AN: hey loyal fans! I'm glad the five or so of you like my story. I'm sorry I've gotten lazy about updating. I really will try. Thanks for all the encouragement and great reviews! This story is going to have bittersweet ending, but I think you guys' will like it anyway. By the way, it probably won't end for at least another four chapters, so you have nothing to worry about! Eep! I still have to cover another year and a half of their lives! I better get typing!
Sai and Kage
CHAPTER FOUR:
Pierce My Heart
"Love, Hate, and fear are prominent examples. Ones that I seemed fated to face again and again. At least I wasn't alone."
It was just another day, and again, I was at the Sohma table. For the past week Daikin had been slowly introducing me to the life of a Sohma. Everywhere I had once been barred from was now open. It was nice. I finally felt free, yet still trapped at the same time. I was free to be Sohma, but I was blocked from being a human.
I never really gave much thought to what would happen once I became a Sohma. It took me until a few days before Chinese New Year to actually realize what a marriage to Dai would mean.
I was a Sohma! Finally, I was one of them! Thousands of cats before me had spent their whole lives dreaming of this! The only problem? Kage was a Sohma. I was going to see him again, whether I wanted it or not. This was year of the Rat, and the year that Daikin introduced me at the party. We were going to see other, and we had no choice in the mater.
I spent a long time thinking about that. What would I say when we came face to face? What would he think when Daikin introduced me as his intended? What if he really wanted nothing more to do with me?
The questions were endless, and the answers were all of the "wait and see" variety.
Those were some of the shortest and longest nights of my life.
Sooner then I could have hoped or feared, came the Chinese New Year. Daikin had made sure I looked flawless. My long orange hair was tamed and tied up in the most beautiful fashion. It was all twists and turns and braids, and it looked beautiful; I didn't know I had it in me to look this nice. My dress was white, cream and gold, it was a traditional Chinese dress, but it showed off my calves and made me look beautiful. I would have been impressed, but I was too sad and nervous to really care.
Would he hate me? Would he love me? That was too much to wish for.
Daikin took me by the arm and lead me to the stairs that opened into the ballroom where the guest awaited us. I kept my eyes on the floor. I could bring myself to see him.
We walked in slowly, and descended the steps like royalty, all of our subjects spread out before us. Daikin stopped a few steps above the rest of them to make his speech.
I couldn't bring myself to listen to that either. But still, I got the gist. He said that I, Sai Sohma, was to be his wife in a year's time, and that next year we would be celebrating his marriage along with the coming of the New Year. The good little subjects below us clapped, and I knew it was over. I looked up.
Kage stood at the back of the room in his elaborate dancers outfit. He leaned against the walls with his hands in his pockets. As soon as I looked up he caught my eye. We stared at each other and I understand the sadness in his eyes, all the time willing him to see that this was my only option. This wasn't what I wanted!
He turned away and stalked off. I turned to look for Daikin, but he had gone off the talk to some other animals, leaving me alone already. I quickly slipped away, following Kage.
"Wait!" I cried, finally catching up to him, "Wait! Please, Kage!"
He stopped and turned to me. We were far from the party, in a desolate little hallway near the residential part of the building. The hurt was gone from his face now, replaced with a well-practiced look of stony indifference that most experienced zodiac members can pull at the drop of a hat.
"Sai…" He whispered my name in his beautiful melodic voice. He sounded sad, like maybe he had missed me. My heart began to summersault inside my chest.
"Kage, please." To my dismay I had started to cry; and, it also seemed it was impossible for me to form coherent sentences. I quickly whipped my face with my sleeve and tried again.
"I know that you hate me now, how could you not? You've seen what I am. But, I still want you to know, this isn't my choice. I never wanted to marry him."
I covered my face with my hands. What was I doing? He must think I'm crazy!
I felt a callused hand on my arm, but I kept my face covered. I didn't need to see the pity in his face. I was so tired of pity.
"Oh, Sai…" his voice sounded unusually husky, and I quickly fond myself pulled into a strong embrace.
"I never once hated you, " he whispered into my ear, "I love you. I've loved you since we first kissed. I've found that kissing has gained a whole meaning to me now. All I've dreamed of for months is being with you."
Now I was really crying. He loved me? It was wonderful! It was horrible! It was forbidden. How could he love me? In a year I would be married!
"Oh God, I love you more than you can imagine!" I cried, as we kissed over and over. What was I thinking? What were we doing?
Why did this feel so right, when being with Daikin felt so wrong? Why!
When we stopped kissing he silently grabbed my hand and led me through a maze of rooms and hallways until he ended up in a large, plain room. Inside there was a closet, desk and computer, couch and a bed in the corner. Everything in the room was a pale, quiet color, and it held very little set personality.
"This is my room." Kage said, gesturing around him, "it's where I've stayed locked alone for far to long. It feels wonderful to finally have some company." He squeezed my hand gently and led me over to the couch. The two of us sat down and looked at each other for a minute, and then I threw my arms around him.
"Sai, what!" he said, startled by my strange actions.
"Shh… I just want to stay like this for a minute" I said into his neck, "I've missed this so much. I've missed having someone to talk to. Someone who actually listens. Someone who actually cares."
Obediently, Kage wrapped his arms around my waist and we just sat there, holding each other. I breathed in his wonderful boy-smell and I felt myself relax. Here we were in our own little world. Here I was safe.
After I let go off all that tension I don't quiet no what happened. I must have just drifted off, because the next thing I knew, I woke up half an hour later with my head on Kage's lap.
"What…?" I muttered groggily.
"Shhhh…" he whispered, "You look so angelic when you sleep. Don't worry, you're safe with me. he wont find us here."
I closed my eyes again. Safe. Such a rare word in my life, and one coming from his lips! It sounded so beautiful. If only I could sleep forever. If only we could stay like this. If only time would freeze!
If only…
