As I dreamt alone in that dream, my dreams slowly faded into nightmares; nightmares that felt like they had happened before in the past. It was blurry, but I saw Inuyasha strung up by a spider web. A spider head bit him on the shoulder and he slowly cried out in pain. Shippo said from below, "Kagome, Inuyasha's been poisoned." Later on, Kagome got Inuyasha down from the web and dragged him into the other room. I would only see a close up of his face; his eyes were shut and it looked like he wasn't breathing. I felt my heart race in panic. I saw a flea, I figured was Myoga, jump on his neck and suck his blood; he grew 100x in size. I painfully watched as Inuyasha started sweating and panting. Kagome wiped his forehead as he slowly opened his eyes.
I shot awake as the half-moon started going down. I fell backwards, but my left leg and tail caught onto the tree branch. I sighed in relief, "Phew, that was a close one." I looked at Inuyasha from my upside-down position and for a split second, I thought I saw that look of pain on his face that I did in the dream. I flipped myself over, so I was hanging from the tree by my left leg and tail, but I was able to see Inuyasha right side up. He was groaning, but otherwise looked all right.
A voice echoed in my head, "I thought I was going to lose you; I thought you were going to die." It was Kagome's voice and it sounded like it was from the dream. I looked at him again and he seemed to be getting a little restless. I thought back to what I said, "I hope that poison eats away at you a little more than planned…"
I said to myself, "Good thing I didn't wish for that to happen…" I watched as his panting somewhat increased. I eyed him nervously throughout the next few hours, not knowing what was going on. I saw the wound on his shoulder and how it seemed to be fuming with poison like my leg had. I whispered, "Inuyasha, you're stronger than this. I know you can fight that poison; nothing slows you down."
I sighed, shutting my eyes. The night continued and so did the voices in my head and the flurry visions of Inuyasha dealing with the poison. My heart kept screaming for the nightmare to end, but nothing deterred it.
I then saw a bright light and I felt like I was falling. I screamed, but stopped short though. My heart jolted. I opened my eyes to see that someone had caught me. I shivered, "What a horrible nightmare…"
"That's why I use trees for hanging out, not sleeping." The familiar voice said. I looked at the red sleeves that rested around his arms. I whispered, shutting my eyes. "Inuyasha…" He set me down on the ground, feeling my forehead. "Looks like you've recovered from that touch of Sesshomaru's poison. What's got you so… whatever…" I looked up at him as he looked at me, confused. I shrugged, "Nightmare… it felt so real… like it happened before." I looked down, ashamed, "I didn't mean to say that I wanted the poison to eat at you… my nightmare showed me what could happen if it did. It scared me to death. The visions kept coming back and stronger each time. You screamed in pain and I was paralyzed by my fears."
I shuddered. I sat up, looking at where the bite was in his shoulder. "How's your wound?" He felt it, "nothing I couldn't handle, don't worry about it." I shivered, but I turned around to face him eye to eye. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Look, I told you I'm fine… you worry too much."
"No, I worry just the right amount. It's you who doesn't worry enough!" I felt like my emotions were getting the better of me again. I moaned, "Oh god… I feel so unstable as a half-demon or whatever… my emotions are always getting the best of me." I wiped my eyes, but I couldn't control the tears that started pouring out of them.
His face changed, "What… what are you… you're not crying, are you?" I shook my head, "No… I'm not… I'm just…" Kagome called to us, "Inuyasha! What'd you do to her?"
"What? I didn't do nothin', she did this all on her own."
"No… really, I'm not…" I wiped my eyes, but then my emotions overpowered me. I flung myself at Inuyasha, holding him tightly as I started balling my eyes. "I was so scared…"
"What… I told you I'm fine…"
"I don't care… my nightmare was playing with my mind. I was angry last night, I didn't mean to say I wanted the poison to get to you. I didn't mean that…"
Miroku and Sango approached. Miroku said flat out, "Inuyasha, what did you do?"
"I already told you! I didn't do anything; she just went hysterical in front of my own two eyes!"
