AN: I just wrote a new Stargate fic and whilst looking through my account discovered that I'd never posted more chapters of this story which I wrote years ago. There were twelve altogether and I may get around to writing more if people want it enough. It's funny how my writing style has changed a bit since I wrote this. LOL.


I told them about my fifteen years in The Centre, how those of us who were not 'special' enough were not kept as isolated and we were allowed to socialise with each other. That's how I had met Timmy. And how he had begged me to use my powers to mask his own abilities because he was so sure they would send him home if they decided he wasn't 'special'. I did not want to but he pleaded with me until I finally agreed - he was so scared and he wanted to go home more than anything.

"Wait a minute." interrupted Sydney, sounding incredulous. "Are you telling me that Timmy - Angelo - had empathic talents before Raines' experiment?"

I nodded, full of sorrow, "I'm to blame for what Raines did to him. It's all my fault." I gave way to anguished sobbing as the guilt I had held inside broke free.

"How can it be your fault?" asked Broots, feeling confused.

Sydney understood. "Because Raines would not have needed to perform the experiment if he was aware that Timmy already had empathic abilities." He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. "It was not your fault, Melinda. You were a child and you didn't know what would happen as a result of you blocking his gifts."

Broots pulled me into his arms and the others drew closer. Their compassion and understanding lifted my spirit and helped decrease the weight of guilt that I felt bearing down upon me. My sobbing lessened in intensity.

They had so many questions and in so many ways I did not feel ready to answer them - even the person I had shared the last decade with, my lovely computer nerd, did not know half of what I was telling them. But it had to be done and now was as good a time as any.

However, a realisation suddenly struck Miss Parker. "Then it was all a lie! All of it! None of it was real." Her feelings of betrayal - an emotion she was very familiar with - were painful to me.

"What do you mean?" asked Broots.

Miss Parker's attention remained on me, those cool grey eyes now burning with anger. "You read my mind. You analysed my emotions and you used that to get close to me!"

I couldn't lie to her. "I became who you wanted me to be. However, in addition I also staved off your nicotine cravings, calmed your ulcer and rescued you from tense situations whenever your stress levels got too high. You liked me because I made you feel better."

"I trusted you!" she spat out the word, her hurt spilling over the walls.

"Trust can kill you." was my automatic response. Her eyes widened as she recognised her mother's saying.

"Or it can set you free." Broots finished off the phrase. "Trust us now as we trusted you. No more secrets. I don't want to be afraid of you - I want to understand." He paused and then asked sadly. "Was us - our friendship - ever real?"

"Oh, Broots." I sighed. "It was all real. Although I did use my powers to aid me along the way, I was never pretending" I nearly choked on the unintentional use of the word, "with any of you. You've got to believe me."

Sydney and Broots nodded, apparently satisfied. Miss Parker was reluctant - but she wanted to believe me and she still cared about me.

I went on, "I didn't mean to get so involved with you guys. It just happened on its own."

Sydney sighed and took my hand. "You might not believe this but I often wondered about you over the years, wondered what had become of you."

I laughed bitterly. "Sure, like you were worried about me when you and Raines released me - a sexually abused teenager with little to no knowledge of the outside world with a couple of grand in my pocket, the clothes on my back and nowhere to go."

Miss Parker and Broots were shocked. I turned to them. "What? You don't think a child could get molested in a place like The Centre?" They felt uncomfortable. "Or is it that Raines was involved in my release that shocks you most?"

"Raines?" Miss Parker was disbelieving.

Sydney answered. "It was Raines who discovered Melinda after the final worst attack. She had lost a lot of blood and it took us hours to save her life. Afterwards, we spoke to your father about the situation. He agreed that for her safety she should be released to get her as far away as possible from those who had developed a sick obsession with abusing her. Raines was quite convincing in his arguments for her release."

"I reminded him of his daughter." I explained. Raines' daughter had been kidnapped and murdered many years before and because there was something about me that made him think of his daughter he could not bear me to suffer any more.

"What did you when The Centre let you go?" asked Miss Parker.

There was so much left to tell. Carefully, I sat up but remained leaning against Broots for support and comfort. He held my hand. "The Centre never lets you go." I whispered. "Sure, they weren't searching for me like you're searching for Jarod - but I could never be certain. I was always looking over my shoulder expecting a sweeper team to be coming for me. The moment they set me free I got on a bus and got as far away as I could. A lady at the bus station directed me to a shelter for teenage runaways and I stayed there for a few days whilst I got my bearings.

