Shooting Stars

Chapter Six: Dizzy


Author's notes: You may notice this fic is labeled as romance now. Why, do you ask? Well, because I realized as I wrote it that we're about to hit one of the most important periods in Tohma's life. Namely: the point where he falls head over heels for his future brother in law and can't find his way out. In fact, there's plenty of feelings flying around now, most of them more than just friendly. Watch Ryuichi especially starting next chapter. There's your advance warning.

In other news, I was going to hold this hostage for one more review, but didn't have the strength. So you get it, despite the fact that I think I'm not getting nearly enough feedback! pout Review and good things shall befall you!

Disclaimer: I own no one you recognize, but I want to hug Tohma.


Everything happened dizzyingly fast. As I got to know K-san, I would realize that this was the way he always did things; in the quickest and most efficient way possible, whether or not that involved skirting around laws, ethics, or whatever else he happened to think was in his way at the time. While we were still gaping at him, he pulled a contract out of his pocket with our names already on it. When I made halfhearted attempts to take it for my lawyer to look over, Noriko-san jabbed me in the ribs and K-san informed me that since I had finished Tokyo University, he was sure I was more than capable of scanning it myself. I had all of three seconds to digest this before Ryuichi-san leaned over my shoulder with a pen and messily signed his name on the line, followed by Noriko-san, and then there was nothing for it but for me to follow suit.

So then it was official.

I was still in something of a daze when I went home and collapsed into bed near dawn, but I was awakened no more than four hours later by the phone. An exuberant Noriko-san was on the other end, sounding far too perky for her own good. "Tohma-kun, good morning!"

"You were up as late as me," I mumbled. "How can you be so energetic?"

"K-san gave me espresso!" she chirped by way of explanation. "And of course I'm energetic; I'm at work!"

"…Work?"

"Work!" she said again with relish. "You should be too!"

It took me a few seconds to process this, but I was feeling more awake by the minute. "You're at Shinjin?" I finally hazarded a guess. For a moment I had thought that I had dreamed all of it.

"Of course I am! And you'd better get down here before K-san gets angry, because he says he'll be after you with a shotgun if you're ever late again, and somehow I don't think he's kidding…"

"Noriko-san, that wouldn't be legal," I said reasonably. Of course, back then, I wasn't very well acquainted with K-san yet.

"I wouldn't try him."

"It's Saturday morning," I said, but I was already getting up and heading for the shower. "I wasn't even aware that we were supposed to come today."

"Ryu-chan got here fifteen minutes ago," she said mercilessly. "If even he knew to be here, you have no excuse. Up, dressed, and eat on the way. Now!"

I sighed as she hung up the phone, but quickened my movements.


It seemed nothing was going to slow down. All three of us were more than a little bewildered at first, but gradually became accustomed to the hellish pace of the business. Within the first week, we were passed around the various departments between rehearsals and song-writing sessions, watched over by K-san. He dragged us to a hairstylist first. Both Ryuichi-san and I were immediately passed over to a slightly terrifying woman with scissors, and Noriko-san had a bit of an argument over her pink hair, which she had grown quite fond of.

"No, pink isn't going to do."

"But I like it!"

"You're… plenty cute enough without pink, Sakakura-san."

"But I like it!"

"No, absolutely no pink."

"But-"

"Will you agree to purple?"

"…Fine. But pale lilac, then."

After the haircuts came the wardrobe consultant, who took one look at Noriko and me and focused almost exclusively on Ryuichi-san. Clearly Noriko-san's taste in clothing had passed the test, but the man was absolutely dissatisfied with the loose, comfortable clothing Ryuichi-san preferred. "When you go out in public, you wear whatever you want," he said. "When you perform, you do not look like that."

Ryuichi-san took the criticism cheerfully, commenting later that it had been fun to play dress-up, although judging from the several items of stage clothing I had seen, they were well on their way to turning him into a sex symbol. Not that they would have a hard time, I reflected, considering how he acted on stage.

Next came the little matter of public relations. "First of all, you need a name," K-san told us. "I'm rather surprised you haven't come up with one yet, but we obviously can't market you without one. Think of something."

That carried the weight of an order, so we spent half an hour in thoughtful silence before Ryuichi-san piped up, "Kumagoro says the band needs to be called Nittle Grasper!"

I had a feeling that had been an attempt at English that had gone terribly wrong, since neither K-san nor I could puzzle out what it meant, but when Noriko-san asked, "Why Nittle Grasper?" Ryuichi-san only smiled brightly and said, "Why not Nittle Grasper?" That seemed a quite logical argument for Ryuichi-san, and since no one except Kumagoro had given any input, we kept the name "unless we think of something else". Then, needless to say, it stuck.

