The Most Confusing (and Angsty) Love Story of All Time
Chapter 3: Never Good Enough
"You're such an asshole, did you know that? I mean, I come down here and pour out my heart to you, and what do you say? What do you say?"
"I'm sorry, all right? We had a thing once…that's true. But I've made my decision, and I'm sticking to it. My life…it doesn't have you in it any more. And that's not entirely my fault. Don't try to blame this all on me."
God, were they at it again? Ever since Ron had gone gay…well, Hermione had never taken it well. Considering he had been caught with Seamus while they were still going out. He and Hermione had grown apart over the years, probably more because he was still friends with Ron, but hey. A guy had to do what a guy had to do. Just as long as Ron didn't do the whole gay act on him, he was fine with it.
"You don't care about me! You never cared about me! Were you fucking guys in the Trophy Room the ENTIRE time we were going out?"
"Not…the entire time. Just some of the time. I'm sorry, Hermione, but you know what? I'm gay. End of story. I couldn't deny it any more."
"So you would deny it for everyone else, but not for me? Oh, that's rich, Ron. That's real nice."
"We were friends! I thought you would understand, for fuck's sake. It wasn't like our relationship was going anywhere…you're still a virgin, bloody hell. If you hadn't been so exclusive maybe I wouldn't have had to go to Seamus…"
"Oh, so now it's my fault, is it? Of course, just because I have morals and won't open my legs for every man that comes my way, I'm difficult. God, you men are all the same. Selfish assholes."
"Don't say that. It's not like I've taken advantage of any one. I never forced you, did I? I let you be exclusive. It destroyed our relationship, but I cared about you enough to respect your wishes. I'm not forceful like that. I'm not Harry!"
"Hey, Ron."
He didn't think it was possible for Ron to go any redder. Hermione looked slightly embarrassed, but she was too mad at Ron to notice he had even been upset. He didn't blame her, he and Hermione had drifted apart as of late. They barely spoke any more, though she had been there when he and Ginny broke up, oddly enough. And she did his homework for him. That had to count for something, right? Maybe not friendship, but enough misplaced shards to come up with…well, he didn't really know.
"Harry…um…hey. What are you doing here?"
"Listening to you two argue. You could hear it from North Tower, the way you two are going at it."
"Well, sorry for disrupting your sleep. Could you go away now?"
"No. I want to stay and watch. It's entertaining."
Hermione hadn't been crying, but that set her off. "Harry…you're such a jerk. This is our problem, not yours. And it's not ENTERTAINING. I don't know if Ron's having fun, but I, currently, am very upset. And if you two don't mind, I'm going to find people who really care about me."
She stormed off, and Harry tried hard to keep himself from laughing. Ron glowered at him, and Harry gave him a smirk.
"Oh come on, you didn't find that funny?"
"Harry, if you don't mind…we were trying to fix our problems. And you didn't help."
"Wasn't trying to help, so that really doesn't bother me. Come on Ron, you actually think you'll be able to work it out? You were caught cheating on her with SEAMUS. She's never going to forgive you."
Ron looked like he had been slapped, and a thought crossed Harry's mind.
"You don't still LIKE her, do you? I mean…you're gay. And she's a freaking loser. A bookworm. A geek. You don't want someone like her, she'll ruin your image. Go out with Pansy, or something, if you need a girl. She's always good for a fuck, just give her a five dollar bill and she's good for two hours. And don't let Malfoy hear about it…he's sort of jealous."
"Could you be any less caring? To hell with the freaking image! I like Hermione. Always have, and I guess I always will. And if you weren't such a freaking moron, we might have been able to sort some things out. Just because you use women and then throw them into a big heap, doesn't mean the rest of us do!"
"Oh, who have I used?"
"Luna? Pansy? Hell, you used my freaking sister, and when she wouldn't pleasure you with sex, you threw her out and fed her some crap about not wanting her to get hurt. At least you pretended once you were a nice guy. Now you're just a loser. I don't know if you've noticed, Harry, but a hell of a lot of people are depending on you. You're the Chosen One. Who's going to end this darkness and save the world. Remember that? Remember the kid that wanted to help people, who wanted to protect everyone? Who wanted to revenge his parents and Sirius? Remember when you cared about people? Well, you know what, I do. And I want him back. I want my friend back."
"Nice freaking speech. Too bad you don't know anything. People grow up, Ronald. And I'm not that kid any more. You will never understand my life. You will never understand how hard it is to be me."
"Oh yeah, you're the poor orphan, I forgot. With heaps of money, girls falling over themselves to be your next slave, oh, and did I forget? No matter what kind of shit you do, everyone will always love you. Because you're the CHOSEN ONE! My god. I can't believe you were ever my friend. I can't believe I ever liked you."
And he stormed off. Harry was furious. How dare he? How dare he say such things? He had no idea. He went off in the opposite direction, grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a 6 pack of beer from his hiding place beside a statue of a blindfolded wizard, and leapt out one of the broken windows.
This place had really gone to hell since Dumbledore had left. No one wanted to be headmaster…no one thought that there was anyone good enough. McGonagall had taken it over for a while, but she was old, and the stress had finally gotten to her. 5 months after being promoted, she had collapsed in her office. Pronounced dead of a heart attack in hospital, there hadn't even been a funeral. Just a small quiet burial that the students were never told about.
After that…well…Flitwick had tried, Slughorn had tried, but they had realized all too quickly that they were teachers, not headmasters, and the job had finally passed to a skinny little pencil pusher from the Ministry, Art Skellter. He was a shaky, fidgety man, who couldn't see without his glasses, much less run a school. Under his rule, chaos reigned, studies were neglected, and the students basically did what they wanted. Harry hadn't been to class in about a week, but what was anyone supposed to do about it? Most of the old teachers were gone, replaced by stuffy old men, retirees who had nothing better to do than lecture about the good old days. Before Voldemort, before anyone.
Ask anyone, and you'd quickly find out this war was worse than that the last. It wasn't just Hogwarts. Mr. Scrimgeour, the old Minister for Magic, had retired in favour of no one, and the wizard sightings in the muggle world were rising every day. Voldemort was bringing the world down, and he was doing it in style.
And what was one 17 year old boy supposed to do about it? Well, stop it. Duh. Like it was that easy. Find Voldemort, wave his wand, and all of a sudden everything would be all right again. That's what they all said, with their eyes full of hope. Everything would be all right again.
Didn't they get it? Nothing would ever be all right. After he defeated Voldemort, then what? Would his parents come back? Would Dumbledore rise from the grave and return Hogwarts to its old prestige? Would Cedric and Sirius come back, as vibrant as they had been before they had been murdered? Would all the people who had suffered be healed, and all the people who had hurt their fellows be struck down?
Of course not. Nothing would ever be the same. He had lost everyone who cared about him, why did he care if Voldemort triumphed? He would either destroy the one who had ruined his life, and live a tortured existence, or he would be destroyed and know nothing of what came after.
He took a long drink of the beer and threw what was left of the cigarettes into the plants.
"If I had to choose, I'd rather be destroyed."
