AN: Yes, thats right, a new chapter. excited scream so this one is a bit of a cliffhanger and being the lovely people that we are, my twin and i have decided to leave this chapter as the last posted for at least a week. We want you guys on the edge of your seats to find out wat happens next. If we dont get enough reviws, the longer we keep you waiting...deal? so in about a week or so, if we have obtained enough reviws we will post more. Enjoy Everyone! This is one of my favourite chapters ever!

Blaze-Splinder Froste

DUE TO A COMPLAINT THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN ALTERED. THE LINE REMOVED WAS NOTHING THAT WILL EFFECT THE PLOT, IT WAS SOMETHING DISCRIMINATIVE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PUT IN IN THE FIRST PLACE. -Froste

-CHAPTER ELEVEN-

The Most Inappropriate Time

Harry woke on Tuesday morning to find the dormitory empty. He lay back and smiled happily to himself. Life couldn't be better, him and Ron were friends again, Hermione had found love of her own- even if it was strange, and Harry was finally getting somewhere with Malfoy.

The blissful thoughts were quickly interrupted by Fred who poked his head through the door. Harry automatically recoiled in fear.

"No, it's alright mate, McGonagall confiscated our whole supply of corn last night. All but the basket under George's bed!" Fred cackled evilly, "But no, I came for a different reason. Have you heard? That annoying prick Colin Creevy was petrified last night. Frozen stiff he is… Of course Dumbledore's trying to keep it quiet but George and I have been telling as many people as possible." It was only after hearing this that Harry took his hand away from his face. He was about to ask how Fred knew about this but Fred had already disappeared.

Thirty seconds later he heard Hermione scream, "Enough with the vegetables already!" from the common room below.

After breakfast Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking across the Entrance Hall when they saw a small knot of people gathered around the notice board, reading a newly posted notice.

"Oh there's going to be a dueling club! First meeting tonight!" squealed Hermione with excitement.

"Hmm, could be useful…" suggested Ron.

At 8 o'clock that evening the three of them along with most of the Gryffindors hurried back down to the Great Hall.

The dining tables had vanished and a golden stage had appeared along one wall, lit by thousands of candles floating overhead.

Most of the school seemed to be packed beneath it, all carrying their wands and looking excited.

"I wonder who will be teaching us?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"Just as long as it's not-" Harry began but he ended on a groan. Gilderoy Lockhart had walked onto the stage. He wore robes of deep plum and was accompanied by Severus Snape, wearing his usual black.

Lockhart walked to the middle of the stage giving Harry an obvious wink as he passed. He raised his hand for silence, "Come, gather round! Can everybody see me?" The crowd moved in.

"That's the ticket," Lockhart flashed his white teeth and there were hundreds of gasps from the females in the audience, and the occasional male.

"Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little club, to

train you all up in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I have done myself on

countless occasions- for full details see my published works. We now have Professor Snape who knows a little about dueling, to help me with the demonstration." Lockhart and Snape turned to face each other and bowed; at least Lockhart did, with much twirling of his hands. Snape just jerked his head irritably. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of them.

"As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position," Lockhart told the silent crowd, "On the count of three we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."

"One- Two- Three-"

Both of them swung their wands up and over their shoulders. Snape cried, "Expelliarmus!"

There was a dazzling flash of scarlet light and Lockhart was blasted off his feet. He flew backwards off the stage smashed into the wall and slid down it to sprawl on the floor. Most of the boys cheered. The girls all gasped.

"Oh! Is he alright?" a rather feminine boy asked in a high pitched elegant voice.

"Who gives a shit?" said Ron bitterly and added, "Bloody gays," under his breath.

Lockhart was getting unsteadily to his feet. His hat had fallen off his and wavy hair was standing on end.

"Well, there you have it!" he said, tottering back onto the platform, "That was a disarming charm- as you see, I've lost my wand- yes it was very obvious what Professor Snape was about to do. If I had wanted to stop him it would have been only too easy."

