I walk over to Kirsten who is asleep in a chair next to Ryan. I kiss her forehead which doesn't even cause her to rustle. It's been a couple of weeks for all of us. I myself have only had a few hours of sleep, but I think she has taken it hardest. She keeps bringing up the things she said to Ryan and how she didn't mean them. We try to split our time between the boys evenly, but since Summer and Seth were both asleep in Seth's room I figured I'd come see Ryan.
I walk to the other side of the bed and sit down in a chair next to it. I lean over and whisper to Ryan, "Hey Ryan." I stop and make sure that I didn't wake Kirsten then continue, "It's been one hell of a week. Seth started physical therapy. He's still paralyzed, but doing better. He can sit up by himself and even helped the nurses out when they moved him to the chair. He's been begging them and us to let him come see you but the doctor said he can't until a few more sessions with the therapist. We miss you Ryan." I lean back now and just watch, hoping for him to open his eyes. Ryan was always so strong and seeing him like this just breaks my heart. When I get no response I speak, "I know you hate hospitals and the thought of being weak. But you're very strong Ryan, no matter what you think. The doctor's didn't think that you'd make it through the night and here you are a week later. All you need to do is open your eyes and then we can take you home." Kirsten stirs a little in the chair, which means if I want her to keep sleeping I have to leave. "I'll be back later Ryan."
With that I leave the room. That was my first time pleading Ryan to come back. I feel a lump in my throat, as I head out of Ryan's room. I barely make it to the end of the hall before the tears start falling and I just collapse. All the wear of the week has taken its toll. All the being strong for Kirsten, Summer and the boys fades away as the river of tears fall from my face. I have finally given into my hurt, my pain, the realization that this tragedy was taking my boys away from me. Whether it be Seth not being able to walk anymore or Ryan in a coma. "They are never going to be the same and I can't help them. I can't do anything about it." I say aloud. I look up as I continue, "Whoever is listening, please help my sons. Please let them be okay. Let me help them. Let me take there place. This isn't right. This isn't the way it's supposed to be." I've drawn a crowd now but I don't notice any of them except when I feel Kirsten's arms around me. She's holding me like I held her that night. I try and stop but the tears are like a waterfall and they won't allow me too. So I just sit in her arms and pretend that the rest of the world has faded away.
