Sorry for the long wait. School kept me busy for a while and then I just wasn't in a fan fiction mood. Virtual sweets to all my reviewers. Without you guys I doubt I would've been motivated enough to get this far in the story. And in case you're wondering I did decide to have Yuber tag along with Her on the next chapter, so thanks for all the suggestions pertaining to that topic. Anyway, this is what happens when you let two obsessive, sadistic fan fiction writers collaberate on a story such as this.. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Suikoden, the Carebears or any characters relating to those subjects so don't sue me.



Sidequest 2: Yuber's Education

"Back already?" Shu peered over his sunglasses at the group, his gaze taking in the unconscious demon. Franz's eyes widened as he saw what the group brought home with them.

"How dare you!" Caesar shouted, lunging at Shu. "You…"

"…managed to devise a scheme to counteract your inevitable failure." Shu coolly responded.

"That was harsh." Nash nodded approvingly at the new strategist as Caesar sputtered in indignation.

"You have the potential to be a very good strategist," Shu continued. "But, as She pointed out earlier, you are too close to the subject to rationally consider all possibilities." He sighed. "My presence here does not help, because you perceive me as a threat and are currently unequipped to handle my superior talent."

Caesar opened his mouth and promptly closed it before stomping back towards the group.

"So I suppose you already have accommodations for our new 'guest' prepared," he sneered.

"Indeed," Shu responded easily. "Although I am not the person who is preparing the...accomodations."

Her malicious grin caused the bishounen to cast cautious glances at one another.

"Before you continue on, let me put this on the demon." Shu walked over to limp form in Percival's arms and snapped a familiar collar around his neck.

"That's the same collar She made Geddoe wear!" Borus exclaimed.

"I took the liberty of making some improvements on it so that whenever the wearer performs magic it inflicts the spell on that person…or shall I say, entity."

"Perfect." She rubbed her hands conspiratorially together. Caesar moodily kicked at the grass.

"H…hey," Percival shifted anxiously as the demon rustled in his arms.

"This way," She quickly ushered the bishounen into the mansion. "You stay here Franz," She ordered as She led the rest of the group through a secret door hidden by a bookcase.

"Why do I have to stay here?"

"Because you aren't ready to bear witness to what's gonna happen down here," She shouted as the group picked their way down a winding staircase.

"That's it. I'm outta here," She caught Borus' hand as he tried to rush back up the stairs.

"I don't think so Borus," She smiled humorlessly as they reached the bottom of the staircase to a long, dank, gloomy hallway of iron doors.

"This can't be good," Borus muttered.

"It's kinda like a dungeon," Sharon grinned.

Nash snorted. "Yeah. Except there's no bars. Only solid concrete." He emphasized his point by rapping on the solid wall.

"Which door?" Percival questioned, as the demon stirred again.

In answer, She quickly pulled out a ring holding dozens of keys and faced the first door on the right.

Nash groaned. "Can I wait upstairs?"

She wordlessly picked out a key and put it in the lock. To the bishounen's surprise there was a satisfying click as the door creaked open. They all huddled as close behind her as possible as they entered the pitch black room.

"I hope there's a light switch in here," whimpered Borus.

"Afraid of the dark?" mocked Nash.

"You should be." A menacing voice floated to the ears of the bishounen, causing the hairs on their necks to stand on end.

"That's it! You're not stoppin' me this time!" shouted Borus, before hightailing it towards the door. He would've made it, but at the last second the door slammed shut. Borus careened into said door with a sickening thud and collapsed to the ground.

"Borus…" Percival called out tentatively, not able to see what happened to his comrade.

"Here we go," a voice that sounded like Sharon's came out of the darkness as the click of the light switch was finally heard. The lights flickered a few times before stabilizing into solid beams. The square room had a distinct psychiatric ward feel. There were lumps of something grouped along the far wall, covered in white sheets. The walls were all gray stone except for the wall on the right. That wall had been painted a disturbing shade of blood red, causing the bishounen to pale. The floor, curiously enough, was red linoleum. A girl with a malicious grin on her face was sitting towards the back of the room, slightly off center.

"Cool!" Sharon shouted. "Another one!"

"What took ya so long?" the girl smiled slyly at the wary bishonen. "I was starting to wonder if you'd succeeded after all." She finished her sentence by casting a doubtful look at Caesar.

