A/N: Sorry to whoever tried to read this when I uploaded it yesterday, I was unaware the formatting didn't load properly. Thank you for letting me know. I had bad writer's block halfway through this chapter, I have finally finished, but I will admit I am not sure I like how it came out, let me know your thoughts. Frozen belongs to Disney, not I, sadly.
Chapter 8: Home
Elsa took a deep breath as she entered the Privy Council Chamber; it had been a week since she returned from Corona. She had spent much of her first three days in bed, sleeping and trying to avoid as many people as possible. The first time Gerda had entered the room, Elsa had lost all composure and threw herself into the arms of the one person who'd been with her through everything, the woman who was as close to a mother as Elsa had. Gerda held her firm, brushing her hair back, rocking her, and whispering loving words into Elsa's ear. Gerda was a constant companion to Elsa for the remainder of the week like she had been when she was Elsa's Nanny. The older woman was beside her now as they stood before the council door.
"I will be just outside should you need me," Gerda said laying a hand on Elsa's shoulder. The normal protocols had been forgotten all week, Gerda had been free with her physical affection towards Elsa; that would all end today however, Elsa would resume her role as Queen, and the protocols between the staff and royal family would resume.
The ornate oak door before her with crocus and other native flowers of Arendelle was as imposing today as it had been when Elsa was 18 and attending her first council meeting as sovereign Crown Princess. It was beyond this door, all those years ago, that she'd made her first degree, that the King and Queen, her parents, were pronounced lost at sea and presumed dead three months after their disappearance. Today she would do something as equally as painful.
Elsa pushed the door open, lifted her head, and walked through the threshold with all the grace and poise she possessed. The ministers all stood behind their chairs, their eyes upon her, she forced herself to look into each of their eyes, there was pity in most of them, except two Karoline and Marius, there she beheld empathy. Marius had lost three of his four children in infancy, just his youngest daughter Lady Sigrid survived to adulthood, she had two sons, Elsa and Anna's 3rd cousins Lord Marius of Ankenfjord and The Honorable Robert of Ankenfjod. Karoline Elsa knew due to granting the Minister a six-month leave from the council had suffered a stillbirth herself five years prior.
Elsa moved to her chair and sat, the Ministers following suite. "I would like to start today's meeting by thanking each of you for your loyal service to Arendelle during my recovery and for guiding Kristoff as he assumed my royal duties. The Kingdom as well as myself personally are grateful."
"It is our pleasure to serve not only the country but you, Your Majesty," Marius spoke, and then bowing his head in respect, they others joined him in the sign of respect. Elsa was moved by their clear desire to serve her. As sovereign, it was only natural that she would butt heads with her council from time to time, as well as a sign or push through laws or decrees that the council did not agree with. Elsa tried to do so as little as possible and worked hard to develop an environment of mutual respect between the Crown and the Council. While she knew it was not necessary for her council to like her, it was nice to know that they perhaps did not only serve on her council out of duty but because they did like her and wanted to help her rule the nation.
"I speak for all the Privy Council that we are overjoyed to see Your Majesty has recovered from your ordeal enough to resume your duties, and we will strive to as much as we can to make you transition back to full duties as effortlessly as possible." Marius continued.
"Thank you for the sentiment. I will endeavor to return to full strength and duties as quickly as I can; you have all been working diligently and beyond your customary duties for nearly a month now, I shall not require such efforts from you for longer than necessary." Elsa saw that Lief was about to comment so she pushed through, silencing him before he could contest her statement. "The first matter on today's agenda is to officially confirm the stillbirth of my daughter on April 22nd, 1844. Her name, Astrid Engle Hida, will be put into the official records as well as the family ancestry. A decree for a fortnight of mourning in all of Arndelle will be sent out along with the official news of the Crown Princesses birth and death."
"Yes, Your Majesty." Marius replied, "An official notice has already been drafted and only requires your signature." He indicated to a piece of paper before her, which Elsa had not noticed. It was obvious that Pieter and or Anna had already informed the Council of Elsa's wishes. It was typical to name a stillborn baby let alone add the child to the royal family's official records nor declare a period of mourning, but it was important to Elsa that the people of Arendelle know her baby girl and share in the family's pain at her loss.
