Author's Note
Ok. Here is another long chapter. Again, I apologize but I have a lot of fun writing these chapters. And Sparrow Nightrunner, if you're reading this I am commissioning you to draw a picture of Percival in sunglasses. All the inspiration you need should be in this chapter. You can include anyone else in the picture as well. And I still like that one with me and the bishounen on leashes. Anyway…for everyone else reading, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Suikoden or any of the characters in it. Oh yeah, I also don't own Versace or Gucci. If I was that successful I would write a novel, publish it, sell millions of copies and make millions of dollars...or something like that.
Chapter 6: The Spy
After getting her newest addition back to the ranch, She decided that before anything else was started, it would be a good idea to brew up an antidote for Her super glue. Not only did She not want to have to cut Caesar's pants off him but She also did not want Her only strategist to lose face so quickly with the other bishounen. And besides, She suspected that both Sharon and Percival had swiped some of the solution for future use on some poor unsuspecting blonde knight that shall remain nameless. So She put on Her white lab coat, safety goggles and fire resistant gloves and headed to Her chemistry lab with Her collection of bishounen (plus Rico and Sharon). Before actually starting the project She elected to clarify their ultimate goal and also address some safety concerns about the lab.
"Okay guys!" She had all the bishounen lined up in a semi-circle at the front of the lab. "The goal is to make a remedy for the superglue. Got it?"
The bishounen all smiled at each other in childish glee. They were, after all, going to get to play with dangerous chemicals today.
"Oh yeah." She added as an afterthought and handed each of them a heavy booklet, causing them to fall to the ground. "And here's a list of hazardous chemicals. Just ask me if you're in doubt, okay? The last thing I need today is an explosion."
They nodded solemnly, not really listening.
She continued on persistently. "The eye wash is over there." She pointed near the door. "The fire blanket is over there." She pointed at the other corner of the room. "And the shower is over there. But don't use that unless you spilled acid all over yourself or something dire like that because there's no drain in the lab, and I'm not cleaning it up. Got it?"
The bishounen exchanged wary glances with each other, reflexively stepping away from Percival and Borus.
"Oh yes," She added. "Under the advice of Caesar, I've also assigned certain lab benches and partners to you all in a way to minimize the harm you cause to each other."
The bishounen all looked at Her innocently.
"What, you don't trust us to all work cooperatively as a team?" Percival assumed a hurt expression.
"Uhhh. Let me think about that…No." She turned away from him. "Borus and Futch? You two have the adjoining two benches in the back of the lab. Sharon. You get your own bench across from those two. Percival gets the bench on the other side of the room near the door and Fred and Rico are sharing the bench across from Percival. Any questions?"
Caesar raised his hand. She had had the strategist (and the chair) placed in the lab near the door so he could observe the other bishounen working while thinking up a plan to catch the next bishounen.
She raised her eyebrows in wary amusement. "Yes, Caesar?"
"I just want everyone to know that I highly advise against allowing ANY of these people near dangerous chemicals, and if I had a choice I would be at the other end of this complex right now."
Percival smirked. "That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that that's where the sauna is located, would it?"
Caesar flashed the knight a dirty look. "From what I've heard, it's dangerous to be in a room with you and Borus."
Percival flushed. "Hey! That…"
"Boys!"
They simultaneously cringed.
"That's enough." She turned to Caesar. "Caesar. Your advice has been duly considered and summarily rejected."
Caesar raised an eyebrow.
She smiled reassuringly. "Besides, some of the most important discoveries in history were made because of accidents in the lab."
"Yes," Caesar agreed. "But they were all practiced scientists."
She looked at him reproachfully.
"Can I at least have a suit of armor since I can't duck any foreign objects that might fly this way?"
"No."
"A helmet?"
"Uh-uh."
"Safety goggles?" His voice had a desperate tinge to it.
She paused, considering. "I suppose you can have a pair of safety goggles."
Caesar breathed a sigh of relief as She handed him his own pair of safety goggles.
"Okay! Everyone get to work." The bishounen smiled eagerly before setting the unread hazardous chemical booklets to the side, putting their goggles on and traveling to their respective lab benches.
The first five minutes went fine. Then they started mixing chemicals.
"What does this do?" She heard Futch ask himself in the corner while clicking the starter over the Bunsen burner.
