Disclaimer: Of course I don't own My Hero Academia, its characters, or the franchise.
Story: Enji was fascinated with Izuku. She was curious and a bit enamored. The two of them are a mess together and apart, and everyone gets drawn into the line of fire.
Set as an AU canon divergent genderbending fic.
Spoilers: Most definitely for all seasons, even if this is an alternate take.
Warnings: Age disparity, cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and sexual situations…
Pairings: Fem!Izuku/Endeavor, side-Dekubowl (because my regulars know my habitual obsession with the protag/one-sided (or not) others XD), Hawks/Fuyumi, etc…
Don't Want to Touch You (But You're Under My Skin)
Chapter Three: When I Lost My Mind
Enji didn't want to be there. He really didn't. But that talk with Izuku stuck in his head and now he was in the mental ward where his wife was.
It's been nine to ten years since she'd been admitted and he didn't know how to approach her. Rei was his wife, but he had never connected with her. They'd married young at twenty four and twenty three, but it had just been an arranged Quirk marriage. His father had told him about them when he was eighteen and a fresh graduate from UA, but he hadn't given a shit then.
But then All Might debuted and Yagi was further ahead of Enji, too far for him to catch up and be able to call himself a rival. The seeds of bitterness was planted while he looked for a good match, and when he met Rei, he saw potential.
She was beautiful and had a Quirk that would complement his. Fire and Ice. Opposites but balanced. It was that good match he'd idealized and he could be a good husband to her. So he threw however much money he could at Rei's family to get them to agree to their potential marriage.
It had gone far too easy, but he hadn't questioned it. He'd had high expectations for the union. Rei had been kind, if a little too quiet and passive…He'd even thought that, despite being an arranged marriage, they could fall in love eventually —or at least become good friends.
After a while, things were fine; good even. But then Yagi kept rising in the ranks faster and faster, and even if he was rising as well, he was always a step behind. At the same time, Rei's episodes started to manifest, and confused and angered the hell out of him. Back then, he had had no idea about mental illness and didn't know how to handle her. The frustration was mounting and his already short temper was starting to fray, made worse by the fact he'd felt like he'd been gypped —tricked into this marriage.
Even if they'd never officially gotten an idea what was wrong with Rei until she'd actually been admitted, they'd both known she was unstable. He'd had to learn how to handle her when she was acting out, while covering up her instability. They hadn't wanted anyone to know and Rei had wanted to act and keep things as normal as possible. Enji had struggled juggling that with his Hero work, and a part of him was ashamed to have a "crazy" wife. He hadn't wanted to feel that way and had done his best to be a good husband, but resentment and shame bubbled under the surface.
All he'd wanted was a good marriage. Arranged marriages could work, he knew. But the feeling of being trapped in his marriage choked him until he wanted nothing more than to run away. He couldn't though. Part of him balked at abandoning her because of her…sickness. He'd sworn in sickness and in health, and the idea of just leaving her didn't sit well with him. She was sick and he was her husband. Rei was his responsibility. But the only real bright spots in their tumultuous marriage had been when their children were born. He'd been pleased and even happy each time. They were all beautiful and they were his children.
While outwardly he'd been ecstatic at 'creating' them and hoping each of them had the potential to surpass All Might, inwardly he had never admitted how soft he'd gotten for them and how he'd reserved pieces of himself just for them…
However, by the time Shoto was born, Rei had gotten much worse. He was exhausted and angry from having to deal with her manic episodes, and even though he'd attained the Number Two rank, he was still behind Yagi and years of dedication and determination had proven nothing. He'd been tired of all of it and he'd had to take care of Rei and deal with her episodes for years, and he felt like he was going nowhere and had to refocus on his goal of becoming Number One.
By then, he'd shifted practically all his focus on Shoto. Not only did Shoto feel like a fresh start, but his disappointment and neglect of his other children became a factor. None of the others had the potential or motivation to become Heroes; in fact, they held no interest in the profession at all. Disappointed and upset, Enji still wasn't going to force them into doing something they didn't want to do. But it came at a price, since Enji began to focus and spend all his time with Shoto, who had become his last and most promising chance. Shoto had been young, yes, but Enji had started training young himself and training earlier would get his son used to training hard and condition his mind and body, instead of starting later on and having to condition himself and catching up at a harder developmental stage.
