That was a question that I used to hear day in and day out. Used to, being the operative words. There were so many things that i used to do, hear, see, feel. I used to travel to almost every corner of the world, meet so many different people and hear them chant my name at every daring move I made.
I don't anymore.
Instead, I stay in the solace of my home, working on my music, ride my dirt bikes, go insane with the stuff I do with my brother and our internet show, play with my dogs. I think the only thing connecting my life then and now is my ever-changing hair color. And, of course, the necessary eat and sleep routine.
Routine. That's pretty much my life now. A once unpredicatable daredevil now has a boring routine life.
You think I've gone crazy now, don't you? Why the hell would I, or anyone for that matter, turn my back on a life that others can only dream of? Why would a rainbow-haired angel clip its own wings?
I gave up everything... just for the world.
Well, not THE world. MY world.
I gave up hearing chants just to hear the simple utterance of my name. I gave up travelling unless my world comes with me. I gave up seeing so many different things for familiarity. I gave up flying just so I could soar higher than my body could have ever gone.
As long as I have her with me, I don't care about what my life once was or what my life could have been. It wouldn't matter at all without her. I can't nor do I want to imagine going thru my life without being able to look into her eyes, put a smiles on her face, hear her laugh or call my name. I can no longer bear the idea of waking up in the morning and not feel her warmth around me. Or wake up in the middle of the night, just like now, just to watch her sleep and wonder if the small smile she has on her lips is from dreaming of me.
"Jeff? Why are you up? What time is it?"
"Ssh. Go back to sleep, it's late or early depending on how you look at it."
"Hmm. I love you."
There. That's why I clipped my wings. That's what I live for. Hearing and feeling those words that she uttered. Just before succumbing to sleep, with my head filled with hope that my dreams be of her, I said what's now and forever will be in my heart.
"I love you too Beth."
