I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update. I was extremely busy with school and then I think my muse left me. But I am back and as a thanks to all of you who have stuck with this story I have not one but three new chapters and I hope to get this story done as soon as possible. However I do have two weeks of school left so I can't promise it will be immediately but I promise it will not be three or four months. So enjoy and I hope you don't mind the smaller chapters.



It's been two weeks since I got the phone call from Sandy. Two weeks of sobriety all because both of my boys are in the hospital. At least Seth is awake. The doctors keep saying he will never walk but they don't know my Seth. He will walk again and I know it.

"Marissa's funeral was yesterday." I tell Ryan. "I'm sorry you couldn't make it. It was really beautiful."

Ryan lies there as he always does. I just wish there was something more I could do. Both of my boys are in trouble and I can't help them. I can't take there place and I can't take away there pain with just a kiss. Any mother will tell you that the worst pain is watching your child hurt and knowing that you can't make them feel better.

I've spent a lot of time with Ryan, crying, praying, and asking him and whoever else to let him wake up. Still he just lies there, not moving, not speaking, and not smiling. I miss his smile and his blue eyes. I just want my sons back. "I'm sorry Ryan." I have done so much apologizing. I feel as if this is all my fault. I'm the one who wasn't the mother I was supposed to be. I'm the failure and now they are paying for it. I wish I could have been there to protect them. I wouldn't be going through this now. If I would've done my job, Ryan wouldn't be lying here facing death and Seth wouldn't be facing paralysis. My eyes close slowly as I drift off to sleep, crying as always.