THE NEXT EVENT - by Kolyaaa!

CHAPTER TEN: THE PLANET

A/N: It's getting worse. They're everywhere! Lobsters...mongoosers... cobras! They're clicking and clattering and chattering and clucking from every corner of the bunker! Driving me insane! If this keeps up, one of two things will happen. Either I will stop writing, or the story may get a little odd. Do your best to encourage me!

A/N: I'm getting a yen for chicken ala king. Julie is mooing for some chicken pot pie. The lobsters clicked in Morris code their preference for Chicken Nuggets. The mongooses and the cobras are goin' at it again, so they don't seem to care. You have done an excellent job with the feedback - so continue and Peggy will remain with the living.

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"If this place has a beachline with even just three foot rollers – I am so retiring here." Sheppard's eyes never stopped scanning the landscape of Ctesias as they flew down in the puddle jumper, looking for a spot to land. They had been flying for a while, looking for Nonor's elusive alicorn, without success.

Before them, tall, snow capped mountains covered with lush, multi-colored foliage, stood against a pale blue sky, and Sheppard banked to keep them on his right. As they turned, his eyes were automatically attracted to the bright blue ocean now glittering to his far left, looking longingly at the white waves washing along the perfectly white shoreline. Between the two, flowing trees and bushes covered the landscape, exploding with colors of Willy-Wonkian magnitude.

Returning his gaze forward, he dipped the puddle jumper lower, aiming for what looked like a large, round lake ringed by black sand, where the foliage was its thickest, assuming the same would be true of this planet's fauna. To the right of the lake, jagged red cliffs rose like a wall, sparkled with geological flecks of blue and silver. To its left, orange moss filled what could only be wetlands, striped with lines of blue, led out to the ocean. Low-lying hills covered by a dense forest rippled the rest of the surface around the lake, while straight ahead in the distance, volcanoes smoked up the air with gentle puffs of smoke.

Sheppard flew low when they reached the massive lake, skimming across the shimmering blue and causing white waves to form. He angled the jumper up again as they came to a wall of black on one side—a steep slope of black sand leading up to a plateau of sorts. The HUD displayed the topography, mapping it for him as they flew. Coming up over the edge, he lifted them over some trees, headed towards a clearing he had spotted earlier. It was as good a place as any to start.

The crammed jumper - containing not only his team, but five others - was beginning to feel a little tight.

"It's stunning." Dr. Robyn Kat Bedevere had been off-world exactly twice since she'd left working as Professor for the Understanding of Science at Oxford University and accepted a position on Atlantis eight months ago. This was the petite, perky scientist's second trip. She never imagined her doctorate in evolutionary biology and a passion for xenobiology would land her in the kind of place she'd only dreamt of as a young girl. "Stunning," she repeated.

"Of course it is," Nonor replied, crossing her arms and tossing her hair back. "I told you so." Over by his station, typing on his laptop, McKay rolled his eyes.

They landed in a wide, almost perfectly circular clearing inside the forest not far from the lake, Sheppard expertly placing the jumper almost directly in the middle of the open space.

"Everybody out," he called cheerfully, standing up from the pilot's chair. Already in the back, Teyla and the others finished suiting up and the Athosian hit the hatch control. Nonor jumped out, opening her arms wide and taking a deep breath. Behind her, Ronon and Teyla stepped more cautiously, but even their eyes were wide with wonder. Doctor Bedevere followed, smiling broadly, her eyes cataloguing the flora around her almost greedily.

To her right, Corporal Lou Jerkin stepped off the ramp and scuffed the tip of one boot into the pockmarked, rocky patch of turquoise ground that Sheppard chose as a landing pad. He nudged up the brim of his cap over his red hair with one finger and glanced again at the scenery. "Ho-ly cats. It's like Hawaii…on acid."

The man's Texas drawl made Sheppard think of a NASA engineer…or a college football commentator. Yet, there was a good amount of truth in the brief description.

"I've never been to Hawaii, Red," stated Carson simply stepping forward and looking up at the pale sky, "but if it really is anything like this…"

A gruff voice interrupted him as Sergeant Charles Boris responded, "It's better than this, Doc. Hawaii has lots of hot chicks in thongs." The burly sergeant walked across to one corner of the clearing, peering into the trees.

Nonor stood beside her brother and while she couldn't subdue the awe in her voice, she responded with a clearly confident tone. "Is it not as I said? As beautiful as any place could ever be."

