OMG. It's a UPDATE D: Guys, I'm sorry. It was about a week ago that I bothered to look at my stats. I haven't updated this piece of crap in over a YEAR. And for that... XP I should be punished. This chapter has been lying unedited on my computer for most of that time, and I'm just to lazy to do anything productive. I was also kind of hoping to spruce up the older chapters a bit before moving on, four chapters of which I managed to do before I gave up. x3 There's another day for that project.

Also, I'd really like to thank all my reviewers and those who urged my to continue this story. It really does mean a lot to me. Last year, when I broke 100 reviews I almost died. Of happiness of course. Also, I'd like to thank my friend Marissa for helping write this chappy. I ended up deleting a lot of it, so I hope she's not mad. It was just too long. -sniff-

WARNING: Here, I am extending a warning to those who have followed along with my story up until now and didn't bother to read the text in my summery and at the beginning of the first chapter. This story has SHOUNEN AI. That means that there are boys who are interested in boys. Why do I write it? Simple.

Because I like it.

So, if you don't appreciate these kind of pairings: 1) feel free to leave 2) read for the sake of reading it and 3) don't bother flaming me cause I don't care and it does nothing but make you look like a fool.

Bitchy of me? Perhaps.. But this chapter HAS IT. XD haha. Finally!

;D Well…on with the show.

Tetsuya Nomura was pulling his brand new apple red Mitsubishi out of the Square Enix studios parking lot, when he was suddenly attacked by hooded Organization members and dragged off into the shadows of the urban skyscrapers.

ILLUSTRATIONZ:

(you need totype this in manually cause doesn't allow html codes)

deviantart -dot- com -slash- deviation -slash- 24080927(this one's of seph I did a WHILE back. He's scrawny but he's like... "Who do you think your talking to you dumb whore."

deviantart -dot- come -slash- deviation -slash- 16624336 (Ah! OMG. I got frickin FANART. -hyperventilates- this was submitted by an 'anonymous' reader by the name of drkagl790.)

deviantart -dot- com -slash- deviation -slash- 15808534(this is an even OLDER one...that spurred that fanart one above. It was a concept sketch and I sorta mentioned that anyone could submit their ideas for a uniform or character redesign for this story. People can still do it if they want too. )

I've gotten better since drawing these...I'm planning on doing more illustrations and I'll try to remember to post them.

Chapter 2: Never Simple or Clean

His perfect blue eyes were clouded over with worry as he paced up and down the hallway. Each and every time he came close to the door, he stopped and considered leaving it be and returning to the party. But there was a guilt monster gnawing upon him like he was a juicy steak and that is why the random passerby could watch Cloud Strife walk to one of the hall, stop abruptly, then turn around and walk in the opposite direction. This action was repeated several times, until the one-who-had-been-interrupted-from-his-reading-far-too-many-times-to-be-tolerated shoved the door open.

Riku slammed his head against the doorframe. "Would you please stop your incessant pacing and get your ass in here?" Surprised, Cloud stopped in his tracks.

"Is he in there?" Cloud asked, internally slapping himself for being caught in a mental breakdown. Riku wasn't the ideal person to be caught by either. Sure he was nice enough, but he reminded him a bit of Sephiroth, if that wasn't eerie enough. He often tried to ignore that fact.

Riku shrugged, stepping outside and closing the door behind him. He talked softer than usual as he said, "If you mean Sephiroth, yeah, he's in there. But he doesn't really seem in a talking mood." He stared up at Cloud, as if he was trying to see right through him. Cloud flinched as his face became grimmer, and he seemed almost speculative. "Don't tell me, you guys got in another fight?" Bingo. Except he wasn't quite sure if it counted as a fight if they hardly said two words to each other and Sephiroth lost his temper for no apparent reason.

Scratching the back of his head, Cloud sighed. "I don't know. Whatever it is, apparently its my fault." Riku nodded sagely, something about him daring to suggest that he knew something he didn't. Of course Cloud wasn't going to ask. Manly pride didn't allow. "Riku...could you do me a favor and..."

"Say no more," Riku said, stepping away and patting Cloud on the back (as if they had suddenly become the best of friends) as he walked away. "If you need me, I'll be at Vincent's. And good luck. I have a feeling you'll need it..." Cloud blinked, hoping those were words of encouragement, rather than words of "Seph's gonna stab your ass, and laugh as he does it".

