A/N: Lack of reviews is queling our hopes. In the beginning we didn't want this to effect us, but we're slightly disapointed, a tad miffed. We appologise if you're not happy with the standard we are writing at and we do realise that most of it is direct copyright infringment on JK and Bloomsbury Publishing. We appologise again. But we would like to inform you we wrote this story for other purposes from this site. (not our own personal pleasure...we hope.) Anywho, we'd really like it if you review, becos right now we aren't feeling to good about ourselves. lol, so even it's in pity of our humiliating grovelling, REVIEW dear readers. -Froste
-CHAPTER THREE-
A Dirty Clock
In more ways than one…(fine print)
It was a long drive, Harry kept himself amused by looking at Ron every five seconds; he caught Ron looking at him sometimes. They usually just grinned and looked away, embarrassed. Eventually at dawn Fred pulled the car into the Ron's driveway. The house was odd looking. It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigsty, but extra bedrooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it was held up by magic.
"Its brilliant!" breathed Harry.
"Its not much…but its home." Ron said looking sheepishly at Harry.
"Well I love it!" Harry shouted.
"You love what?" yelled George from the front seat of the car.
"…uh, he said he loves our house." Ron said carefully, studying Harry's face.
They exited the car and carried Harry's trunk through the front door of the house. Next to the door in the garden was a handmade sign saying "The Burrow". As Harry entered the house the warmth flooded over him. There was magic everywhere. The frying pan was in the sink was cleaning itself, knitting needles were knitting a scarf in mid air and there was a rather peculiar looking grandfather clock in the corner. There was crap everywhere- but Harry, was too mesmerized by the magic to notice. It was only Hedwig's persistent screeching that bought him back to the real world.
"Oh shut up! I'm coming." Harry moved over towards her cage but was distracted by the sound of hurried footsteps from upstairs. He turned to see Mrs Weasley-
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" she screamed.
"S…sorry Mum-"
"BEDS EMPTY, NO NOTE, CAR GONE! YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED. We never had trouble like this with Bill or Charlie. You should take a leaf out of Percy's book."
At that moment Percy entered the room and smiled at Harry, he nodded, "Harry." He then made his way through the jumble of crap filling the room to the window where his owl Errol was waiting. He took a black wrapped package from the bird and ripped it open- "Excellent," he breathed eyes widening. Harry caught a glimpse of bare feminine skin. Percy looked over at him. A look of alarm crossed his face, he quickly rolled the magazine up.
"Ah…I'm going to my room, to, ah, do something, yes something…" He sprinted back up the stairs.
"What's he doing up there all day?" asked Fred, a confused look on his face.
"You'll know in all good time, son." Said Mrs Weasley, smiling fondly at the place where Percy had just been. "Now, Harry we don't usually get visitors this early, so I'm sorry you have to see me this way-" Mrs Weasley was naked. Completely naked- Harry had not really taken much notice of the state Mrs Weasley was in. He had been mesmerized by Ron's house. It was only now that she had drawn attention to it Harry had become disturbed.
"Ron, I told you! I'm not usually one to get dressed before ten- next time a bit of warning before you bring your little friends around. I apologize Harry." Harry was now completely put off women- though he was never really into them in the first place.
"Come dear! Have some breakfast." She led Harry to the scrubbed wooden table. Harry looked up at the grandfather clock in the corner. It had no numbers written on it at all- just things like "at school, at work, home" and one rather obscured phrase covered in dust that Harry could not make out. Each member of the family had an individual hand with their photo on it. They were all pointing to home except Mr Weasley's, which was pointing to "work" and Percy's, which was pointing to the obscured word. Harry stood up and went closer to the clock. He squinted at the word. He was raising his hand to wipe the dust off the clock when Mrs Weasley called, "Breakfast is ready! Come along Harry aren't you hungry?"
Harry sat down at the table. Ron, Fred and George had joined him. Mrs Weasley was busying herself serving up the pancakes and orange juice. The sound of footsteps on the stairs made Harry turn his head. To his surprise it was not Percy but Ron's younger sister Ginny whom he had met the previous year before boarding the Hogwarts express.
"Good morning Ginny! Come and have some breakfast dear!" Mrs Weasley put a plate in front of an empty chair for Ginny. Ginny made her way down the stairs and made to walk across the room when she looked up and saw Harry looking at her. She gave a small squeal and ran back up the stairs.
"Ginny," said Ron bitterly, " My sister. She's been talking about you all summer."
"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph Harry," grinned Fred, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. Harry thought he heard Ron mutter, "He's mine bitch." under his breath but swore he was imagining things.
