Her Sweetness: puts on a helmet Get ready, it's going to be a bumpy ride.


—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Seven: My Fair Weiner

Their conversation continued in that fashion through almost all of their walk back through the shopping district. Joey was more than a bit peeved for having to walk all that way then go back on account of Otogi wanting to 'see his hotdog', which Joey still believed to be innuendo. And even though the blonde complained of back pain, Otogi ignored him and told him to stop being so insensitive.

"I'm not being insensitive, I'm just saying that having you on my back for almost an hour isn't doing me any favors!" He frowned, looking up at the raven-haired boy.

"How can that not be insensitive?" Otogi pouted, turning his head away, "You're calling me fat!"

"I am not!"

"… So… you don't think I'm fat?"

"No."

Otogi grinned, wrapping his arms tightly around Joey's neck, "So, do you think I'm cute, then?"

"…" Joey sweat dropped and ignored this question, looking foreword and almost smiling at the dirty and broken down building that they were now approaching. It looked rather scary in the darkness, the moon rays that shone down onto the compound also revealed men to be lurking around the building. The gang members were obviously on the prowl.

He walked up the sidewalk and paid little to no attention to the men, reason being that since he lived there, the gang members didn't give him a hard time and left him alone for the most part, for which Joey was grateful. This night, however, when the men saw him going into the building, they noticed a dark-haired, skinny and helpless looking person attached to his back.

One of the men laughed and called out, pointing at him, "Yo, Wheeler! Whose the babe?"

Joey looked at him then at Otogi and groaned, growling, "Mind your own business!" He snorted and looked up at Otogi, "Just ignore them, they don't— Ah, hey!"

To his surprise, a few of the gangsters had ventured over to him and five of them had surrounded the two and were conversing with Otogi who was giggling happily at all this new found attention that he'd been starving for.

"So," The biggest one leant up against Joey like a car and nodded towards Otogi, "I haven't seen you 'round here. Where you live?"

He beamed and feigned shyness, "Lower East Side…"

"Hey, I think my cousin, LaQuiesha, lives 'round there."

"AH! Your cousin is LaQuiesha? Oh my freaking gosh, she's like one of my best friends! This is so cool!"

"Tell her I said hey."

"I'll do that and— JOEY! What are you doing?" Otogi cried as Joey began to walk out of the circle of thugs and up the rotting and old stairs of his apartment building. Joey frowned, shaking his head, "I'm not going to stand around and watch you find common ground with people who tie sandbags to cats' paws."

He narrowed his eyes and smirked, "You're just jealous."

"I am not! Why would I be jealous of you when I have someone like Hot Dog?"

"B-Because…" Otogi had to think for a second before grinning and saying triumphantly, "Because you can't do all the things with Hot Dog that you can with me."

"I wouldn't say that."

"…!"

There was about a two minute period when neither of the boys said anything and as Joey finally reached his floor, he pulled out the key from his back pocket and unlocked the door which fell of it's hinges two seconds later anyways. Otogi happily hopped of Joey's back and went into the small apartment, looking around in disgust.

"Oh, Joey…"

"What?" The blonde asked, rubbing his sore back and looking sorrowfully at his dead door.

Otogi placed his hands on his hips, "You actually live here? This is a terrible bachelor's pad! What's wrong with you? It smells and it's falling to pieces right in front of your eyes! You have no furniture and there're bullet holes through his wall!"

Joey looked to where Otogi had been pointing. He nodded, "Oh, yeah, that's were the gangs hold target practice on Tuesdays. I meant to try to clog up those holes but I can't find anything to do it with."

"… Yeah, well… My point is that you should hire an interior decorator…" After he had paced around in a little circle, sizing up the place, he snapped his fingers and pulled his cell phone out of his purse. A few numbers were dialed and he began to talk, grabbing the attention of Joey who was trying to fix the door.

He tilted his head, "What're you doing?"

Otogi held his hand up the receiver, "I'm getting you someone to come over and fix the place."

"You're doing what? No, Otogi, don't! I can afford one— ACK!"

It seemed that, due to lack of concentration, the door had fallen on dear Joey. Otogi didn't really care and hung up the phone in a second, squealing loudly and rushing over to the other side of the small room where a tiny and shriveled up piece of meat sat quietly in an old bun.