Following this were several arranging sessions (which meant I was the one doing most of the work, as K-san decided that I should be taught the basics of production), at which point all three of us were given a day off just as we were about ready to collapse.

"That can't have taken only a week," Noriko-san sighed. "I'm tired enough for two lifetimes."

"And we get to do it again tomorrow," I pointed out with a bit of a smile. I was really starting to enjoy the pace; it gave me something to do every moment of the day. "Are you sorry you wanted to do this?"

"Of course not!" she replied immediately. "I'm becoming addicted to coffee. But I'm not sorry."

"I'm so tired… but I've never had more fun!" Ryuichi-san beamed. As was often the case, he spoke for all of us.


By the time a month had passed, I had to wear sunglasses when I went out so that no one would recognize me. Noriko-san complained of the hats she had to don, but none of us had anything on Ryuichi-san, who really did have a bodyguard at this point, in the form of K-san with a gun. We were almost ready to release Glass Dreams, which was the single K-san had chosen from our considerable list of songs to record first (to no one's great surprise). Even without the disk being finished, I sometimes heard passerby humming the tune. "Those who were at the Ruido concert and saw your TV spot last week picked it up, and now it's spreading without any outside aid from the company," K-san said, well-satisfied. "We don't have to sell you. Everyone is in a frenzy even without gimmicks."

It was true. We were being recognized in the streets now, and K-san admitted to having had to divert a mob that had started around Ryuichi-san when he had carelessly taken off his hat in public. "It takes the good part of a year to get this far," he said. "The owner of Ruido is ready to bow down and worship you. Thanks to your appearance there, the venue has become almost legendary. They don't have to go trolling for new talent; established, well-known groups are practically beating down the doors to perform!"

We had to change our phone numbers after they wouldn't stop ringing, even in the middle of the night, with near-hysterical fans wanting to know if we were the Seguchi, Sakuma, and Sakakura. I thought privately that all of the other people in Tokyo with our last names were probably ready to strangle us, but we took this all rather well, especially Noriko-san, who actually seemed to enjoy the late night confessions of undying love. "We're living under a charmed star," she was fond of saying. "We're making history now."

That was true too. We were nothing less than an immediate sensation. By the time two months had passed and our first single had been released, with our first full disk in the works, I could hardly turn on the television without seeing one of our faces, and it seemed like every magazine in the country had printed our pictures at least once. As I had predicted, Ryuichi-san had become a sex symbol, as I had not predicted, Noriko-san and I had, as well. "We have doujinshi," Noriko-san said with a giggle as she walked into the studio one morning. "You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw when I bothered to look into it." She threw a stack of the thin books on the table, and sure enough, there were our faces on the covers, drawn in a multitude of styles.

"Ooh, manga!" Ryuichi-san exclaimed cheerfully. "Let me see!"

While he flipped through one of them, wide-eyed, Noriko-san gave me a sly look. "The tamer ones feature you and me in a meaningful relationship. As for the rest…"

She trailed off artfully just as Ryuichi-san exclaimed, "Wow, look at this one! I didn't know you could-"

Having a rough idea of what he was about to say, I snatched the book away from him, and felt my face heat as I beheld myself doing some very uncharacteristic things. "Why, Tohma-kun, I do believe you're blushing," Noriko-san said wickedly. "Surprised?"

"Are all of them like this?"

"Enough are. Can you really blame them? It has such potential! You have such a pretty face, and Ryu-chan is always glomping you in public at the most opportune of times."

"He throws himself at you just as often!" I said, quite distressed.

"Ah, yes, but I don't carry the stigma of the forbidden," she said merrily. "Every generation needs its kick, after all." She laughed and picked up one of the books that had been near the bottom of the stack, and I saw now that plenty of the covers featured myself and Ryuichi-san alone, often in various states of undress. It took all the self-control I had not to slam my head into the desk.

"I'm… just… going to stay away from manga stores," I finally said weakly just as K-san came into the room. "Maybe it will stop when I get married."

"Don't be stupid," K-san said, picking up one of the books on the table and flipping through it with interest. "This is great publicity, it means people know who you are, and it isn't like they're photographs. Let the little girls who pay your salaries have their dreams." He gave me a sharp look. "As for getting married, I've meant to discuss it with you for a while. I'm going to have to ask you to postpone the wedding, if not cancel it."

I gave him a blank look. "Why is this, exactly?"

"It should be obvious to someone with your business sense," K-san said. "You're young, you're new, and you're popular. Your personal fanclub is nearly as large as Ryuichi's, if you would believe. That number would be halved if you got married now, and I'm sure you don't want to deter your career. There's little probability of a flop now, but it's still possible." He shrugged. "Besides, are you that anxious to settle and raise a house full of children?"

