Tim walked into Gibbs' hospital room. It had been several days since he came to see him. He had been going almost every day, along with the others, but couldn't bring himself to since finding out that Acosta was to blame for what happened. He couldn't face him knowing this happened because of him.
Tim knew Gibbs wouldn't blame him. In fact, he'd probably smack for even saying it, but Tim couldn't help but blame himself. The attack on Jenny's home happened either because she was looking into what happened to him or because Acosta found out he was alive, or both. Either way, it wouldn't have happened because of him.
Tim sat down in the chair next to Gibbs. "Hey, Gibbs, it's Tim. I'm sorry I haven't been by in a few days. Things have been really hectic at the office. Also, I haven't been able to face you. I'm sorry, Gibbs. This happened to you because of me. You and Jenny got caught up in my demons."
Tim chuckled. "I know if you could hear me, you'd smack me, not just for breaking rule six, but for blaming myself for this. I know you wouldn't blame me. I just can't help thinking that if I'd made a different choice, this wouldn't have happened. Then again, I don't even know if that's true. I keep thinking that if I'd been honest with Jenny, maybe it wouldn't have happened, but I don't know. Maybe it would've happened sooner. Maybe she'd already be dead. I honestly don't know if anything I could've done different would have changed anything. I do know though that you probably wouldn't be here if you didn't know me."
Tim took a deep breath. "Playing 'What if' doesn't help anything. I know that. It's a game I've been playing most of my life, and it only ends up making things worse."
Tim sat and looked at the unchanging condition of his boss. "Gibbs, I need you to wake up, and not just to help find Jenny. I…I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose you Gibbs."
Tim soon heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Tony in the doorway. "Hey."
"Hey. I haven't see you here in few days," Tony said. He knew why. McGee had been staying away since he found out that the man that tortured him and his family was responsible for all of this. He felt guilty. Plus, it probably reminded him a lot of his family, and it was hard to see Gibbs like this.
"Well, I'm sure you know I've been busy," Tim said.
"Yeah, I know," Tony said before going over the couch across from the bed and taking a seat. He didn't bother telling his friend he knew that guilt was the reason he hadn't been around, or to tell him again that it wasn't his fault. McGee wouldn't believe him. Tony probably wouldn't if he were him either. "No change, I'm guessing?"
Tim shook his head sadly. "I hate these places, you know? Hospitals."
"I imagine you saw a lot of them," Tony said. He didn't know a lot about what McGee had been through, but he knew enough to realize that he would've head to spend a lot of time in the hospital.
Tim nodded. "If you count the rehab center after I was finally discharged from the hospital, It was about five months."
Tony cringed. "It had to be bad for that long of a stay."
"Yeah. Putting my body back together took a lot of time. I think everyone was shocked that it was even possible," Tim said.
"I don't get it. Why would Acosta do all that. Why would he hurt you like that? Why didn't he just kill you?" Tony asked.
Tim shrugged. "My best guess is that he did it because he could. Because he gets off on brutality. He definitely does get off on it. I saw that many times. He didn't just kill my family. Aside from my sister, who thankfully was asleep when she was murdered, he prolonged their deaths for hours. I don't know why he didn't kill me. I can only guess that I didn't give him something he wanted. Maybe he wanted me to beg him to kill me, and I couldn't do that. My father's last words were to beg for my life. Anytime I thought about dying, that's all I heard. I couldn't deny him his last wish. So, I couldn't beg Acosta to kill me, and I couldn't allow myself to die, even though I really wanted to."
"I wondered how you found the will to live. I would've wanted to die if I had been through even a quarter of what you did, and that's only the little I know about. It was your dad. He's what kept you going," Tony said.
"Yeah," Tim said.
The two men were silent for a while after that, just sitting with Gibbs and praying for him to wake up. About ten minutes later, Tony spoke again. "Can I ask you something? Why'd you join NCIS. I used to think it was because your dad was Navy, but now I know he's CIA."
"And you're wondering why I didn't follow in his footsteps. It's a good question. I did want to be a CIA agent when I was a kid. I idolized my father and what he did for a living. Being in the CIA seemed like the coolest job in the world. What happened to us changed that. I mean, it didn't change the fact that I was proud of who my father was and what he did, but it changed the way I saw the CIA. After I got away, and when I was able to think coherently again, I thought a lot about the CIA and what they didn't do for my family," Tim said with some disgust in his voice.
"They didn't protect you," Tony said.
"They didn't lift a finger for us. We didn't have protection detail. We weren't put in a safe house. No steps were taken, even though they knew they'd sent my father after a dangerous man. You know, when I think back, I notice changes in my parents behavior the weeks prior to what happened. My mother started driving me to school instead of letting me take the bus. I couldn't walk to a friend's house by myself. I couldn't even step out into the backyard without my dad watching me. I used to hear my parents talk in hushed voices and stop as soon as they saw me. They knew there was danger, which means the CIA did too. I have the utmost respect for the kind of man my father was. I have no doubt he was a great agent, and I'm sure there are others like him, but I have no respect for the CIA as a whole," Tim told him.
Tony nodded. "I get it. I certainly have no love lost for them. Everyone knows how I feel about Trent Kort."
Tim snorted in response. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure Trent Kort is in a league of his own. Anyway, my goal of becoming in agent was still the same. I just didn't want to be a part of the CIA, and I liked what I knew about NCIS. I liked the idea of supporting the armed forces."
"You know, obviously I didn't know your dad, but he sounds like a good man, and I'm sure he'd be proud of who you are," Tony said.
"Thanks. It's strange. I've spent most of life terrified that someone was going to find out who I was, but now that people do know, I think I'm relieved. It feels good to be able to talk about my family, to tell them about my father," Tim said. He honestly didn't realize how much he longed for people to know who his family was, who he was.
"I can't even imagine what it has to be like to have to stay silent about who you are out of fear that it might cost you or your loved ones their lives if you ever tell anyone," Tony said with a shudder.
"It was actually easy at first. I wouldn't speak at all for over a year, and when I could speak again, I wasn't exactly anxious to tell people what happened to me, and by that time, I realized I shouldn't anyway. It did get harder as time went by though, especially when Jenny came back into my life," Tim explained.
Tony nodded before looking over at Gibbs, who had just moved his fingers, at least Tony thought he moved them. He didn't get a lot of sleep these days, so his mind could be playing tricks on him. "Tim? Tim, I think he moved."
Tim stood up and hovered over Gibbs' bed. "Gibbs? Gibbs can you hear me?"
Tony rushed over. "Boss, are you with us?"
Tim looked down and saw Gibbs hand move slightly. "Yeah, he moved. Go get a doctor."
Tony practically flew from the room.
Tim grabbed Gibbs' hand. "Gibbs, you need to wake up. Come on."
Gibbs' eyes fluttered a few times before he was able to keep them open just slightly. "Jenny."
Tim dropped back down in his chair and breathed a sigh of relief. Things had just gotten a tiny bit better. Gibbs was coming back to them.
