Disclaimer: Rights to The Pretender world and all its characters belong to creators Craig Van Sickle and Steven Mitchell. NBC owns a share, as do Twentieth Century Fox and TNT. (Even though they aren't going to air anymore re-runs – the bastards.) The point is I'm borrowing someone else's creation. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Admitting Hope pt 6
By Phenyx
10/26/2005
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." – Anne Lamott.
-
Something had woken her.
A moment ago, Miss Parker had been deeply asleep. She had been so immersed in slumber that she could not recall the sound that had just roused her. But there had definitely been a noise, she was sure of it.
Sitting upright in the middle of the bed, Miss Parker listened to the darkness around her. She cocked her head to one side and concentrated. The cabin was unfamiliar to her, though she had slept in this bed once before. As a result, she did not know what sounds would be normal for this time of night in this secluded place. But as she listened, there was nothing. All was silent.
With every nerve ending on the alert, Miss Parker threw back the covers and stood up. She crossed the room and carefully eased the door open. The hall light was on. Jarod had intentionally left it burning.
Slipping into the corridor, Miss Parker kept her back to one wall. She moved cautiously, stopping every few feet to listen again. She spent a moment longing for her gun and made a mental note to have Jarod give it back to her.
Nothing unusual presented itself. In less than a minute, Miss Parker found herself staring at a bedroom door. This was the room she knew Jarod would be using. Eyeing the crack along the floor, Miss Parker saw no light coming from within. She assumed Jarod was sleeping.
The earlier unidentified sound had roused Miss Parker's curiosity. So without hesitation, she reached for the doorknob in order to check in on the sleeping pretender. Just as her fingertips touched the metal knob, spine-chilling screams began to pierce the air.
Miss Parker flinched in surprise but her reaction was delayed for only a moment. She threw caution to the wind and crashed through the bedroom door. She found Jarod sitting in bed, bent over his knees as he screamed in horrified misery. His hands were clenched at his sides with wads of blanket balled in each fist. As one gut-wrenching cry subsided, Jarod gasped in a lungful of air and shrieked again.
"Jarod!" Miss Parker's tone was sharp and demanding.
Jarod's reaction was immediate. The screams were abruptly cut off, as though scissors had just severed the power supply. Jarod shuddered violently and then he looked up at Miss Parker.
"Oh god," she thought to herself.
Jarod's face was wet with tears and his body was slick with perspiration. Locks of hair were sweat-plastered across his forehead and at the nape of his neck. But it was his eyes that affected Miss Parker the most. Those deep brown eyes were filled with pain, telegraphing loneliness, misery and sorrow.
It was a look Miss Parker knew well. She had seen that look in Jarod's eyes before. When they were children she had seen it and in her naiveté had been able to ignore it. More recently, she had seen this same look in the eyes of a boy who had been a carbon copy of the Jarod she had once known. The last time Miss Parker had seen this devastation on Jarod's face, they had been sitting together in the back of a limousine at the end of their adventure on Carthis.
But even then, the emotion emanating from Jarod had not been as overwhelming as it was now. Moments from unconsciousness, Jarod's confusion and vulnerability were totally raw and unguarded. There was nothing to deflect the full impact of his grief.
"Jarod?" Miss Parker asked. Her voice softened with concern.
He blinked once, tilted his head at her in confusion and then blinked again. Suddenly Jarod was fully awake. Miss Parker could see the shutters come down to blunt the sharpest edges of his emotions. He leapt from the bed and dashed past Miss Parker to the bathroom.
She paused for a moment, giving Jarod a head start. She waited until she heard the faucet turn on and then Miss Parker followed. The bathroom door was ajar when she reached it. If it had been closed, perhaps locked, Miss Parker would have quietly gone back to her own bed and left Jarod to deal with this on his own. But somehow, that half open door called to her, invited her almost begged her for attention.
Nudging the wooden panel with her fingertips, Miss Parker folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorframe. She didn't cross the threshold but instead stood on the other side. The lavatory was a small one, with no tub, and Miss Parker wanted to leave Jarod some space in the tiny room.
The faucet ran full blast into the sink's basin. As Miss Parker watched, Jarod splashed several handfuls of water onto his face. He then glared at the frothing water letting the drops of liquid run down his neck and chest. He placed his hands on either side of the sink and gripped the porcelain so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
"Must have been a bad one," Miss Parker said softly.
Jarod shrugged but did not speak or turn to look at her.
Reaching toward the rack that hung on the wall, Miss Parker snagged a towel in one hand. She held it out to him as she spoke. "Will you be okay?"
