Coming Home

Spoilers: Not intentionally, but references to both seasons may slip in on occasion.

Rating: T for some mild language and potentially disturbing images in some chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters associated with it, unless you count Jesi.


Chapter Six

Sheppard surfaced gradually, sensing cool, stiff sheets against his skin and a light pressure surrounding his right hand. He recognized the small sounds that could only be infirmary noise. His acute exhaustion prevented movement. His limbs were concrete, his tender muscles wracked by excruciating pain. He struggled to raise his eyelids, managing a small crack. The room was dim, the lights set low. It must be night, he thought. The suddenness with which the room flooded to full power momentarily blinded him. He sent a short thought asking Atlantis to dim them again, and his eyes opened in blessed relief when she complied. He'd just attempted to turn his head to the left when the lights flared to maximum illumination once more. Confused, he dimmed the lights again and forced his head to rise, looking around the room. Soft feminine laughter caught him by surprise.

"Jesi, quit playing with the lights!" Sheppard's raspy growl sounded loud in the quiet room. He groaned and swallowed a hard lump.

"Shhh, keep your voice down. The others are sleeping." Jesi pointed at the chairs next to the beds.

Sheppard forced one heavy arm to move, managing to push the button on the bed controller, and slowly raised his mattress to a comfortable incline. In the dim light, he made out the shadowy shape of McKay snoring softly in the chair next to Jesi. Glancing down, he was surprised to find Weir, wrapped in a fluffy red fleece jacket, asleep against his bed, his hand clasped loosely in her own. Turning to his right, he saw Teyla draped over the chair next to Ronon, a soft blanket covering her small frame.

"Where's Carson?" Sheppard asked, looking around for the doctor.

"He went to his quarters to get some rest. There's a night nurse around here somewhere. I think she went to re-fill the water for the coffee pot."

"What were you doing with the lights?" Sheppard asked in a hushed tone as he slowly slid his hand out of Weir's grasp, being careful not to wake her.

"Sorry, John-John. I've been awake for a while with nothing to do, so I decided to practice. I'm proud to say I've mastered mood lighting."

"Unfortunately, that cheap parlor trick only works in this galaxy. It won't do you any good back home." He stretched his arms, trying to work out the kinks in his muscles. He felt like he'd been run over by an eighteen-wheeler truck, twice!

"Good thing I'm not planning to go home, then, isn't it?" Jesi nudged McKay with her foot when his snoring grew a bit too loud, then smiled when he shifted in the seat, never waking. "This is my home now, John. I have no ties to Earth, no one with whom to spend my life. You're my only family, and since you've settled here, I'm staying."

"Yeah, listen, about that… I really wish you'd reconsider."

"Ah, now we get to the truth. You don't want me here," she said, her crestfallen eyes tracking his face, trying to read his expression.

Sheppard shifted on the bed and grimaced as hot, throbbing bongo drums played a warm-up set at 'John's house of brain pain'.

"Jesilyn, you know that's not true!" Sheppard whispered furiously. "I don't want you to get hurt. I've seen unimaginably horrific ways to die. If you stay, I'll worry about you, and it could put me and my team at risk."

"John, that's silly! You're one of the most focused people I know. My whole life, I've watched you give 200 percent to everything you do. You don't let stuff like family keep you from your mission. Besides, I can take care of myself."

"Oh really? Then would you care to explain how we came to be lying here in the infirmary?" Sheppard eyed his sister with a hard glare. "The Ancient artifact that put us here is small potatoes compared to the things I've seen. Hell, I even dream horrific ways to die. Earlier, I dreamt I was using the damned artifact and flying over Earth, but I couldn't control it..."

"By yourself," Jesi interrupted. "Let me guess…a voice told you that you needed me to make it work, that we should try it together?"

"Yeah, how'd you know that?" Sheppard tensed up and instantly regretted it as his muscles protested.

"I had a similar dream." Jesi yawned and settled back against the pillow. "We'll have to try using the artifact simultaneously. Maybe it does take two people to control it."

"No way, you're not getting any where near that thing!" Sheppard's rebuke ended with an answering yawn. The little strength he'd managed to round up now deserted him, and his head drooped toward his chest. "We'll talk about this more in the morning. Get some sleep, Jesi. I love you."

Sheppard's eyes drifted closed. His body slowly tilted sideways, but Jesi bounded out of bed and righted her brother before he tipped any further. She used the controller to recline his bed, then settled him against the pillow, tucking his lanky form under the soft blue infirmary blanket. She stood watching him sleep for long moments before running a hand through his crazy bed-head hair.

"Never did learn to use a hairbrush, did you, Big Bro?" With a grin, she climbed back into her bed and snuggled down under the covers. I wonder what else I can turn off and on around here…, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.


The next morning, Ronon's bellow yanked Sheppard and Jesi from slumber.

"You want me to sit on… that?" Ronon pointed at a soft circular shaped yellow object that resembled a child's potty training seat. "I don't think so, Doc!"

Beckett sighed in exasperation. "Its call a 'doughnut' son, and it's designed to protect your tailbone when you sit. Trust me; you're going to need it."

