Chapter 43: Two Sides meet the Coin

The next day came quicker than Dillon wanted. He would've just stayed content staring at the ceiling if it meant prolonging the inevitable for just a little bit longer, but as of late, life was unkind to him. Dread infected his mind, refusing to let up for even a moment. He had no choice but to go through with diving into Annie's head, but the unknown of what would come after terrified him. Physical threats he could handle, but abstract ones? Jumping off the Wall with no ODM gear seemed like a better idea. There was no planning for this. All he could do was react. Nothing more.

Keiji didn't even bother knocking as he entered the room with Nifa right behind him. "Section Commander Hanji wants you in the war room immediately," he said as he carefully lifted Dillon into a sitting position.

The Psion shook his head, avoiding their gazes. "I'm gonna need help getting there. Walking is still a problem for me."

Nifa nodded in understanding as the two used their weight to support his. "We'll get you there, Amsdale."

"Thank you," Dillon said gratefully.

"Thank us by not doing anything stupid," Keiji replied with a stern look. "You don't want to be labeled as a traitor."

Dillon wasn't remotely surprised by that declaration, especially considering that he assaulted Levi Squad the last time he tried to save Annie. All he could do was keep his head down and follow orders no matter how much it pained him to do so.

"Whoa, easy," Keiji warned as he felt the teen's body go limp for a moment, making the group stumble. "Come on, man. We're almost there."

I just want to rest. He thought to himself. His body was sore and numb, bringing a constant discomfort to the forefront. Emotionally drained seemed like an understatement concerning his mental state. What he'd give to sleep the nights away and pretend this reality was nothing more than a dream he could awaken from. However, his thoughts drifted to Annie and the words she had spoken to him. For once, he needed to be strong for her just as she had be strong for him. No matter what happened, he would be there for her until the end.

The door to the war room opened as he was practically carried inside. Naturally, Hanji, Levi, and Annie would waiting for him at the table. One simple look towards his girlfriend and he knew that she slept as badly as he did. He also detected auras of anxiety surrounding her no matter how hard she tried to hide it. The two locked eyes for a brief moment, but no words escaped their lips. There was nothing they could say to change any of this. He let out a grunt as he was deposited into a chair.

"You can go, you two," Hanji said, waving them off. She was nearly bouncing in her chair from excitement.

Keiji and Nifa saluted and took their leave, shutting the door behind them.

Levi's drawl voice began the meeting, leaning forward to stare at Dillon. "In case the point hasn't been drilled into your skull, defy us and I will treat you as the enemy. No protests, no girlfriends, and no safety nets will stop me. Is that clear, Amsdale?"

"Yes, sir," Dillon answered with a nod.

"Finally!" Hanji completely ignored the tension in the room and started to do a little skipping-walk around the room. "So, how is this going to work? Is it going to be like when you're on hallucinogenic drugs? Will it be like we're Annie? Will we be able to feel what it is like to be a Titan?"

Heaving a sigh, Dillon said, "When I used my powers to find out the Female Titan's identity, I saw things from her viewpoint."

"I get to be a completely different person?" Hanji giggled gleefully. "This is so cool. I can't wait."

Dillon wanted to scream at how this whole thing would determine whether he and Annie would live or not, but even if he did, Hanji would just find a "bright side" to all this.

"I'm on the edge of my seat," Levi deadpanned. "Can we get a move on?"

The Psion looked to his girlfriend. "If I do something to hurt you, please tell me."

"Like that will make a difference," Annie muttered. "Just do it."

He nodded and his eyes began to glow. It didn't take long for the world to fade into darkness.


When Dillon's eyes opened, he was in awe. He was standing inside some sort of crystal palace. From the furniture to the ceilings, everything glistened with natural light. He could see his reflection on a pillar clear as day, looking as normal as he used to be. No wounds, bandages, or anything to indicate he went through hell. He could only imagine how much reality had distorted the image. He placed his hand on the crystal, surprised that it wasn't cold to the touch. Quite the opposite.

"What is this place?"

Dillon let out a high-pitched yelp, whirling to see Hanji and Levi standing right behind him. Both were healed up, and Levi didn't have a limp anymore. Definitely a positive for the mental world. Regaining his composure with a clear of his throat, Dillon answered, "This is how Annie subconsciously organizes her memories. You can tell a lot about a person just by looking around."

"So, what? She wants to be some sort of princess?" Levi drawled, eyes darting to different areas of the palace. "Where the hell is she?"

The blacksmith indicated the area. "Everywhere. Watching our every move. If she wanted us out, mental defenses of some sort would pop up and try to kill us."