For a moment, Jarod didn't move and the towel wavered in the air. Slowly, as if dragging the actions from some deep pit, Jarod took the terrycloth from Miss Parker and buried his face in it. He sighed before answering, "I think so, eventually."
"Your nightmares were bad after Kyle died too," Miss Parker remembered.
"Seeing my brother murdered really messes with my psyche," Jarod snapped in wry anger. "It must be a flaw in my character."
Miss Parker ignored Jarod's irritable tone. It was par for the course in their relationship. Most conversations between them resulted in bitter words at some point. Jarod needed to be angry. He needed to lash out. Miss Parker accepted his sarcasm without even noticing it.
They stood in silence for several long minutes. Jarod focused intently on the running water as he clung to the sink as though it were a life preserver. Miss Parker waited for him to tell her to leave, but he didn't.
His next words surprised her. "You aren't making this any easier," Jarod whispered.
"What made you think I could?" Miss Parker's question held no bitterness or irony, just honest curiosity.
Jarod shrugged. "Ethan was your brother too," he said. Reaching out with one hand, Jarod turned off the water before continuing. "A shared brother. Shared grief. I thought it would be different somehow, less painful than mourning alone."
It was Miss Parker's turn to raise her shoulders. "Perhaps it would be, if I shared your sorrow," she told him.
The wide brown eyes that gazed at Miss Parker were filled with accusation. "You're saying that you don't? Your brother is dead, and you feel nothing?"
"I wouldn't say that I have no feelings on the subject," Miss Parker replied. She bristled defensively at Jarod's tone. "Ethan seemed like a nice enough kid. I am truly sorry that he's dead. But I barely knew him."
"He was your brother," Jarod argued.
"Unlike you Jarod, I require more than two hours exposure to a person before I can pledge an abundance of filial affection for him." Miss Parker shook her head as she went on. "I don't know the first thing about Ethan. The brief time we were together was spent talking about our mother."
"But he was your brother," Jarod said again.
Miss Parker sighed. "That word means nothing to me, Jarod. You can't have forgotten my other brother. Him I know very well. Trust me when I say that I will not mourn his death one bit."
"Ethan was nothing like Lyle," Jarod ground out.
"I know that," Miss Parker said with a chiding tone. "But I'm not like you Jarod. My heart can't bleed for someone simply because we share the same DNA. On the contrary, I find most of my family members to be downright repulsive."
Jarod seemed to ponder that thought for a moment before understanding seemed to surface. He heaved a deep breath and Miss Parker could see tears swimming in his eyes. "I wish I could turn my emotions off as easily as you do," he said softly.
"No you don't," Miss Parker told him. "Doing so would crush the life right out of you."
"I'd probably be a lot less irritating." Jarod smiled sadly as he brushed moisture from his cheek with the back of his hand.
"And a lot more dangerous," Miss Parker added.
Jarod looked at her with that familiar tilt of his head. "Do you really think so?"
"Absolutely," Miss Parker said with a wry grin. "Then again," she added. Her gaze raked down Jarod's half clad body as she spoke. "Things are pretty perilous as they are now."
A confused frown darkened Jarod's face. He glanced down at himself searching, no doubt, for the meaning behind Miss Parker's words. It was obvious that Jarod was clueless as to the devastatingly attractive specimen he presented.
Miss Parker noticed his bewilderment and shook her head in resignation. "You are a hopeless case, Rat. Completely hopeless."
"I'm sorry," Jarod replied with deep sincerity.
"Don't be," she told him. Her lips curved in a secretive smile. "It makes you human." She turned and began to walk back to her room, tossing her parting words over one shoulder. "And you are one of the only truly human beings I still have in my life."
Miss Parker was retreating down the corridor so she did not see the abrupt, delighted grin on Jarod's face. "Do you like having me in your life, Miss Parker?" he called after her.
Reaching her bedroom door, Miss Parker paused briefly. "I suppose I've grown accustomed to your meddlesome existence."
When Jarod spoke, his deep voice purred into Miss Parker's ear. He had moved so quietly and with such speed, that his nearness startled her. "I like having you in my life as well," he murmured. "I won't let them take you from it."
Without turning toward him Miss Parker replied, "I know." After a moment's hesitation she continued, "It's still very early, Jarod. I'm going back to bed."
"I'll get to work," Jarod said.
Nodding her acknowledgement, Miss Parker cast him a sidelong glance. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Jarod nodded in return. "I will be."
-
End part 6