But the truth was, he hadn't focused and spent all his time training Shoto just for his goal…He admitted that he just wanted to avoid and get away from Rei. Her episodes were lasting longer and longer, and really were becoming worser by the day. Enji just hadn't had the patience or understanding to really be able to take care of her properly. All these years, he had tried and stubbornly did his best, but at that point he was close to giving up and he knew he wasn't fit to be able to help her at all. Shoto had been unknowingly stuck in that mess.
Enji had become overzealous in their training, wanting to reach his goal to surpass All Might and yet also beyond frustrated at his current failure with that and his wife, who stressed him out to the point he was about to be pushed over the edge. By the time she'd confronted him over Shoto, who he regretfully hadn't realized he'd been pushing too hard in his own overwhelmed state, he had just wanted to lash out. So he did.
And then Enji was horrified and remorseful and he'd gone to Rei and apologized profusely after he'd calmed down. But at that moment, he had hated her. He'd hated his wife, he'd hated his marriage, he'd hated his life at that point. Then what happened to Shoto happened and he'd hated her even more. It took a while before he acknowledged his own part in things, but the lingering resentment and anger towards her stayed throughout the years after, even while his remorse over how he'd handled her and their situation grew.
Except now Izuku had come along and made him face these truths —made him accept and outwardly acknowledge his culpability and failures, and all the mistakes and wrong choices he'd made in his life.
He'd tried to bury it all in his head and heart, and this young girl comes and indifferently tears him apart and bared everything whole. If she hadn't, he wouldn't be here right now. He supposed it was finally time to face the music.
This was a long time coming after all.
Just outside her room, Enji paused and hesitated. Was he really ready for this? Did he really want to talk to Rei after all this time? He still felt angry at her after all this, but he also felt guilty. He should've tried harder, educated himself better on how to deal with her. The two of them should have gone to a professional and gotten a diagnosis earlier, and gotten her the medication and help she needed. With his conflicting emotions, he wasn't sure of stepping through that threshold and coming face to face with his wife.
Don't be a coward!
Enji closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as her voice echoed in his head. He wasn't a goddamn coward.
Steeling himself, he knocked on the door and then opened it, seeing Rei sitting by the window and reading a book. She'd looked over then, frowning at the sight of him.
"When they told me you requested a visit, I didn't believe them," she said softly. "It's a…surprise. What can I do for you, Enji?"
He took a chair and set it away from her, putting what he hoped was a comfortable distance for her.
"A talk," he muttered.
She eyed him warily, but she was smiling. "We do have a lot to talk about, don't we?" she mused aloud.
Enji nodded, avoiding looking at her directly. "I…"
An apology is a good start.
He awkwardly cleared his throat before he got off the chair and went into a formal dogeza, bowing his head low to the floor.
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I ..was angry and I still am…but I am also at fault and should never have treated you the way I did."
He heard shuffling and he felt her come near. One of her hands rested on one of his.
"I'm not going to say it'll be easy to forgive you," she started softly. "But I'm happy that you would actually come here and apologize, and even acknowledge what you did and how you were."
She pushed gently at his shoulders, guiding him up. He still avoided looking into her eyes, but he glanced at her. She looked remorseful. "I'm sorry for what happened to Shoto. I just…"
"You saw me," he finished, acknowledging but bitter. Had he really been that bad? But then a part of him whispered and was afraid that he really had been…
"Yes and no," she admitted and he hadn't realized he'd asked that aloud. "I was also not really in a good state by then. While you made it worse, I was seeing and experiencing everything ten times worser."
He didn't know if that made him feel better or worse.
"I could've been better," he murmured.
"So could I," she echoed back. "At least for our kids, we could've done much better."
That was true. He wasn't blind to the fact of how he'd treated his children. More so when some slip of a girl shoved it into his face. But…he'd make an effort. He wanted…he wanted to do better by them, he realized. And he would. He wouldn't just let things go anymore.
"We have so much regrets," Rei said quietly.
"I don't want to regret things anymore," he said honestly.
