A growl echoed in the baren office. The fluorescent lights flickered above him, peeling paint reflected the light from the dying bulbs. The windowless office was silent. The metal desk pushed against one of the far walls held stakes of paperwork, all of which was classified. This meant Fowler had to do all the work by himself. Something he was never eager to do. Pushing back from the desk that held the menacing paperwork, he leaned back to eye the water sainted ceiling tiles. A few pencils and pens were stuck there from his last visits. It wasn't like anyone was allowed in the room beside him so it was his little secret. The agent fiddled with the pen in his hand, tossing it up a few times. He watched it spiral down thanks to gravity before catching it. Smiling, he tossed the pen once more. 'At least I still got my reflexes.'
William may no longer be as physically fit and youthful as he was in the army, but he still had some skills. Reflexes and being able to handle a gun often went well together, though he hasn't had to pull his weapon in some time. Despite being relegated to desk duty most of the time, the other portion was fulfilling whatever was needed, mainly being the punching bag for the higher ups. Keeping the peace between aliens and humans was a tiring job. Then there were the odd jobs thrust upon him. Those tasks were often dangerous, but more in the 'giant robot help me!' kinda way. Not a human problem. Though MECH was now a rising issue.
Currently, the reason for his paperwork was a now officially deceased teen. Once everyone had calmed down, knowing Jack could be alive in the bot settled them all. Fowler wasn't as hopeful, surprisingly Ratchet had the same outlook. There was no guarantee the bot would be the same as the boy but he wasn't about to burst their hope. The present was already grim enough.
The effects of that little hope changed the whole base's atmosphere. The children were no longer quiet, the bots were excited and back to bashing the cons, making more work for him. June was calm, rarely seen leaving the unconscious bots' side, finally returning to work after the hectic week.
Fowler still remembered how the conversation went over with her. He shivered at the mere memory of that glare. Jack had said once to never cross his mom, now he understood. That woman was a force all her own. Bringing up how he thought declaring Jack legally dead to his superiors and world was the best choice wasn't his brightest plan but was a necessary one.
After the initial screaming and accompanied glare from the surrounding bots, luckily the children were once back to school during the conversation. He started to bring up very realistic points.
'What will happen to him if the government finds out? Would they even care about the deal they made with you? What's to stop them? The children are not even known to the government, they are recognized as interns selected by me! Do you want him to be taken under the excuse he's a registered citizen? To help his country? They would use him!'
His main points managed to hit home for the bots, especially Optimus. He loathed that any of those fears had to be brought up, they didn't shine the best light on humanity. Fowler knew that despite the ones who would wish to use them were small portions but in this case, they held a lot of power. Soon he had all in agreement, Jack was declared dead. A casualty of the war that he knew nothing of. He was only caught in the crossfire. His mother left with no family, his friends left wondering why this happened. No one could imagine why he was a victim of a hit and run. At least on paper that was the story. In reality, who knew, even Will hadn't a clue.
Throwing the pen one finally time he leaned forward and signed his name once more. This document was to give hush money to June, who to the government was just a poor woman who lost her only son. Money was the least they could do. Swiftly he lifted the signed sheet and set it to the side, moving to other stakes.
'I hate my job...'
It was a true statement that ran into his mind as he finished the rest. He was just a cog in a larger machine, replaceable if they found out how far he overstepped. If the children and June were ever found out, it was going to be on him. He was stuck. Agent Fowler couldn't quit without leaving behind his friends. He thought of them as friends for some time despite having to be harsh, they grew on him as his old team did. Rubbing his eyes, he attempted to wipe away his exhaustion, he failed. His neck made an unpleasant crack as he lifted his head.
'Jack... You better not leave them, they can't take another loss...'
William was not a religious person but right then he hoped for a miracle. The boy was stubborn, it wasn't obvious like Miko but he knew how to hold his ground and make it through. Hopefully, that talent would bring him back.
"Am I even real?"
Jack spoke the question with absolute seriousness. To him, it was a needed question. One he pushed back ever since overhearing his mom's and Megatron's' conversation. Sometimes people don't want to know, other times the person needs to know. Jack wasn't sure which one he was currently feeling. On one hand, he was now surrounded by fanciful scenery, most of which is slowly eroding into the blue horizon, gone but not forgotten. On the other hand, he was stuck thinking about what would happen to him. He had a feeling nothing would be the same. That thought wasn't as scary as it should have been. Days ago he would have been frozen in shock. Now he let it roll past him like it did not affect him. It was a refreshing feeling. A disconnected feeling.
"What do you mean?"
The response came from his fellow grass lounger. Jack wasn't sure how by he knew Crossroads was just as calm. It brushed him like a gentle breeze, soothing how only his mom or Optimus were.
"Well, I was made from a projector... Sure I have my thoughts but isn't this more like an amnesia scenario you see in TV dramas?"
Crossroads chuckle filled the silence once more. Jack had to admit, hearing his voice coming from another threw him for a loop.
"I am not sure what a TV drama is but you said you have your thoughts right?"
Jack nodded, eyes watching a familiar house and Cybertronian building fade away.
"There you go. You are very real otherwise we wouldn't be talking."
"You do realize that either one of us could be having a psychotic break and talking to a made-up persona right now." Jack smiled slightly at the idea.
