A few hours later, a knock at the door sent Mao-Mao bolting back under the couch. Alex got up to answer it, smiling when she opened the door to see Steph standing in the hallway.
Steph only gave her a weak smile in return. A purple aura flickered around her as anxiety coiled in her chest, tightening like a rubber band twisted and stretched just shy of breaking.
Is she okay or just hiding how she feels?
Did I mess up leaving her alone today?
What if things got as bad as the other night again?
What if it did get worse and she asks me to leave again?
What if I can't—
Alex felt Steph's anxiety creeping up her arms, making her shoulders tense as its weight settled in her chest. Her instinct was to back away, but she fought it down and stepped forward to pull Steph into a hug. "I'm okay," she whispered, holding Steph as tightly as she could. "I'm okay, Steph."
Steph stayed rigid in Alex's arms for a second before the tension in her chest released, the rubber band falling slack instead of snapping, and she wrapped her arms around Alex.
After a moment, Steph pulled away, reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I shouldn't be crying, I…"
Steph tried to step back, but Alex held her in place, moving one of her hands up to brush Steph's tears away herself.
"It's okay, I get it," Alex said gently. "Things were really scary for a while, and you were worried about me. But I'm okay. I still have a lot to figure out, but I'm okay." She tilted her head forward and Steph moved to meet her until their foreheads touched.
Steph let out another shaky breath, closing her eyes as her arms tightened around Alex. "I'm just so glad you're feeling better."
"I am. Because of you. And Ryan. And Mao-Mao helped, too."
Steph raised her head and opened her eyes, a genuine smile slowly spreading across her face. "Yeah, I saw you got him to come out of hiding. I loved all the pictures you sent."
"Do you wanna meet him?"
Steph nodded and Alex took her hand to lead her further into the apartment. They moved toward the bed and sat on the floor in front of it, leaning back against the bed frame and angling themselves so they could see the couch.
"Now what?" Steph asked. She still had a tight grip on Alex's hand, but her purple aura had faded along with her anxiety.
Alex scooted closer to Steph, lacing their fingers together and leaning over to rest her head on Steph's shoulder. "Now we just have to wait. He'll come out on his own if we give him some time."
They stayed like this for about two minutes before Mao-Mao emerged from under the couch. He walked slowly toward them, his wide eyes fixed on Steph, looking more curious than cautious.
"Hold out your hand but don't try to pet him," Alex said. "Just let him come to you."
Steph extended her free hand, laughing softly as Mao-Mao moved to sniff her. After a few seconds, he turned his body toward Steph, rubbing his side against her palm as she started to pet him.
"That's amazing. He was so freaked out last night and he's already so much better." Steph looked at Alex with a grin. "Thanks for teaching me your cat whisperer ways."
Alex laughed, turning her head to kiss Steph's shoulder. "You're welcome."
Steph glanced back at Mao-Mao, her smile growing even wider as he pushed his head under her fingers for her to scratch. "I can't believe the shelter said he had 'behavioral problems.' He's so friendly."
"I'm guessing he just lashes out when he gets scared. It seems like he's fine once he's comfortable."
"Well, I'm glad he has you now. And that you have him."
"Me, too. He really helped me today. I was so focused on him that I didn't even have a chance to get bogged down in my emotions." Alex watched Mao-Mao for a few more seconds, then sat up, her smile slowly falling from her face.
Steph turned to look at her with concern. "You okay?"
"Yeah. There's just something I want to talk to you about." Alex paused, exhaling slowly as she tried to stop her body from tensing. "I wanted to thank you for being so patient with me. I know this has been really hard for you, and I want to try to be more open with you. But I've never really told anyone about this before. So, I'm not sure where or how to start."
"Hey, come here." Steph let go of Alex's hand, gently holding her shoulders as she guided Alex to lay down on her back with her head resting in Steph's lap. Once Alex was comfortable, Steph put one of her hands on Alex's shoulder while the other started to stroke her hair.
Alex took several deep breaths, closing her eyes as she tried to get herself to relax. There was pressure on her stomach and opened her eyes to see Mao-Mao settling just below her ribcage, curling up and purring loudly. She worked her fingers into his fur, exhaling slowly as the tension gradually left her body. "Thanks. That really helps," she said, giving Steph a small smile. "But I'm still not sure where to start."
"What about the nightmare you had the day you were late for work?"
"Okay. But I think I still need a minute first."
"Take your time, dude. Mao-Mao and I will wait as long as you need us to."
Alex nodded, closing her eyes again as she began to pull up the images from her nightmare in her mind. Panic burst in her chest, but she pushed it aside, focusing on Steph's fingers in her hair and Mao-Mao purring against her stomach until she could look at the memory without being sucked into it. Reaching up to cover Steph's hand on her shoulder with her own, she took one more deep breath before she started to speak.