"Luckily for us, Shu supplied a contingency plan." She gestured towards the strategist with an equally sly grin.

"Who is this?" Caesar demanded.

The girl tented her fingers. "My dear Caesar. I'm soooo disappointed in you. And you call yourself a strategist."

Caesar turned bright red and gaped at the girl like a landed fish, trying to come up with a clever comeback and failing miserably.

"I see you have everything in order," She smiled and walked further into the room. "Nice wall."

"It seemed a wise precaution," the girl replied.

Nash back slowly towards the door while Fred gazed at Her with quizzical eyes. "I don't get it. Why one red wall?"

"To hide the blood, Fred," the girl chuckled sadistically.

Fred's eyes widened in realization as he unceremoniously collapsed next to Borus, blinking stupidly.

"To answer the previous question, I am Psycholeopard," the girl informed the group, still sitting in the chair.

"That name sounds awfully familiar," Percival interjected thoughtfully. The demon in his arms stirred again. "We really should do something about this." He looked hopefully at Her.

"Oh yes," She made a sweeping gesture towards the demon. "One demon. As promised."

Psycholeopard's grin widened as she studied the demon speculatively. "So this is Yuber? He doesn't look quite as dangerous when he's unconscious. Are you sure this is him?"

"We're sure," Nash shuddered.

His comment earned a contemptuous look from Psycholeopard. "So that's how it is."

Nash slumped his shoulders, trying to look as small as possible.

"Come on Percival," She smiled reassuringly. "I'll help you shackle him up."

Psycholeopard's gaze followed them, a look of mild amusement flickering across her features as Percival and She shackled the demons wrists, ankles and collar to the blood red wall. There was slight resistance to their efforts as the demon was just beginning to wake up.

She ushered the bishounen and helpers to the far wall to await the demon's full awakening. Fred had recovered from his earlier shock and joined the bishounen, who had taken up spots directly behind Her.

"What about Borus?" Percival whispered anxiously.

"Don't worry. We'll take care of him when he regains consciousness."

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Yuber's eyes fluttered open. He regained full consciousness remarkably fast, thrashing wildly against his restraints. "You can't do this to me! I'm an immortal demon. Stinking maggots!"

Psycholeopard and She grinned with cruel pleasure, while the bishounen shrank down behind her in terror and shock.

"Are you sure that's going to hold him?" Fred whispered. "They don't look too stable."

"Oh. They'll hold him," She replied, a wicked gleam in Her eye.

"Now, now," Psycholeopard broke in, patronizingly. "You should try to remain calm."

Yuber responded with a feral growl and last rebellious tug on his restraints.

"Are you quite done now?" the girl inquired archly.

The demon's eyes narrowed angrily.

"Let me explain how this is going to go. It's very simple really."

The madwoman heard a scoff come from the general direction of the bishounen.

Psycholeopard shot them a death glare before haughtily turning back to Yuber.

"You're going to let her do that to us?" Percival teased.

She affixed an amused glare at the knight. "Be glad that's all I'll let her do."

The bishounen sunk down again.

"Why don't you just lie on the floor," She smirked before turning her attention back to Psycholeopard and Yuber.

"I've decided on a system of rewards and punishments. If you act in a manner pleasing to me I will reward you. If you displease me…" The girl trailed off in an evil cackle.

Yuber's challenging glare turned to confused study. This wasn't right. He was the one who made people suffer. Who did this imposter think she was?

In the meantime, She unconsciously assumed a protective stance in front of Her quailing bishounen. Suddenly, the knight known as Borus blinked groggily, finally recovering from his collision. He froze as the evil laughter reached his ears. "Percival…" he whimpered.

She gave a melodramatic sigh as Percival nudged Her insistently. "Psycholeopard won't hurt you Borus. Just move slowly."

Borus complied, slowly crawling toward the group.

The chuckle stopped, almost reluctantly.

"I am Psycholeopard, by the way, but you can call me Mistress."

The bishounen snorted in amusement as Yuber's eyes widened in disbelief.

"If you think…"

She pulled out a pink beret and matching ribbon, causing Yuber to jerk back in revulsion.

"What're you going to…"

"Borus, Sharon. Would you be so kind as to put these on dear Yuber?"