I thought about this for a moment; it seemed very reasonable. "No, I suppose I'm not," I answered. "I'll have to talk to my family, then, and hers…" My relationship with my parents had improved to the point where they seemed grudgingly proud of me, but I had a feeling this would probably not go over particularly well. And once they were pacified, there was Uesugi-san to consider, which meant another trip to Kyoto to be the perfect eldest son, something I hadn't had to do in a while. I had not had word from him since I had cut off ties with my father's firm, though I supposed now that had been a little careless, as he was sure to see me on the television and draw all sorts of conclusions if I didn't talk to him first. Of course, I had been given the ideal way out by K-san, who suggested I cancel the engagement altogether, and with my career to consider, it would probably be possible with a minimum of shame incurred. I would have to think about that, and carefully. "I will need two days off," I said with a sigh. "I'll need to go to Kyoto."

"Days off? How drastic," K-san said. "You three don't get days off." He grinned. "Besides, we have the music video to film on location in Kyoto next week, and you'll be welcome to take evenings for yourself once you're there."

I had forgotten all about the video shoot, but that did seem the perfect way to do it and not miss work. There was the added benefit that I would have Noriko-san and Ryuichi-san to come back to if my conversation with Uesugi-san went badly. "Perfect."


When I fell in love for the first time, it was just like everything else that happened that year: dizzying, unexpected, terrifying, beautiful, and so fast that I didn't know I had to hold on until I was already too far gone for it to make any difference.

We came to Kyoto a few days past my twenty-fourth birthday. It was an unseasonably warm day for November, so warm that we hadn't had a great deal of trouble filming out of doors in sometimes scant clothing, and that even after the filming, I only had to throw on a light coat to feel warm in the sunlight. The first day's filming finished early enough that I could take the trip to the Uesugi temple and arrive before it was too late to be polite. With my hectic schedule, I had not had a chance to tell them I would be coming, but as long as I showed up after dinner but before nighttime, it would be all right, according to my reasoning.

There was an air of emptiness to the place when I pulled into the courtyard, and the fact that no one was home was confirmed by the absence of cars. I decided to walk around to the back and wait, certain it wouldn't be long until they were back.

He had fallen asleep under a tree by the koi pond, clearly taking advantage of the unexpectedly mild day. He would probably be scolded for it; the ground was still cold, even if the air wasn't, but he was sprawled carelessly on the dry grass, the jacket of his school uniform unzipped, a book lying near his hand. A book bag lay nearby. His hair was a little on the long side, gold against the gray, and his face was a study of complete innocence under the shadows cast by the bare branches of the tree.

Something moved inside me upon seeing this idyllic scene, something I didn't recognize right away and foolishly ignored. Instead, I walked over to him and knelt on the ground, putting a hand gently on his shoulder to wake him. "Eiri-kun," I whispered, unsure why I was whispering, but unable to raise my voice. "Eiri-kun, wake up."

He stirred after a moment, then opened his eyes and looked up at me sleepily. The dry grass had imprinted itself on his pale cheek, making his face look a little unbalanced. That something inside moved again. "Tohma-san?" he finally said. "Aren't you in Tokyo?"

"That's a funny question when you're talking to me in Kyoto," I said, still softly. "Now, I have one for you. Why are you sleeping on the ground in the middle of November?"

"The… oh," he said, blinking still-bleary eyes. "I forgot my key, and Otousan took Mikarin and Tatsuha somewhere while I was at cram school. I thought I would wait for them here. It's warm."

"You might still get sick," I told him. "At least zip your jacket." I reached out to do it for him, in much the same comfortable way I would have adjusted the clothing of one of the Sakuma girls, but again my body had a strange reaction; my hands shook slightly as I completed the task, and I had to clasp them to the point of white knuckles on my lap to get them to stop. I had no idea what was going on. "I'll wait with you," I said, suddenly uncomfortable. "I didn't warn your father I was coming."

"I thought you were in Tokyo getting famous," Eiri-kun said. "Mikarin nearly died when she saw you on television for the first time. Otousan had a look on his face like he'd eaten a lemon."

I winced. "I was rather afraid it would be something like that. I was too busy to come and address the issue before." I leaned back against the tree.

"Oh," Eiri-kun said, sounding a little wistful. He was silent for a moment before speaking hesitantly. "Did you… come to break off the engagement? That's what Otousan thinks is going to happen." He locked his gold eyes with mine, eyes that were wide with childlike vulnerability. "Will you not come back after this?"