I inhaled in between sobs, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. You've given me so much and did so much for me while I was growing up… I just wanted to repay you, even if I put my own life on the line to do that."
"What exactly do you want me to say?" He asked.
"I don't know… just anything to make me stop… Call me a complete idiot and a lame excuse for a demon… I don't care, just say something."
He sighed, "I'm sorry for getting on your case last night. I'm just not a believer in self-sacrifice, like other people saying they'd give their lives for me. I don't want that kind of pity. I hardly show compassion for others, so I don't think I deserve that in return. Unless the time calls for it, spare me the noble act!" He brushed it off. "If you have anything going for you, it's the way you always put others before yourself, willingly. Me, I do it just because I'm called to do so. I'm not always so happy about it, but I do it anyway. You have no problem with that… The fact you wanted to use that shard for strength instead of power… that just goes over my head. You're unlike anyone else I know."
I let go and wiped my eyes one last time. I laughed lightly, "sorry I got your kimono all wet."
"Nah… it's no big deal." I settled myself back onto his chest. I sighed, "Just once more…" I listened to his heart slowly calm down and my own did the same. I felt the jewel shard glow inside of me and my frown became a smile. The hand came back for that same embrace. He slightly groaned, "Why do I always have to be the nice guy?" Although my eyes were shut, I sensed an overwhelming calmness break over Inuyasha. I looked up and I saw his eyes slowly shut, as if he were hypnotically falling asleep. I lifted my head off, "Inuyasha?"
Then he snapped back to normal. "What?" I put my head back and listened to the comforting beat of his heart. He slowly slumped back into that dreamy state. "I don't know what it is, but when you're this close, I feel this overwhelming sense of calmness. It's like… I can't be angry or feel anything at all… it's almost comforting." I placed my free hand on his chest and suddenly, I felt another hand wrap around my arm. I looked up and Inuyasha had both of his arms around me. It was as if he was seeking some answers and he needed a moment of clarity to find them.
It suddenly came to me. He was trying to figure out what to do regarding his feelings for Kikyo. He was trying to find some comfort to get through losing her all over again. Somehow, having me this close was reminding him of her and he thought on and on about why she betrayed him. It was like he was using me as a shield for something. I took my head off his chest and backed away. I narrowed my eyes.
"What?" He said, disapprovingly.
"I know what's going on. You're using me!" He folded his arms, "What do you mean?"
"The calmness that I seem to give you… it reminds you of the way you feel about Kikyo. I am not Kikyo and I won't want to be used a way to keep her spirit alive!"
"Inuyasha, is that true?" Kagome asked.
"Kagome's a great girl, Inuyasha. Even though you and Kikyo have history, what you have with Kagome makes a lot more sense. Her loyalty to you hasn't wavered. She challenges you with every ounce of her being while letting you be yourself, your rough and tough self. Kikyo just mystifies you in a way that's almost blinding. Although I like the way I make you feel, that calmness, it's not right to think that could replace Kikyo. The calmness you feel after you see her." His jaw was moving, but I couldn't hear anything. It was almost like he was speechless or he was dumbfounded that I figured out his plan.
I crossed my arms and stood up. "Inuyasha… I'd considering staying with you so I could learn more about being strong in the body as well as the heart. However, if I'm nothing more than a replacement for Kikyo, I'm afraid I can't complete my training with you." I turned my back, "Here's your last chance, Inuyasha."
"Hold on, that's not it at all! It's got nothing to do with Kikyo!" He tried defending himself. I bowed my head, "Don't lie. Our souls connect whenever you hold me like that; I know what you're thinking. I refuse to be used that way."
I stopped, "Oh, by the way… whenever that night comes where you become mortal and fall into trouble with whomever, I won't be around to save your ass… again."
"What'd you mean again! Wait, come back!" He jumped in front of me. I crossed my arms, "I doubt anything you say is going to change my mind."
