The most unusual thing about my dreams was the void that seemed to be in my heart. I kept seeing visions that otherwise would have had me crying in my sleep; Inuyasha get killed off by whomever, Sesshomaru, Naraku, even spider heads. I'd see him suffer continuous; either I knew I was dreaming or something was wrong with me. I would have normally gone after him, tried to protect him, but I just stood there watching.
A voice then come to me. "Every time he transformed into a demon, he loses a piece of himself." I paused, knowing it was Miroku. I saw him and Sango by the river, talking about Inuyasha's most recent transformation. I wondered, "What if I'm going through the same thing? Maybe I lost a piece of myself when I made us fall into that river, or even when I myself transformed. I wouldn't put it past me; I've gotten so much like Inuyasha lately. I also wondered if I had changed my mind about self-sacrifice or at least my attitude. I came to see that maybe I wanted to sacrifice my own happiness so Inuyasha can be the best he can be in whatever he does. I was completely fine with that and it even left open space for me to find someone else to care about.
I got up the next morning and spent it having a swim in the river. I found out that I was cool with what I was doing; who needs love when you're as strong as Inuyasha? I was getting to be as strong as him in terms of being a half-demon; maybe I've dropped the need for emotions to run my life. I figured that emotions might distract me anyway. I then realized that my dreams were just ridiculous. Inuyasha isn't defenseless and I don't have to be protecting him; he can very well take care of himself. Maybe I've just been worrying to much.
I headed back to see Inuyasha patiently tapping his foot. I shrugged, "I've only been gone for about an hour… don't make such a big deal about it."
"Listen… about yesterday…"
"Just forget it… I had a great time, seeing you fight one on one like that. It was such a rush; I feel like I've been missing that my whole life."
"I was gonna ask if you slept well, but it seems that way." He yawned and stretched. I laughed, "I guess you didn't so much."
"Nah… but whatever it was, it's blown over." Sango and Kagome came rushing back to us from the east.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"It's the village, it's being over attacked by a pack of bandits being lead by a moth demon."
"All right!" Inuyasha took out his Tetsusaiga. "That does it, I'm so sick of insects!" He rushed in the direction the girls came from and I followed close behind. When we got there, it was chaos everywhere. There were fires, people struck down by arrows and bandits everywhere laughing. They spotted Inuyasha right away and they looked really scared. He growled, "All right, where's your leader, you miserable excuse for humans!"
A female moth demon came out from the crowd. Inuyasha scoffed, "Keh, don't tell me you're going to finish what Gatenmaru started!"
"What if I am?" She bit her lip in a smile, "So, you're the half demon who killed him… I expected as much."
"Spare the pleasantries! I'm gonna take you out; being a girl doesn't mean I'll go easy on you!"
"Not so fast… I'm very choosy about who I fight… tell you what. I'll fight the little tigress demon and then I'll consider your offer."
"No way! This is between me and you; she wasn't involved in my fight with Gatenmaru!" I stepped up, "Hold on, Inuyasha. Let me take her on. Don't try protecting me just because of what happened to you in the past."
"I'm not trying to protect; moth demons are a race of demons I'd like to exterminate myself!"
"You know what? I don't know why I even need your permission. I know the risks and I figured it's about time I had a real challenge."
"In that case, here…" He let the Tetsusaiga return to normal and handed it to me. "We'll see how you do in battle and I'll always be here to back you."
"Thanks, but don't need it." I snapped my wrist and the sword transformed. "Let's get this over with."
"More than glad to. You'll be sorry you decided to tangle with Katanamaru, new leader of the moth demons of the southwest."
I came at her with the sword, but she was wicked fast. I felt like the sword was weighing me down slightly, keeping me from going at my usual speed. A fume of poison came from her mouth and I back-flipped over her head and landed behind her. I then slashed through her back with the sword. Then she put a hand to her back and slowly sealed the wound back up.
"I work with silk… it'll take more than a simple toy sword to get rid of me." She then started breathing out the poison. I covered my mouth and leaped backwards away from her. She then came rushing for me, now her hands fuming with poison. I kept flinging the sword at her, but she kept healing all of her wounds.
Then she started spitting out silk from her own mouth. I held up the Tetsusaiga to block it, but she kept pushing me back. It stuck to the back of the sword. I then grabbed a hold of it, somewhat burning my hand and pulled her closer to me. I grabbed her by the throat and flipped her over my back. I forced the sword into her heart and tore through her until I could see her guts. I didn't like what I was seeing; poison fumes leaking from her stomach. I leapt backwards to get away from the fumes.
She laughed, "You're so pathetic! I'll just show you my true form and finish you off." Wings popped out of her back and her growing body broke through her outfit. I gulped, realizing that this was my moment to prove to myself and Inuyasha that I was capable of defending myself and others. I let the rage start burning within me because I was getting annoying with her—and myself. I didn't know what I was going, but somehow, I knew I'd find a way to get rid of her.