Elsa signed the decree and slid it down towards Marius who handed it to his personnel aid. Admiral Pederson cleared his throat drawing Elsa's and the rest of the minister's attention. "If it is acceptable to Your Majesty, I would like to discuss the assassination attempt in Corona." Elsa felt a pain shoot through her shoulder as if she had been shot again. The pain had been excruciating though delayed. She remembered the sound, her instincts to throw up her magic, being thrown back by an unknown force hitting her shoulder and slamming into the ground, then the pain came. It had taken her breath away, literally. She remembered hearing screaming and then commotion, Pieter's face, her guards, and the fear, fear for the baby growing in her womb. The pain radiated down her right arm and across her chest, through her heart, and into her abdomen, it pulsed as if was living while burning like an inferno. It became too much at some point or maybe it had been the blood loss, all she knew was that vision blurred and darkened all she could see was the pure terror on Pieter's face.
"Your Majesty?" The Admiral's voice shook her from her reverie. She was breathing hard and sweat beaded her brow, her hands were shaking; beside her holding her hands despite the frost that was emanating from them were Karoline and Gerda. She was having a hard time breathing, it was a panic attack. Elsa was well acquainted with panic attacks, she'd experienced multiple growing up in her solitude and during her years as sovereign Crown Princess. It had only been after reuniting with Anna and letting the world back in that the frequency of attacks had decreased, she not had one since marrying Pieter.
"Get Her Royal Highness and the Prince Consort." Elsa heard someone say. She tried to focus on her breathing as her mother and later Anna had always instructed her to. She tried to enter her 'happy place' as Anna called it, the memory of Anna's fifth birthday, their father had taken them to the summer palace to celebrate the summer solstice and Anna birthday, it was the first birthday that Anna really understood what was happening, that the whole day was a celebration of her. They played on the beach for hours, made sandcastles, ate a picnic, went sailing, and even caught a few fish with the tiny finishing poles their father had bought. Elsa could still remember Anna's face when Elsa presented her with the ice dolls that looked like the two of them. Anna had squealed and thrown herself at Elsa. It was the last magical gift Elsa would give Anna for many years.
"Elsa!" Anna was sliding onto the ground at her feet, "Elsa, look at me, breathe slow." Anna had taken Elsa's hands and squeezed them tightly, anchoring Elsa to this world.
"I'm fine." Elsa rasped, she wasn't but she knew she was already on her way too. Anna gave her a skeptical look. "Really," she breathed out, "I just need a moment." It was then that Pieter tore into the room with Dr. Olsen behind him, nearly the whole cavalry was here, and Elsa could feel Olaf not far off making his way to her.
Pieter was beside her in a split second and Elsa leaned into him while still holding on to her sister; her two anchors, her life preservers, her North Stars. It was only a few minutes longer before Elsa was fully calm, she felt exhausted. Pieter helped lift her into her chair, when had she fallen out of it? Dr. Olsen then proceeded to check her over, it was during his inspection that she realized the Ministers had all left. Thank the Lord, Elsa wasn't sure she could face them after such a pathetic display. None other than her family, Kia, Gerda, and Dr. Olsen had witnessed her panic attacks before. It would do her no good for her council to see her as unfit and a weak ruler. She would have to do damage control soon.
"You look well enough now Your Majesty," Dr. Olsen said as she stepped away, his face neutral but his eyes concerned. "Can you tell me what happened to set off such an episode?"
"The Admiral asked to discuss the assassination, I don't know what happened, I felt as if I had been shot again and then I was seeing or I guess remembering it all, and suddenly Karoline and Gerda were beside me and I couldn't breathe," Elsa said truthfully there was no point in lying to her physician, he knew her too well and would call out any falsehood she attempted to spin.
He nodded, "It is not unheard of for soldiers who have been shot to experience such episodes." He rubbed his chin, "I believe rest for the remainder of the day, and tomorrow morning is in order." Elsa opened her mouth to object but Pieter's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Kia, move all of Her Majesty's appointments to after lunch," Pieter spoke in a tone that left no room for rebuttal.
"As you wish Your Royal Highness." Kia bowed and left the room as Olaf came into the room. Elsa smiled at him as he waddled over and wordless entered her arms. She felt a wave of calm wash over her. "Should we go see your brothers?" Elsa whispered to him. Olaf nodded in her arms. It wasn't often that the snowman was so calm and his excitement tempered, but whenever he was it was when Elsa needed him to be.
"Elsa, Dr. Olsen said to rest not take a journey to the North Mountain." Anna reprimanded of course she had heard, her ears as keen as a bat. Elsa turned her head to look at her sister. "An evening dinner in the mountains is exactly the type of rest I believe I need at the moment. You are welcome to join."
