Now, we return the helpless members in the Hold. It would seem to any simpleminded person that Vivid was trying to teach her new trainees how to hold a sword, correctly. The four were not fairing so well, not even the witty, sarcastic Larxene. "You see," Vivid was saying, completely seriously, "Is hold the sword by the point…" While the four seemed completely lost in the new aspect, Vivid was handling it quite well, "And use the hilt to bash people on the head."
"What!" This was Demyx who had been certain not five minutes ago that one held the sword by the hilt and sliced with the point. He had a large, rather gruesome cut on his thumb. "Isn't it-"
"Silence!" Vivid shouted, placing her hands on her hips. After a moment of watching the four struggle with using holding the tips, Vivid burst out laughing. "And….And you guys thought I was serious!" She exclaimed, shaking with laughter. Roxas laughed with her, but simply because he'd missed why and felt that laughing with the madwoman was best for his health. Axel took matters into his own hands and kicked her in the shin.
"Oww!" She howled in pain, holding her knee. "That hurt!"
"Well that's what you get when you make me slice my palm!" He held up a bleeding hand to her, and she stifled laughter.
"How come you can hold a sword like that?" Demyx asked, even more confused than he was before.
"Because I am not the Captain, and I do not slice people open. Oh, I do know how to fight with the edge, but bashing people on the head and keeping the ship clean is much better. You wouldn't believe how much it cost to get this ship all bloodstone." The four nodded again, shifting. "Anyway," Vivid flipped the sword in the air and caught its hilt. Then she put it down and took out some bandages. "For the poor Axel and Demyx who are most dedicated and most bloody," She laughed lightly and wrapped a bandage around Axel's palm, and another around Demyx's thumb. "Better?" The pair nodded. Again, Vivid picked up her sword, tossed it, then made a slicing motion in front of her. "So, yeh really wanna learn how to be pirates?" She asked, looking at them hard. The four nodded, eagerly, even Larxene- she was impressed with Vivid's skills, mad or otherwise. "Alright, then!" She gestured at the four's sword. "Hold the sword at its hilt. No, no, Roxas, the other hilt…"
Xemnas and Xaldin were finally coming to, only to knock heads. "'ey? The hell?" Xemnas shouted, trying to stand, but to no avail. Instead, the man fell backwards onto Xaldin who called out in outrage and anger. The pair began battling for the topside, but, being bound at their abdomen, they were not getting very far.
"I can't believe you made us come here!" Xaldin complained.
"What! You opened the portal onto this Hell-Ship!" Xemnas defended.
"We wouldn't be on the Hell-Ship if you hadn't agreed with those crazy adolescents!"
"We wouldn't be on the Hell-Ship if you could get your latitude and longitude correct!"
"We wouldn't be on the Hell-Ship if you hadn't obeyed Axel!"
"We wouldn't be on the Hell-Ship if you hadn't obeyed me!"
"I would not have obeyed you if you hadn't threatened rape!"
"I would not have threatened rape if you had obeyed me in the first place!"
"So it's your fault!"
"No, it's yours!"
"What, how is it my fault?"
"For being stupid and opening the portal to the S.S. Squirt Gun!"
"It wouldn't have been stupid and opened the portal to the S.S. Squirt Gun if you hadn't threatened to molest Marluxia!"
"You threatened to molest Marluxia unless we gave you Cheetos- last week!"
"Oh, right... Well, you still threatened to rape me!"
"Because you wanted to be the leader!"
"And if I was the leader, we wouldn't be on the Hell-Ship!"
"Whatever, I'm not listening!"
"This is why you suck at being the leader!"
"La, la, lalala, laa! Not listening to the dummy-head I'm stuck to!"
"Wha- Oh, fine then!"
Young Squirt sat atop a barrel, watching them with much glee. For a while, he went quite unnoticed. Then Xaldin looked up.
"Hey, Xemnas…"
"No-o-o-o-o-ot listeni-i-ing!"
"No, I'm serious, Xemnas. Umm…"
"La, lala, lala, la, la…"
"Umm… God?"
From above, thunder roared in response.
