He was awoken by a pleasant tapping sound on his door. He recognized it as the way that Sakura knocked. He jumped up to open the door for her.
Sakura smiled when she saw him. She was carrying a small bag.
"Hi, Naruto!" she greeted warmly.
Naruto smiled as well, but it was less beaming than hers.
"Sakura-chan... What are you doing here?" he replied.
"I decided to surprise you. I know Kakashi-sensei didn't give you any work today, but I wanted to spend time with you anyway! May I come in?"
"Of course..."
Naruto's voice was trembling slightly. The great sense of relief that he felt to see Sakura smiling at him, happy to see him, as if nothing had happened to him today, as if he hadn't been wracked by guilt. It felt overwhelming.
The pinkette walked in. She tossed the bag on the couch and sat down next to it. She glanced at him to see that he was still standing by the door and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Naruto, what are you doing? Come sit with me."
He did so, sitting about a foot away from her and smiling awkwardly. She scooted closer to him and rested a hand on his arm, as if to verify that he was really there.
"You know, I really missed you. Every day, I miss you. It's starting to scare me how much I want to be around you nowadays. I talked to Ino about you today. You really do make me happy, Naruto," Sakura said.
The warmth that Sakura was showing him was having an almost dissociative effect on him. Hinata had made him feel better somewhat, but listening to Sakura's words brought back the sinking feeling. In a way, though it was impossible, he had expected Sakura to be angry at him the next time he saw her. And this was the exact opposite of that.
Naruto just blinked at her. She stared at him, green eyes soft with concern.
"Naruto... Did something happen today?"
He gulped. He didn't know how to begin explaining.
"No..."
Her eyes narrowed, though her expression was still pleasant.
"... Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you lying to me?"
Naruto blinked and felt moisture in his eyes.
"Yes... I'm so sorry, Sakura-chan. I'm just... sorry."
He was gripping the fabric of his pants tightly with both hands. Sakura glanced down at them.
"For lying to me?"
"No, not for that... Sakura-chan... Well, I'm sorry about that too... But Sakura-chan... I'm..."
He looked away from her and down at his hands.
"Naruto, calm down. Whatever's wrong, it can't be that bad. Take a deep breath. Didn't I say I would take care of you?"
She gently took his hands and moved them over to his sides. Then she rubbed his back in slow circles.
This type of affectionate behavior still felt new to him from Sakura. Sometimes, it felt like she was a different person from that girl he had spent so much time with and done so many missions with as a team. It was both exciting and alienating. He relaxed somewhat as she continued to speak.
"You were really tense. Okay, just try to relax and tell me what's bothering you. I'm here for you. I said I would take care of you and I will, Naruto. I wasn't just saying that. I know not everything is easy for you. I know life has been hard on you at times. But I'm here now. I'll always be here. And I'll always help you. Naruto, I promise," she continued soothingly.
Her calming words of support were slowly making him lose control of his emotions. To hear this from her, the girl he thought would abandon him like so much trash for the one she really wanted, made him feel like crying. So he did.
"It's just... It's..."
She decided it would be better to wait for him to get it out rather than interrupt him. She calmly watched him while continuing her ministrations.
"I feel so bad," Naruto finally said.
"But why, Naruto?"
"I feel like... I was horrible to you."
Her eyes widened.
"... How can that be, Naruto? You've always treated me like some kind of princess. Even when I didn't deserve it. And back when we were kids, I was cruel to you for no reason... If anything, it's me who was horrible to you. So how can you say that?"
"When we were on that trip together... Why didn't you get mad at me?"
Sakura gave him a puzzled look.
"Are you sure that I didn't? I remember getting frustrated at times."
Naruto turned to look her in the eyes, a somber expression on his face.
"No, I mean really mad. Like... Furious."
She cocked her head at him. Seeing that he had better control of his speech now, she stopped her ministrations to pay more attention to his words.