"Blimey I'm tired, I think we'll just go up to bed…." George's sentence trailed off when he saw the look his mother was giving him.
"NO YOU WILL NOT! YOU WILL ALL BE HELPING DE-GNOME THE GARDEN! Not you Harry dear, you can go up to bed you didn't ask them to fly that car," Mrs Weasley said.
"Oh, its ok, I've never seen a de-gnoming before."
"That's sweet of you, but its dull work," Mrs Weasley added kindly. She pulled a huge book from the stack on the mantelpiece. A piece of paper fluttered to the ground as Mrs Weasley pulled it out- Harry caught a glimpse of a naked man with long blonde hair and huge muscles. He saw the faint letters- Lockhart- written in the corner. He thought he saw a lipstick mark but Mrs Weasley hurriedly picked up the paper and stuffed it back into the pile. "Oh, how did that get there?" she said flustered. The title of the huge book was "Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to House Hold Pests." There was a photo on the front of a very good-looking wizard with wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes- the same man from the piece of paper.
"Oh, he is marvelous," Mrs Weasley beamed down at the photo.
"Mum fancies him," said Fred in a very audible whisper.
"Don't be so ridiculous Fred!" Mrs Weasley's cheeks were rather pink. "Just take this and get on with it!" She handed George the book.
Grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large and in Harry's eyes exactly what a garden should be.
"We have garden gnomes too, you know in my world," said Harry hoping to impress Ron.
"Yeah, I've seen those things you think are gnomes," said Ron, feeling around for something in a bush. "Like fat little Father Christmases with fishing rods…" Harry had failed to impress, he sniffed trying to keep back the tears. Ron looked up and saw he had upset his 'friend' he gave Harry an apologetic smile. Harry's heart leapt.
There was a violent scuffling noise, the bush Ron was feeling shuddered and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.
Ron was holding a small leathery creature with a baldhead like a potato. Harry took note that Ron was holding it by it's rather knobbly penis. The small creature began to kick and scream.
"This is what you have to do," said Ron. He raised the gnome above his head and began to swing it in great circle like a lasso. Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "Don't worry Harry, it doesn't hurt them." Ron suddenly let go of the gnome and Harry watched it go flying 20ft into the air and land with a sharp thud in the field over the fence.
"Pitiful," said Fred, "you throw like a girl Ron. Bet I can get mine beyond that stump."
Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes, he also found he rather enjoyed touching them…
The air was soon thick with flying gnomes and eventually the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away, looking almost drunk.
"They'll be back," said Ron. "They love it here…Dad's too soft with them, he thinks they're funny."
Just then the front door slammed.
"Dad's home!" said George.
Back inside the house, Harry and the Weasley boys found Mr Weasley slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's.
Mrs Weasley rushed into the room. "Arthur yours sons took that bloody flying car and flew all the way to Harry's house and back last night-"
"Harry?" said Mr Weasley blankly. "Harry who?" he looked around saw Harry and jumped.
"Good Lord, Harry Potter! Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about you, never shuts up really, its near tiresome with both him and Ginny, you're all we ever hear-"
"ARTHUR, get back to the point"
"Oh right, sorry, so boys you flew the car did you? How did it go? I-I mean…" he faltered, "That- that was very wrong boys, very wrong indeed."
"C'mon," said Ron, "We'll leave them to it. I'll show you my bedroom."
They slipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs. After three flights they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it saying 'Ronald's Room.'
Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the ceiling. Nearly everything in the room seemed to be a violent shade of orange. Then Harry realized Ron had covered every inch of his scabby wallpaper with posters of the same witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks and waving energetically.
"Your Quiddich team?" asked Harry.
"The Chuddley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant C's and a speeding cannonball.
"Ninth in the league."
Harry stepped over a pile of what looked to be photos of himself, half shoved under a box. He went to the window where Scabbers was sleeping, and watched as far below a gang of gnomes snuck one by one back into the Weasley's yard. Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.
"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly, "Not like that room you had with the muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic, he bangs pipes and moans…"
But Harry, grinning widely said, "This is the best house I've ever been in." Ron's ears went pink.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Still more to come, six months bloody hard slog, to come.Curious to know what everyone thinks of it. Are we butchers for destroying the greatest story of all time? Hey, that'd be title we'd be willing to hold...'Butchers of the Greatest Story of All Time' has a kind of ring to it. So we'd love to know what you think and we'll take the insultsas freely as the rest.
Until next time,
The Froste Twins.