"Can she move out there?" Hanji wondered, staring at a distorted reflection.

Dillon shook his head. "Right now, we're all immobile. Only way she could move again is if I stop using my powers or she kills me in the mental world. It won't kill me, but it'll hurt like hell."

"And us?" Levi demanded, glaring at him.

"I, uh, don't know," he admitted sheepishly. "I haven't tested it out."

The captain let out a scoff. "Of course you haven't. Leonhart, get your ass out here!"

There was a hissing sound, Annie stepped from an alcove, her arms wrapped around her body in a posture that read "fuck off." "Isn't being in my own mind a little paradoxical?" she grumbled.

"I want you where I can see you," Levi said.

"If Annie wanted to, she could start attacking us at any moment," Dillon told him. "Seeing her isn't going to change that. Trust me. My dad proved it to me." The minute those words left his mouth, he began to fixate on his death, but he shook it off. He couldn't mourn for him right now, so he just pushed it away.

"Contrary to what you may think I am, Captain, I'm not so stupid as to start attacking when Dillon has the advantage," Annie informed in her typical, cold way

Hanji clapped her hands together, getting their attention. "So, how does this work?"

She shrugged. "Hell if I know."

"Well, as long as Annie lets me, I can access whatever I want like say... Cadet Corps training." A mirror began to distort itself into the image of Annie zooming around on ODM gear. Well, they assumed it was Annie since it was in a first-person perspective.

"And what does it look like when she resists?" Levi questioned so he'd know if Annie was holding out on them.

"Mental defenses and severe resistance," Dillon answered. "It won't be pleasant for anyone. So, where do we start?"

"Show me the-" Hanji started to say, then she regained her composure, turning to Levi. "Why don't you pick first?"

"Just get it over with, Four-Eyes," Levi said tiredly with a wave of his hand. "Otherwise, you'll be pouting like a kicked dog."

"Show me everything! The Titans, the people, where the Female Titan came from. No, wait! Let's start at the beginning." Hanji finally decided, dancing on the tips of her toes.

Dillon sighed, looking at Annie. "Let's start with what Marley is like, okay?"

"No, it's not okay, but we'll go anyway," Annie said, a door nearby opening.

The Psion was the first to enter the path to her memories. He was blinded by a flash of light that consumed his entire being until it faded away to new world.


It was a small, but cramped, community. The largest buildings in the area were houses that were much simpler than the layered ones behind the Walls. Between these houses were attached shanties, with smaller hovels dotting dirt roads. It was as though the communities of the underway had been turned inside out like a shirt so that they were on top instead of below ground. The rest was familiar, yet different.

People shuffled about quickly, each trying to look as busy as possible so as not to attract undue attention. However, they bore yellow armbands on their left shoulders with some sort of star in the center of it. That was odd in it of itself. Then, there was the constant filth. Even the smell of it all brought Levi back to the Underground. One person's road was another person's pissing grounds. The surface air didn't so much nullify the stench as spread it.

Among these marked civilians were soldiers wearing strange, blue uniforms. Rifles were slung across their backs, yet their hands seemed close to their smaller guns carried at the hip. Easily, these soldiers were outnumbered, yet the people kept their distance from them, avoiding any excuse to come into contact with them. Clearly, terror was engraved into the hearts of the people.

All that paled to the new emotions Dillon felt flowing into him. They were so strong that he was almost brought to his knees by the sheer weigh. Anger that could consume everything in its path like a wildfire. Sadness that could bring even the most hardened soldier to his knees. Frustration that would make a person gnaw at themselves in an effort to relieve the pain this caused them. Fear that controlled nearly ever single step that would be taken today. This is how it felt to be Annie Leonhart.

For a moment, the memory flickered and a pained grunt escaped Dillon's lips. He almost gave in, but he pushed himself to go through with this. For Annie's sake, he would be strong.

"Dillon, what's wrong?" Annie asked in a worried tone, though he couldn't see her.

"It was just overwhelming for a second there," he replied, taking in deep breaths. "I'm fine now."

Then, he heard Hanji's voice, her enthusiasm all but gone. "This wasn't what I expected."

Levi said nothing, keeping how he felt to himself.

"You're own fault for expecting something pleasant," Annie responded coldly. "Take a wild guess which ones are the Eldians and which ones are the Marleyans."

The memory began with Annie watching a man running forward to block a nearby patrol. His pupils were dilated and his movements jerky as if he was about to collapse into a seizure. He fell to his knees in front of them, his arms outstretched. "Please, wait!"