Snape was looking murderous. Lockhart had noticed because he quickly said, "Enough demonstrating! Let's get some of you up here to have a go! Harry! Ron! Why don't you get up here and show us what you can do?"

Both boys smiled proudly and pushed through the crowd to the stage.

Snape's voice cut coldly through the excited chatter, "Weasley's wand causes damage beyond repair. We'd be taking Potter up to the hospital wing in a matchbox! Perhaps someone from my own house? Hmm, maybe Malfoy! Come on boy get up here!"

Ron looked like he was about to explode. He vented his anger however by breaking his already broken wand into four pieces, before Hermione pulled him back into the crowd.

Malfoy got up onto the stage and strutted around to cheers from the Slytherins.

"Right boys! Face each other and bow!" called Lockhart excitedly. Harry and Malfoy barely inclined their heads, not taking their eyes off each other. Malfoy winked at Harry. Harry felt himself going red.

"Wands at the ready!" shouted Lockhart, "When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponent- only to disarm them- we don't want any accidents. One- Two- Three…"

Harry swung his wand over his shoulder, but Malfoy had already started on two. His spell hit Harry so hard he felt as though he'd been hit over the head with a saucepan. He stumbled, but everything still seemed to be working, and wasting no more time Harry pointed his wand straight at Malfoy and shouted, "Rictusempra!" a jet of silver light hit Malfoy in the stomach and he doubled up, wheezing.

He sank to his knees in a fit of laughter; Harry had hit him with a tickling charm. Bewitching Malfoy was hard for Harry, but he knew he was doing the right thing. Malfoy wanted to keep their relationship a secret, so that's what he would do.

Gaping for breath, Malfoy pointed his wand at Harry's knees and choked,

"Serpensortia!" The end of his wand exploded. Harry watched aghast as a long pink snake shot out of it, fell heavily onto the floor between them and raised itself, ready to strike.

There were gasps all around the Great Hall. The crowd backed swiftly away, clearing the floor.

A yell came from the far corner, "Hey! Is that a giant dick!" Harry looked towards the voice. The person next to the kid gave him a shove, "No you idiot! It's an albino snake! Only the most talented wizards and witches can conjure up albino snakes." Harry saw the girl was from Slytherin- obviously a Draco Malfoy worshipper.

"Don't move, Potter," said Snape lazily, clearly enjoying the sight of Harry standing motionless, eye to eye with an angry snake, "I'll get rid of it."

"ALLOW ME!" shouted Lockhart. He brandished his wand at the snake, which remotely looked like a slithering penis with a mouth.

There was a loud bang; the snake, instead of vanishing, flew ten feet into the air and fell back to the floor with a loud smack. Enraged, hissing furiously, it slithered straight towards Justin Finch- Fletchley and raised itself again, fangs exposed poised to strike.

Harry wasn't sure what made him do it. He wasn't even aware of deciding to do it. All he knew was that his legs were carrying him forward as though he was on castors and that he had shouted stupidly at the snake, "Leave him!" and miraculously the snake slumped to the floor, docile as a thick pink- penis.

Harry felt the fear drain out of him. He knew the snake wouldn't attack anyone now, though how he knew it, he couldn't explain. He looked up at Justin grinning, expecting to see him looking relieved, or puzzled, or even grateful but certainly not angry and scared.

"What the fucking hell do you think you're playing at?" he shouted. Before Harry could say anything Justin had turned and stormed out of the Hall.

Snape stepped forward, waved his wand and the snake vanished in a small puff of black smoke. Snape, too, was looking at Harry in an unexpected way: it was a shrewd and calculating look, and Harry didn't like it.

The there was a tugging on the back of his robes. He turned, Malfoy whispered, "Nice duel Potter, lets do it again sometime-" he licked his lips sensuously, "I'm sorry…" he looked down.