"The culture shock was the worst. There were so many new things out there and so many people who weren't as closed off emotionally as those within The Centre. I just lay on my bed trying to filter out all the noise in my mind. My head ached for days."

"That's understandable." remarked Sydney. "Your senses weren't used to accepting that much information."

"Exactly." I nodded. "Anyway, eventually I found out from the people who ran the shelter that what I really needed to do was get a job. They showed me how to look up the ads in the newspapers and things like that. Whilst looking through the ads, it suddenly occurred to me that I could use my abilities to help me in the outside world. Instead of my powers being detrimental to my chances of survival as they had been at The Centre, suddenly they were useful and in some cases absolutely necessary.

"At job interviews, I gained impressions of what my potential employers were like. Every one terrified me. I couldn't face the idea of working for a big company as it seemed too much like The Centre and smaller business frightened me with the closeness of their workers. I had too many secrets and too many fears."

"That must have been horrible." said Broots with concern. "What did you do then?"

"Eventually, after almost giving up hope, I attended an interview with a guy who ran his own computer business from home. His business was very successful but he was a loner and had mild agrophobia so he didn't go out much - and he preferred it that way. He had decided that he really needed an assistant to help him organise his work but was concerned about letting someone into his private sanctuary. As soon as I shook his hand, I instantly felt that this was where I wanted to be. He had a good heart and something about him made me feel safe.

"After a bit of persuasion he agreed to give me a week's trial. It was simple to become who he wanted me to be and our working relationship was pleasant and comfortable. He even surfed the net to find me a really good apartment nearby. The next five years went by very quickly as we both immersed ourselves completely in running his company and I could almost forget my past."

"And what happened to change things?" asked Sydney gently.

I closed my eyes, remembering. "Using the internet and other resources, I had been keeping an eye on other children who had been released from The Centre, and in particular those who had been rescued by Catherine before she died. I didn't dare contact them but I knew where they were. Then all of a sudden they started dying. All apparently of natural causes or accidents but I knew The Centre was involved. I was completely terrified.

"Up till then, my lovely employer had always believed - and I had let him - that I had run away from home after a fight with my parents or something. He knew that something haunted me but never pushed me to tell him about it. However, when he discovered me crying hysterically in front of my computer he wouldn't stop until I told him what was wrong. I told him about being raised by an organisation for gifted children. I hinted at the nefarious nature of the organisation and how children I had known there were now dead.

"He was horrified at the awful things that had happened to me. He told me that I was the most important person in his life and he would do anything to help. His house became my refuge, my hideaway. I moved in and pretty much didn't ever go outside. It was like being a prisoner again but this time I was a prisoner of my own fear. However, I was fairly content for a time. I now shared my friend's life as well as his work. He would have liked me to have shared his bed also but I couldn't after what had been done to me and he never pushed."

I paused to take a deep shuddering breath. Broots squeezed my hand and I looked at him gratefully. This was really difficult for me. I was more used to keeping secrets than speaking openly.

"What made you decide to return to The Centre?" Miss Parker asked.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. The hiding away, existing but not really living. I had to come back to reclaim my life. I had to do something. Perhaps find out who killed Catherine and make them pay." Miss Parker looked at me in surprise - she knew that feeling. "I owe her. And I owe... someone else."

"Someone else?" inquired Miss Parker raising her eyebrows, "Who?"

"It is Jarod, isn't it?" replied Sydney with interest.

I took a deep shuddering breath. "Yes." I said softly. They were all silently watching me, waiting to hear more. "He saved me. I would have gone insane if not for him - perhaps even died."

"How is that possible?" Sydney looked perplexed. "As far as I know, you and Jarod never met. Unless, of course, you got in touch with him more recently outside The Centre."

I shook my head. "Jarod does not even know I exist. We have never set eyes on one another."

"Then how...?" Broots' confusion echoed everyone's.

"This is hard for me..." I whispered.

"Take your time." Sydney reassured in a soothing voice. "You're doing really well."

"That day - the day that Timmy became Angelo..."

"And the day my mom died." Miss Parker murmured.