"Sharon…" Futch trailed off as Sharon gleefully ran to Psycholeopard, who promptly handed over the ribbon.

"If you come near me with that…" Yuber warned.

Sharon grinned diabolically at the demon. "Oh don't worry. This won't hurt…much."

Yuber jerked away from the girl, and was rewarded by a sudden sharp tug on his braid.

"Don't move, stupid demon. This shouldn't take long."

As Sharon attempted to stabilize her grip on the braid, Yuber let out his most powerful thunder spell, causing not only himself to convulse with pain, but through contact also causing a jolt to Sharon. "That wasn't very nice," she scowled before countering his attack with her best fire spell.

Yuber grunted in pain as the fire seared his body. When the spell wore off he stood stock still, panting with effort.

"There now. That wasn't so bad was it?" Sharon took a step back from him, admiring her handiwork. A pink ribbon now held Yuber's braid firmly in place. Her mouth twitched. "Your attire could use some improvement though." Yuber glanced down at his clothes or rather the remains of his clothes. Sharon's fire spell had charred most of his attire. He was now loosely covered in rags.

"Do you prefer boxers or briefs?" Nash smirked, causing a slight grin from Percival.

"Your turn, Borus," the girl encouraged, holding out the pink beret.

"You know, I think a tiara would be more appropriate," She offered. "Do you have a tiara?"

"I think that would be a little over the top," Psycholeopard responded.

She shrugged. "As you will. Go on, Borus," She encouraged.

"But I don't really…"

She pouted her lips. "Pleeease. None of the others can really be trusted to complete such an important task."

"You're not going to fool me with that routine again." Borus crossed his arms defiantly.

"Well, I suppose Nash could do it instead," She considered thoughtfully.

Borus paused a moment, glared at the girl and with a defiant snort, sauntered over to the chair, snatching the beret out of the girl's hand.

"Nash indeed," he grumbled.

His resolve weakened as he neared the demon, who watched the knight's approach warily. His confidence somewhat returned as he fed off the other's fear. "I'm going to rip you apart," he snarled.

Borus shuddered and cast an anxious glance at Her and the group. She gestured for him to go on.

"Yes. Come closer," Yuber taunted. "I want to taste your blood."

"Come on Borus," She shouted from the sidelines. "What would Lady Chris say?"

Borus narrowed his eyes, straightened himself up and very quickly placed the beret on Yuber's head. He yelped as Yuber cast a small fire spell, just enough to burn Borus' hand but not quite enough to inflict massive pain upon the wielder. Borus glowered at the demon as he hurried back to his spot with the rest of the bishounen.

"Hey!" She growled. "No one inflicts pain upon Borus except for me!" She pulled out Her first aid kit, carefully smeared some ointment on Borus' hand and gently wrapped a bandage around the offended appendage. "There, there Borus." She patted him reassuringly on the shoulder, causing the knight to glance at Her apprehensively.

"Are you feeling okay?" Nash felt Her forehead, earning a glare.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Only that you've never shown this much concern over Borus' well-being before."

She shrugged. "Yeah. Well. Burns are painful…And Psycholeopard needs a good excuse to give her next punishment."

On cue, Psycholeopard stood up. "As your punishment for attacking Borus without my permission, you get to make the acquaintance of…" she paused dramatically. "Mr. Snuggly!" In her hands the girl suddenly held a cute, fluffy, red and white teddy bear, complete with a red ribbon tied in a bow around its neck. She squeezed its tummy and the bear obliging cooed, "I love you," to the unsuspecting demon.

For the first time during his training session, Yuber let out a bloodcurdling scream. "No, no! Turn it off! Turn it off!" he shouted, writhing in the restraints.

She grinned. "Maybe someday, if you're very, very good, you can watch me burn him."

Yuber gave a convulsive shudder as Psycholeopard set the bear to one side.

"Now let me go over the rules." She started listing them off on her fingers. "Rule number one. You will call me mistress."

"We already heard that one," Fred complained.

Psycholeopard began to lift her hand.

"Don't," She tentatively warned the other girl. "He's my bishounen." She shrugged.

Psycholeopard nodded, reluctantly put down her hand and faced the demon once again. "Well?"

The demon twitched but nodded his head.

"Rule number two. You will only attack people with my permission."

