Sai and Kage

CHAPTER TWO:

Afraid of Love Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

"I closed the door on him, and everything he made me feel. That was when I first fell in love with the Rat."

Nothing more seemed to happen to me for about a week. After I kissed Kage I went home and got to play pet cat again. Dai had become partial to having Sai sit on the floor while he sat in a chair next to her and have her lay her head on his lap. He treated me just like the Cat I am, petting my hair, and occasionally kicking me when I angered him.

He tightened his hold that week, and I wasn't allowed any time to go to the dojo. Dai's "condition" was getting worse, and our doctor, the Sohma Snake, said it didn't look too good. Dai gave him a rather painful smack for that remark.

As soon as the doctor left each day Dai would call me to him. He would reach out his arms and pull me close to him. He would hold he tight, and bury his face in my long hair, and my neck. I could never tell for sure, but I always wondered if he was crying or not.

"Do you love me?" He would whisper in my ear, gently kissing my neck and telling me what a wonderful Cat I was.

"Yes." I would tell him. I felt no guilt lying to him, because if I didn't he would take my bracelet again. At those times even I, the heartless Cat, began to feel sorry for the cursed Sohma 'God'. It was almost sad watching Dai fall apart like that.

"Sai, my Cat, you can never leave me," He ordered, "You will always be here, by my side, because I love you. I can't let you leave, Sai, I can't live without you, my little monster." The day he said this to me, three days after I'd "met" Kage, I didn't know how to react.

Daikin had always wanted me as a wife. Ever since we first met he would always make it out that he planned to marry me out of pity. I was just the poor little cursed Cat, who no one could ever love, except him. He would hit me, call me a monster, take my bracelet, but still, he would always say that he treated me better than any other man would.

I put up with it because I knew that if I fought back, I would be an even bigger outcast from the Sohma's. I mean, with Father gone, I had nothing to run to but plenty left to run from. The Main House was all I had, and Dai was the only chance at marriage I might ever have. Besides, he could hold me and touch me just like one of the animals; so, if I ever wanted real love he was one of my few choices.

Even so, I couldn't defy his wishes either, even though I hated him with a passion most of the time. The only time I didn't hate him, was when I pitied him because of his curse and the pain that came from it.

All that week after I met Kage, I pitied Dai and all the pain he went through, so I put up with his "Do you love me?" 's because I felt too sorry for him to say anything else. That week he had started keeping me with him during the night too.

I was to be kept at his side at all times, whether he could see me or not. I slept on his floor and got no cushions or pillows. I wasn't allowed to go to school because he needed me too much to let me leave for seven hours at a time.

I remember that hard floor very well. I slept on it for four days before he cried out to me. It was past midnight, and he had woken from a tortured dream in a sweat.

I woke to his voice calling my name, "Sai… Sai…. Come here." Daikin had called to me. I shook the sleep off and forced myself to crawl over to his bedside. His eyes were half-open and whatever nightmare he had just finished still partly held him. He didn't look too good, and he was definitely suffering.

"What do you want, Dai?" I asked, looking down at his shaking body.

"Come here, Sai. I'm so alone… so alone. I need you! Come here…" He moved over and offered me a spot on his bed. I had to weigh my choices very carefully now. If I refused, he might remember the next morning and I would be punished. If I agreed, I'd have to share a bed with Daikin, although I doubted very much that he would be able to try anything in his condition.

So I joined him; it beat sleeping on the floor. I snuck into bed next to him, and he rapped his arm around my waist and held me to him. I could hear his breathing inches from my ear as he buried his face in my neck.

"I mean it, Sai. I really do love you. I'm sorry for calling you a monster. The monster in you, I wont lie, it scares me," He mumbled, drifting back into sleep even as he spoke, "But the woman in you, beats the monster any day. You're beautiful, and you will make me a wonderful bride, even if it'll confuse the other animals. I want you, not one of them, because I want you to see that you can live off being one with me, and you don't need to be one with them…." And then he fell asleep.

I thought over all he had said late into the night.

Dai got better after a week and I was allowed out again. I went back to the dojo. I kept telling myself it was because I wanted some practice, but even I didn't believe my lie. I wanted to see Kage again.

I couldn't have identified the feeling back then, but it was pretty damn close to a crush. I was attracted to him when I barely knew what real attraction was. I guess that might sound a little screwed up, but that's really what it was like.

When I got to the dojo I asked Kari if he was at the dojo, telling her I wanted some good competition. Kari was so glad to see me after my week long absence she actually answered my question instead of lecturing. It was something new from her.

"Yeah, that kid was here earlier. I think he's in the other room with Edward, his trainer. You can go talk for a bit, I have to finish with another student, but I want you back here in fifteen minutes." Okay, so it was kind of an order, but it was a start.

I gave her a wolfish grin, "Thanks, Kari, fifteen minutes should do it. See ya." I stalked off in Kage's direction. I felt drawn to him, like fate wanted me to see him again.

I didn't need to talk to him, just to see him. "This means nothing," I'd said, but I had begun to have my doubts. I did think about that kiss a lot while I was confined with Daikin, but that was to be expected, I guess.

There he was, practicing against Edward. Edward was a big man with big muscles; he was probably about twenty-five, Kari's age maybe. He made Kage look a little outmatched, they were about nine years apart and it was visible in size ratios. Still, Kage was doing an impressive job holding his own.

It make me sound like a drone, but I must say it got my blood pumping just watching him fight. God, I wanted it to be just him and me again, I wanted to take Edwards place and try my luck with Kage one more time.

The fight was over all too soon. Kage wiped his sweating face on his sleeve, and then turned to regard the room and saw me standing by the door. A smile took over his face and he walked towards me.

We didn't talk for a minute, just stood close and took each other in. We both looked each other up and down, and then he smiled again.

"I've missed you. Can't leave a guy with just one kiss." He said, still smiling. He reached out one hand a cupped my cheek in it. I turned my face to meet his straight on. He leaned in and kissed me again.

It was another sweet, perfect kiss, the kind normal girls dreamed about. He leaned his forehead against mine. I took in his scent, wanting just then for us to be alone and for the stupidity to simply let my hormones take over. God, it was so tempting.

Instead I whispered, "I don't think we're quiet ready to go public yet, Rat. Next time lets keep the kissing to outside only."

He laughed, "Sure thing, Cat, I think I can manage that. So, want to go outside?"

I laughed too. Then I stopped myself. Head over heart, I had to control my own actions; I couldn't just let my hormones run away with me. Sure, there was some definite attraction going on here, but there was the underlying Zodiac that wouldn't let this happen.

"Kage… I'm not going with you again. Got it? This can't happen. It isn't happening." Well, that's what I should have said.

Instead it went more like this, "Rat, I think we should just keep to practicing for now, we'll see about later." I even gave him a suggestive look over my shoulder as I walked out on to the practice floor.

He followed like a lost puppy follows its master. He was still checking me out, but that I could resist. Now it was time for the fight, and I was armed and ready.