—Hot Man, Hot Dog—
Part Sixteen: Malchik Gey
The next morning, the East Side was once again in an uproar of protestors and cameramen and such. Everyone had left the day before and Joey and Tristan had thought that was the worst of it only to wake up to a whole new sea of people stationed on Otogi's front lawn. They decided that if they ignored it all, they would go away but it wasn't until the phone rang that Joey started to panic.
Ring, Ring, Ring!
"I'll get it," Joey called throughout the house, not sure where Tristan was at the moment. He came to the coffee table in the living room and picked the receiver off the cradle. "Hello?"
"Greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings!" came a voice too cheery for morning.
Joey sighed. "Hi, Charlie."
"Hello, Joey! I was wondering when you and your lover, Otogi—"
"N-Now hold on just a minute! Otogi is not my lover!"
"Really? But he printed that on the wedding invitations that we sent out."
"…" Joey's mouth hung open.
Charlie resumed the conversation after a moment of silence. "Oh well. I just called to make sure you and Mr. Ryuuji had already gone to get your tuxedo for the event. After all, it is tomorrow."
Another moment of silence.
Joey croaked out: "T-Tomorrow?"
"Why yes. … What, you didn't know? Didn't he tell you?"
"I had no idea the wedding was tomorrow! How did I not know? How does the groom not know something like this? I don't have a tux! I don't have an Otogi! I don't have a mind right now! This is insane!"
"Oh, please calm down, Mr. Wheeler," Charlie said in his most reassuring voice. "I promise, you have nothing to worry about. Mr. Ryuuji and I did most of the work concerning caterers and whatnot. It'll be fine! All you have to do is show up. With a tux."
"… Ugh," Joey sighed into the phone and thought: 'But I haven't seen Otogi all morning. Come to think of it, he wasn't even in my bed last night… Oh, hey! What am I thinking? That's a good thing!'
"Mr. Wheeler?"
"Uh… Yeah, okay, Charlie. I'll get a tux. See ya tomorrow."
"Okay! See ya, see ya, see ya, see ya, see ya—"
Joey hung up.
Only a moment of silence passed before the Hamtaro theme song filled the room. Joey reached into his back pocket and flipped open his cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello, my love."
"Otogi, where are you? Charlie just called! You didn't tell me the wedding was tomorrow! Why didn't you tell me? Why?" He was screeching now. "And I don't have a tuxedo! And… and…!"
"Jeez. Don't have a kitten, Joey." Otogi shifted his cell phone from one ear to the other. "I'm coming over to the house to pick you up right now."
"… Huh? B-But you can't, there's tons of newscasters outside; if you come out of your car, they'll ask you more stupid questions."
"Duh, Joey. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an idiot. Just grab your wiener and go to the hallway window upstairs."
"But—"
"Chow."
The phone line went dead and Joey put the phone back in his pocket. He sighed and, thinking that nothing could possibly get worse, headed upstairs to get Hot Dog off of their bed. Once in the upstairs hallway, Joey headed for their bedroom—their, being himself, Otogi and Hot Dog. Actually, his bed was turning into a boarding house, he observed—and before he entered, he saw the tail of a brown coat go swishing into the bathroom across the hall.
Joey blinked and walked cautiously that way, peeking into the linoleum-covered room only to see Tristan with Hot Dog in hand, standing over the toilet.
"Hey!" Joey shouted, coming into full view.
Tristan paused, holding the meat right over the porcelain bowl. He blinked stupidly and looked from Joey to the wiener. "Um… I…"
"Put Hot Dog down! … On the floor!" He commanded, brown eyes narrowed.
"… Sorry, dude, but I can't do that," Tristan said, turning back to the toilet. "This isn't just for your own good but mine as well! I can't continue to be known as the Hotdog Maniac's best friend!"
"You'll be the Hotdog Maniac's ex-best friend if you don't put Hot Dog down!"
When it seemed that the brunette was about to drop the meat, Joey lunged for it and grabbed it before the wiener hit the toilet bowl. He turned on his heel and ran for it, down the hallway well aware of the fact that Tristan was in fast pursuit.
"Come back here, Joey!"
"No!"