She started batting her wings to kick up more poisonous dust and create her own wind. I held the sword with one hand, covering my nose and mouth with the other arm. I looked at Tetsusaiga as the wind started rotating around it. I looked ahead and saw where her wind intersecting my energy. It finally came to me. I had to cut through the scar of the wind. I let my energy and flame burn. I jumped up and shouted, "Wind Scar!" A yellow surge of energy came from my sword and cut completely through her in a few different places.
I wiped the sweat off my brow and turned around. The bandits were so freaked out that they decided to leave while they had the chance. I wasn't at all happy with how I did. I let the sword transform back and handed it to Inuyasha. He kept giving me a stern look and I just reflected it back at him. I wasn't going to give into intimidation. I just turned my back and started walking off.
"Hang on for a second!"
"I know what you're going to say, save it…" I looked back and narrowed my eyes, "I don't need anything from you." I sprinted off into the woods to clear my head. I didn't sense anyone around so I started scratching my claws on the trees out of frustration. All of a sudden, the frustration became irritation and aggravation. I started screaming as I hit the trees. I started kicking them down my feet and hissed. It was unlike any hiss from before, though… it was absolutely disgusted and furious. I didn't want to face Inuyasha now; I knew I had let him down and if it had been my own tribe, with my own sword, I probably wouldn't have made it out. This wasn't a matter of just proving myself to Inuyasha; this was about pride and mine was pretty much broken by this.
I saw a bunch of crows perching behind me. I just let loose on all of them, clawing and scratching to get rid of them. "You're not taking my jewel shard, you vultures!" I fell to my knees in anger; all I knew to do was breathe excessively to let my internal flame subside. A moment too soon, I heard a twig snap. My ears twitched and I jumped to my feet. I turned around and sure enough, it was Inuyasha. I shifted my eyebrows, "Took you long enough… not that I was really keen on having you come after me."
"Ok… what's your deal?"
"What deal!" I fought back, shoving his hand off my shoulder.
"That… that's what I'm talking! What's with this attitude?"
I paused, "Attitude…" I thought for a second. I shrugged, "When'd I get an attitude?"
"I was about to ask you that."
"Look, I know I totally stunk back there. I don't need to hear it from you."
"Actually, I was going to say that it wasn't bad for the first time. Those moth demons are tricky and hella nasty. Plus it's your first time fighting a demon alone." He snuck a smile, "I really can't be blame you."
"Don't forget it's my first time with Tetsusaiga." I exhaled, "I seriously don't know how you do it."
"Well, it takes a really skilled demon to wield my sword. Trust me, it didn't come easy to me at first either. And the Wind Scar, that took me even longer to master. I'm amazed you actually were able to use it."
"Actually, I was surprised myself. I was half afraid that… I wasn't going to come up with anything…"
"Eh, it happens to the best of us. Don't be so hard on yourself if things don't go according to plan. Throughout all this, I'm always gonna have your back." He put his hands on my shoulders; I couldn't help but smile. "Thanks."
"Yeah, you didn't do that bad," Kagome finally caught up. "I thought you handled yourself really well. You didn't lose your focus for a second."
I blushed, scratching the back of my head. "I thought I did for a second." I then looked at the hand I used to grab the silk and it was slightly burned. I touched it and it didn't even hurt.
"Let me see your hand."
"It's nothing… it doesn't hurt."
"Let me see." Inuyasha grabbed it for a look. "Might as well wrap it in some healing herbs, just to be on the safe side."
"Yeah sure…" We got back and Miroku fixed my hand up. He also redid the bandage on my foot. "It should be completely healed by tomorrow."
"Thanks Miroku," I smiled, "I had no idea you were so good with this first aid stuff…"
"Well, lechery isn't my only strong point." I narrowed my eyes. "I'm kidding. Just relax." He helped me up. "I'm sorry if I've been giving you a hard time. I appreciate what you've done."
"Hey, first impressions can't be correct all the time. You and Inuyasha didn't exactly hit it off." I put a hand out to stop him, "He's a different story completely in his own universe. I almost feel like he has as many different personalities as I do and he's always one thing or the other. There's no in-between." I shrugged, "I feel like, more so today, that I'm starting to pick up on his personality. And I really don't want to."
"Nobody says you have to."
"I guess that's where I'm drawing my strength from. I'm becoming stronger to be more like him, so I figure I gotta be like him, but I don't have to." I stretched my arms over my head, "He's so complex, it exhausts me just to think about it."
We stepped outside a moment later and Kagome had already gotten our lunches ready. I scratched my head, still confused as to my change in attitude. I was hanging like it was no big deal; was it all just a crush on Inuyasha? I could have sworn I felt something much stronger about, but I figured it came with my realization. If anything, Inuyasha would be the one doing the protecting, not me. He did take care of himself when he was orphaned at such a young age; I should really give him more credit.