He saw her look at him and he let himself look back, their eyes meeting and both of them looking like a miserable pair.
"My family thought you were a catch," she began. "You were young, handsome, rich and successful. By then, even though you were just twenty four, you'd already reached the rank of Number Two by twenty."
He wanted to look away and close his ears, but he was going to hear this whether he wanted to or not it seemed.
"You were perfect," she stated solemnly. "So when you came and asked to marry me, adding in money as well, they'd already made up their minds. I would be taken cared of and actually have a good husband, and they could get rid of me without making it obvious or bring shame."
He'd known that was the case and had always accused them in his mind…had even thrown the accusation in her face during one of their spats, usually during her paranoid episodes or after any episodes. Having the confirmation just made him feel hollow.
"How is Shoto?" she asked suddenly, a bit desperate. "Did I…did I hurt him too bad? How has he grown up? Is he learning well?"
"He's fine," Enji thought about him. "He's fifteen now. After you…after what happened, he recovered well. He still loves you and doesn't blame you at all," he made sure to add, knowing she'd blamed herself. He'd tacked on the blame as well then, and still couldn't help blaming her a bit now. "He hates me," he sighed. "But he's…right."
He cleared his throat. "Anyway, he's grown up into a strong, smart kid. He's in UA now, just started this past year. He's at the top of his class, only beaten by a few others. He's capable with both of our Quirks…even if he refuses to use mine," his voice was wistful. He remembered what had been said between his son and Izuku though, and a small smile crossed his face. "That might be changing a bit. Someone said something very wise to him and I think it's helping him to realize, as she said, that it's his Quirk. Not really mine."
He remembered the Sports Festival, all of it that started this. He remembered the battle, his exhilaration that his son was finally coming into his full potential and using his fire Quirk. The pride that bloomed forth and made him want to cheer on his son like an idiot, doting father type. But remembering all that made him remember Izuku.
The way she'd faced him in that corridor to the way she'd talked to his son and made Shoto into a better fighter and motivated his son. Inevitably, his mind wandered to memories he shouldn't think of when he was there with his estranged wife, but he couldn't forget —couldn't not think of her under him, her flushed skin, her brilliant green eyes…
Shamed, he looked down and clenched his jaw.
"She sounds like a catch."
Rei's voice caught him off guard and he flinched, looking up and accidentally catching her eyes. She was watching him carefully, closely looking at his reactions and looking too curious and pondering.
"She is," he found himself saying, despite the fact he'd meant to stay quiet.
That seemed to cinch it for her somehow.
"You've met her," she deduced, tilting her head and Enji held back his wince.
"Yes," he answered, trying to watch his words. "During the Sports Festival, where she and Shoto were competing. That's when she talked to him and pushed him into fully using his Quirk. He still seems indecisive in using the fire half of his Quirk, but it was really something, that match."
"And her," Rei added thoughtfully. "Enough to catch your attention."
He grew uncomfortable, but she was watching him sharply and didn't look to be letting this go.
"We've been more or less separated for years, and we never married for love or had much love in our marriage, Enji," she said, voice full of regret. He could feel himself joining her in drowning in those regrets. "You don't have to stay married to me."
"I made those vows," he said automatically, even if they felt empty and dragged him down.
"You don't have any obligation or duty to them," she pointed out. "You and I both know it was a sham of a marriage," she pursed her lips.
"You won't be covered by my insurance, so you can't stay here or have your medicine if we're not married," he said then and she stiffened up. "I…don't love you. But I love our children, even if I was the worse father they could have, and I do care enough for you to not abandon you or not be able to give the care you need."
She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes, and the regrets seemed to be piling on them.
"You know…during those episodes where I was extremely paranoid, I used to accuse you of cheating on me?" she brought up, making him tense. "Did you ever back then?"
"No," he said firmly. "I told you that then and I still stand by that."
"Part of me, now that I'm stable, can believe and is relieved by that," she said. "There's this other, smaller part that wishes you had, so that our 'marriage' would've been less wrought out and you would've had an outlet to turn to when I got too stressful or things were too much to deal with."
