Her Sweetness: -looks up from my keyboard- Hmm? Yeah, yeah, I'm typing it! Sheesh…

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Eleven: Preferences

"We're engaged."

"…"

"…"

Joey was sitting in one of the wooden chairs surrounding Otogi's kitchen table. The chair across from him was occupied by Tristan who had come over early in the morning as he usually does, for lack of anything better to do. Otogi was up at the stove, vigorously tapping skillets and trying to keep things from burning. Still, a disgusting smell filled the air which was what almost deterred Joey from coming down in the first place. But, despite the awful smells, he, along with Hot Dog in his hand, ventured down and sat in the chair across from Tristan.

And that's when he had dropped the bomb that commanded an intense silence throughout the kitchen. Tristan starred at the blonde, brown eyes showing no emotion and as Joey cleared his throat, looking to Otogi, said raven-haired teen had stopped his fussing over the stove and was starring at Joey, a spoon hanging out of his mouth.

It was only a few seconds after he had said it but it seemed like an eternity. Finally, Joey spoke again. "Um… I-I mean, me and Hot Dog. Um, we're engaged and… stuff… So…"

He looked at both of them and they still said nothing.

"And… that's all I wanted to say," He coughed, looking at the bandaged hotdog on the coffee table and reaching for it, "So I guess I'll see you two later… Um, yeah… Bye."

As Joey started for the door, pushing in the kitchen chair behind him, a sudden burst of laughter echoed in the room. Both Otogi and Joey shot a look at Tristan who was the source of this merry guffaw. He continued to the point where tears were welling in the corners of his eyes as he reclined in his chair, hand over his eyes.

Otogi blinked, "Tristan…? You okay?"

After about a minute more, Tristan came back down from cloud nine and got up from his own chair, walking over to Joey and then patting him on the back, hardily, "Ah, man, that's really funny. You've still got your sense of humor, Joey!"

"…" Joey looked from him to Otogi and then back to Tristan, "Um… humor?"

"Yeah!" He snorted, "Really awesome."

"T-Tristan," Otogi sweat dropped and scratched the back of his head, "I really don't think Joey's joking."

"Of course he's joking," He retorted, angrily and then turned back to Joey, putting a large hand on the boy's blonde head, "Joey may be an idiot. But even he knows how far he can actually take this hotdog thing. Joey knows that—"

"Joey knows that he is serious about this, thank you very much!" Joey pouted, addressing himself in the third person while pulling out of Tristan's grip. He lifted his head and his hotdog with dignity and said, proudly, "Hot Dog and I are getting married, Tristan! You can't change our minds!"

"…"

Tristan looked at Joey for a moment, brown eyes locking brown eyes, one pair distant and empty and another determined and full of hopeful love. And Otogi in the background, pouting that no one was staring into his eyes. Finally, the starring contest had been won. Tristan turned away and walked across the kitchen floor , shooing Otogi out of the way and suddenly sticking his head in the oven and shouting out, "Turn it up to broil, Otogi!"

"Tristan, don't!" Otogi wailed, "I have a raspberry soufflé in there!"

Joey scampered over and began vigorously pulling on Tristan's hindquarters, "Tristan! Cut it out man, why can't you just accept this?"

"Because my EX-best friend is trying to marry a hotdog! Do you see nothing wrong with that?" He shouted, his voice an echo in the warm oven. There was a pause and then another shout, "Damn, it's hot in here!"

"DUH!"

"Get your face outta my dough!" Otogi screeched, banging on Tristan's butt with his wooden spoon, "I worked so hard!"

"I won't get out of here until Joey comes to some sense!"

The raven-haired teen turned to the blonde, "Joey, can't you just elope and live with that thing in sin?"

"No! I wanna do it the right way!"

"There IS no right way!"

"Somebody better give up his wiener or else I'm going to broil my head! Freak, it's hot in here!"

"Then get your head out of that damned oven!"

"… OH MY GOD, I'M STUCK!"