"The North Mountain, your Ice Castle?" Pieter asked curiously. Elsa simply smiled.
XXXXXXX
Pieter wasn't sure how but in the two and half years since he came to Arendelle as a suitor for Elsa he had never actually been to the North Mountain and Elsa's Ice Palace. It was well known that the Ice Palace was a place of solitude and tranquillity for the Snow Queen of Arendelle and that no one ventured to it without being invited. It was home to all of Elsa's ice creations other than Olaf, though he did freely come and go from the place. Elsa visited at least once every four to six weeks depending on her schedule and she mainly did so alone, only bringing Anna a handful of times. All those closest to Elsa knew that due to her innate nature as an introvert and her isolated childhood; she needed to escape to the Ice Palace to recharge and decompress. The former recluse needed the respite in order to survive a life and occupation that demanded she is surrounded by people all day.
They had talked, Elsa and Pieter, about him joining her on one of her visits to North Mountain, but for whatever reason, it hadn't happened yet; so as the royal quartet, Olaf and Sven began ascending the mountain Pieter felt giddiness and nervousness to see the spectacle his wife had created so many years ago when she'd fled Arendelle and let her magic free. It was further than he expected, it was perplexing how Elsa could have climbed the mountain in one night. As they turned the corner around a cliff face Pieter halted in his tracks and his mouth dropped in awe, before him was the most magnificent castle he had ever seen. It stretched so high it appeared to touch the sky, it simmered in a kaleidoscope of colors as the sun's rays hit each fractal and facet. It could only be magic that held up such a massive yet delicate work of art. It was beyond beautiful, Pieter had no words. Kristoff came to his side and clasped his shoulder "I cried the first time I saw it." He shared mirthfully.
"I don't blame you." Pieter unwittingly quoted Anna. "It's extraordinary." The two men started forward again to try and catch up to their wives. Elsa was ahead of everyone, her pace quick as she took the ice steps two at a time. Pieter wasn't sure he'd seen her enter anywhere with such excitement and desire. Anna was a few paces behind, a gentle smile on her face as she lazily followed her sister.
Pieter's breath was taken a second time in a matter of minutes as he passed into the entranceway; there before him, a giant snowman with a tiara held Elsa to its massive chest in the tenderest hug Pieter had ever witnessed. He could see Elsa's shoulders shaking softly, she was crying. Below the giant snowman, Olaf was being attacked by a massive crowd of miniature snowmen, that Pieter vaguely remembered were called snowgies and had come into existence on a summer day when Elsa had a particularly nasty cold.
"That's Marshmallow," Anna said as she gestured to the giant snowman who was putting down Elsa. The moment his wife's feet touched the ground she was mobbed by a hoard of snowgies. "He's Elsa's protector. Do not get on his bad side." She shook with unease for a moment. "Trust me you never want to see him in his 'protect Elsa' mode." Pieter nodded he remembered now when Elsa had told him the story of her coronation and the summer freeze, that she'd created Marshmallow in desperation to protect Anna, therefore herself, and the giant had thrown Anna, Kristoff, and Olaf out of the Ice Palace and then proceeded to chase them down the mountain and off a cliff.
Elsa was moving towards them now, her tiny hand in that of the Marshmallows. "Pieter, this is Marshmallow, Marshmallow, this is Pieter, my husband. You protect him like you do Anna, Kristoff, and I."
"Marshmallow, protect." came a booming voice from the snowman. Pieter forced a pleasant smile to remain in his face, though he was slightly terrified of the goliath. Though as Mashmallow caringly laid his hand on Elsa's back, he knew there was nothing to worry about from the creature. "It is a pleasure to meet you." Pieter reached out his hand but gasped as he found himself swept up into the arms of Marshmallow. Once back on the grown Elsa giggled, the first sound of happiness he'd heard from his wife in weeks, "I guess I didn't mention he's a hugger."
"No, no you didn't."
Elsa soon disappeared on a walk with Marshmallow and Olaf while Pieter and the others set up a picnic dinner and the putt thing blankets and pillows down in the bedrooms for their night over. "Does it get very cold at night?" Pieter asked Anna as she helped him set up the blankets on the ice bed in Elsa's, well he guessed his and Elsa's bedroom.