"Why would I have gotten really mad? That was one of the best times of my life. We shared our fears and insecurities and made each other feel better about them. We laughed together. We talked about old stories from the past... Naruto, I fell in love with you. I promised to love you and I did. It was so beautiful. I felt so good about myself. I saved the person who I cared about the most when they needed me more than ever. How could you possibly think I would have had reason to be furious?"
Hearing her profess his care for him yet again made him feel choked up. He blinked the water away from his eyes.
"Because... Because... I didn't trust you with Sasuke."
"You mean you didn't trust that I didn't still love him? Naruto, I still did love him until we talked to him. Didn't I say that? I loved you both. But I was choosing you. I had to choose you. There's no way I could've lived with myself otherwise."
Naruto sniffed, as his nose was starting to run.
"No... Not that."
"What, then?"
"I mean... I thought that you would end up hurting me. I thought you didn't really care about me. I thought you would leave as soon as he came back without caring what happened to me. When you cared about me so much. I had no right to think that about you."
She smiled at him softly.
"Naruto, you were in a bad place. You were really hurt over me and him. It's normal to worry about or even really believe that such things will happen. It doesn't bother me."
Naruto became even more choked up. He couldn't blink the tears away anymore.
"No...! I thought that the whole time... The whole time I've known you, I've thought that... When you did so much for me... When you even risked your life... When you even saved me... I thought that you didn't really care about me... I thought you only cared about him... Sakura-chan, I'm so sorry... I didn't deserve how caring you were... I didn't deserve your kindness."
Sakura's eyes widened.
"Naruto..."
"I don't deserve to be loved by-"
"Naruto, please don't say that! It's okay. I never told you what I was thinking. I kept it to myself... It's partly my fault. I should have said something."
Sakura had scooted even closer so that their sides were touching. She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer to her. Naruto sniffed and wiped his tears. He was starting to recover now that he had finally managed to say it.
"But... You never did anything... You never did anything to make it seem like you didn't care. You always spent time with me. You were always nice to me. You didn't even talk about him that much after I came back. Why did I assume the worst about you?"
He still looked a bit downtrodden. His voice was cracking slightly. Sakura let out a soft sigh.
"Naruto, I don't know. But didn't you think that no one cared about you because of Kurama? And that you couldn't help but to keep thinking that? Maybe you couldn't help but apply it to me."
She was still speaking gently. Naruto looked at her with alarm.
"No... It's not an excuse. You didn't do anything other than having feelings for Sasuke. I had no reason to assume that just because you cared about him, you didn't care about me or if I'd be hurt. You protected me from being hurt as much as you could. You worried about me so much. I'm so disgusted with myself. I didn't have any right."
The pinkette frowned as she leaned her head against his shoulder. She had a thoughtful expression on her face.
"Naruto... I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. It's not like you were ever rude or mean to me over these beliefs that you had... I didn't know about them, so how could they hurt me?"
"That's not true... You did know. Before we went on that trip, you were telling me that you'd be with me instead of him. Because you cared too much about me to let me be hurt. And I didn't trust you. I didn't believe you."
"But, Naruto... You were just scared. Because you felt so strongly about me, you could've gotten really hurt if I betrayed you. You were trying to protect yourself, that's all."
"But you were my friend for so long... I should've trusted you not to hurt me. What is wrong with me?"
Sakura poked him in the ribs playfully. He flinched, but remained somber.
"I'm not sure that you ever wanted to look at me as a friend. I was just Sakura-chan. If you didn't feel that way about me, I'm sure you would have trusted me, Naruto. So it's fine. I can understand why you thought that way."
"But you did so much for me... I should've had faith in you. I didn't return the favor. I don't deserve to be forgiven."
Sakura grinned lightly.
"Okay. I'll never forgive you, then."
Naruto was worried to hear this. He felt like he really needed to hear that she forgave him before he could move on from this. He looked at her with determination in his eyes.
"Sakura-chan... I'm willing to do anything for your forgiveness."
Sakura removed the arm she had wrapped around him as she sat up straight. She glanced away from him and spoke casually.
"No, that's okay. I'm not yet ready to forgive you. Maybe I never will be."
Naruto looked a bit more desperate.