"WHAT!" Both Otogi and Joey looked at each other before yelling madly and each grabbing one of Tristan's legs, pulling fiercely.

Over Tristan's pained screams, his head now stuck between the bars of the rapidly heating oven rack, Otogi shouted to Joey, "This is your fault, Joey! First you make Tristan get his head stuck in my soufflé and now he's going to die even before he's bought me my birthday present!"

"This isn't my fault!"

"Shut up and get me out of here!"

Joey sniffled as Tristan's legs flailed around and Otogi stopped to reapply his lip-gloss. He turned to the hotdog in his other hand and looked at it, teary-eyed, "H-Hot Dog, I think this is the end of the road for Tristan! Even though he's bein' a real prick about our engagement, he's still my best friend! What am I gonna do?"

"…"

Joey blinked, "You think that'll work?"

"…"

"You're a genius, Hot Dog! Hey, Otogi!" He turned to the raven-haired boy, "Turn off the oven!"

Now it was Otogi who was blinking, now ignoring Tristan's legs thrashing all around. "You really think that'll work?"

Tristan's voice came out, weakly, "G-Good-bye cruel world…"

"Hot Dog says it will."

"… Okeydokey, then." Otogi slipped his lip-gloss back into the front pocket of his apron and reached over the eyes of the stove to turn off the oven. In a second all the heat was gone but Tristan had fallen limp in the oven, still caught between the racks. Joey peeped in and felt his friend's pulse on his wrist. There was a faint pounding.

"Yes! He's alive!" He turned to both Otogi and Hot Dog, "We did it!"

Otogi was too busy sobbing, "My raspberry soufflé! Tristan, you geek, you ruined it!"

.0.0.

A bit later, after Joey calmed Otogi down, he was able to coax the boy into helping him get the paralyzed Tristan out of the oven. Though they weren't able to pull his head from between the bars of the rack, they were able to remove the rack from the oven.

Now seated on the living room couch was Tristan, the most unpleasant expression on his face and the oven rack decorating his neck. Otogi sat down next to him and was singing happily, buttering the brunette's neck so that they could get the rack off easily. Joey was sitting on the loveseat across from them, his fiancé in his left hand.

Joey cleared his throat to put some sound in the room. Sound other than Otogi's obscene singing.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me…"

"Otogi," Tristan growled, "That is the last thing I wanna hear right now!"

A pout spread across his features and he threw down the butter, turning the other way, "Fine! Get someone else to butter your damn head!"

Tristan rolled his eyes and turned back to Joey, the rack attached to his head making it hard for him to change direction. He narrowed his eyes at them both, Joey and Hot Dog, but before he could say anything, Joey spoke up, "Don't be that way, Tristan! You may not know it but it was really Hot Dog who saved you from being burnt to a crisp, it told me and Otogi to turn off the heat! Isn't that right, Otogi?"

"Everybody hates my singing!" Otogi wailed.

Joey blinked, "… Okay, never mind him."

"… Any idiot could've told you to turn down the heat!" Tristan resumed shouting.

"You didn't!"

"I was trapped in an oven rack! … And I still am!"

"Oh yeah?" Joey raised a skeptical eyebrow, "And whose fault was that? You stuck your own head inside."

"You made me want to kill myself! You and your damned hotdog! This is utterly ridiculous, Joey! Marriage? Who in their right mind would marry you to a hotdog?"

"Actually," Otogi said, his tears now transformed to small sniffles as he turned to face Joey and Tristan, "There'd probably be a lot of places that would do it just for publicity reasons, you know. It'd crack people up."

"Stop helping him!" Tristan shouted, almost chocking himself with his oven-appendage.

Joey shook his head, "We're not doing this so someone can laugh at us!"

"Too late."

The blonde ignored this comment, "Me and Hot Dog love each other and if you can't be happy for me, Tristan, then you're not going to be invited to the wedding!" With that, he rose from his seat and stormed off upstairs, taking the wiener with him.