"Futch, don't!" She screamed, putting out a hand towards him as if She could stop the impending chaos about to be caused at the other end of the room.
"What?" He sounded unconcerned. "I think it's broken."
Borus looked over at the dragon knight. "I think you should listen to H…"
A giant flame suddenly erupted from the burner. Futch quickly reached to unplug the device but accidentally hit the cord instead and succeeded only in tipping the apparatus over, causing the flame to point at Borus' bench.
"AH!" a startled Borus flung up his hands to shield his face from the flames and in doing so knocked over the beaker of the highly reactive solution he had been working on. The flame caught the flammable substance and caused fire to spew over the bench. The other bishounen's eyes widened as they watched the scene.
"Somebody get the fire extinguisher!" yelled Caesar. Sharon was closest to the extinguisher and quickly retrieved it from the wall and put the fire out, saturating the knights in the process.
She looked at the knight's beratingly. They smiled at Her guiltily.
"Well, that was exciting," mocked Caesar. "Can I leave now?"
"Nice job Borus," Percival jeered from the other end of the room.
"Hey! It was Futch's fault!" he shouted, impulsively throwing his goggles at Percival.
Percival shouted as the goggles hit the substance in front of him, splashing it into his own unprotected eyes. "Ahh! My eyes!" She looked at Percival in alarm, trying to stay calm.
"Rico! Get him to the eyewash," She ordered. As the girl obeyed, She turned to scowl at the rest of her bishounen in rebuke. "Do you people have something against eye protection?"
"Ummm. I don't." Caesar raised his hand, while attempting to edge the chair closer to the door.
Then She realized there was a foul smell coming from the fume hood. "Did you forget to turn the fume hood on!" She screamed. "You did NOT just mix fluorine with the hydrogen bromide!" A tiny flame flickered up from the solution.
"It's kind of cute!" Fred exclaimed. "Don't worry! I'll just throw some water on it."
"NO! Everybody get down!" She shrieked and tackled Fred to the floor as the gas mixture caused a minor explosion to resonate throughout the lab.
"Is everyone okay?" She asked as the smoke cleared. She slowly got up, flipped the fume hood switch to "on" and looked around to check everyone's status. "Caesar!" She called to the limp form of the strategist lying on the ground.
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. A little injured, but fine." He waved a hand in Her direction before letting it fall limply to the floor.
"Okay…Everyone out!" She shouted. "And someone pick up Caesar on the way out."
She quickly ushered everyone out of the lab and shut the door behind her. "Well, the lab'll definitely have to be fumigated after this." She sighed, and turned to Her gathered bishounen.
"At least Caesar's out of the chair," Futch offered while slumping his shoulders.
She looked at the strategist lying in Futch's arms. "Causing him to be bodily thrown out of the chair wasn't exactly what I had in mind."
Percival shrugged. "But it worked."
She sighed.
"I am going to eventually regain my sight right?" he asked, causing Borus to shift his feet uncomfortably and find sudden great interest in the floor.
She glared balefully at Borus while answering. "I think so. It didn't look like too much got in your eyes and I think the eye wash got most of it out." She smiled at Rico.
Just then Caesar popped back into consciousness and held his head up weakly.
She looked at him worriedly. "Caesar? Are you okay?"
He smiled groggily at Her and held up a finger. "I have a plan."
"Really." She raised Her eyebrows doubtfully as his hand fell limply to his side.
"He passed out again," Futch declared discomfitedly.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to trust a plan formulated by someone drifting in and out of consciousness?" Percival questioned.
Caesar roused himself out of unconsciousness to defend himself. "I assure you my plan is infallible!" he shouted defensively, jerking his head in anger. "Ohhh," he groaned putting a hand to his head.
"Are you permanently awake now?" She questioned hopefully.
"Someone get the shoe prints of that horse," Caesar slurred before passing out again.
"I'll take that as a no."
A couple days later
"Why does he get cool sunglasses again?" Borus whined.
"Because his eyes are still extremely sensitive to the light." She sighed. "We went over this Borus."
Borus looked at the ground dejectedly. "But don't you think spending 100,000 potch on a pair of sunglasses was a little much? That's more than five pieces of mole armor."
Her voice took on a shows-what-you-know tone. "They're designer sunglasses, Borus. Besides, my poor wittle Percy was traumatized by his wab accident. Weren't you Percy?"