His laugh echoed louder, the metallic twinge to it the only difference besides being deeper. It was still his voice, just how his mom always thought it would sound. 'Guess she's right.' Jack mussed to himself.
"Guess the same minds think alike, but even you don't believe that. You're too practical to believe that theory."
The certainty in his voice shook Jack. The mech was right, he didn't believe that theory. He wished he could, but he was far too logical and down to earth.
"It's so strange to be an open book..." Jack mumbled. He often prided himself in being a very private person, keeping his true feelings hidden. He did it even before the incident.
"I don't know everything, but I just have this..." Crossroads paused, Jack turned his head and eyed the large Cybertronian. The mech was rubbing his chassis, a frown maring his faceplates.
"Feeling." Jack finished for him. He felt the same way, which was partially why he was able to push down his panic. Crossroads simply nodded, he seemed far away, turmoil filled his gaze.
"Do you feel that?" Jack frowned, his brows quirked as Crossroads pointed to his chassis once more.
"Feel what?" He questioned the mech.
"It's a pull, I want to say bond but I know I never made any bonds." Crossword's voice was soft, dreamy as he continues to rub over his spark. Jack froze and turned his analysis to himself, a frown started to grow on his brows. It was faint but not a new sensation for Jack. Only the normally gentle pull or tug increased greatly. His hand reached up to grip the fabric of his shirt. The material was far softer than reality.
"Yeah, I feel it. Though it's strange. It's never been this strong before." Jack continued to grip the fabric, his other hand itching to rub his chest. Slowly the sensation dissipated, Jack found himself becoming disappointed with the absences. Shaking his head he loosened the grip on his clothes. His hand froze half back to the ground, a realization striking him. Jack had always thought the pull was another quirk about his situation. That wasn't true if it still happened. Not only had he felt it but Crossroads had. So what was the real cause?
"Strange."
Jack heard a questioning hum coming from next to him.
"I just thought that pulling was part of being a projection. Like how I could be a night light and drink Energon, just a strange perk to being me. Guess not." He elaborated with a shrug.
"Yah that sensation wasn't part of all the source projectors' troubles." Crossroads confirmed. "Strange indeed... Want to tell me where we are?"
Jack's head shifted to stare at the Cybertronian. Alarm and confusion on his face.
"How am I meant to know that? Look at this place! For all I know, we will both disappear just as that tree is doing!" Jack shot to his feet, pointing animatedly at said tree fading away.
"And I liked that tree! It was the first tree I ever climbed!" His hand carded through his hair as he paced in circles. Throwing his head back, Jack took in the too blue sky with wide terrified eyes. He was at his limit. His body shook, hands tightening on his inky black strands. His breaths were coming in short, and not fast enough.
'Have I even been breathing this whole time!?' Breathing was such a normal thing to do, no one consciously thought about breathing most of the time. This is why Jack was so shocked he couldn't remember if he did. His brain or body or something should be able to confirm the needed basic human function.
Jack stopped pacing, his brain stuck on a single thought. 'Breathing is a basic human function. Human.' His arms went slack, dropping to his sides. Then a small laugh escaped his mouth. It wasn't much different from a normal laugh, that was probably what made it seem so terrifying.
'I really am not human?' It was a perplexing thing to think, especially since Jack already knew this. He glows! If that wasn't proof then what else did he need. Drinking Energon, Becoming a battery. Strange sensations. Optics. The list could go on but Jack had never really deeply thought about the topic. He was too distracted by the fact he wasn't sure if he was dying or not. Ironically, now was the first time he could think without worry.
His shoulders started to shake under his laughter, arms coming around him, hugging his body tightly. Sealing his eyes shut, he could feel the tears slip past his lashes. All Jack wanted to do was go back to how it was before. Before he had the time to think about his situation.
This was worse than thinking he wasn't even real, he wasn't human, he could be dead now but that was the thought that terrified him. If he wasn't human he could never be normal. His whole point in asking Ratchet for help was to become normal.
'What is normal for me?'
Jack had no idea.
Gently, and without resting a servo came around him and pulled him off his feet. He found himself resting against a warm plated chassis. Soothing noises he knew must have been Crossroad's voice didn't even process. The gentle stroking seemed to settle his nerves thankfully. The tears stopped flowing as he felt his tense body slacken.
"Are you okay?" The concern in his voice made Jack wonder if he ever sounded that caring.
"Jack?" Crossroads was still worried, Jack could tell and he had a right to be. Jack finally had a much needed mental breakdown. After six years of stress and acting like he wasn't terrified, even Jack knew he wasn't fully stable.
Jack took a breath, the first one since he woke up here, and answered. For once no worldly pressures were there, no loving mother working to death, no demanding work or school. Jack was away from it all, and no matter how much he hated to admit it, he felt relieved. So without any regret he softly responded.
"No... I'm not okay."
A digit stroked his head, just how his mom would do.
"Okay, that's okay. We got time."
Jack gulped, opening his eyes to stare at the golden blue optics Jack had never seen any other Cybertronian sport. He had a gut feeling they were a particularly rare color. The gaze just confirmed the response. It was okay to not be okay. Together they would figure it out.
For some time they both just relaxed in each other's presence. Jack slowly regains some semblance of control. His emotions were still running wild but for now, he was calm.
"You know, when I ask where we were, I meant where my frame was in the real world."
Jack had never wanted to hit another as much as he wanted to then.