"Not so different from Silverberg," he grunted. "Go on."

"People includes me," the girl added warningly, earning a snort from one of the bishounen. She cast another scowl back at the group, causing them to put on their most innocent expressions. Psycholeopard rolled her eyes and turned back to the demon expectantly.

Yuber let out a dramatic sigh. "Okay."

"Rule number three. You will not try to escape. In return, you will be granted a limited amount of freedom."

The demon's mouth tightened as he considered this new rule. With Albert he hadn't really had a choice. He had been summoned. But in this case…

Psycholeopard smiled and looked down at Mr. Snuggly, causing the demon to wince.

"Fine. What else?"

"Rule number four. You will respect my property."

Yuber cocked his head to the side.

"You don't destroy my stuff, steal my stuff, throw my stuff out of the window, insult my stuff etcetera. When in doubt, ask. I'll tell you if it's disrespectful."

"That doesn't seem sooo difficult," Yuber responded. "What about my…uh…" he trailed off as he looked down at his present attire. The bishounen snickered in the background.

Psycholeopard smirked. "Oh. Would you like some clothing?"

Yuber nodded curtly.

"I don't hear you!" The girl walked towards another covered lump.

"Yes, please." The demon attempted to feign ignorance.

"Wrong answer!" She shouted from the sidelines. "Maybe you should unveil another one of your toys."

"Very well," Psycholeopard grinned. "I wonder what's under this lump?" The girl uncovered the object with a flourish. "Oh look! It's Love-a-lot bear."

The bishounen grinned in anticipation.

"I'm sure she'll spread joy to everyone who touches her," She taunted. "You'd love that, wouldn't you Yuber."

"Would you like to try again Yubie?" the girl inquired.

He sighed. "Yes…mistress," he mumbled quickly.

Psycholeopard set down the bear and reached into a shopping bag, set conveniently next to her chair. She pulled out an A-shirt, a pair of tight, black leather pants, black shoes with matching socks, black gloves and to top the ensemble off, a pair of designer sunglasses.

"What?" Borus shouted in dismay. "Even the demon gets cool sunglasses!" he whined. "That's not fair!"

She cleared Her throat. "If you recall, Sir Borus, you had a pair of very cool, very fashionable sunglasses…until you broke them."

Borus looked as if he were about to argue. Then he looked like he was going to cry. Finally, he settled for glowering at the wall.

"You have to treat them nicely, Yuber, or you get pink replacements," the girl informed him wickedly.

"Oh no!" Nash breathed. "Not…pink!" The bishounen grinned.

"I think I can handle that. What about…this?" He jerked his chin to indicate the collar.

Psycholeopard grinned. "Oh nooo. I think it's too early in our relationship to remove that."

"Albert would've never subjected me to this," the demon grumbled.

"Albert's going to have problems of his own pretty soon," She grinned maliciously.

Meanwhile, Psycholeopard was glaring at Yuber. "I do not want to hear the name 'Albert' cross your lips again, unless it's telling me how much better I am than him. Is that clear?"

"That'll never happen," She snorted derisively.

Psycholeopard glanced over her shoulder. "To each her own."

Yuber took the opportunity to sneer at his new mistress while her back was turned. As the girl turned her head back to the demon, he quickly smoothed his features. She glared at him suspiciously.

"No mentioning Al…that guy. Got it."

"I think that's it. We'll be going to my place now for some extra training." She grinned, turning to Her once again. "Thanks for the gift!"

"Don't forget these," She remarked, handing both the Teddy and Carebear to the girl.

Psycholeopard chuckled evilly in response.

"Thanks," Yuber responded sarcastically. "What'd I do to make you hate me so much?"

"Let's see," Percival stepped out into the room. "Not only did you actively try killing us but most offensively, you were an obstacle in Her quest to catch the one and only Albert Silverberg."

"Sadie forbid," Borus mumbled.

Yuber sneered, his mismatched eyes glowing with characteristic hatred.

"Okay. Time to go!" Psycholeopard declared as she teleported Yuber and her out of the room.

The bishounen blinked at the empty spot on the wall that formerly held Yuber.

"What was the point of that?" Fred asked.

Caesar, who had been silently taking the situation in, decided to speak up at last. "To remind us all that we could have it infinitely worse."


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