A/N: Could it be? Yes! An update!
I'm really sorry this one took so long, but I have two reasons: number 1, this particular episode was the one for which I got the least inspiration and number 2, my laptop died at the end of last year and it's taken me this long to get another. My dad's computer was available for use, but it just didn't get my creative juices flowing, you know?
Without further ado…
He dozed.
He didn't mean to. In one way it was the last thing he wanted; he'd come so close to sleeping forever not too long ago. And yet, in here, he somehow felt as though the world outside didn't exist. It felt so watchful, as though he could sleep and nothing would happen, or if it did then someone would be there to catch it.
That was the problem, wasn't it?
He was supposed to catch it. He was the one who was supposed to be on watch, who wasn't supposed to miss any of it. Yet he did. Somehow, he did. He was always sleeping; just like now. Sleeping when he was on watch. And because of it, he missed things. He missed the fact that he was changing. He missed the fact they were planning a mission that ended in disaster. He missed the chance to save his men, missed his last shreds of sanity…
Missed the fact that Caldwell was trying to take over his command…
In one way he felt like it'd be better if Caldwell took over. At least that way he wouldn't be on watch all the time. Only he knew it wouldn't work, knew it was selfish reasoning, and knew that he'd never be able to abide it. Caldwell missed nothing and let the wrong things go, but if he was on watch then John would miss out on the biggest thing of all.
Maybe he did miss things… but there were other things he caught. Like the loyalty of his team mates. Like the chance to do something right.
If only he could stop sleeping while he was on watch…