"...The air was filled with so much evil. I could feel it as though the air was polluted by it. Timmy came to me and asked me to inhibit more of his abilities because they hadn't given up and sent him home yet. It felt wrong somehow, dangerous even, but he was adamant so eventually I gave in.

"Raines' sweeper came to get Timmy and I kept my mind focussed on him to make sure he was alright and because of the energy it took to inhibit his powers as much as I was."

"So you were with him, in a way, when they fried his brain." Miss Parker said.

I grimaced at her choice of words but nodded. "I felt what he felt. He was in so much pain so I lifted his spirit away from his body to ease his suffering until it was all over. When it was time to return, he panicked and in the ensuing struggle I managed to replace his spirit into the prison Raines had made of his body but my own spirit was separated from my body. I was floating adrift, lost and terrified.

"I would have been like that forever, unable to find my way back if it wasn't for this amazingly bright light that seemed to call to me. I followed it - at first I thought I must be dead - but I realised as I got closer that the glow was coming from another soul. A beautiful soul. Being near it made me feel safe. It was like I was cocooned in its overwhelming warmth and power."

"And this was Jarod's soul?" Sydney breathed, completely fascinated.

"Yes. That's all I knew about him - his name and that he was a Pretender. Instead of just drifting aimlessly, Jarod was my anchor and I was able to eventually reconnect with my body."

"Jarod was completely unaware of this occurrence?" asked Sydney.

"That's right."

"Incredible."

"After that, whenever things got too terrible to bear I would leave my body and travel to find comfort in the light of Jarod's spirit again. In particular, whenever they..." my voice cracked. "...did things to me."

"Did you see what he was doing? Were you watching him?" Miss Parker wanted to know.

"No." I replied. "I was only aware occasionally of what he was feeling. He was mostly sad and lonely just like me. In fact, I didn't even know what he looked like at all until Sydney showed me a photo this afternoon."

I had been aware as I spoke about Jarod of a strange feeling coming from Broots. It was kind of like sadness tempered by acceptance and little spikes of... envy? No, that was silly - what would Broots have to be envious about?

"During the years I was out of The Centre, I thought about Jarod all the time - whether he was okay. I felt that I should tell him about what I knew The Centre was doing with his work but I was so afraid and I just couldn't. By the time I felt able to come back, ten years had passed and I discovered from you that he escaped two years ago." I buried my face in my hands. "I should have come back sooner - perhaps I could have saved him some of his pain."

Sydney pulled my hands away from my face very gently and made me look at him. "You carry a lot of unfounded guilt inside you. Catherine, Angelo, Jarod - none of them are your responsibility. You did what you could but what happened to them is not your fault."

"It sure feels like it." I whispered, tears falling again

I felt horrible. My world was falling apart - I was falling apart - where was my control? It didn't help that I knew I must look a total mess with my hair in disarray, my clothes torn in places and my face ravaged by tears. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Broots. I wanted to know if he could possibly still think I was beautiful now he knew the truth and especially in my current sad condition. His perception of my appearance startled me. I looked more beautiful than I ever had before! How could that be? How very strange - but nice.

Miss Parker looked at me. She began awkwardly. "About dinner tonight..."

I smiled sadly. "I understand... you need some time to adjust to everything."

She sighed with relief - she had discovered one of the benefits of my being able to read minds and emotions. "How about a raincheck for say next week sometime?"

"Sure." I wasn't going to hold my breath though - I could tell that she was not entirely certain she would extend the invitation again. I felt very sad and alone. Things were never going to be the same again.

"I'll call Thomas and tell him about our change of plans." She gazed at me a moment, knowing she wanted to say something but not knowing how or what. I wanted her to say something too - something that would let me know that it was alright between us - but the fact that she wanted to would have to be enough. She turned to go. "So, I'll see everyone on Monday. Good night."

"Good night." We replied.

Broots reluctantly moved away from me. "I should go find out what Debbie's plans for tonight are. She was thinking about staying overnight at a friend's place but I have to check so I know whether I have to pick her up or whatever." He looked at me. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back, okay?"

I smiled. "I'll be right here." Broots grinned and hurried off to phone his daughter.