Tristan yelled after him, "There isn't going to be a wedding—Ah!" His rants were ceased when he fell to the floor and the rack conked him on the head, "OW!"

Otogi grinned smugly, "I bet cha wish I was buttering your head now, don't cha?"

"Oh, shut UP!"

.0.0.

Ring, Ring, Ring…

Yugi looked up from his novel at the phone that rang not two feet away from the couch he was currently seated on. He thought for a moment before calling out, "Hey, Yami! Could you answer the phone?"

There was a pause and then, "Why can't you answer it?"

"…" Yugi shouted back, "I-I can't, I'm peeing!"

"… Okay!"

Suddenly there were footsteps that came from the staircase and soon Yugi was starring at Yami as he stood at the base of the stairs. The taller of the two tilted his head at his hikari, "Yugi, why are you peeing on the couch?"

"… Yami, answer the phone."

He shrugged, "Okeydokey."

As he made his way over to the phone stand, Yugi turned back to his book, thinking, 'Yami, you're such a tool.'

"Hello?" Yami asked into the line, a happy lilt in his voice.

"Hey, Yami,"

"Joey?"

"Yes, siree. I called to tell you and Yugi the good news!"

"Oh? Did you finally get enough money for your vasectomy?"

"Nah, not yet. But I'm getting there. Anyway, I'm gettin' married."

Yami blinked into the phone, a rather shocked look on his face. He asked, "That so? To who, Joey? Don't tell me, Kaiba—"

"Ew, no! Don't be gross. I'm gettin' hitched to Hot Dog, I'm guessing that either Tristan or Otogi told you that I was dating someone."

"… Um… Well… Something." Yami said, uncomfortably and held his palm up to the receiver. He waved over to his hikari who was still immersed in his book. "Y-Yugi, please come here."

"What is it, Yami?"

"Joey called… he's getting married."

"… Don't tell that Kaiba finally came out of the closet?"

"No, to his hotdog." Yami nodded to the phone, "I don't know what to say to him."

"Alright. Lemme take a shot at him." Yugi motioned for the phone and Yami gladly handed it over. Yugi sighed and put it up to his ear, "Hey, Joey."

"Hey, Yugi! Did Yami tell ya my good news?"

"… Well, yeah. Hey, Joey, can I ask you something?"

"Aw, you don't need to ask, Yugi." Joey smiled into the phone, "You know that you and Yami are gonna be invited. I was kinda wondering if you could be my best man!"

"… Okay… T-That sounds great, Joey."

The blonde heard the strange tone of his friend's voice, "What's wrong, Yugi?"

Yugi sighed again, scratching his head, "Well, to be honest with you, I'm a bit worried. I mean, are you sure that you wanna go through with this? Marriage is a big step, Joey, and it's something that should be taken seriously. I mean, think about it, how long have you actually known this hotdog? Uh, it could be anybody! A whole side of it that you don't know and if you find out like a week after you get married, you might realize—a bit too late, I might add—that it isn't who you thought it was…"

Joey smiled, "Aw, Yugi! I'm glad ya worried about me, man, but you don't have to! I know it's been less than two weeks since I met Hot Dog, but I really feel like this is the right thing to do."

There was a long pause and finally Yugi spoke again, "Alright, Joey, I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear but as a friend, I think I should say it."

"What's that, Yugi?"

"T-This is a hotdog you're trying to marry… You have to admit, it isn't normal."

"Hey, come on, Yugi. I know it isn't an everyday thing, but we're in love. And I don't criticize your sexual preferences."

Yugi blushed furiously, "That isn't what this is about!"

"Really?"

"Really! I just think maybe you should date around more before you damn yourself to a life with a meat byproduct!"

"Thanks for your concern, Yugi. But I'll be fine, really. Well, I'll call ya later with all the details, like the date and all that. See ya."

"But—"

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep…

Yugi blinked at hearing the dial tone and set the phone back onto the cradle. He turned around, facing his other half and sighed when he asked, "Well?"

"I'm going to be best man, Yami."

"… Oh…?"

TBC…