"Sakura-chan, please... I'll do anything. Please give me a chance."
She put her fist under her chin in mock thought.
"Okay, I'll forgive you if you can do something for me."
"Sure, just name it."
The pinkette lowered her hand and gave him a serious look.
"Wait! If you fail to do this, I'm going to leave. And I might not come back for a while. And I'll definitely never forgive you for thinking that about me. Are you sure you want to try?"
Naruto thought for a moment before answering.
"If it's for your forgiveness, Sakura-chan, I could never run away."
She nodded and gazed at him nostalgically.
"Understood. Go stand over there."
She gestured with her arm, indicating an area a few feet in front of the couch. He went to stand where she had pointed.
"Alright, listen. I'm going to stand in front of you and close my eyes, and then I want you to do something. But I won't tell you what it is I want you to do."
"So if I do the wrong thing, you're never going to forgive me? And I only get one try?"
Sakura nodded.
"Yes. You said you wanted to accept this. I would have forgiven you in a couple days. You didn't need to agree to it."
"Oh... I thought this was the only way."
She got up off the couch and stood in front of him.
"No, I lied. But I bet you can do this. I believe in you. You'll always be my hero, Naruto."
The pinkette closed her eyes.
Naruto thought to himself. He really had no idea what Sakura wanted him to do. The way things looked, she was never going to forgive him. As a consequence, she would never forget about the way he had thought of her. Like some desperate woman who cared only for Sasuke at the expense of everyone else who was important to her. Someone who would probably end up raising Sasuke's bastard child as he never bothered to come home.
It had been so wrong of him to think that Sakura was like that. And as a result, their relationship probably wouldn't last. She would always think about how disgusting it was that he thought that about her. Eventually, she wouldn't be able to touch him. Then she wouldn't even want to look at him. He completely lost hope. He was going to lose the love of his life, and he deserved it. He felt it was a good thing he was so foolhardy, as he could've avoided this situation by rejecting Sakura's offer. Yes, he was very satisfied now. He was getting what he deserved for the cruel way he had underestimated her. The one person who cared about him more than anyone else.
This was only right.
Naruto gazed at her, memorizing exactly what her face looked like. This was the last time he would get to look at it while he still had a chance in theory to save his future at her side. And Sakura was giving him just one last chance to touch her without having to know that he would soon lose her forever. He wondered what he should do with it. He might as well do that thing he had always wished he could do in the times when they were both much smaller. He had been saving that for a special occasion, but it was unlikely that any such occasion was in his future with Sakura. This would be his last chance. He sighed sadly.
Then he leaned in and kissed her forehead.
It was ironic, he thought, that he found such a feature so beautiful. He had been so bitter and cynical as to assume that only dark and covetous intent resided in the organ beyond. When in actual fact she had been nothing but beautiful and pure, like a freshwater river or a cherry blossom tree in full bloom. But this was a part of nature he could never visit again. He was going to have to return to society, where there were many others with despicable thoughts like him. But no one else like Sakura. He was sure of it. She was such a rare gem. He knew he would never see her like again. If only he had been a better man. If only he'd been secure in himself.
But somewhere along the way, something went wrong. And Naruto knew exactly what it was. It wasn't a traumatizing experience or a battle he had lost. It was only his best friend, Uchiha Sasuke. His brother in all but blood. He had seen the corruption in Sasuke, and he believed he had never let it touch him. But Sasuke had brought a different type of darkness to his doorstep. The taint of jealousy. He had always loved Sakura, and Sasuke had always been his best friend. But he always wanted to have what Sasuke had. And he wanted to have Sakura. To do that, he came to believe that he would need to be Sasuke. He had let their rivalry contaminate too many aspects of his life. It turned him into something else. A cynical man who believed that he had no chance against someone like Sasuke, because the world wasn't fair. As long as he was still Naruto, Sakura's heart would never be open to him, never beat for him. Sakura would always long for Sasuke no matter what he did against her. She would never look at Naruto. Not unless he became Sasuke.
That was what he believed.