Tristan rolled his eyes, asking himself if he honestly expected Joey to turn around and surrender his fiancée without a fight or flail. He was, however surprised to see Joey stop at the window down the hall, staring out of it. Wondering what he was doing, Tristan tip-toed up behind him, gasping loudly when he saw Otogi's car driving recklessly down the street and ramming into news vans on the front lawn.
Otogi mowed over a fair amount of newscasters on his way to the front of the house. The sunroof on the top of the car was rolled down and the raven-haired teen shouted up at the window. "Joey! Hurry it up!"
Joey blinked and looked at Tristan, simultaneously touching the glass window.
Tristan's eyes widened. "Y-You can't be serious…"
"See ya, Tristan!"
"JOEY!"
Without a second thought, he kicked the glass and it all shattered as he jumped out of the shard-lined gap.
The protestors below who hadn't been killed watched in awe as Joey came plummeting down, hitting the roof of Otogi's car. At first, he appeared dead but then began to move, weakly flopping into the sunroof opening. The sunroof closed and the car started again. Everyone scattered, fearing for their lives.
.0.0.
"See, Joey? And you doubted me," Otogi smirked happily, sending a glance to the slumped over teen in the passenger's seat.
Joey coughed, looking up agitatedly and held his stomach with the hand that was not holding Hot Dog. "S-See what? I could've been killed jumping like that! You and your ideas, Otogi."
They were both soon cruising through Central Domino, going up and down streets with the radio blaring disgusting music that Joey was ashamed to be listening to. People on the sidewalks watched the Mercedes go by and Joey ducked down, not wanting to be widely associated with Otogi or this song.
"So where were you this morning? And last night?" Joey asked, scrunched up in the corner of his seat.
"Taking care of wedding business! You have no idea how hard it is to be me. Smart, sweet and an ample amount of sex-appeal! Everyone wants something from me! I had to help Charlie and the caterers decide on a menu after I spent a little time with Ryou and Malik. Then we went to a bridal boutique to get Malik and Ryou's dresses! Then I got into a fight with the saleswoman there! Honestly! Malik is an autumn, not a spring! What an idiot."
Joey blinked. "D… Dresses?"
"They are bride's maids, after all," Otogi nodded solemnly.
"…"
"And now this. I haven't slept in twenty-four hours!"
"Where're we going?"
"To get your tuxedo, of course."
Joey refrained from asking any more questions until they arrived at their destination. The car pulled up in a parking lot of a small building with light-up silver letters over the threshold, forming the words: Gorgeous Groom Garb.
Otogi jumped out of the car and pointed to the structure once Joey was out as well. He shouted, "My love! Welcome to G3! This is like the best groom boutique in Domino, I swear it! They've got all the hottest styles and colors and after we pick the suit, we can go in the back and shop for ACCESSORIES!"
"Um, Otogi, I think we should keep it simple," Joey said, ignoring the teen's bubbly attitude as they opened the front door. "I really don't have much money for anything fancy."
"Don't worry, doll. I've got Tristan's mom's credit card!" Otogi winked, holding up a small gold card.
"… Otogi, that's terrible."
"You mean scandalous!" He cheered.
"… Okay."
As soon as they were inside, Otogi flew from beside Joey over to the counter and a girl in uniform standing behind it. When the girl saw him, she squealed and they began hugging madly. Joey was more than a bit confused but it was all cleared up in a second… kinda.
"Joey, love," Otogi turned to the blonde and pointed to the girl he had his arm around. "This is Sharonda, she works here! Isn't that just too delish? She's gonna help us out today."
She swished her ponytail out of her eyes, waving her long fingernails at Joey. "Hey there, hot stuff. 'Togi told me all about you."
Joey's eyes narrowed at the male teen. "Oh really?"
"Yep. Like how you're into licking cherries and hot fudge off of—"
Otogi planted his hand over her mouth, smiling at Joey sweetly. "Well that's enough of that. Let's get down to business!"
"… Something about this bugs me but oh well…" Joey mumbled and followed the two into another section of the store, through another doorway. "Now you just sit right here, Joey," Otogi said, pushing Joey into a nearby seat.
