she stood up, "she won't hear it from me, you have me word on that." She shoved her bowler hat onto her head. "I suppose I should tell her you're awake now, before she has a heart attack."
She pulled back the flaps of the tent's opening, and Kuja was suddenly aware of the enormous heart behind her devil-may-care facade. "Felina," he said, propping himself up on his elbow, and she paused at the door. "Thank you."
She shrugged. "Let me go get Claire," she mumbled, and disappeared through the folds of animal skin.
He stared at the opening after her for a moment, and then his pulse quickened as the folds parted and Claire stepped gingerly inside. "Kuja, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly in her curious accent. "You had us... well, you had me really worried."
Kuja smiled slightly. "Yes, I'm all right," he replied. He patted the ground beside him, and she sat down. "Did they tell you what happened?"
She nodded. "Yeah, vaguely," she said. "But I'm still not really clear on the details, because that marlboro thing blinded me."
"Malboro."
"Whatever." She paused. "I heard a deafening explosion, and then there was this really intense heat. Then Jack was putting some eye drops in my eyes, and when my vision came back, you were unconscious and the malboro was gone; there was nothing, just a black, charred area on the ground where the grass had been burned."
Thank goodness. So she hadn't seen him when he had been in a Trance. If she had, she would have been frightened out of her mind.
"Anyway," she said, "we all owe you our lives. If you hadn't killed that thing, it probably would have eaten us or something." She smiled. "So thanks."
Kuja found himself staring at her curved lips, remarking to himself how soft they looked. For no reason at all, he wondered what they would feel like pressed against his. Then he realized he hadn't heard a word she had said. "Yes, well..." he cleared his throat, his face burning. "Naturally." She arched a dark eyebrow at him, and he added hastily, "I should get up, if we hope to reach Alexandria soon."
"Oh, yeah, about that," she said nervously, wincing. "Felina decided that we should stay here tonight."
"What?" He looked at her sharply. "That's ridiculous! Who put her in charge?" He stood up abruptly, his head swimming. Claire quickly caught him by the arm to steady him. "She knows nothing of our mission, or she would know that time is of the essence and that..." He trailed off, staring down at Claire. "Why are your clothes damp?"
She smiled sheepishly. "I had slime all over me from that monster, so I washed off in the river."
"Oh." He paused, briefly thrown. "But why does Felina insist that we stay here?" he demanded. "We could easily reach Alexandria before nightfall."
"Well, see, there's that play going on tonight," Claire explained. "And she figured that the more people visiting Alexandria from other nations, the more chances someone might recognize you. So she decided it would be better to camp out here an extra day and wait for the crowd to thin out. Personally, I agree with her."
How easy for her to be concerned for him, to put his best interests in mind. If only she knew, she would not hesitate to throw him at the feet of the Alexandrian guards and let him fend for himself. How could he possibly tell her? He would lose her, her, the only person who didn't hate or fear him. He could not lose her.
Forcing a smile, he said, "She does have a point. Perhaps we should stay."
As they emerged from the tent, Kuja leaning slightly on Claire for support, Jack abandoned his efforts at erecting a second tent and rushed over to them. "Oh, man, Kuja, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen!" he blurted. "That malboro was comin' at us, and I looked over at you, and you were like, glowin' or something, and then BOOM, the malboro just exploded!" He lifted his four arms expressively into the air. "My ears still haven't stopped ringin', and I think I have entrails in my hair, but it was awesome, man! You really saved our butts. If you weren't a dude, I'd probably hug you."
Kuja smiled dryly. "If I wasn't repulsed by the thought of you touching me, I'd probably let you," he replied.
"Yeah, go screw yourself." Jack waved dismissively and returned to his task.
Kuja rolled his eyes. "Here, let me help you with that tent," he said, by way of apology.
Claire glanced at him in concern as he eased off her shoulder. "Are you sure you should be exerting yourself?" she asked.
"Don't worry, little bird, I'll be all right," he assured her. On impulse, he lifted her chin up with his hand, and again wondered why he was so drawn to the soft pink color of her lips. "Thank you, anyway," he said softly.
----
"I must have faith!" the hooded figure exclaimed passionately. "She shall appear if I only believe!" He lifted his hands toward the sky. "As the sun lends me no ear, I pray instead to the twin moons! I beseech thee, wondrous moonlight, grant me my only wish!"
Sweeping his cloak off, the blond, tailed young man cried, "Bring my beloved Dagger to me!"
On the balcony above the stage, Queen Garnet til Alexandros gasped in surprise, almost unwilling to believe her own eyes. It was him. After two long years without him. After finally resigning herself to the fact that he must be dead, he was here. He was actually here.
Whirling around, she picked up her long, formal gown and dashed toward the balcony door. Suddenly she was forced to a halt as she found her two faithful knights, Captain Adelbert Steiner and General Beatrix, blocking the exit. Garnet frowned up at them in confusion and dismay, but smiled in relief as they bowed and ushered her through. Careening down the stairs, she raced down the marble hall and burst through the castle door.
In the audience that had gathered to watch the play, Garnet quickly lost her bearings and instead began pushing her way through the crowd. Bumping into someone, the clasp to her necklace came undone, and the heavy pendant went skittering across the ground. For a moment she considered retrieving it. Then she turned and pushed on, blinking back tears. The only thing that mattered to her at the moment was seeing him again.
Shoving her way past the last of the crowds and crying freely now, Garnet clambered onto the stage and jumped headlong into the young man's arms. He spun her in a circle, and when she finally looked up into his blue-green eyes, he smiled innocently at her. Overcome with grief and anger at him for leaving her alone for so long, she punched his chest furiously over and over. He just held her, gently stroking her hair.
The crowd burst into applause, and all of their friends began cheering. Freya Crescent, Quina Quen, and Eiko Carol clapped heartily, Vivi Ornitier and all of his sons jumped up and down, and even Amarant Coral added his applause to the deafening roar of the crowd. Captain Steiner drew General Beatrix to his side, and they both lifted his broadsword into the air.
Pressing her tear-stained cheek to his chest, Garnet spoke. "How did you survive?"
"I didn't have a choice," Zidane Tribal replied softly, holding her tight against him. "I had to live. I had to come home to you." He paused, and a wry grin came to his face. "So I sang your song."
Garnet smiled. "Our song," she said.
"Dagger..." Zidane lifted her chin up with his hand, and pressed his lips to hers.
----
A/N: Sorry the last bit was so familiar to everyone. I just wanted to get the timeline established here, if it wasn't already. Anyway, there it is! I wanted to get in a new chapter before FF-Net goes down for their site maintenance dealie. Hope you liked it! Leave a review if you feel so inclined.
-Waki