Harry whispered back, "I know, it's what we have to do…" Crabbe and Goyle walked over and started insulting Harry. Malfoy's voice suddenly turned cold- "Yeh, that's right Potter, stay the fuck away from me you FREAK!" but as he said it his eyes looked warmly into Harry's. Malfoy walked off sniggering with Crabbe and Goyle.

Ron came up to Harry. His face red with obvious anger, he opened his mouth but Hermione shoved him in the ribs.

"C'mon Harry…" Hermione steered Harry out of the hall, Ron hurrying alongside them.

As they went through the doors, the people on either side drew away as though they were frightened of catching something.

They got to the empty Gryffindor common room and Ron pushed Harry into an armchair, and looked as though if he opened his mouth he would scream. He opened his mouth and took a huge breath in.

Harry braced himself for a string of angry insults. Hermione pushed Ron out of the way before he had a chance to say anything.

"Harry, you're a parselmouth! Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm a what?"

"A parselmouth, you can talk to snakes," said Hermione loudly.

"Yeah, once I set a boa constrictor on my cousin Dudley at the zoo- long story. So- I bet loads of people can do it."

"No Harry, it's not very common, this is bad." Hermione was getting panicky.

"What's bad? What the hell is wrong with everyone? Listen if I hadn't told that snake not to attack Justin-"

"Oh that's what you said to it?" Hermione didn't look convinced.

"Yeah, didn't you hear me?" Harry asked getting quite frustrated.

"We heard you speaking parseltongue Harry, we can't understand it. It sounded like you were egging it on or something." Harry gaped. Hermione looked as though someone had just died.

"I don't see what's so fucking bad! So what if I can talk to giant slithering penis-snakes…Just because you can't! Well boo-hoo go cry me a fucking river Hermione!" Harry once again lost it.

All of a sudden Harry slipped off the armchair and onto the floor. He was convulsing violently. He started foaming at the mouth. His eyes once again turned red with a green rim. He was shaking and convulsing all over the carpet. He started throwing up and wet his pants.

"Harry! Oh my god! Harry can you hear me? What's happening to him? HELP! Oh someone help him! Ron HELP!" Hermione was kneeling as close to Harry as she could.

"Don't look at me…" Ron said calmly and walked up the dormitory stairs. Hermione was in tears. Harry's convulsing stopped and he sat up quickly.

He bought his knees into his chest. He started rocking backwards and forwards murmuring, "Must find Malfoy," continually under his breath.

"It's ok Harry, it's over now, you're going to be ok," Hermione moved to put her arm around Harry. He turned his head and stared blankly at her as though he could see straight through her. She looked into his still glowing eyes, "Harry?"

"Who the FUCK are you! Get off me!" Harry screamed frightened. He started pulling off his soiled clothes. He ripped his shirt off and pulled off his shoes and pants. He stood up and pulled his boxers off and threw them to the ground, "Who the HELL put those things on me? Was it YOU!" he screamed violently at Hermione. She cowered in the corner.

"Harry… I really think you should calm down and put your clothes back on."

"CALM DOWN! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE BITCH! DON'T MOTHER FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" he stormed out of the room and slammed the portrait hole shut behind him. Hermione followed him frantically.

She got out into the corridor. Harry was no where to be seen, "Harry! Harry! Come back! It's cold out! HARRY!" she collapsed in a heap on the stone floor and cried hysterically.

Ron had seen the whole thing from the stairs. It was only now that the common room was empty that he came back down. He saw Harry's clothes lying on the floor. He looked guiltily around the room- no one was there.

He swiftly crossed the room and picked up Harry's boxers. He raised them to his nose and sniffed them deeply.

The scent turned him on at the most inappropriate time. He heard the click of the portrait door opening and he quickly threw the boxers two metres into the air. They floated to the ground beside him just as Ginny entered with her arm around a hysterical Hermione.

She looked up and saw Ron, "Oh Ron! Harry's run off, possibly into the snow! And he's NAKED!"

A/N: Yep you got it, the almighty cliffhanger! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! tell ur friends to review, tell EVERYONE! stay tuned to find out what happens to Harry! B.S. Froste