He tried to hand the padded seat to the larger man, but the warrior crossed his arms and smiled evilly.

"I can't release you from the infirmary unless you agree to use the doughnut." Beckett stood firmly between Ronon and the exit. He may be smaller, but, by the Ancients, he wouldn't back down. Ronon was intimidating, but Beckett had the power of medicine on his side. The doctor pulled a hypodermic needle from his pocket and uncapped it.

"What'll it be, lad, the padded seat or another night in my infirmary?"

Ronon's eyes narrowed, and he lost the feral grin. With a growl, he snatched the yellow seat from Beckett's hands and, when the doctor moved to the side, waddled awkwardly toward the exit, his halting steps a testament as to how much pain his injury continued to cause.

While Ronon had the doctor's attention, Jesi started Phase II of operation 'wrap the big brother around my pinky'.

"So, John-John, are we going to get Rodney down here and tell him our news?"

"What news?" Sheppard eyed his sister suspiciously. He'd seen that look before and it didn't bode well for a restful morning. "Oh, no, not the artifact! I said no, Jesi. You're not touching it again."

"Lucky thing I'm all grown up and don't take orders from you! I'm going to talk to Dr. Weir and ask for her permission." Jesi turned in the bed, facing away from Sheppard and crossed her arms defiantly.

Sheppard studied her profile for a moment then sighed deeply.

"Jesi, we're not kids any more and this isn't an argument about second helpings of ice cream! For all we know that artifact could seriously harm both of us."

Jesi turned, angry eyes glinting mossy green with flecks of shining gold.

"You're right; we're not kids any longer. Thank you for making my point! I don't need you to protect me. I can make my own decisions, John. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a grown woman who's been married and made a widow. I think I've experienced my share of pain and lived to tell about it—all without any help from you!" Jesi regretted the words as soon as they left her lips.

The color drained from Sheppard's face as he sucked in air, feeling the verbal punch to his solar plexus. He blew it out again and ran a hand through his spiked hair.

"That's a low blow, Jesilyn. I was going through Hell in Afghanistan myself. We were at war, and the Air Force wouldn't let me come home to be there for you. Do you know how much that tortured me? How much I hated myself for not being there when you needed me the most?" Sheppard's voice cracked. "God, Jesi, the whole reason I disobeyed orders and tried to rescue those other soldiers was because I wanted to be there for someone—anyone—since I hadn't been there for Tony, for you!" Sheppard scrubbed at his eyes, wiping away the moisture threatening to escape and take with it the tight grip with which he held his emotions in check.

"John-John, I'm…"

"No, let me finish! I felt so damned guilty when I heard Tony had been killed. Did you know that we were in the same camp? Did you know that I arranged to go on patrols together so I could protect him when we were out there, Jesi? Being a pilot, I wasn't even supposed to go on patrol, but I did. I tried to keep him safe so he could come home to you. The day he was killed, I was back at the base camp, safe and sound. One of the other guys had gotten sick, and Tony volunteered at the last minute to take his place on patrol. I didn't even know he'd gone out until the chaplain came to tell me the news." Sheppard's head dropped to rest on his bent knees, his rough voice scraping at her scabbed heart. "I failed you twice, Jesi. I let him die. I let you suffer alone. I couldn't make things right then, but I damned sure can now. You will not get near the artifact again!"

Jesi slipped from her bed and crossed the space to her brother's bed. She climbed up beside him and wrapped her arms around his shaking shoulders, pulling his head to her chest and rocking slowly. He tensed up, trying to pull away, but she held tight, not letting go. They'd missed so much of each other's lives over the past fifteen years, but he was her family, her brother, her protector.

"John, listen to me. I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry, but I didn't mean any of it. I certainly don't blame you for Tony's death. He was a soldier. He knew the risks of war and he served willingly." Jesi brushed the tears from her eye and sniffed. "He wrote to me, but his letters were full of upbeat, funny stories about day to day life. He shied away from the dangerous stories because he knew they would scare me. He tried to protect me, too. Well, it's my turn to step out from behind the shield. I am finally in a position to help others fight an enemy. Let me help, John. Let me do this--for you, for Tony, for all the soldiers from around the world--the universe for that matter--who've fought and died in the name of freedom."

Sheppard listened, absorbing the emotion in Jesi's voice, letting it wash over his heart and heal the guilt just a bit. She was right. She could take care of herself. She was tougher than he'd allowed her to be in his mind. Maybe it was time to put the fear away and just work together. He wiped his eyes on the blanket and lifted his head, his red-rimmed eyes locking with hers.

"Okay, Jesi, you win, but I get to take the lead when we're up there in space. That's not negotiable!" Sheppard studied her face carefully.

"No problem, John. You'll still be right there protecting me, as I will you." Jesi pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek and laughing when he blew a raspberry on hers in return. "And you thought I was the kid!" She climbed down and returned to her own bed just at Beckett came to check on them.

Beckett took in the twin sets of watery eyes with worry. "What's wrong?" He reached for Sheppard's wrist only to be slapped away gently.