"And we'll be right back," Sharonda smiled, giving a thumbs-up sign.
"B-But shouldn't I—"
"Toodles," they said in unison.
And with that fruity good-bye, the two went frolicking among the different racks and cases and Joey heard them discussing colors. At one point, the talk of Joey being a summer stopped and whispers began, and every once in a while, both Sharonda and Otogi would look at him over their shoulders and giggle insanely.
Joey soon got tired of this and looked at the wiener in his hand. "Hot Dog, what do you think they're doing over there? How long does it take to pick out a simple tuxedo?"
"…"
"Well I figured that."
"…"
"Um… N-No, I didn't."
"…"
"Should I ask?"
"…"
Suddenly, as if right on cue, Otogi came bopping over and waved his hands wildly in Joey's face. "Okay, Joey! We have a few choice outfits we'd like you to go change into."
"Oh, hey Otogi? Can I ask how you know my measurements?"
Otogi blinked and then smiled. "Oh, I did it while you were sleeping. Your torso was easy enough to get to but then I had to measure your pants. Poor little me, having to feel all around your waist and then from the tip-top of your thigh to your ankle. I actually messed up when you were wearing your pajamas. They got in the way! So I stripped you down and did it again."
Joey's mouth hung open.
"So, anyway, let's hustle! We don't have all day!"
Somehow the blonde found his voice. He stood up shakily from his seat and shouted: "Otogi, how could you!"
"How could I be so adorable? I often wonder that myself," He said whilst dragging Joey by the arm into one of the dressing rooms in the back. Right before shoving him inside, he winked and said: "Now while you're in there undressing yourself, you can think about that too."
Joey blinked when the door was shut. He turned around and was face to face with himself reflected in mirrors. He looked over by the side and saw piles of tuxedos, all different colors and styles.
He heaved a sigh. "Oh jeez."
.0.0.
"Are you done yet?" Sharonda called out, tapping her foot impatiently. She turned to Otogi who stood beside her. "'Togi, he's taking forever. What do you think he's doing in there?"
Otogi began to giggle insanely.
Sharonda tilted her head and then realization came over her and she, too, was overcome with laughter. "Oh my God, Otogi, you perv!"
"H-Hey!" came a distraught cry from inside the stall. Joey sounded anxious. "Um, sorry I'm taking so long but I've never put one on before… Where does this frilly part go?"
"Hang on, baby, I'll save you!" Otogi yelled before launching himself into the dressing room.
"HEY!"
"Ooh! Joey, you're a mess; you have the pants on backwards!"
"GET OUT OF HERE!"
"We'll just have to take these off."
"STOP THAT!"
"Don't be so shy. Now, this part goes here and—"
"YOUR HAND IS NOT PART OF THE SUIT!"
.0.0.
After the tedious and loud trial of getting Joey dressed and finding a tux that all three agreed on, they paid for it—with Tristan's mom's life savings—and left G3, right after Otogi gave her a huge hug.
They were back on the road again, the sleek car racing over the cobblestones that glowed in the light of dusk. Joey was more than a little embarrassed of what Otogi had done in the dressing stall and he kept his head turned to the window as his raven-haired companion continued to drive.
Otogi glanced at him. "Joey, are you angry with me?"
"Yes."
"You're cute when you're angry."
"Argh! See that! That's what I'm talking about! You're always flirting with me and I'm about to be married and I have no intention of cheating on Hot Dog! Especially when my fiancée is in the CAR!"
"Aw. There, there," He leaned over and patted Joey's blonde hair.
Suddenly the song I'm A Barbie Girl began to play. Otogi reached into his tight leather pocket and flipped open his cell phone. "Talk to me."
Joey strained to listen but couldn't make out who it was on the other line or what they were saying. Otogi sounded more than a bit perturbed; he tried to whisper, Joey could tell, but he was almost shouting.
"No, I'm bringing it. … In the trunk. … What! No way! We're on our way now, you can't be se—… Oh. … Alright. … 'Kay, chow, dolls!" Otogi flipped the phone over and put it on the dashboard.
Joey blinked. "What was that about?"
"Your bachelor party."
"Oh."
"…"
"… My what?"
TBC…