For a moment, I could swear I stopped breathing. While I puzzled over this curious phenomenon, Eiri-kun kept looking at me with those wide eyes until I made myself look away, entirely lost by this point. "I…" The truth was, I had been considering it. It could be done with a minimum of fuss, and while I liked Mika-san, I wasn't in love with her like the songs Ryuichi-san wrote… of course, back then, I still thought love was reserved for song lyrics and not people. "Of course I'll keep coming back," I heard myself saying. "I couldn't just disappear now, could I? We've known each other for too many years."

He relaxed. "I suppose you're right. Mikarin will be glad. She's rather infatuated with the idea of marrying a rock star, even if Otousan doesn't entirely approve." He grinned. "Lucky Mika, as her friends say."

It occurred to me then that I hadn't said I would come back for Mika-san's sake at all, and not even for my family's sake. There was something about the boy sitting next to me, a little wistful, a little lonely, that was drawing me inexorably. I was just beginning to realize that I would gladly go through with the engagement and fight to keep it, just to keep seeing him. Just as this new wave of realization hit, leaving me breathless and more confused than before, there was the sound of tires in the gravel drive, and Eiri-kun jumped up. "They're home!" he said cheerfully, brushing off his pants for evidence of his nap and picking up his book bag. "Let's go meet them and put Otousan's fears to rest."

I stood and composed myself before I could manage a "Sure," at which point he was already around the pond, and there was nothing for it but to follow after him, wondering what was wrong with me.


I got through the evening with the Uesugi family in a daze. I must have made all the proper moves and said all the proper things, because Mika-san was practically glowing at the end of the evening and Uesugi-san's frown had slowly become his usual unreadable expression, which meant he wasn't displeased with me. "A year, maybe two," I told him. "I wouldn't want my career, which is still new, to interfere with my marriage. I don't want to cause any problems for Mika-san, of course, so if she'd rather-"

She had interrupted me then by saying she had been getting bored recently and was considering going to college. When even her father gave her a blank, disbelieving stare, she shrugged but held firm to this idea. "So we get married after I've finished," she said. "And we'll even keep the engagement secret until it's safe to disclose it. I don't mind waiting if Tohma-san doesn't mind waiting; that should satisfy everyone."

Indeed, this solution seemed to please even Uesugi-san, who said, "Well, I can see we've made a good match, since both of you are so determined. You're welcome here at any time, as always, Tohma-san. Please come and see us often, if you don't feel it will affect your work negatively."

I promised, of course. I smiled through tea, talked about everything and nothing, declined an offer to spend the night as politely as I could, pointing out I was due on location at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, and made my excuses to leave as early as was possible without being rude. As I left, I looked up to see Eiri-kun at the window of his room, reading. He looked down just then, and waved at me. I lifted my hand to wave back, and that odd fluttering sort of feeling was back again. I got into the car feeling unsettled and a little sick.

I turned on the radio as I drove through the dark streets, and there was Ryuichi-san's voice pounding out Glass Dreams again. I listened to it with half an ear; I knew every nuance of this recording by now, I had sat in on the mixing process after it had been made, and I could hear it in my mind even without the radio. And even so…

"You can't stop when you're this far,
It's so hard to just keep breathing…"

The words touched me differently that night than they had before.

When I came into the hotel and was bowed in by security, I took the elevator to the top floor where our suites were located. Somehow, my feet knew better than my mind where I needed to go. I ended up in Noriko-san's room, not quite sure why myself. She opened the door with an expression that did not bode well for whoever had awakened her, but the frown lifted off of her face when she saw me. "You look like a lost little boy," she said. "What's wrong?"

"I feel like I've been suddenly run over by a freight truck," I told her honestly.

"Come in," she said immediately. I flopped over into the first chair I saw in the suite, putting my head in my hands. "Talk to me, Tohma-kun. I've never seen you like this. What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know," I said weakly. That was a lie. I had a very good feeling I did know. I had done enough arranging around love song lyrics to recognize the symptoms, but seeing them on myself was too bewildering to stomach. This was not supposed to happen. This was all, all wrong. Nothing and no one should have been able to make my thoughts spin like this, least of all a fourteen-year-old boy with innocent eyes the color of molten gold. "I'm dizzy," I murmured.

"I'm going to get you some tea," she said decisively. "You really don't look well."

As she walked off into the kitchen area of the suite, I made myself assess the situation.

So, Seguchi Tohma. What do you know about yourself?

You're a rising star with a rabid fan following. You're rich. You're famous. Your friends love you. You have absolutely everything you could ever want.

Except one thing.

You are engaged to Uesugi Mika. And you are absolutely smitten with Uesugi Eiri. A boy. A fourteen-year-old boy. A fourteen-year-old boy who happens to be the younger brother of the girl you've agreed to marry.

Whoever called you a genius?

"Find me some cognac or something to go in that tea," I called, wishing these unexpected and unwanted feelings would just go away, knowing they wouldn't. "I think I need it."