"Surprisingly not. I mean it's chilly, we are up a mountain, but the palace keeps the winds out, and Elsa's ice purposeful ice creations have never been as cold as natural ice or her own ice when she's scared or angry."
Pieter nodded, "I had noticed that Olaf isn't that cold to hug, but her frost when she is surprised or upset, is really cold. You think the temperature reflexes her emotions as much as her magic reaction to it?"
"Makes sense to me. Alright, that looks good, let's head down it's nearly nightfall and Elsa should be back soon." She gestured out the balcony door, the sunset was stunning, a master's work of bright pinks and oranges fading into deep purples and blues. The white caps of the surrounding peaks slicing into the bright sky. "It's so beautiful and peaceful here, I can see why she comes here as much as she can."
Anna looked over at the sky and gestured for him to follow, "She is a completely different person here than anywhere else, unencumbered and content." They came to the balcony and she pointed to minuscule Elsa riding on Marshmallows shoulder as they made their way from down the mountain. "I always feel horrible when we have to leave and I can literally see the weight of the world settle on her shoulders and crumble into herself. I think it hurts her a bit to leave here, where her magic is the most alive and present. Marshmallow and the snowgies are here, and I think to Elsa, though she has never said as much, they are like her children. They bring her joy and she feels guilty for leaving them up here all alone. Marshmallow is too big and frightening to come to Arendelle, and the snowgies are too mischievous. Only Olaf can exist in Arendelle without causing too many issues and that took time."
Pieter stood in silence watching as his wife was carefully lifted from Marshmallow's shoulder and place on the bottom step of the palace's staircase; despite the distance, he could see her radiant smiled as she looked up at her creature. Anna's words had been honest and true, Pieter had never seen Elsa looks so happy; it hurt for a moment, he wanted to be the one to make her this happy, then he glanced at Anna who was smiling contently down at her sister. Anna was delighted to see Elsa so gleeful, she took joy in Elsa's. He pushed his selfish feelings away, the most important thing was that Elsa had a place she could escape to and heal if need be, maybe one day she would be as content with him and their family as she was here, but if she never was that was alright with him.
"Let's go meet her." He said to Anna and they descended the stairs coming to the entrance hall just as Elsa walked through the door. She saw them both and a beaming smile graced her luminous face. She crossed the hall in a few steps and threw a hug around Anna. Anna seemed stunned for a moment and then quickly returned her sister's embrace just as tightly. It was a few moments before they let go and Pieter found Elsa in his arms. She hadn't hugged him like this in weeks, he pulled closer and when she turned her head to look up at him he dipped his head so his lips were just above hers, she hesitates a second and then she closed the distance between them and kissed him. Her lips were warm against his and he felt it flood through him. When they separated her eyes gleamed with untold sorrows but a small fleck of hope floated in them now. "I'm sorry I've been distant." He shook his head stopping her apology, he cupped her cheek in his large palm, "You have nothing to apologize for." Elsa sighed and laid her head against his chest. It was moments like this that he was thankful for his height, Elsa was tall for a woman yet he was still about 10 inches taller than her so she feet perfectly in his arms. He rested his head upon the top of hers, "but you lost her too," she lamented.
"I did and I mourn her every second of every day, but Elsa our grief it isn't a competition, it's just different. You carried her, felt her growing within you for six months, you were physically connected to her, you're going to feel her loss in a different way the I. I imagined what she would like, I daydreamed about taking her to the orchard, I felt her move in your womb while you rested against me. We both loved her and we will both grieve for her for the rest of our lives." He pulled back and lifted her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "We can heal though, we can continue to live our lives and carry her with us, we can do it together."
She nodded and then tiptoed to lay a wisp of a kiss on his lips. "Thank you."
XXXXXXX
The trip up to the North Mountain had been exactly what Elsa had needed, she felt centered and clear-minded for the first time since the assassination attempt. She now sat before the Privy Council, her mind resolute that she would discuss this matter.
"The assassin was convicted and is serving a life sentence in Corona." She finished. It was difficult explaining the events, but the council need to know all the details, it was still unclear if the assassin had acted alone or with support of a conspiracy against the Crown.
"Life sentence, he should have been executed, what was the King of Corona thinking." Baron Englefjord remarked, most of the council was were nodding their head in agreement.
"It wasn't his decision it was mine." Elsa admitted, "I believe it is a worse punishment living the rest of his life knowing he failed and spending his days alone in a cell."