"Okay, fine. Umm… Mistour Cheese?"
Xemnas stopped, "What is it, young Olive?"
"There's a squirt gun watching us…"
"Really? Maybe he can help."
"Doubt it."
"Here, I can communicate…" Xemnas started spitting on the ground next to him in some sort of morse code. Squirt responded by walking up to Xemnas and spraying him on the nose. Xemnas glowered at the creature and tried to swat it away, but his arm was tied to Xaldin's, and he ended up elbowing his own side.
"Stupid Hell-Ship creature…" Squirt moved to his ear where he squirted more water into Xemnas' ear before leaving to the hold, clearly, to tell Vivid about what was going on.
"Wow, you are so fluent in Squirt Gun. Teach me, Wise Xemnas, how to speak that forgotten language," Xaldin said, acidly.
Xemnas simply humphed and went back to humming.
Vexen was currently working on deciphering the map which was clearly drawn in green and pink crayon. Crayola crayon. On a sheet of recycled paper. "The hell?" Vexen turned the sheet over, looking for some sort of clue. Drawn on the sheet of recycled paper was a little island with one palm tree and three random x's circled it. "Wow, the pirates who made this map are quite cunning…"
In truth, Captain Sasha had simply drawn a picture and decided it existed. Then added three x's for no particular reason. "According to this map, we should be at the island by nightfall. I haven't much time!" He gathered the map deciphering equipment that he could find- a number two pencil, a grey crayon, tissues, and a scented candle- and began. "Maybe if I- No, no…" For all that the map didn't mean anything, Vexen was quite into it. Then again, Vexen did not realize that no Phantom Bay Isle existed. At all. Ever. Ever, ever.
"Toasters!" No one jumped back this time. "Good, good…" She paced back and forth, surveying the remaining Organization members. "You, Luxord, how can you help this ship?"
Luxord bowed, "I, my Captain, am a gambler. I can win us much if you give me a deck of cards and someone worth playing against."
"Oh, delicious!" Sasha exclaimed, "There's a man in the prisoners' quarters below who's been betting for his freedom and everything on this ship- but the ship- if he wins. If not, he's agreed to jump ship." She surveyed him a moment longer. "Can you beat him?"
"Of course, my Captain," Luxord bowed deeply and strode down into the prisoner's quarters. His story will be discussed in the following chapter.
"And, you, big man."
"Xigbar, my Captain."
"Right, I would like you and your wind to conduct us so that we're west. If you give us enough power, we should reach Phantom Bay by nightfall." Sasha gestured towards the Crow's Nest. "Up there you will best conduct your wind, but be careful to befriend the Sea-doggish squirt gun, Orahnj, he is quite deadly if he's not on your side." Xigbar, too, bowed, and began up the ladder to the Crow's Nest. His story, too, will soon be discussed.
"So that leaves Zexion and Marluxia, by the way, Marluxia, I love your hair."
"Ooshmagosh! Really, Captain Doe? Do you think so?"
"I know so. I know, I have the perfect job for the pair of you. I would like Marluxia to do my hair, and, you, Zexion, can you steer this ship?"
"Of course, My Captain," The pair said in unison, then bowed. Sasha brought Marluxia to the stern of the ship and sat down. Marluxia sat, Indian-style, behind her and requested a comb, a brush, hair ties, and other hair accessories that were quickly brought to him by a pair of young powder squirt guns. He nodded in thanks and began.
Zexion, on the other hand, was doing a rather splendid job steering the ship. "One, two, three. One, two, three…" At every count of three, Zexion would turn the wheel a full inch. He kept this method up until he, accidentily, had the ship turned all the way off course. Not that Zexion realized this, and continued this method, soon leaning with the ship. "One, two, three. One, two, three…"
A/N End Chapter II!
Will Axel, Larxene, Roxas, and Demyx master the sword? Will Xemnas and Xaldin ever escape, and, if they do, what then? What of Lexaeus and Saix who've yet to be mentioned? And Luxord and the mysterious gambler? Marluxia and Captain Doe's hair? Will Zexion ever realize that the ship is off course. Tune in … Soon for the next chapter of WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