Back then, Sakura and Naruto had both been pure. That young girl with the lovely forehead that he wanted to kiss back then, with the beautiful naive soul that she had. Him with his endless idealism and hyperactivity, always such a prankster. That boy would never have had such wrong thoughts about her.
She likes Sasuke now, but once she learns how awesome I am, she'll be all mine!
Surely that's what he would have thought. He had been so innocent and pure. But Naruto grew up. Naruto became jaded. And Naruto did the one thing he always swore he would never, ever do. He gave up. It was hopeless, he felt. Sakura would always love Sasuke. It was time to move on and find someone else. Someone who could love him, who wasn't hopelessly bound to another. Sasuke had poisoned his life, heart, and soul. He wasn't pure anymore. He was corrupted, and there was no going back. But that little girl had grown up too. She became a beautiful woman. And as she did, Naruto lamented the dark longing for Sasuke that he knew must still dominate her heart.
But he was wrong.
As she grew, the girl kept thoughts of Naruto in her heart. While she felt just as attached to Sasuke as she always had been, she could never bear to allow it to be at the expense of Naruto. She was so very fond of him. She cared so deeply for him. She wished so much that he would be happy. Sometimes she even thought she wanted to be with him in the way that only those who love each other can be. To let her long-held feelings for Sasuke push Naruto out of her heart was something she would never allow. He was too precious to her. She was too excited to know him. To be his close friend.
And though her feelings for Sasuke remained implacable like the full moon, more thoughts of Naruto appeared as time went on. Until the girl, now a woman, became fully convinced. Naruto, with his youthful smile and endless energy, became the greatest, most important star in her sky. He was the sun to her. Sasuke could never be anything more than the moon. And the moon had no chance to outshine the sun. Sakura was overcome by his brilliance. She would never return to the dark. She didn't want Sasuke anymore. She wanted Naruto. Sakura loved Naruto more than anything. She had truly learned how awesome he really was. She couldn't wait to share her life with him. She felt like they were soulmates. They were going to be so happy.
But something tragic had happened. That Naruto, who had wanted to be Sasuke, because he loved Sakura so very much... He hadn't waited for her. He hadn't believed in her. He had long since been convinced that she only wanted Sasuke. And that had disqualified him.
That Naruto, Sakura's Naruto, was gone.
Because he assumed the worst. He believed Sakura could never love him, and he got exactly what he expected. When Sakura tried her hardest to show him she cared. That she could love him. That she wanted to love him. All he would have had to do was believe in her. Believe in the girl that he thought was so very amazing in every single way. It wasn't a tall order. It would have been so easy to do. But he didn't believe. He had failed her. Though Sakura had fallen for him, it had been too late. He wasn't her Naruto anymore. So he got what he expected.
He got what he deserved.
He had been holding the kiss for what seemed like an eternity to him. He knew that when he pulled back, he would surely find that he had failed Sakura. She would look upon him with disappointment and never forget those miserable thoughts that he had of her, when she had been so deserving and strong. But that was only just. It was only right that she never forgive him. It was what he deserved. And Sakura certainly didn't deserve to be saddled with one such as he who had those kinds of feelings in his heart. Even Sasuke would never have transmitted such darkness to her. He would have been honorable enough to keep it to himself. But not Naruto. To Naruto, nothing had been sacred. And now, he was going to pay for it.
Naruto accepted his fate. He finally pulled away. He gazed at Sakura wistfully as she opened her eyes.
She smiled at him.
"I forgive you, Naruto."
His eyes widened as his mouth opened in shock. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly. He never expected to have been right. Sakura had found importance in the foolish statement he had made back then. That kiss had been what she expected of him. He felt himself losing consciousness. He saw her pink lips move as her face grew concerned, but he couldn't hear what she was saying. As he wondered how long the pinkette had been waiting for him to do that, he saw her approaching him with urgency.
As everything went black, Naruto realized that he'd underestimated her once again.
/
Naruto saw light entering his vision as his eyes opened. He was lying on the couch in his living room. He saw Sakura placing the bag she had brought with her on a chair in the corner of the room. She turned to face him, her eyes widening as she saw that he was awake. She rushed to check on him.