He pushed open the door and was hit with huge shock. Huge, here meaning, 'out of the ordinary'. It was perfectly silent, except for the soft rustle of paper. He shut the door behind him quietly, as not to disturb anything. He felts as if the smallest tremor could send the other completely insane. That is apposed the 94 percentbasket case that the silver-haired teen already was. Peering across the room, he noticed the body-shaped lump lying on a bed, and assumed it was Sephiroth, as the chances where slim to it being anyone else. His back was turned to Cloud, and he seemed to be flipping absent mindedly through the pages of some book.

Cloud sucked in a breath. He…was a man! He could do this. No one scared Cloud Strife, not even Sephiroth! Well, maybe just a little. Or a whole lot. But he was going to tackle this fear, and gut it, so he could hang it over his mantle. Well... maybe not...cause that would be rather barbaric. Either way, Cloud had to mentally jazz himself up, cause although he looked tough, he could quite have been the biggest scaredy-cat at the moment.

Hesitantly, he detached himself from the doorpost, taking steps toward Sephiroth. The other didn't seem to notice his presence, giving him a boost of confidence. He had just approached the foot of his bed before Sephiroth let out a long winded sigh, almost making the blond jump out of his skin and run. He breathed again, still grateful that he went unnoticed. Shakily, he reached forward.

Eyes wide, Sephiroth's head shot up as Cloud's hand barely grazed his shoulder. The book in his hands slammed shut in less than a second and the headphones that had hindered his ability to hear the blonde coming only moments before where ripped out of his ears.

"What do you want?" the silver-haired one snapped in what would have usually been his discourteous and testy manner. However, this time it didn't have the same effect that it normally did. It was lacking a considerable amount of anger. He noticed how Cloud's expression was kind of confused, rather than stoic or uncaring. Cloud stared, his eyebrows knitted together.

It took Sephiroth all but two seconds to realize what he was staring at. Quickly he turned his face away from the other. "Just GO away, can't a person get some peace…?"

Cloud for a moment, had lost all ability to speak. Unless his eyes had deceived him, he had witnessed something that inspired several sarcastic remarks, but all of them seemed too cruel. "What's…wrong?" he asked, remembering the reason that he came in the first place.

"Just go back. To your girlfriend and your posse. There is nothing wrong with me." Aside from the usual, he thought bitterly.

"Oh, then why are you crying?"

Sephiroth froze. "I'm not," he muttered bitterly. "I don't cry."

Cloud rolled his eyes, shock wearing away. "You're eyeliner seems to disagree with you." The silver-haired one muttered an obscenity under his breath and sighed.

"Do you want something from me, or have you come up with yet a better way to make me miserable?" he muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

Cloud was getting frustrated all over again. He came down to have a level headed conversation (more or less) and Sephiroth was being pissy, like every other day. Except today it bothered him, cause he didn't go and intentionally cause it. "Look," Cloud hissed. "Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be here. Do you think I enjoy listening to you bitch about this and that? According to someone, you are upset about something, and its my fault. Whatever it is, I'm sorry, okay? Does that ring any bells for you?"

Turning around once again to show the inky lines hastily whipped away from his pale skin, Sephiroth sneered "I don't need your apology Strife, nor do I want it."

"Don't give me that, why?" Cloud snappishly asked.

Sephiroth laughed. It was weak and hallow but effective nonetheless. He got up off his bed, pacing about the small room. Lips pulled into a grim smile, he almost seemed amused. But there was no twinkle in his eyes, nothing to show that he found this situation funny in any way. He succeeded most in looking angry and impatient. "Because, you dolt, you don't even know what you're apologizing for." Cloud chose not to interrupt him while he was talking, because he was feeling generous, but mostly because he was within masumune range.

"When a person says I'm sorry, they are saying I regret it, I wont do it again, it would cause me more regret, I shouldn't have done it. You don't even know what you regret. You don't know what you did, you can't fix it if it happens again. So, to you it is meaningless. For me, even more so."

Cloud bit his lip, adverting his eyes. "Well…I'm sorry."

"Do you think I care?" Sephiroth spat vehemently.

"Yes!...Maybe…" Cloud sputtered.

Remaining silent, Sephiroth stopped his pacing. He gritted his teeth, holding back a more brutal set of words that sizzled and boiled within him. He sat on Sora's bed, for once not complaining that it was merely a pile of filth disguised as something one should sleep on. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he barely spoke. "Just go…before I say something none of us wants to hear."