"We're good, Carson, just a little trip down memory lane. So, listen, when can we get outta here?" Sheppard tried for a casual smirk, but from the look on Beckett's face, he didn't think he'd pulled it off. Luckily, the doctor let it pass.

"I need to run a few more tests, Colonel. We'll need some blood. You had quite the dream last night, and I want to make sure the device didn't cause any permanent damage before I let you go."

"I'm fine, Doc. It was just a dream, and Jesi had one too, you know. Besides, I think our dreams hold the key to controlling the device. We need to talk to McKay."

"Your dream was much more severe than Jesi's. I suspect physical contact with the artifact sparked a greater level of intensity. Jesi never touched it, but you did." Beckett stuck his stethoscope in his ears and placed the chilly, flat surface against Sheppard's chest. "Breathe in, Colonel."

Sheppard sucked in a deep breath and exhaled again when Beckett directed. He sat through the rest of his physical exam, patiently silent, only grimacing slightly when Beckett drew several vials of blood. When the doctor finished, Sheppard grinned and raised a brow.

"So, will I live, Doc?"

"Aye, for a while, anyway," Beckett said with a wry smile. "Lass, it's your turn." Beckett gave Jesi a quick once-over and drew blood. "I've ordered breakfast sent up, and I want every bite gone! You both need to rebuild your strength. I'll be back in a wee bit with the results of your blood work."

He turned and moved to exit the infirmary, nearly colliding with McKay, who carried a tray laden with two plates full of French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and glasses of milk and orange juice.

"Whoa, Carson, is uh..is that blood? I don't want to see blood right after I eat breakfast!" McKay made a sour face and turned away. "Really, Carson, you shouldn't walk around with that stuff. Gross!"

"Thank you, Rodney. I'm well this morning, so good of you to ask," Beckett said blandly as he passed by the scientist.

"What? Of course you're well! Doctors don't get sick. You've probably cast a protection spell to keep yourself healthy." McKay made his way to Jesi's bedside. "Ah, hi. I thought you might be hungry so I brought some, ah, food. A lot of food, actually."

"Thanks, Rodney, I'm starving!" Jesi scooted the hospital tray closer to the bed and helped McKay set the food down.

"I hope some of that food is for me, McKay." Sheppard eyed the heaping plates with longing, his stomach gurgling with need. "If not, you're off my Christmas list!"

"Well, in the interest of receiving a coveted gift from you, I'll share." McKay set one heaping plate on the hospital tray in front of Sheppard. "You're lucky I brought you any food at all after you clobbered me last night."

"I clobbered you?" Sheppard looked up from his food. "When?"

"In the middle of your dream, when I helped Carson hold you down."

"Serves you right for aiding the enemy." Sheppard said with a lazy grin. "About the dreams, Jesi and I need to talk to you..."

"What about them? Yours seemed… particularly intense." McKay carefully relocated one glass of orange juice to Sheppard's tray.

"Let's just say that Jesi and I had similar dreams. We think if we use the artifact together, we'll have more control over it. If you help, Jesi and I will link with it and see what happens."

"You've lost your mind. Or do you have a concussion, too, and Carson missed it? No, no, there is no way Carson will allow your request!"

"Oh, come on, McKay! This is right up your alley. Studying ancient technology is what you live for." Sheppard tamped down his feelings of guilt at the sight of McKay's terrified face.

"Yeah, that was before I watched both of you almost kill yourselves playing with it!" McKay began pacing the small space. "Besides… I-I don't think Jesi is up to it."

"Jesi is sitting right here." Jesi pushed away her food, climbed out of bed, and stood facing McKay. Placing a hand on his cheek, she implored, "Rodney, John and I need to activate the artifact again. If it's does what I suspect, it will be invaluable in the fight against the Wraith."

"How so?" McKay asked, reluctantly intrigued.

"When I was connected to the artifact, I was as one with the Universe, just me, no protection; I didn't need any. I could see the stars in the distance, and I wanted to visit one, but couldn't control myself well enough to get anywhere. It was wicked cool!" Jesi explained.

"It could be an Ancient listening device. If we figure out how to control it, we might be able to keep tabs on Earth, the Genii, even the Wraith," Sheppard said. "Maybe you could check up on your cat…"

"Isn't spy technology worth a little risk, Rodney?" Jesi's face lit up. "We could try connecting from the infirmary under Dr. Beckett's supervision. The medical staff would be close by if needed."

Jesi's excitement began to infect McKay as he watched her animated expression.

"A way to spy on a planet… Yes, while that is very tempting, I don't think Carson and Elizabeth will buy off on the whole idea. Although, if we conduct the experiment in a controlled environment as you suggested…" McKay turned, heading for the exit. When he reached the doorway, he paused and turned to look back over his shoulder. "I'll take it to Elizabeth first. If she says it's a go, Carson will most likely follow her lead." With a wink at Jesi, the scientist disappeared into the hallway.


TBC

A/N: Thanks for the sweet reviews. They pump me up to fight through this story. I have a love/hate relationship with it right now. I think I've crossed the hump as I've written most of the end. I just have to flesh out some of the middle a little more. You guys keep writing so I have wonderful stories to read when I come up for air! Hugs!