"Don't go spreading this around or nothing… but I lose my powers on the start of the lunar cycle. You know, just in case you want to look me up and "prove me wrong" or "save my life" or whatever you wanna do." He smiled, "Just saying… you know, it was good getting to know you…"
I sighed, "And I thought you could convince me to stay… I overestimate you sometimes. First I think you're this perfectly nice guy, and then I thought you actually cared about me."
I spat in his face. "Mark my words Inuyasha, this will be the last time you take your friends for granted. I considered you my friend, knowing that's all you can ever be to me, a friend and a mentor." I turned my back and headed off.
Kagome walked up to him, "Inuyasha, is that true? You liked to hold her like that because it reminds you of Kikyo? What about me? What about the nights I slept by you? Was that an act too?"
He shook his head, "No Kagome. I just thought you'd get jealous of her like you did of Kikyo, so I didn't want to leave you out this time."
"Are you okay?" She asked as he seemed a little down. He pointed, "Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret that?"
"Because… you know that she just might come back after you? You revealed your secret to her; she could just be mad enough to come find you to kill you."
"Nah, I seriously doubt that… she's all about 'protecting me' or whatever."
"She's right, you are a user…" She looked crossly at him, "Inuyasha!"
He cringed, "No… don't say it…" He was preparing to run away when she said, "Sit boy!" He fell over and she kept yelling "sit" at him for the next few minutes.
Miroku and Sango stood by and watched. "So, that's what she was doing to Inuyasha. She was looking into his soul and slowly healing it from the ordeal with Kikyo. He came to depend on her to help him keep the memory going, but there's really no point. Kikyo's gone and she's not coming back."
"Yeah, I feel a little sorry for her. I mean with the way she feels about Inuyasha and everything." Inuyasha's ears twitched, "What was that?"
"Oh nothing you need to be concerned with." Miroku shook his head, "you're such a two-timer. She couldn't have been more right about you and Kagome…"
"Yeah that's strange… I hardly told her anything at all." Inuyasha mentioned. He looked up at Kagome. She shrugged, "We've had our talks; I think she's just really good at knowing this stuff. I'm gonna miss her."
"Yeah, whatever…" He turned his head.
"Inuyasha, you're acting like you don't even care." Shippo observed.
"It's not that I don't care; I just don't think…" He struggled with his next thought, "Humph, I just don't think… I mean, how do you apologize for something like that?"
"Well, for starters," Miroku came forward, "you gotta give her space to cool off. Then, if you want to help her complete her training, you gotta show her that you care enough as a friend. Make her feel like you care about her as a person, not as a way to remind you of Kikyo." He looked at the rising noon sun and sighed. "I guess… I could always come by when I'm mortal… make it seem like I went through a lot of trouble to see her. That kind of thing…"
"Wow, that's such a big step for you, Inuyasha." Kagome complimented him. "It was amazing enough you actually told her when you lose your powers, but you're willing to expose yourself to her. You never did that willingly for anyone before."
He shrugged, "Yeah, well… yeah… we'll just leave it at that. I'll be back." He hopped away into the woods. Kagome wondered, "Sango, what did you mean when you said 'the way she feels about Inuyasha'?"
"Well, she said it was okay to tell you. She likes Inuyasha quite a bit, but she forbade herself from showing that she does. She doesn't want to interfere with you and Inuyasha's relationship."
"Wow… talk about self-sacrifice. She does so much for Inuyasha and he doesn't even know it. I wish there was something we could do." Kagome said.
"There's nothing we can do… it's all up to Inuyasha now." Miroku shrugged.
Inuyasha sprinted through the woods, trying to find some kind of clarity. He climbed to the top of the tallest tree and looked out. He thought, "Was I really thinking about Kikyo when I held the princess? It's only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like it's been forever. But I can't just leave Kagome hanging like that, it's not fair to her." He pulled out the Tetsusaiga and looked at it, "she's strong enough so that she can hold it… meaning she can only get more powerful. If she finds me when I'm mortal, I gotta make sure I'm on her good side. The look in her eyes is enough to convince me she's capable of anything." He sat on that tree branch until the moon rose to the sky.
He stood up, preparing to head back. "All right, princess, I'll see you in a few weeks."