"Naruto! You fainted... You must have been so stressed out. Today must have been hard on you... I'm so sorry," she said.
He swallowed, though his mouth was still dry.
"I was just... so afraid that you would never forgive me. I was scared I was going to lose you," Naruto explained.
Sakura gave him a disbelieving look.
"But... I... You... Didn't you talk to Ino?"
"Yeah, I did... Why?"
"Didn't she tell you what I told her to tell you?"
Naruto sighed embarrassedly.
"She did, but I didn't understand what it meant."
Sakura sighed as well. After a moment to consider this, she laughed.
"That's just like you. But you shouldn't have been so worried, Naruto. Couldn't you tell that I was joking? Even if I said I wasn't going to forgive you, it wouldn't have been like what you were thinking."
"Oh... Sorry... I've kinda had a bad day."
Sakura smiled.
"You must have had. Naruto, you're not going to lose me. How many times do I have to tell you that I can't live without you?"
Naruto looked at her sadly.
"I guess I have trouble believing it... I'm sorry, Sakura-chan."
Sakura looked at him seriously.
"You need to forgive yourself for whatever thoughts you may have had about me. Because I'm not going anywhere. Think about it this way. You were so discouraged because of how I felt about Sasuke-kun. You thought I was never going to move on from him. And now, I'm like that about you. Even more so, actually. I love you with everything I have. Try not to forget that again, Naruto."
"Okay, Sakura-chan... I'll try to forgive myself."
Naruto finally sat up.
"Good, because I've already forgotten about it. Hey, there's something I've been meaning to ask."
Sakura grinned. Naruto looked at her curiously.
"Sure, what is it, Sakura-chan?"
She gestured at her bag.
"I was thinking I could stay over here tonight. I really wanted to sleep with you."
Naruto's face became an atomic red.
"Sleep with... me...?"
Sakura blushed deeply as well.
"No! I meant sleep next to you. Like in the same bed? Haha!"
Naruto took a relieved breath.
"Oh... Wow... Sorry, I was just really surprised..."
Sakura laughed again.
"My bad. I didn't know you were already thinking about that stuff. Sorry, but I don't think we should do that yet. You have to wait, Naruto."
Naruto gave her an imploring look.
"Sakura-chan, I wasn't! That isn't fair. You were the one who said it!"
Sakura smiled cheerfully at him.
"Okay, okay. So do you want me to?"
Naruto finally smiled as well.
"Of course, Sakura-chan. How could you even ask? Nothing would make me happier."
The pinkette grinned playfully.
"Well, I can think of at least one thing, Naruto. But like I said, you have to wait."
Naruto gazed at her with conviction, failing to pick up on the playful nature of her words.
"Sakura-chan... I'm so happy just to be with you... I could wait forever."
Sakura gave him a look of slight irritation.
"We're not going to wait forever!"
Naruto looked down in profound shame. He thought he was being noble, but all he had done was force his Sakura-chan to confess that she also had prurient desires. He felt like the worst kind of scum.
"Sorry, Sakura-chan..."
He looked up at her. She was smiling warmly again. The shame lifted. He smiled as well. All was right with the world.
"Well, I'm going to go change into my pajamas. I'm gonna use your room."
"Okay."
She picked up the bag, walked over to the door of his room and opened it. She walked through. As she closed it, she peeked her head around the gap to spy on Naruto. He was still looking back at her.
"Oh, and don't worry about Kiba. I talked to that idiot awhile ago. Trust me, the two of us have better things to worry about."
Naruto gaped at her. Sakura grinned back for an instant before quickly shutting the door.
Yes, all was right with the world. And not because he wasn't corrupted. He was. Not because he hadn't thought those things about Sakura. He had. It was because, through it all, he was still Naruto. He was still her most precious person.
And this Naruto, who became just a little bit like Sasuke... This Naruto, who loved her so deeply that he had been terrified, knowing what would become of his heart if she merely walked away...
Sakura loved him.