He remembered the screaming, sometimes from both of them, sometimes just from her, sometimes just him yelling. The stress of her always screaming at him and accusing him of cheating and the way he'd yell back, his flames reacting with him and his emotions, flaring up until the room heated up and she was pulling out of her episode finally and becoming lucid enough to just be fearful of him. Or the way she'd sometimes scream and yell at him but not him, because she was looking and staring at empty space and he would be confused and angry and fearful and just not understanding what was going on…
"It's been years now though," she said and he looked at her, frowning. "I'd understand if you'd slept with others now."
He looked away from her. "I…A few times through the years, I might've messed around a bit. But no. I hadn't slept with anyone."
"She really must be a catch then," she murmured softly.
Enji swallowed heavily, thinking of fiery green eyes and wild green hair.
"She is."
After a bit of walking, Izuku kind of regretted walking away from Enji. She should of asked for a ride back, even though she knew they had different directions to get to and that it was better for them to part ways. But the soreness of her wobbly legs combined with the unbearable aching between them made it feel impossible to walk. She tried to walk femininely like most other girls did, swaying her hips side to side and shifting her legs, but it only helped her movements a little bit. Still, it was better than nothing and she managed all the way up to a bus stop. From there, she headed home, glad that it was Sunday and there was no school, but also wary and nervous about seeing her mom…considering she'd gone off somewhere yesterday and had been gone the entire night. She was surprised her phone hadn't blown up with texts and missed phone calls.
Sighing, she'd just tried to open the door, when it was yanked out of her hand and her mother was there in front of her.
"Izuku!" her mother cried. "You're okay!"
She smiled at her mom and went inside, hugging Inko once the door was close. "I'm sorry, Okaa-san. I should have called you."
Inko waved her off, looking relieved. "I was worried, but I figure you must have a boyfriend."
Izuku turned red, surprised by her mom. "Okaa-san! That's-that's not it at all! I was…I was hanging out with and slept over Ochako's place, is all."
…Lying? Izuku couldn't understand herself. Who was she even becoming? Since when did she lie?
However, Inko just went to the kitchen and set up tea to boil. "Uh huh. You're a horrible liar, Izuku. Now I know you're on the pill, but you should still be extra careful. Don't rely on it too much, okay sweetie?"
Izuku's face turned dark red all over and she looked at her mother aghast. "Okaa-san, please!" She buried her face into her hands, but when she looked up again, her mom just raised an eyebrow. "It was…it was a bit spontaneous, so no we weren't really prepared or anything," she finally confessed. Her mom was good at that.
Her mom nodded. "Well, if you're going to be active, just make sure you don't miss a day of your pill," Inko advised, smirking only a little bit. Izuku was just mortified. "That said, is he someone I know? Is it Katsuki?"
Izuku's face shuttered and she felt her hands clench by her side. "Of course not," her voice was indifferent. Her mother bit her lip and Izuku softened. "Sorry, Okaa-san. I just…I'm kind of just sick of his bullshit."
Inko gave her a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, sweetie. I won't mention him again." Izuku nodded absentmindedly, a little lost in thought now. "So do I know him?" Her mother startled her.
Izuku thought of Enji and grimaced. She hesitated before shaking her head. "Not…personally. You know of him," she said.
Inko had a thoughtful frown. "Is it All Might?"
Izuku sputtered, mortification back full blast. "What? No! All Might is just a good friend and mentor. He's like a second dad even."
"But I know of him," Inko repeated, frown deepening. "Is it one of your teachers?"
"No!" Izuku shook her head adamantly.
"But it is a Hero, isn't it?" Inko persisted. "That's how I'd know of him. Or her."
"It's a him," Izuku confirmed in a grumble. She wished her mom would let it go.
Inko stared at her with narrowed eyes, before humming and focusing on making the tea and then handing a cup over. Izuku stared at her suspiciously.
"That's it?"
Inko shrugged. "I have all the clues I need…for now. And I know my daughter, so I'll figure it out sooner or later."
Izuku pinched the bridge of her nose. Her mom was so stubborn. Still, it had been a one-time thing, so there really wasn't any need for her mom to figure out she'd slept with the one and only Endeavor. It would just cause problems anyway.