"Oh my gosh. Is this that hotdog?" He asked.

Joey frowned, kicking the door off his body and rolling out from under it, "Stop calling Hot Dog 'that hotdog', it's degrading!"

"It's all ugly and old." Otogi observed, poking the meat and looking back at a shocked Joey, "Why don't you buy another one?"

"Stop saying stuff like that!"

"But it's true!"

"No, it isn't!" Joey reached into his back pocket again, this time pulling out a pack of Juicyfruit gum. He walked over and set it down beside the hotdog that was currently laying on his bed/pillow/rag. "Oh, Hot Dog, I got your gum for ya."

"…"

"Yeah, I didn't know what kind you wanted so I got you my favorite kind, hope that's okay."

"…"

"Oh. Yeah, sorry. I met up with Otogi in the shopping district and he dragged me to a coffee shop. Then he said he wanted to come back here to see you and so it took a lot longer than I had planned."

"…"

Just before Joey's reply, Otogi shouted, "Wow, you can have real conversations!" He looked up, "What's it saying now, Joey?"

"Stop calling Hot Dog an it!"

He pouted, "But Joey, you never told me it's gender!"

"…" Joey blinked and then blushed, taking Otogi by the hand and leading him over to the other side of the room where they could talk in private. Or as privately as possible from a four foot distance. Joey coughed and whispered, "Hot Dog… hasn't really told me…"

"… What? That's ridiculous! Why do you even need to ask! That's the most phallic thing I've ever seen in my life!"

"Ugh…"

"And it can't be a girl."

"Why not?"

"Well, what girl in her right mind would let all her extras hang out like that?"

The blonde blushed a bright red, "Hey, knock that off!"

Otogi tapped his foot and rolled his eyes, "Fine. If it isn't a boy and it sure as hell isn't a girl, then I'm calling it 'It' and you should, too, so as not to insult it by questioning genders. Make sense?"

"Well, no. But okay."

Even though Otogi knew he had confused Joey, he decided to let it go and they walked back over to Hot Dog who sat there, unmoving like it had always been. Otogi sat on the floor, Indian style, right next to it and before saying anything regarding their previous conversation, a metaphoric light bulb flashed over Joey's head.

"Hey, I wonder if the bathroom's working today…" He said, looking back at the small room attached to his apartment.

Otogi blinked, "You mean your toilet doesn't work all the time?"

"Uh-huh. Hot Dog, you explain it to him while I go check."

He ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind him (which fell off in a few seconds, causing an unpleasant draft for the blonde) and left the other two out in the living room/kitchen/bedroom all alone.

Otogi coughed nervously and looked at the meat, "Um… so… Where do you get your hair done?"

.0.0.

It was about another fifteen minutes before Joey pulled up his pants and flushed the toilet to see if it worked. Sadly, it didn't and he was very upset. He groaned and walked out of his two foot perimeter bathroom which now was door-less and when he had walked into the main room of his humble abode, he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Otogi was laying on the floor on his stomach with his feet in the air, swinging playfully back and forth. Right in front of him was Hot Dog who now had two toothpicks hanging out of it's sides and two little gouges where eyes were supposed to be. There was also a glob of mustard above the 'eyes' where it was styled into a weird looking pony tail.

The raven-haired teen looked up and smiled at Joey, "Hey, you're back! Look; I made Hot Dog a blonde, just like you! Isn't it cute? I actually found those toothpicks in my purse, how weird is that?"

"O-O-O-Otogi…!" Joey shrieked and ran over to the boy and the piece of meat, knocking Otogi out of the way and snatching up Hot Dog from the ground and crying out, "Oh, Hot Dog! Speak to me!"

"…"

Joey shook the hotdog, violently and turned to Otogi who was on the floor, fixing his makeup, "Otogi, Hot Dog's not saying anything!"

"Duh." He said calmly, making pouty faces at himself in his handheld mirror, "God, why am I so sexy?"

"Ugh, you're no help! Come on, we've got to get Hot Dog to the hospital, right now!"

"Huh?"

On his way out of the apartment, Hot Dog in hand, Joey cried out, "Call Tristan and tell him to meet me there!"

"…" In a minute, Otogi looked up from his mirror at the empty room, "Did you say something?"