Sydney leaned in towards me, his eyes bright. "Melinda. Would you perhaps consider working with me? I mean, totally unrelated to The Centre, of course. Our work would be completely confidential. We could explore and develop your powers."

I stared at him for a long time. He began to worry that he had said the wrong thing, or said it the wrong way, or even that he should have waited for a better time to bring up the subject.

He started to speak, to take it back quickly but I stopped him. "Sydney." I breathed, my voice filled with the emotions that I felt brimming to the surface. "Do you have any idea how long I have waited to hear you say that? How many years?"

Sydney was quite taken aback.

"You had no idea, did you?" I laughed sadly. "All those children, all those years."

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Each and every one of those children that I knew whilst I was here - all they could hope for was to be assigned to you. With you, they would still have been prisoners but they would have been taken care of and encouraged to develop their abilities."

Sydney remained silent, pondering this.

I continued. "I, like all the other children, had heard of Jarod, of how great a Pretender he was. In some ways, I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be assigned to you because I was pretty sure you would have prevented the horrific things they did to me. But I couldn't reach out to you. I couldn't take the risk of others finding out what I could do. I could only dream."

Sydney looked very sad. "If only I had known... If only I hadn't been so blind all those years."

"Sydney," I said softly. "I would be honoured to work with you now."

He smiled delightedly. My abilities completely fascinated him and he couldn't wait to learn more about them and - more importantly, from my point of view - to help me to develop them.

I continued. "On one condition, however. We have to be exceedingly careful that my abilities and my past with The Centre are never discovered. Not just for my sake."

Sydney's brow furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

I hesitated. Did I really want to share this information with him? Yet another secret? No, I suppose he should know. "The things they did to me... not all of it was just malicious sexual abuse. The project they had me involved in was to do with studying the female reproductive system, fertility, stuff like that. I'm not going to tell you what was done to me - unless maybe we start some heavy duty counselling. The thing I have to tell you is that just before I was released from The Centre they had planned to..." I broke off.

"Planned to do what?" Sydney prompted gently.

"Oh god, Sydney, they planned to impregnate me with Jarod's child. I had the right genetic makeup - probably due to the powers they didn't even know I had - and they wanted to recreate Jarod's Pretender abilities."

He stared at me in horror.

"I couldn't let them do it, Sydney! Can you imagine? A child with Jarod's Pretender abilities as well as my own powers? There would be no way that such a child - raised by The Centre and, in particular, isolated from birth - would know it should hide its powers like I did."

"I would never have allowed that to happen." Sydney insisted.

"Do you really think you would have known about it?" I argued. "And I am the one who would never have allowed it to happen. To have them create a child - my child - and then use it, just like they used Jarod. I would have killed myself first."

Sydney just stared at me for a moment, unsure of what to say. What I had told him had shaken him significantly. Poor Sydney, he had truly been blind all those years as to how The Centre's once benevolent goals had slowly but surely taken a turn towards evil.

He said quietly, "I swear to you that I will do everything within my power to keep you safe. However, I still want to work with you - I think you'll agree that it would be of great benefit to you and your future if you learn to develop your abilities - and learn to better cope with traumatic situations."

When I didn't answer, he continued. "You've managed to survive reasonably well over the years but here back in The Centre, I think you need help to deal with things. Do you agree?"

I couldn't argue with that. I nodded shyly. A slow smile spread itself across my face. Things might be alright after all. Broots was still my friend and had not turned away from me as I had feared. Miss Parker might be having trouble dealing with the revelations of today but I had to believe we could work through that together. Most exciting of all, I was to work on my powers with Sydney! A dream come true.

Most of all, I realised, that although I might find the thought of trusting anyone horrific - Trust can kill you! - the truth I couldn't deny was that I was now in a position where I was forced to trust these three people. It was either that or go back to my lovely computer nerd and never again leave his home - if indeed I would still be safe there anymore.

No, I had to stay - for Catherine, for Jarod, for Angelo, for Miss Parker - and for those children with whom I had spent my hellish childhood, those children who were now dead. And for myself. I had to remain here, remain on the path I had set for myself. Walking this path might bring my salvation but there was an equal possibility that it would destroy me. There was no choice. I had to take the chance.


If you want to read the other chapters I have already written you need to review! I'm needy. Plus, the more encouragement I get the more likely it is that I will be able to get inspired to write more after all this time:)