Percival hesitated before assuming a puppy dog expression and nodding pitifully, not quite sure if She was mocking him or genuinely sorry.
"Maybe if you stopped throwing things at him he would stop getting expensive gifts," Caesar remarked, walking up to the group and earning a dirty look from Borus.
"Easy for you to say," Borus growled. "So why does he get designer sunglasses?" He gestured towards the strategist.
She shrugged. "He's my strategist. I thought a self esteem booster wouldn't hurt."
"Wait," Percival stopped. "You thought a Silverberg would need a self esteem booster?"
She had the grace to at least look somewhat abashed.
"I don't think that even a tangible excuse." Percival looked at the sky as if considering the possibility.
"Nice word," Caesar complimented him. "Tangible."
"Thanks." Percival smirked.
"I prefer pedantic myself," She smiled mischievously.
"What exactly are you inferring?" Caesar questioned defensively.
"But 100,000 potch for sunglasses?" Borus sputtered. "They don't even have a purpose They…"
Caesar interrupted the Swordsman of Rage. "Let me just make one point clear. My sunglasses are Gucci and serve a very important purpose, to emphasize my good looks as well as my winning personality, witty remarks and extraordinary intelligence."
Both Percival and She smothered sardonic snorts.
"His,on the other hand are Versace." Caesar grimaced, his voice dripping with disdain. "Very different. I'm not exactly sure what purpose they serve."
"What exactly are you implying?" Percival frowned at Caesar.
"Boys," She warned, then chose a different strategy and moderated Her tone, smiling sweetly. They looked at Her warily. "Both of your sunglasses are equally stylish, equally cool and equally expensive."
They stepped down, momentarily subdued.
She sighed in relief.
"Anyway, Caesar."
He looked in Her direction as the group started walking again.
"About this plan…
He smiled, completely recovered from the horror that was Versace sunglasses. "It's perfect. Okay, I had this hole dug…"
"A hole!" Borus shouted. "You really think a hole is going to be able to catch an international spy!"
"Let's see." She began counting on Her fingers. "Zexen, Grassland, Highland, Dunan and he works for Harmonia…Yeah, I guess he could be considered an international spy."
Percival chuckled under his breath. An insult of intelligence from Borus. That was degrading.
Caesar looked positively livid. "Are you calling me a moron?"
Borus sputtered defensively.
"Well, if the boot fits," Percival shrugged.
By this time Caesar was beginning to look like one of Bart's beloved tomatoes. Even his cheeks were puffed out.
"Yes…" She paused. "Umm. Not to doubt your vast intelligence or anything, but are you sure it's going to work?"
"You doubt my plan?" Caesar shouted at Her indignantly.
"It just seems a little too…simple." She chose Her words very carefully with the knowledge that one misplaced step could result in angry words, not to mention very expansive hand gestures. It worked.
"That's why it will work," Caesar replied simply.
"Duh," Percival quipped, mocking the strategist's tone of voice.
Borus was still staring moodily at the ground.
Caesar narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if it was he or She that was being mocked.
"Anyway, here we are!" She stated, overly cheerfully, as the group came to Mamie's Cafe.
"Okay. Is everything ready?" Caesar asked.
"Well…not that I doubt your plan or anything, but I got a little insurance to…aid in our success."
Caesar looked mildly indignant.
She pulled a sack out from behind Her back.
"You're going to throw a sack over his head?" Percival raised an eyebrow.
"No." She smiled tolerantly at the knight. "Let's just say I have something very…integral…to Nash's…income." She smiled diabolically.
The knight's took a step back.
Caesar tapped his chin. "You know, that smile reminds me of someone I know. Hmmm. Why can't I think of him? I think he's very close to me…" he trailed of in thought.
She sighed and started walking out into the lawn. "Don't think too hard Caesar. You might hurt yourself."
Caesar continued his thought process, oblivious to Her comments.
When She reached Her final destination She carefully opened up the sack, and was rewarded by a flying ball of feathers barreling out at her face. She grabbed the very stressed out homing pigeon and, after receiving a few pecks on the nose and a bloody finger, She finally got the bird tied to the ground. She returned to the rest of Her concerned group holding Her nose.
"Are you okay?" Percival asked.