The patrol stopped, the lead commander aiming his sidearm at the man. "What the hell do you want, filth?" Even the mere presence of the Eldian seemed to discuss him.

"I have information. There's a man here in the camp who's been teaching heresy, denying Eldian responsibility for the state of the world. Please." He prostrated himself before these soldiers. "The lies must be silenced. I'll lead you to him."

The commander raised an eyebrow before turning to his subordinates. "Barnes, take Nelson and keep patrolling. The rest of you with me." He glared down at the Eldian. "Lead the way."

The Eldian's expression was that of hallowed ecstasy as he led them off.

Annie watched them for a brief moment before she dashed down the street. She darted through the tenements and through makeshift alleys, climbing over small walls when she had to. She was a nimble creature and she had the advantage of knowing it was a race. She eventually skidded to a stop in front of a small shanty and started slamming her fist up against the door. At first, there was no answer, so she knocked harder. "Open up!"

Dillon was taken aback by her younger voice. "Just how old are you?"

"Six," was the brief answer he would be getting.

The door opened at last to reveal a lanky man much taller than her. He looked quite surprised to see her. "Little Annie? What are you-?"

Annie did not waste a single second. "Eric is coming. He's told the patrol that you've committed heresy. They're coming this way now." She looked past him, her wall cracking as she spotted his whole family inside.

"Damn it." The "heretic" turned to his family. "Into the trapdoor. Now!"

"Hurry," Annie hissed as she watched in trepidation. Their every move looked far too slow for her. The worst was when they had to take the time to lift the kids in. The youngest didn't have a clue what was going on, making it difficult as he was squirming in protest.

Fortunately, the man managed to get the boy inside along with his wife. Then, he closed the door and locked it. "They'll be safe now. You need to leave."

"Just get in there and stay."

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Annie by the back of her collar and flung her outside. The Marleyans had arrived.

"Teach the bitch a lesson," the commander ordered as he approached the heretic.

Two of the soldiers started to kick Annie hard, not allowing her the chance to get up. There was a crack and the girl cried out in pain as one of the ribs wilted under the impact. She started to scramble away, but didn't get far before heavy boots came down on her.

"Hey, wait! Not this one," one of the voices warned.

"What are you talking about?"another voice asked as his boot was on Annie's skull. A hard enough press would crush it.

"You know who the kid is, right? She the big lady's."

"Shit." The soldier roughly pulled Annie up, glowering at her. "We're gonna take you home now, devil. Don't make this difficult."

There was a gunshot and the sound of a body falling to the ground along. It didn't take long for the screaming to start.

Then, the commander officer's voice was heard. "Damn it, take them alive for Paradis. That is the proper punishment."

"The old man resisted, sir," the murderer protested.

The screams got louder then as the troops started to drag the wife and kids out.

In a moment of feral rage, Annie twisted around and sunk her teeth into the hand of the man holding her, drawing blood.

He yelped in pain before he punched Annie hard in the face, breaking her nose. "Fucking parasite!"

"That's enough," Dillon finally spoke, sounding more than a little shaken up.

The memory flickered for a moment, yet it continued.

"Just don't kill the blonde," the officer said. He then turned back to his men. "Shit, they got a baby."

"Want me to take care of it?" one of the soldiers asked.

"Yeah." The officer nodded. "They dropped it when they took them."

"I said, that's enough!"


The memory shattered and the four occupants were flung back out into the crystal castle. Annie recovered easily, this being a part of her life, though she stood rigid.

Hanji sat up, rubbing the back of her sore neck. "I was kind of hoping that would be more fun."

Dillon just laid on his back, panting heavily. That single memory drained most of energy, physical and emotional. He couldn't fathom how anyone could live like that.

His vision was filled with Levi who hoisted him up by his collar and slammed him against a pillar. "I am so tired of this bullshit. It's the same thing over and over again. You buckle and cry like a little bitch every time-."

"Let him go," Annie whispered in a cold voice.

Levi snapped his head towards her, eyes blazing with anger. "Back off."

"What are you going to do, cripple?" Annie eyes were oddly distant. "Does abusing an injured soldier under you command make you feel like you actually matter again? That you're not a small, angry, little man who is utterly helpless?"

The captain backhanded her hard, causing blood to fly out of her mouth and leaving a sizable bruise on her cheek. "Next time, I break your jaw."

Annie didn't bother to wipe her face. "I'll heal. More than can be said for all the people who you've led to die for nothing. My bones heal faster than your legs anyway."

Levi's eyes widened as he took a threatening step towards her, releasing Dillon. "They died because you get off slaughtering people. That's all that the Titan form is to you: a way to get your thrills. Or maybe it's because without that form, you're nothing but a broken mess crying for daddy."