"Sephiroth…" Cloud said once again. "What. Is. Wrong."

"I said, GO!"

"Tell me!"

Teeth clenched. "I'm warning you..."

"Fuck your warning-."

Cloud grunted as he was shoved roughly into the wall, unable to move. "Do you really want to know what's wrong with me!" Sephiroth snarled, unable to contain his anger any longer. Cloud winced, Sephiroth's hands pushing his shoulders harder into the wall behind him. "I'm sure you've heard about half of it, but there's no way you can understand. He's crazy, my dad, if you can even call him that.He'sa crazy fucking inept scientist, who wouldn't lift a finger if I was dying other than to record what was happening. You've met his girlfriend, Lucrecia. Nicest lady in the world. Adores him, he couldn't live without her. But he beats her! He doesn't give a shit for anyone,not unlinkemy real mother who is a fucking MATH teacher! Somehow since I share half her genes that makes us thick as thieves, or so she likes to pretend. She's crazier that Hojo is! Oh, and guess what! You know her too." Sephiroth didn't stop there.

"And then there's your girlfriend, Miss Gainsborough. It seems that she can see exactly what's wrong with me. Because she does enjoy rubbing salt in the wound if I do say so myself. And kudos for her. She has won the prize for being the first person to achieving making me utterly hate them in less than a week. And the worse thing! The worse…thing…" he choked, bowing his head. His hands no longer held the strength to pin Cloud.

As his shoulders shook to a point where he was unable to tell if he was laughing and crying anymore, Cloud's eyes widened and he reached out. "Sephiroth, don't…"

"No!" Sephiroth shook, covering his face in shame. "The worst thing, the worst thing! I can't have the only thing I want. Everything else would seem so small. I've tried to forget, I've tried to get over it. I'd give anything just to be able to never think about it ever again. It's not fair! You don't know how many times I've begged whoever's listening, that I could change this one thing. I know what it is. I know what I'm sorry for…! All I want…the only thing…i-is…"

Cloud breathed, unable to pick up much from this all. It was coming to much to fast. "I'm sorry…I…don't understand it all…especially how I have anything to do with-"

"you…"

"What…?" Cloud asked.

Sephiroth took a shuddery breath, slowly composing himself enough to stare at Cloud in the face. "…All I want…is you."

Like a quick flash, all the nerve that may have been left in the silver-haired one evaporated; he was searching blindly for something to hide behind.

Cloud wasn't very flattered- he had no idea he was supposed to be. He still hadn't the slightest clue at what the silver head had meant. His eyes trailed around the room- his brows still rather attached at the tip. "Sephiroth...you have me more than you realize- I'm here aren't I?" He swallowed rather deeply and tried to think of anything to add, " I mean...I sorta share a dorm room with you..." The smile crept onto his features was quickly wiped clean as Sephiroth countered.

"You just don't get it do you!" his eyes showed far more pain than he was willing to let on- and yet...

His head shook for a few moments before he dropped his gaze and closed his eyes tightly. "Cloud- you just don't get it, you never got it back then...I don't think you ever will...so..just go.." he muttered, the words sour tasting in his mouth.

Cloud on the other hand had nothing to say- well he did in a sense..but he was a afraid he was scared of hurting him more. "Sephiroth...let me understand- I want to understand..." He brushed a few stray strands of blonde from his face.

But he wasn't prepared for the tug at the collar of his shirt, by the hands that could easily destroy him and yet didn't. It was only a moment and yet it didn't matter. An eternity wouldn't be long enough for Cloud's fuzzy mind to process what was happening; those were Sephiroths lips, Sephiroth's tears. That was his warmth.

The other released his grip, and as quickly as it had come the warmth had suddenly disappeared. "I'm sorry." This was muttered so quickly and quietly that it was barely audible. Sephiroth slowly rose to his feet, his breathing almost non-existent. His face struggled and flickered between an attempt at an emotionless mask and the human who couldn't handle the defeat anymore. Walking slowly across the room, he took the doorknob in his hand and opened it easily. It was then that Cloud remembered to breathe. He was just going to leave?

"After a while... a person starts to learn that not all prizes are won through battles. And... after trying for long enough, that some... are completely unattainable." For a moment Cloud was sure he saw the light in the other's feline green eyes waver. Offering Cloud a last feeble smile, he pushed the door open.

"Making myself realize this...didn't make it easier for me. But, I did hope, that by doing so, I could somehow make it easier for you."


