How To Make Your Own Dinosaurs
Indemnity Note: InGen and its corporate affiliates will not accept any responsibility over any mishaps or injuries that occur when using the steps detailed in this manual.
Note: Doctor Henry Wu wrote this while drunk and InGen will not take any responsibility for what he has written.
Note: InGen DOES NOT purchase DIY and homemade dinosaurs from strangers.
Step 1- Obtain
paleo-DNA samples of DINOSAURS (yes, I said dinosaurs and not your
neighbor's constipated cat). (DNA is obtainable from the gullets of
amber-encased bugs and ground up bones, if you can't afford to buy
InGen's patented Dino-DNA. If you can't get hold of the bugs or
InGen-DNA, go rob a museum)
Step 2- Extract DNA
(don't know how? You're on your own, dumbass!) sample and run
through Hamachi Hood DNA sequencers. This process, which allows you
to locate DNA sequence gaps and deciphering the coding, takes several
hours (a minimum of four hours). While waiting, it is advisable that
you take a nap. You'll need it later.
Step 3- Once coding
has been deciphered and sequence gaps located, use the Hamachi Hood's
sequence matching programs to get a rough idea what the coding is for
(eg; to make a hormone or enzyme). THIS STEP IS MOST CRUCIAL TO BREED
A HEALTHY DINOSAUR. IF DONE INCORRECTLY, YOU WILL HAVE AN ABNORMAL,
SICK, DYSFUNCTIONAL DINOSAUR ON YOUR HANDS. SERVE YOU RIGHT, YOU MOTHERFU...
Step 4- Use the DNA
of Lepidobatrachus Laevis/ Asper (that's the Budgett Frog to
you unintelligent asses)to fill in the sequence gaps. Don't
forget to run the sequence matching program.
Step 5- Once the
FREAKING TROUBLESOME DNA STRAND has been deciphered and completed
with some fcking frog's DNA, insert it into the nucleus of an
unfertilized crocodile ovum (NOT THE EGG, YOU IDIOT!). Once you have
'fertilized' to egg cell, inject it into a Millipore Egg (also
purchasable from your nearest InGen Genetics DIY shop).Then, you
dumbasses have to figure out how to make the ovum undergo fission.
Step 6- Bingo! Once
your egg hatches, you have your god darned dinosaur. Sod off.
Note; For obtaining dinosaur care sheets, please read InGen's 'A Guide to Being A Dino-Mamma', by Robert Muldoon. Or visit our theme park Jurassic Park and ask us.
DNA available at
InGen DIY stores
Allosaurus
Ferox ($89000)
Amargasaurus
Cazaui ($67000)
Ankylosaurus
Magniventris ($79000)
Apatosaurus
Yahnahpin ($46000)
Brachiosaurus
Brancai ($50000)
Baryonyx
Walkeri ($76000)
Carnotaurus
Sastrei ($85000)
Coelophysis
Bauri ($59000)
Deinonychus
Antirrhopus ($93000)
Dilophosaurus
Wetherilli ($87000)
Dimetrodon
Angelensis ($105000)
Gastonia Burgei
($70000)
Hypsilophodonthus
Foxii ($57500)
Kronosaurus sp.
($200000)
Maiasaura
Peeblesorum ($63400)
Mamenchisaurus
Jinyangensis ($91000)
Othnielia Rex
($68000)
Pachycephalosaurus
Wyomingensis ($59000)
Parasaurolophosaurus
Tubicen ($67000)
Plesiosaurus
sp. ($200000)
Procompsognathus
Triassicus ($85000)
Pterodactylus
Grandipelvis ($159000)
Spinosaurus
Aegyticus ($97000)
Stegosaurus
Armatus ($69000)
Suchomimus
Tenerensis ($83000)
Therizinosaurus
Cheloniformes ($160000)
Triceratops
Serratus ($64000)
Tyrannosaurus
Rex ($98000)
Utahraptor
Ostrummaysorum ($162000)
Velociraptor
Mongoliensis ($150000)
This sign indicates that the dinosaur is dangerous and WILL KICK YOUR
SORRY ASS IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. Do not sleep in the same room or play
with them. Other than that, they're perfect little angels. (Be very careful in C. Sastrei territory).
Enjoy
yourself and have a nice day.
Regards,
Dr. Henry Wu.