It was less than an hour later at the Domino City Hospital when a motorcycle pulled up in front and a boy with odd, pointy hair came rushing inside. He had gone into the lobby and hadn't been there for more than a minute before a familiar blonde came out of the men's restroom on the other side of the receptionist's desk. Joey immediately saw Tristan and waved him over.

"Oh my God, Joey!" Tristan looked him up and down then back at his face, "What happened to you?"

He tilted his head, "What do ya mean?"

"I got a call from Otogi and he said that he had broken your wiener and you went to the hospital! I was freaking out, are you okay? And what the hell were you letting Otogi do to you?"

Joey blinked before running a hand through his hair tiredly. He shook his head, "Otogi's gotta watch how he words these things… Man, it was nothing like that… Otogi did something he shouldn't have and I had to rush Hot Dog over here!"

"… The hotdog?"

"Man, unless you stop saying stuff like that, I'm going to call you 'The Tristan'!"

Before another word could be spoken, the door to the women's restroom was flung open and out cam Otogi, flittering over to the two boys when he had seen Tristan. He ran over and nearly tackled the brunette, throwing his arms around him, "Tristan, darling!" He said lightly before yanking on his collar and whispering dangerously, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Agh! Otogi, cut it out, I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up! I got caught up when I was with Yami and Yugi!"

Otogi pointed at him accusingly, "GOOD LORD, A THREESOME!"

"NO. A conversation!" He rolled his eyes and straightened his collar, "And while we're on the subject, what were you doing in Joey's apartment?"

"I was playing with Joey's—"

"DON'T YOU SAY IT!" Joey yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the lobby.

Otogi paused, looking at Joey and then said quickly, "Weiner."

"Otogi, you damn liar!"

"Alright, both of you can shut up." Tristan had to referee their fight because now not only were the people in the lobby starring at them but so were a few orderlies that passed in the hallway. When the two had settled down, Tristan turned to the blonde, "Now, Joey, we're not really here for that hotdog, right? You broke something? Your sister broke something? Some human broke something?"

"Hot Dog was all massacred, I had no choice!" Joey shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, "They've been in there for a long time…"

Tristan blinked, "Who's they?"

"The doctor and Hot Dog."

"…" There was a long pause, "… You… there's a… doctor…?"

"Well, yeah. I dunno why, but I had to almost threaten him to see Hot Dog! See, there was this little girl who had broken her leg and she was in front of us, but Hot Dog was in worse condition than her! So I made him—"

"SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Tristan shouted in disbelief, "How the hell could you do something like that?"

Otogi nodded seriously and quoted the Hercules movie, " People do crazy things, when they're in love."

Joey blushed.

Tristan slapped his forehead, "I'm surrounded!"

Suddenly, a door a little ways down the hall opened and out came a middle-aged man with a very noticeable bald spot and a long, white coat. He noticed the three teens in the lobby and walked over, tapping Joey on the shoulder. "Um, Mr. Wheeler?"

"Oh! Dr. Kitty!" Joey turned around, his eyes wide with concern, "S-So, is Hot Dog going to be okay?"

"Well," The doctor looked at the clipboard he had in his hand, "It doesn't look too good. But we're going to try something that might work. Now, I warn you, it is extremely risky… We're going to try a meat transplant. There's no guarantee, seeing as how we've never operated on a… piece of meat before…"

Joey nodded, "Do the best you can!"

Tristan shook his head and looked at Dr. Kitty, "Why would you do this?"

He shrugged, "Well… it's not like we're all that busy tonight… and besides that, there's money to be made here." He ripped a piece of paper from his clip board and handed it to Joey, "Here's the estimate for the surgery."

The blonde teen looked at it and whistled, handing it over to Tristan, and then taking a seat with Otogi amongst the other people in the lobby. Otogi yawned and made himself comfortable in Joey's lap.

Joey frowned, "What are you doing?"

"Buy me something."

"No!"

"Hey, Joey, why the hell did you give this to me?" Tristan asked, regarding the bill.

"Um… Because I can't afford it?"

"I am not paying for the operation of a hotdog!"

"TRISTAN!" Otogi squealed loudly, forcing the teen to look over at him. The raven-haired boy smiled and tilted his head, "Buy me something."

"NO!"


TBC…