"Common! Man, seriously, this is boring," a tall, thin seventeen year old boy whined. "Shit..." he swore as the branch of a fur tree overhead ripped a couple strands of red hair from their roots. He sniffed indignantly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. His companion just rose a brow at his behavior, not disdainful, but certainly not entertained either. The red wished he could elicit a less cold-blooded response from his friend, but alas, the kid was a rock.

"Axel... just stop complaining," the blonde replied dully, carefully dodging thorned bushes and low hanging branches. Annoyance was a good place to start.

The older one grinned quirkily. "Maybe I would if this wasn't so dumb. Common Roxas, lets just forget about it and go into town. I heard of this new shop that sells that sea-salt stuff you like so much." This managed to make the blonde turn around.

Axel wiggled his eyebrows as if to suggest that this was the most tempting offer ever made in the history of the world. This made the corners of Roxas's mouth pull into a small amused smile and something like a chuckle escaped his pink lips. Axel's insides warmed. That was the ticket.

Seeming to have noticed the lapse in his apathetic attitude, Roxas stiffened for a second before his face settled into an emotionless mask once more. Axel smirked, his stubbornness not letting this opportunity slip away.

"Hey, I'll buy. My treat," he lied. He knew that he probably had barely enough money for a single cone of icecream. However, the prospect of sharing wasn't sounding so bad either.

Roxas sighed, pulling his hood over his eyes. "Maybe...when this is over. But you know better than I do not to abandon a mission." Axel huffed, disappointed.

"Damn."

Roxas paused his clearing of the foliage. "What?"

"Nothing. Just remind me again why we can't just teleport there?"


Cloud sat on the same patch of carpet, his fingers clenching and unclenching the rough fibers. It had since been an hour but he couldn't bring himself to leave that spot, as if his enlightenment had brought him to earth and glued him to the floor. A thousand incoherent thoughts fogged his brain, and he was fishing for one that might lead to a rational explanation and decision. He felt as if he had discarded a million ideas and whims.

But one thought that he couldn't manage to get rid of was despite the confusion, he knew that as their skin touched he had felt the pulse of the heart he thought Sephiroth didn't have.


Thanks to my reviewers!(Namiki: hey thanks. Here's the update...a year late X3) (Cami-BakuraChan: hey, I'm glad to hear that people have read it the whole way through. Thank you.) (Lain of the Weird: Why thank you. The reason I don't have FF9 characters, or six for that matter, is because...frankly I haven't played either of them. Sorry. ;P As far as I know there's a monkey-kid and Vivi...X3 the plot...I know nothing. FF6... Its got Setzer and...Kefka? Is that right? I have no clue. Sorry again.) (boredperson: thank you muchly. You make me spazz out.) (playingwithfire: hey thanks. Yes, this is going to be both a RxS and a CxS, as you can see. But no, all I said before was that there was going to be shounen ai. Very perceptive.) ( hbl333: agnsty's the way I like it ;3) (DragonRose13: thanks coz. :B Now that you've realized Sephiroth's hotness, maybe you can appreciate CxS next X3...we'll see.) (Dthedoommaniac: eep! Thank you oo. Both lists huh. sniff I feel honored.) (Kina-chan: thanks :D) (KaitouUssagi: well, glad to be of service.) (silentchill13: yes...the thought of Sephiroth plus eye-liner makes me giddy.) (Jan-chan: thanks a lot. XD uh, I don't even know what a beta-reader is... is it like...a second opinion type person? Thanks for offering whatever it is!) (KiokuYume: arigatou.) (Prince Ryu: haha. Thank you. You're review made me chuckle and was rather encouraging.) (dragonfly-affinity: cool name. And thanks!) (Unknown Mystery: six...and I suggest you cut down on the caffeine, kay?) (forgotten-rose-b: thanks for all the reviews.) (Kanarah J: gracias.) (AtticusBlackWolf: thanks! Nice pen-name.) (LOTRfreak85: haha. Hey I'm one of your kind too. Thanks for the reviews.) (Miyu:thanks for the review. And I'm glad I could elicit some pity for poor Sephy. Yes, Ansem will eventually have a greater role. And...yeah...I've realized be now that Ansem's nobody should have been named "mansex", Quite a disappointment really XD.) (Mrs. Tom Riddle: Voldy...hehe. Ha. Here's that long awaited update.)

Note: I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story... :3 any ideas would be a great help.