Note: The entries in bold indicate Hobbes writing in the diary.
Calvin's Diary
DO NOT READ OR WRITE IN THIS BOOK!
Week 1Day 1: Mom got me this book. She says it's a good way to remember the old moments in my life. Hah! I'll show HER old moments! Old moments of INSANITY!
Day 2: Today was a boring day. I was watching Loony Tunes, but Dad kicked me out of the house and told me to go play outside. He says playing outside will give me fresh air. I had nothing to do. I had no friends. Wait a minute! Maybe I can catch a tiger. YEAH! That's it! I'll catch a tiger, make him my friend, and have him live with me! Can't write now! I've got to make a tuna fish sandwich!
Day 3: I'm off to check my tiger trap. I rigged a tuna fish sandwich yesterday. I'm sure to have caught a tiger by now. Wait a minute. YES! I CAUGHT A TIGER! I tried to feed him this diary, but Mom caught me. By the way, the tiger's name is Hobbes.
Day 4: Today at school (the dungeon of torture), I met a new girl. Her name was Susie Derkins. Hobbes consists that I love her. In case if you're wondering, I DO NOT! I also had a math quiz today. Did anyone say that 7+3 doesn't equal 73? Whoever said that is busted!
Day 5: Today was another boring day. Hobbes violently attacked me when I got home from school. I had boxcars full of homework. I don't think history exists. There is no past or future. All is one. What happened 220 years ago? I'm a kid! I don't even know what happened a year ago! At dinnertime, Mom made something gruesome and poisonous. I don't know what went into that smelly, icky, green blob of poison, but I'm sure it was bird legs, spam, dog food, drops of poison liquid, the heart of a fox, guts, insects, and a squid. It's bedtime now. Getting sleepy. Good night.
Day 6: YEESS! Today is Friday! One more day of the imminent torture that's so-called "school", then I get 2 days of freedom! Yahoo! At school, I was busy looking droopy for boredom, watching the clock tick all the way to noon. Miss Blah Blah Blah was busy blabbering about World War II. I think everyone in the school is German. Rosalyn babysat me today, and boy she was mad! First, I filled her up with water. Then, I threw a water balloon at her. Finally, I locked her out of the house. Now I'm in my bed. I'm grounded tomorrow. I wonder why I'm only grounded for a day…
Day 7: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WE HAVE TO GO CAMPING ON THAT !$#&, DESERTED ROCK IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! FATHER NATUE SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT I HATE CAMPING! I HATE CHARACTER! I HATE THE OUTDOORS! I HATE EVERYTHING HE LIKES! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! I WISH HE DIDN'T EVEN EXIST! Hobbes, you hate camping, right? Mom, you should give that demon-possessed guy a divorce. I can't write anymore. I have to pack. We have to leave tomorrow morning. Oh yeah, I also hate eating spam and fish.