Her mind couldn't help flashbacking to the night before though, remembering his hands all over her body and his hot mouth wandering, the way his entire body covered hers, or even the feeling of him slamming into her over and over again with his…
She shook her head harshly, looking up only to see her mother looking back at her with raised eyebrows and a knowing look.
"Shut up, Okaa-san."
"I didn't say a word."
Enji carefully plated the soba. Fuyumi would be staying late at school, so it would just be him and Shoto. After his talk with Rei, he was hoping he could…the two of them would be able to find a truce. Or something. Just anything so that the two of them were able to rebuild any semblance of a relationship. He may have worked Shoto hard (too hard), but he did love his son. He was a hard ass, yeah, but he was trying to lighten up and make different —better choices.
Now that he was leaving, they'd stood up and now maintained a distance. He was back to avoiding looking at her and she was back to being quiet.
Things had never been easy between them.
He heard the door open and tensed, waiting for his son. Shoto stopped at the kitchen's entrance, seeing his father and the table laid out with dinner, including his favorite soba. Enji felt like pulling all the stops, if only to grab his son's attention enough that he would allow himself to listen to Enji.
"Is there an occasion?" Shoto narrowed his eyes, saying neutrally.
Enji took a deep breath. "Sit down, Shoto. We can eat while we talk."
He could see his son tense up, even as he walked towards the table. He sat down as well and they shoveled food onto their plates quietly. They started eating for a little bit before Enji made himself start.
"I'll visit again," Enji told her gruffly, eyes to the floor. "I'll make sure to bring a video of Shoto's fight and some pictures of the kids."
"That would be nice," she said.
For a moment, things were awkward before Enji sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Is there anything specific you'd like next time?" He gave her a side glance.
She sent him a small, sad half-smile.
"Would you talk a little more about the girl that magicked you into this man?"
He stared at her, unable to help it.
"I heard you wanted to visit your mother." Shoto looked at him sharply. "You can't."
Shoto angrily sat up. "Why not? You're just going to keep me from her?"
He held up a hand. "I've never made you stay away," he insisted. "You made that choice. Even if I did keep your siblings away," Enji admitted. Shoto looked torn between anger and confusion. "Your mother told me she didn't want any of you to see her. She was afraid of doing something to hurt any of you. I complied with that request," he said calmly.
Shoto gripped the edge of the table tightly. "But you…"
"If you want to visit, I have to let her know first, so she can prepare herself for it, if she's up to one," Enji told him.
Shoto blinked at him, uncertainty all over his face. "Could you…?" he mumbled.
Enji nodded stiffly. "Would you like to talk to her on the phone after I ask?"
"Would she want to talk to me?" Shoto asked hesitantly.
"I don't know," he said honestly. "But I'll ask her."
They stared at each other before Shoto looked down and began to eat more. After a moment, so did Enji.
It wasn't everything he wanted to say to his son, but it was a good start.
He'd stepped through the door, anxious to leave and numb himself for a while. But Rei actually touched him again, stopping him from leaving. He reluctantly turned and looked at her and saw her looking down, her hair shadowing her eyes.
"Enji, I'm sorry for being crazy."
He bit down hard on his lip, threatening to draw blood. He thought back to the past and on himself all those years.
"I think I was a little crazy then too."
He tentatively touched her hand that was on his arm before stepping back and turning away.
Back then, he probably had been just as crazy as her.
Started 9/4/18 — Completed 9/16/18
A/n: Oh my god. Why was that so emotion-heavy? (Screams in agony) This chapter was like 95 percent done before the Enji/Rei talk, and then I entered Hell. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and the torture it wrought upon me XD Remember to leave a review! They motivated the shit outta of me~
Quick Points:
1. Todoroki Family/Rei: I feel like this is as much a Todoroki family fic as it is EnDeku, seriously. Also, Rei's not going anywhere~ Just 'cause this is an EnDeku fic doesn't mean I'mma shove her off a cliff or something…
2. Kink: Fair warning (shifty eyes), but there's going to be kinky stuff later on. Ahem. You know…Quirk Play, bondage, wax play, probably nothing too crazy I'm sure though…
Anon Reviews:
1. Guest: Thanks! I hope you keep liking it ;D