"I will have to respectfully disagree." The Minister of Justice and Public Safety Fredrick Christianson expressed as he rubbed his brown goatee. "He deserved to rot in the ground after what he tried to do, Your Majesty."
Elsa understood the sentiment, she had considered it many times. The thought of him living and Astrid not, killed her at first, but then she really began to think about it, while he would be alive he wouldn't be living, he would just be existing. Existing in a world where he failed and she still lived, still ruled Arendelle, and grew a family. Then she thought about God and if it was really her right to decide whether this man died or not. She hadn't executed Hans how could she sentence this man to death. Then there was one last thought that had tipped the scales in favor of life imprisonment. "He wouldn't tell us if he acted alone or not and what he said in the dungeon, it leads me to believe he was part of an organization or at lease hired by one. We may need information from him again, and maybe just maybe months or even years of prison with soften him up and we will get the information we need."
"A wise and shrewd move, Your Majesty," Admiral Pedersen stated, "If Your Majesty is correct, and I believe you are, he is our only connection to the people who wish you harm. If he dies all the information he has dies with him; however, with him alive there is still a chance we can get the information from him."
"Who do we think is behind the assassination attempt?" asked Thomas Gundersen the Minister of Labor and Social affairs.
"It could be anyone, a group of people fearful of Her Majesty's powers or even a foreign country, the Southern Isles, Sweden, Finland. There are too many options." Marius admitted. Elsa reluctantly agreed with him. In the few short years, Arendelle had been opened to the world Arendelle had made many allies and friends but also several enemies. There were world leaders who still feared her; then there were Sweden and Finland who had been embarrassed by her and shamed when she foiled their plans to invade Arendelle. Then there was the Southern Isles; who was offended when Elsa did not refrain from answering questions about Han's actions during her coronation. There were enemies abound and Elsa didn't know what to do about it.
Admiral Pedersen cleared his throat and glanced at Minister Christianson who gave a subtle nod, Elsa had an idea about where this conversation was going to lead, as she'd considered the same thing herself.
"Your Majesty, Minister Christianson, and I have engaged in some conversations since word came to us about the events in Corona, and while we can't say for sure, the assassination may have been preventable." He looked at her as he paused, giving her a chance to respond to their opinion. She nodded and gestured for him to continue. "We believe that is time that Arendelle invests in an agency who would be skilled in clandestine activities."
"Spys". Elsa stated bluntly.
"Yes mama, but not only spies but individuals who can track down those who do not want to be found, and men equipt with the skills to evaluate information and act about it."
Elsa let his words roll around her head, she had thought of the same thing over the past few days. She was not naive, she knew other nations, especially countries like the United Kingdom, France, and many of the German States utilized spies and had them all over the world, and undoubtedly Arendelle. Arendelle on the other hand never saw the need for having a network of covert agents, especially during the 13 years the gates were closed. The world was changing, larger nations were invading smaller ones, citizens were revolting against monarchies all over the world. It was time for Arendelle to enter the modern world.
"I appreciate your and Minister Christianson's diligence and forward-thinking. I had been considering the matter as well. I agree, it is time that we were proactive in information gathering, I do not like being caught unawares and it has happened three times in my short tenure as Queen. Admiral and Minister Christianson, I will appoint you both to lead in developing a plan and structure for this new agency. I believe there should be a head who would report solely to yourselves, Admiral and Minister, and then you would report to me if needed. I expect to see a proposal by the end of the week.":
"Yes, Ma'am," both men responded. Elsa looked around the table, the other Ministers had remained quiet and none objected to the idea. It was likely she and the MInisters of Defense and Justice were not the only ones considering this action.
"If there are no other urgent matters I will call this meeting to a close." No one objected to Elsa's relief. She slowly made her way back to her suites. As she drew closer to the last door on the left before her suites she felt a hand grip her heart. She had yet to gather the courage to enter the room. She knew what was in that room, an ornate white and blue crib with a matching dresser and rocking chair. A hand-sewn blanket with snowflakes and crocuses. A stuffed snowman. A room fit for an heir, for a prince or princess, for her child. A room that would remain empty for the foreseeable future. Elsa pushed past it and into her room. She waved off her ladies maid who was waiting for her and moved straight to the wingback chair next to the fire, she took an old shaw that had been her mothers and wrapped it around her shoulder, her body crumbled into the chair, and she cried, she cried for all she had lost, for the future unknown, for what could have been but would never be.
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