On the other side of Sheppard, McKay groaned, muttering in a soft voice only the colonel could hear, "And we certainly know what a pillar of truth and sincerity you are." He focused his attention once more on the device in his hand and missed the sharp look the colonel cast at him.

Just as well, thought Sheppard. I've used it enough already today. He's gonna build up an immunity. It wasn't worth thinking about really, especially when faced with the splendor of this planet.

"You're not gonna believe this," the colonel commented, "but when I was a kid, my uncle had this exact landscape painted on the side of his van."

McKay spoke up, "This doesn't look good."

"I never thought it was a very good painting either," replied Sheppard, "but judging from the traffic into and out of that van - the ladies sure seemed to be impressed."

McKay threw back a humorless expression and raised the device he held. "No, I mean this. Either the meter has taken one worm hole trip too many or there is constant low-level seismic activity going on."

"Not too surprised," offered Corporal Jerkin. "We saw the volcanoes, and except for it bein' kinda blue colored, this here ground is about as much like Hawaii's lava rock as I ever seen."

Sheppard cut in, "Now let's not go jumping to any conclusions, Red. Rodney, are you sure you're not picking up anything more than…I dunno, a herd of Ctesias elk?"

"Ah yes, you're probably right – extraterrestrial elk that, oddly enough, are also able to mimic the same deviations in the electrical and magnetic fields that fluctuate with the pressure and stresses caused by subterranean magma movements as they're thundering across the plains. Please give me some credit for being able to interpret readings on the magic box." He gently wiggled the meter back and forth, driving home his point.

Carson looked at McKay, with a slightly furrowed brow. The distractions offered by the wondrous planet faded abruptly and the physician's usual apprehension of being off-world flooded back upon him. "Is it safe?"

McKay stared at the man. He thought his seismic activity comments made things abundantly clear. "Would you like me to lie?" he answered, then glanced at Sheppard and continued in a dry tone. "I'm apparently good at that." He let the comment hang in the air for a second before continuing. "I'd just like to state for the record that I'm not convinced this is the safest planet to be on."

Sheppard decided at that moment that he needed to write out a list of all the reasons why he kept Rodney on his team and as a friend, laminate it, and keep it with him at all times. It would be a good reminder for why he shouldn't kill the man when his persnickety side reared its irritating head.

"Alright, look," said Sheppard, "just keep an eye on 'the magic box'. If the readings change, let me know. Till then, secure the jumper and let's go."

"Hold up, sir," Jerkin blurted, "almost forgot my secret weapon." The soldier ducked into the small craft and returned a moment later, fastening the latch on his backpack.

Sheppard looked over his people and quickly divided them into teams. They hadn't seen any alicorn from the jumper, or even any sign of them, so it meant searching on foot. Two groups should do it.

Sheppard considered the situation. Carson's looking tense…McKay is making me tense…Not sure I want Teyla and Nonor together just yet…But do I want McKay and Nonor together?...Aw, to hell with it, it will be good for them to work out their differences, and he and Nonor can keep Carson distracted and calm.

"Dr. Bedevere—"

"Oh please, Colonel, call me Robyn…but you can use Raven, too. It's the Native American name I was honored with when I spent a year studying with a Navajo shaman in New Mexico."

"Uh…okay." Sheppard briefly wondered if his sunglasses hid his befuddled expression. "How 'bout you and Sergeant Boris come with me and Teyla. The rest...," he frowned slightly, realizing that they didn't have directions picked yet. He glanced over at the practically prancing tawny-haired Satedan. "Nonor, I don't suppose Haigha passed on any knowledge about where we might find an alicorn?"

"We should find the prettiest, most magnificent spot of beauty. The alicorn would naturally be drawn to such a place." Nonor's return smile was blinding.

Teyla replied gingerly to the suggestion, as if addressing a well-meaning child, "Yeesss…that is a…suggestion worthy of the description you've given of the alicorn. However," she glanced at Sheppard, "if I may suggest, Colonel, another possible method of finding one is to seek out the nearest fresh water source. It is very likely that many of the native creatures will be found in that proximity."

"Didn't see any by that big ass lake," Boris called from where he was now peering into another section of the forest.

"No," Teyla agreed, "but there were many other, smaller lakes." She pointed first to the mountains now a little behind them, which meant heading down off this plateau towards the lake, then to the volcanoes puffing up ahead over the tops of the hills. "It is probable that water run-off from the mountains and volcanoes would channel down into the woods…leading, I am sure, to the most magnificent spots of beauty."

"Volcanoes and mountains it is," replied Sheppard. "Ronon, you guys head up. We'll head down."

