Just Because I'm A Goa'uld!
Chapter 1
A/N: I thought I'd give the Goa'uld a little slack! Why you as? Coz I think they have great comedic potential!
Just to make it easier for, well me, and to see how its all played out, its in script form! GASP!
BIG thanks to Black Storm for the inspiration for this story…GO THE SQUIRRELS!
Disclaimer: No I don't own the characters…and no furry animals were harmed
Scene: Nice forest, little river running in the background, and a fallen tree that rests on a heap of rocks. Birds chirping, furry animals scurrying around…very Snow White…until…
Enter: Goa'uld…dark, evil, sly Goa'uld. He sits on the broken log and places his staff weapon beside him and then rests his hands on his knee.
Kel'erti:
My name is Kel'erti, and I am a Goa'uld. I know many think we are an evil race, but I am here to defend myself. I am not evil, I live by the rules, I don't kill…
Furry little animal runs across scene, he picks up his staff weapon and blows it up in a furry little explosion and puff of smoke. He places the staff weapon down again, and puts his hands back on his knees
Kel'erti:
…much…and I am a religious family man. I look after my fellow warriors and serve my Lord. Why is that any different to the Tau'ri? Just because they fight for 'good', why is it any different to what I fight for?
A beautiful little butterfly lands on his hand. He slowly removes his other hand and slams it down on the innocent little butterfly, squishing its little wings turning the bright colours to mush. He flicks the remains off his armour.
Kel'erti:
And I just polished that this morning! Stupid little creature…oh…wait don't mistake me! Butterflies are like what houseflies are to you. Annoying little creatures. Anyway, as I was saying, just because we look evil with glowing eyes and snake looking symbiotes, and take host bodies by force…doesn't make us bad! Its what we have to do to survive…like natural selection really. Just think of it that way!
Suddenly a furry little squirrel appears at his feel, looking up and the scary Goa'uld without fear. Kel'erti smiles…
Kel'erti:
Yes, we smile! How can a Goa'uld smile at a furry little animal like this chubby squirrel you ask? He is my pet.
He picks up the little cutie and turns him around to show us his…AGHH HORRIBLE GLOWING EYES!
Kel'erti:
What? Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that he is a Goa'uld cute furry little animal. Well what can I say? Some of the symbiotes decided to try different bodies. We told them nooo, not a good idea, but did they listen? Of corse not! See what I mean? We do look out for one another! Anyway, point I'm trying to make, and just don't spread this around because it is the one weapon that can defeat the entire Goa'uld race…is we just love to…
Suddenly he is hit by a plasma ball shot from a staff weapon, and he and his ugly little furry Goa'uld squirrel fall down. Jack appears waving the smoke away from his face and coughing.
Jack:
Damn Goa'uld! Can't they just stay out of our way for at least one day?
Daniel:
Jack, you killed a squirrel!
Jack:
Daniel, there are no squirrels on PXW297.
Sam:
Actually, there is one right there sir.
She points to the furry little mess, and then looks back at Jack who shrugs.
Jack:
So there happened to be a squirrel here.
Daniel:
Why was he sitting there like that? Goa'uld don't just…sit, do they?
Teal'c:
It appears he was talking to someone.
Daniel:
Who? Nobody else is around.
Teal'c:
I am unsure Daniel Jackson
Jack:
Can we just go now? We've killed yet another Goa'uld gone lets go kill another!
Sam:
You put it so blunt sir.
Jack:
Well its what we do! Move out people!
Jack moves off, followed by Teal'c. Sam and Daniel look at each other.
Sam:
Do you think there's someone there?
Daniel:
Should we look? Just in case?
They slowly turn to look at each other.
Jack:
(From off-set)
Come one people hurry up!
Daniel shrugs and moves off while Sam peers into the bushes. Seeing no one, she follows. Just as you think everyone's followed Jack…or is dead…
Furry Little Goa'uld Squirrel:
The Goa'uld will triumph!
He lifts up his furry little fist and shakes it as he exposes his big teeth (think Monty Python killer rabbit!), and then his arm falls to the ground and the little Goa'uld squirrel meets his horrible little furry death.
THE END
Review please!