"My nightmare, it was about being back in the mine. When I first fell after Jed shot me, I landed on a wooden plank about halfway down. That's where I was in the dream. And my mother was there, too, somehow. She told me that…I had broken the promise I made before she died. I tried to reach out to her but the board I was standing on broke. I started falling again and that's when I woke up."
"Shit, dude, that's intense." Steph's fingers moved to trace the cut that was still healing above Alex's right eye, following it back into her hairline. "What promise did you make to your mom?"
"That I'd be there for my dad and Gabe after she was gone. And that I would keep us together."
"Damn. That's…a lot to ask of a kid."
"It was. But I didn't know that at the time. And it's not like I could've said no."
"No, yeah, I get it. That just really sucks."
"It did. It does." Alex frowned, focusing on the feeling of Mao-Mao's fur under her fingers as he purred even louder. "Everything fell apart after she died. My dad and Gabe were hurting so much, and they always got so angry at each other. I tried to help them get along but nothing I did made any difference. And then one day, my dad decided he couldn't take it anymore and just…left."
"What do you mean he 'left'?"
"He looked at me and Gabe, said, 'I'm sorry, I can't do this," packed a bag, and walked out. We never saw him again."
"That's…fuck. I don't even know what to say." Steph sighed as she smoothed Alex's hair back from her face. "What did you do after that? You and Gabe were still just kids."
"Gabe wanted to fake like my dad was still with us, but CPS figured out pretty quickly that we were alone. They sent us to an orphanage." Alex opened her eyes, pausing for a few seconds to watch the end of Mao-Mao's tail flick from side to side as he continued to purr. "I remember feeling so sad. All I could think about was that I didn't belong there because I wasn't actually an orphan. I had a dad. He just wouldn't take care of me."
"And you really never heard from him after that? He was just gone?"
"Yeah. I had no idea what happened to him until I found my mom's locket in the old mine. When we first got to the orphanage, I tried writing my dad letters for a few weeks, but they always got sent back and Gabe got so mad every time he saw them that eventually I just gave up.
"Gabe was struggling just as much as I was, but for him, it came out as anger. He kept acting out and I started developing my power, and I had no idea how to handle either of those. We got labeled as troublemakers right away and kept getting transferred to different orphanages."
"Yeah, I really can't think of a worse time to start feeling other people's emotions." Steph shook her head as she leaned back against the bed frame. "How did you figure out you had your power?"
Alex squeezed Steph's hand, slowly working herself up to speaking again. "At first it was feeling the other kids' nightmares. Which sucked, but it only made it hard to sleep at least. But then it started happening when everyone was awake. I got into fights all the time and pretty soon everyone was either scared of me or angry at me, which just made everything worse because I picked that up, too. And I only ever felt anger, fear, or sadness from them. I didn't even know I could pick up positive emotions until I came to Haven.
"But the worst part by far was when people would come to the orphanage looking for kids to adopt. It was bad enough seeing how they looked at me, but I could actually hear them thinking about how I was too much for them. Or how they just didn't want me. Which made it harder for me to keep it together and made it even less likely that they would pick me."
Alex stopped as a lump rose in her throat, her body stiffening as she felt emotion building in Steph. She looked down at Mao-Mao, twisting her fingers in his fur as she braced herself for the pity and sadness that she knew was about to wash over her.
But instead, she felt that new emotion. It radiated from Steph in waves of calm, caring sympathy that softened the jagged, painful edges of her memories and gave her space to cry for that little girl who had been so certain that no one wanted her.
Alex didn't try to hold back her sobs, looking up at Steph as an orange aura bloomed around her. Steph continued to stroke Alex's hair, waiting patiently in silence until her tears were done.
"Thank you for telling me all that," Steph said, her voice soft in a way that Alex hadn't heard before. "I know that wasn't easy for you."
Alex squeezed Steph's hand as she let out a shaky breath. "It wasn't, but it got easier. And it feels good to talk about it, even if it hurts."
"Do you want to keep talking about it?"
"I do, but maybe later." Alex sniffled, pushing up her glasses to wipe her eyes. "I think it would be too much right now."
"Yeah, of course. Whatever you need." Steph gave Alex a tender smile that almost made her start crying again. "What do you wanna do now?"
Alex shook her head as she fought against the urge to tense her muscles. "I-I don't know, it…felt good to tell you all of that but now I…"
"Do you want me to hold you for a while?"
Alex nodded and Steph reached over to lift Mao-Mao so she could sit up. They moved onto the bed, Steph lying on her back with Alex on her side and their arms wrapped around each other as Mao-Mao curled up just behind Alex's knees. Once they were settled, Alex focused on breathing deeply, soaking in that new, soothing feeling from Steph that kept everything else at bay.