"And we'll be in Scotland before ye," muttered McKay.

Carson tentatively spoke up, peering nervously at the volcanoes. "Nonor, would there be any non-gentle, magnificent wildlife we should be aware of?"

The tanned warrior brushed a lock of hair over her shoulder and eagerly offered her knowledge. "Ctesias is populated with many creatures worthy of sharing the world with the alicorn. Thecodontias – as graceful out of the water as they are in it. The long-necked Anser, softer than any pillow you've ever rested your head upon. Dromedaria – like ships on land, they are. Pantrog-lodytes, felidae, muridae , loxodonta…but as certain as your mother gave birth to you – the most magnificent of them all is the alicorn."

"Yes, but what he was asking," said McKay, none-too-gently "was - do any of them bite?"

Nonor giggled softly. "Most are no longer found on this planet. Some terrible disaster removed them from this place long ago." She smiled condescendingly at him. "There is no reason to fear creatures which no longer exist."

"Disaster?" Beckett echoed.

Nonor turned her head sharply, her hair flipping over her shoulder. "It was long ago, a flood I think."

"Rather shy on details," McKay muttered pecking at his scanner. "I'd feel a lot better about this if I actually new what we were getting into."

The beautiful Satedan's jewel-bright eyes flashed with anger. "I have told you everything you need to know!" she snapped. "I would not lie. You should trust what I have to say."

"Trust?" McKay shot back, his voice going high with disbelief.

Sheppard stepped forward to prevent things from escalating. "Alright, that's enough! Knock it off, both of you!" Jesus, when did I become a den mother?

Nonor composed herself and focused on Carson. She beamed a soft smile and answered his question. "This is a peaceful, beautiful world, Doctor. You have nothing to fear here. The animals that now frolic on this world as nearly as perfect as the alicorn - nearly, but nothing could match the majesty of the beloved alicorn."

Flouncing about like a girl, she went on. "One look at the nuttalli and your heart would open – furry and small, with a wiggly nose, long silly ears, and shiny eyes. No two are the same exact shade."

"They sound like colorful rabbits," observed Dr. Bedevere.

"Or rats," McKay added. "Rats every color of the rainbow."

Sheppard cocked his head slightly, narrowed his eyes at the scientist and whispered to him, "Would you at least try to be civil, please?"

"She started it."

"Rod-ney." The lifting of the second syllable made it clear that Sheppard was ending the exchange. "Alright, let's go. Check-in thirty minutes from now."

A low, quiet rumble suddenly rolled up from deep beneath the ground they stood on. For several seconds the rocky surface vibrated gently then, just as quickly, disappeared.

"Anybody else feel that?" asked Carson, tensely.

McKay spoke up immediately, "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as if hunting for a mythical animal wasn't special enough, we're now apparently doing it on a geologically unstable planet."

Sheppard looked distinctly less-thrilled with this mission. He looked at Rodney. "I don't suppose-"

"If I may, Colonel," Bedevere cut in. "I'm slightly psychic and I'm almost certain I know what you're about to ask. Tectonic earthquakes traditionally only occur in fault zones or other regions away from the principal areas of magma movement. This terrain doesn't seem to show any obvious signs of recent ground breakage. The tremors, like ones in California, are probably very common and I don't think they'll be a threat for the time we're here."

She tucked a strand of her raven black hair behind one ear and smiled proudly when she realized the looks she was getting. "I also majored in geology and volcanology and worked briefly with one of NASA's Earth Observing System Volcanology Projects. I know…I'm a geek."

Sheppard was speechless. "Um…thank you for the input." He adjusted his P90 to rest more comfortably across his chest and again gave the order to move out.

Each group moved in their respective directions and John swore he heard Rodney talking to himself as they separated.

"Earthquakes. Fabulous. Are there tornadoes, too? Even better. Maybe we'll get lucky and a house will land on the wicked Amazon of the west. 'Ships on land'…what does that mean anyway? If a ship is on land it doesn't move. What kind of animal is that? They'd be legless lumps!"

TBC

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A/N: Okay, either you leave me reviews, or I'll be getting out those crispy noodles. Readers, if you care about Peggy the chicken at all, you'll leave a review. She's looking very plump. The lobsters are insistent. Julie hasn't been happy since this 'other woman' came to live in the bunker but she doesn't understand. I only have eyes for MOOO!

A/N: I apologize for that last joke. I feel sick just for typing it. Please, make me feel better about that and give me reviews.