"I'm fine." She waved him away impatiently.
"You think a bird is going to help you catch the spy?" Caesar looked at Her in disbelief.
She smiled at Caesar. "This isn't just any bird. This is Dominguez Jr., Nash's personal homing pigeon. In detaining the bird, I have cut off all lines of communication between Nash and his superiors. Plus, I hear that Nash has some sort of special…attachment to the bird."
Caesar became eerily silent.
Percival settled worriedly back into his chair.
"So…you really made your own plan," Percival stated slowly.
She shifted uncomfortably in Her chair.
"How did you…get…the bird?" Caesar asked weakly.
She paused uncertainly before relating the tale. "Ummm…Well, I hired one of the ninjas…ummm…Watari, I think his name was, to….uhhh," She paused when Caesar paled.
"Now why didn't you think of that Caesar?" Percival jibed.
Caesar swayed slowly from side to side, then composed himself. "How do you know that someone else isn't going to pay the ninja off against you?"
She smiled uncertainly. "Uhhh…You see…I paid him 1,000,000 potch and normal purses here only hold 999,999 potch, so…it's not really possible for him to be offered more."
"Very clever," Percival applauded. "I assume ninjas put their money in places aside from purses as well."
She nodded.
Caesar held his breath and closed his eyes.
Even Borus felt the tension and stopped glaring covetously at Percival's sunglasses to stare at the table.
"Anyway…I kind of had the ninja sneak a note into Nash's room while he was asleep saying that we had his bird…"
At this point, Caesar passed out on the table. "Caesar? Are you okay?" She shook him a little when there was no response. "Percival? Help?"
Percival licked his lips and nodded. "What. Tomatoes weren't good enough for you huh? You had to set up a bird for hostage? Not very unique."
Caesar pathetically held his head up from the table, encouraged by this insult on Her intelligence.
"It's kind of my fall-back plan," She explained. She immediately realized this wasn't the right thing to say as Caesar began banging his head against the table.
"I see." Percival looked around wildly, not knowing how else to salvage the situation.
Borus looked at her, puzzled. "So why don't you use it with Albert?"
Caesar almost broke down in tears
"Because he doesn't care about anyone but himself." She shrugged. "So a hostage wouldn't work."
Caesar froze, considering this insult on his brother.
"Ahem."
The four looked up from the table to see a very irritated Nash hovering over them.
"I believe you have my bird."
She pointed. "You want him. Go get him," She challenged.
Nash narrowed his eyes and confidently sauntered over to the bird.
"Dominguez? You okay?" he asked quietly.
The bird calmed down and nodded.
"Hmmm." The spy saw the upturned dirt spanning a five foot radius around Dominguez Jr and sighed, not willing to walk into the oh-so-obvious trap.
She smiled in Her seat as Nash sauntered back to the table.
"What do you want?"
She grinned. "You."
He raised his eyebrows and smirked. "These guys just aren't enough for you, huh?"
She smiled overly sweetly at the implied insult on Her bishounen. "Oh no. They're suiting my purposes wonderfully. It's just that…I'm collecting bishounen and I only have five as of now, not including my all powerful strategist there."
Caesar scowled at Her.
Nash smiled. "The hole was his idea?"
She gestured for him to bend down so she could whisper in his ear. "I could use someone with a bit more intelligence," She murmured enticingly.
Nash considered for a moment. "And you'll let the bird go?"
"Mm-hmm," She assented.
He considered further. "If I can have a pair of sunglasses like those two have, I'll come."
"Agreed." She immediately shook on it.
"What?" shouted Borus. "This is so not fair!" he whined.
"I didn't think you particularly liked Nash," Percival commented as they walked over to the trap.
She shrugged. "I don't really, but I have a sunglass fetish."
"I see."
"So how does this trap work?" Percival gazed at the pigeon doubtfully.
"Untying the bird sets it off."
"Uh-huh. So how are we going to get the bird off?"
She pursed Her lips. "See. This is why I need a competent strategist. I can't think of everything, you know."
She suddenly smirked evilly. "Wait! I have an idea. Hey, Borus!"
Borus looked at Her hopefully.
"If you untie the bird I'll get you a pair of sunglasses."
"Really?" He sounded so hopeful She almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
I know I sound like a broken record, but please review.
