Disclaimer: I don't own Calvin's diary. I just "borrowed" it. How did I do that? Here's how:
(Cues to flashback)
calvinhobbes1010: Hey, Calvin, can I use your diary?
Calvin: Why?
calvinhobbes1010: I'm going to publish it on Fanfiction.
Calvin: Fanfriction?
calvinhobbes1010: FanFICTION.
Calvin: Oh. Why are you going to publish it?
calvinhobbes1010: So readers can read the moments your six years of life.
Calvin: The front cover says "Do not read or write in this book".
calvinhobbes1010: On Fanfiction, there are tons of fics about you and Hobbes
Calvin: When are you going to give it back?
calvinhobbes1010: When I'm done using it.
Calvin: When are you going to be done using it?
calvinhobbes1010: When I publish it.
Calvin: When are you going to publish it?
calvinhobbes1010: When the last update is…ummmmmmmmmm…it's hard to explain.
Calvin: About the updates, when do you update my diary?
calvinhobbes1010: I update weekly. An individual week out of your diary is one chapter in Fanfiction terms.
Calvin: Yes, you can use my diary. Just promise to give it back when you're done.
calvinhobbes1010: I promise.
