Disclaimer: I own all the Harry Potter books. Unfortunately I didn't write any of them. That would be J K Rowling.
Author's note: This chapter was going to be longer but I decided just to end it here so I could put it up. Hope you like it.
Chapter 3
That evening in the common room, the trio were sat in their favourite armchairs by the fire. Hermione was writing an essay, pressing on an open book with the parchment trailing on the floor. Ron was staring sulkily into the fire and Harry was lost in a daydream about him and Hermione, when he suddenly realised he didn't know anything about girls. He panicked. How could he find out? He had an idea. 'Ooh, what's that?' thought Harry, 'Oh I think it's called an idea. I've never had one of those before. Probably 'cos my IQ's only 1.'
"Hermione, me and Ron are going to go to bed now," Harry said, dragging Ron off the armchair. Ron's head fell into the fire when Harry pulled Ron off the chair.
"AAAAAARRRRRRRRGH! MY HEADS ON FIRE!" screamed Ron, his flaming red hair literally flaming.
Harry quickly grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice from a passing second year. "Come up here if you want me to put the fire out Ron"
Ron quickly ran up to the boys' dormitory, grabbed the pumpkin juice and put the fire out.
"Why did you want me up here then? Have you and Hermione split up?" asked Ron, sounding hopeful.
"No, we've only been going out for a few hours. It's just I've never had a girlfriend before. I don't know what to do."
"Why should I tell you Hermione stealer?"
"Oh please tell me Ron," said Harry putting a baby sulk on.
Then a light bulb appeared over Ron's head and said "ting!".
"Ok I'll tell you. If you want to please Hermione, lick her nose and say 'I like eating fish!'"
"OK, thanks Ron!"
The next day, Harry and Hermione were standing by the lake, hidden from view by a small grove of leafy trees.
"I really like you Harry," Hermione said, smiling at him.
Hermione's face was blurred because Harry's glasses were Vernon's old ones and now Harry had a fortune of wizard money he couldn't be bothered to buy any new ones, and she was too close. He tried to squint at her. Then he remembered what Ron had said.
"I like fish!" Harry cried as he grabbed her arms, leant forward and licked her nose. 'Oh no, it was meant to be I like eating fish. I hope she doesn't mind' he thought.
"You're really strange Harry, but that's why I like you."
Ron, who had been watching through the trees, scowled and stamped his feet like a sulky toddler.
"So, my plan didn't work because Hermione obviously likes having her nose licked. I'll soon think of another plan to split them up," Ron said. He started pacing around in circles waiting for another light bulb to ting above his head.
After Hermione had gone, Harry tried to think of another way to please Hermione.
"I know!" he thought, "I'll get her a present!"
That evening, Harry used the invisibility cloak to sneak out of school and walk to Hogsmeade Village. He walked into the bookshop and started looking at all the books. Since Harry couldn't even understand the titles of them, let alone the rest of the book, he decided to choose one by measuring the books and buying the thickest one. Then he went over to the counter.
"Hello Mr Bookshop Person, I'd like to buy this book."
"What are you doing here? You're a Hogwarts student aren't you?"
"Yeah, um, Professor McGonagall asked me to buy it for her," replied Harry, quickly thinking of an excuse.
"Ah I see. Odd book for a transfiguration teacher, but that Minerva was always an odd one when it came to books like these. That'll be 2 galleons, 7 sickles please."
"Thanks," Harry said, handing over the money and wondering what Mr Bookshop Person had meant when he said 'books like these', but choosing to ignore it.
When he got back to Hogwarts he wrapped the present up in some silver wrapping paper with red hearts on. He put it by his bed so that he'd remember to give it to Hermione in the morning, and went to bed.
Author's Note: Last chapter I was mean to Ron's intelligence so to be fair I made Harry's IQ1 this chapter and in answer to Sarah Tribbiani's review. Please R&R even if you didn't like it (but no stupid flames) or if you have any suggestions for titles/chapter names.