Annie wasn't even fazed. "That sounds about right. I did enjoy killing some of them, but I've seen the look on your face, too. You get it. You like the power. It makes you feel in control when you're just a toy. When you can dish it out, you feel like something other than the victim. That means I also know that when the illusion gets ripped away, you're left with nothing. I don't know who you lost." Annie met Levi's cold stare with her own. "Don't care to know. I know all sorts of ways people can break. Just so happens you broke not so different than me, which means I know what's really eating you. And I know how weak you feel."

Levi was outright shaking as fury coursed through his body, begging for release.

"That's enough out of you, Annie," Hanji interrupted sternly.

Annie didn't bother acknowledging the woman. "It's not the leg; it's your whole life. You suffer, you struggle, and at every step you're reminded it's all for nothing. Every life that gets destroyed around you, every fool you lead to die, it turns out to be a waste. So much so you're just tired and you crawl from this day to the next. Sure, you can bullshit about hope or duty or whatever else people need to hear. I imagine you do that a lot when you visit the homes of Scouts you've lost. But in the end, you know it's hopeless. Pointless. Because hope scares you more than anything else. It's poison to you, isn't it?"

Levi let out an animalistic snarl and charged her. He grabbed Annie by the head and bashed it against a crystal pillar. "I won't be talked down to like a street urchin, least of all by you. You're not a fucking victim!" Then he slammed her head again and again, the pillar becoming coated with blood and brain matter. "You think I'm weak? Then fucking shift!" The ground left Levi as he was telekinetically tossed away from her.

"Stop," Dillon demanded, lowering his hand. Even the simple moves took so much from him.

"Stand down, Captain," Hanji ordered before glaring at the Psion. "And you. Don't do that again."

Annie's body shook and she let out a gurgling, wet version of that laugh from Stohess. "It's 'cause he's like me." She lifted up her head, revealing the red meat of her face and visible bone. Her mouth still worked.

"Enough, Annie!"

Annie spat blood and some teeth on the ground, continuing to ignore the woman. She then lifted up a shaking finger to point at Levi. "It eats him up that he gets the title he doesn't think he deserves. One that paints him as the hope of humanity when Dillon and Eren have made more progress in this battle than he has his whole life."

"That's it. We're ending this journey for now. We'll resume this later. Dillon, take us out." Hanji looked more furious than she ever had in her entire life.

Dillon was just about to do that when a hand fastened around his throat in the blink of an eye.

"I. Fucking. Warned. You," Levi snarled, preparing to kill him with his bare hands.

"Hurt him and die," Annie warned in a hiss. She made a move to stop him, but in a flash, they were all shoved back into the physical world.

Hanji didn't even hesitate to whip out her pistol and aim it at Annie before the blonde could even think of doing anything. The genial scientist was gone. "Stay down. Levi, get the fuck out of here and gather your wits."

The captain was visibly seething, though he was at a loss for words. Instead of acting on his instincts, he silently stood up and limped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Dillon, you just attacked a superior officer. Annie, you just threatened to murder one. And don't even think about claiming self-defense." Hanji's burning eyes landed on Dillon. "You don't have that right against a CO. Your lives are the military's from the moment you took that oath. This isn't a game where you get to make a deal, and you don't get to make up the rules as we go along. Both you have powers, but don't for a second think that makes you untouchable. If you use that power wrong, you're far more of a threat than an ally, and I'll put you both down and vivisect your corpses. Do you…?"

Her voice seemed to fade away, almost as if she was talking underwater. Dillon's eyes glazed over as his head slowly tilted towards the floor. It was all so wrong. Constant violence and suffering in two parts of the world. One side out of revenge, and the other out of the "greater good." The Scouts never cared about the well-being of others. Only their goals mattered. Commanding officers were given the power to hurt their subordinates for whatever reason and no one was allowed to stop them. It was all so wrong. He and Annie were nothing but their tools to be dished out against their enemies, consequences be damned. If it became too much for them, then they would be discarded like yesterday's trash. Perhaps, he made the wrong choice.

"Dillon..."

There was a small sensation in his mind, almost of something was trying to pull him away. He resisted a bit, though he felt so weak.

"Let go."

He didn't even feel his body hit the ground before darkness took him. Why did that voice sound so familiar?


Hanji watched with narrowed eyes as Dillon collapsed to the floor in a heap. This was happening again. The passing out and Annie rushing to his aid. What was this, the third time? Convenient that it had to happen now of all times. The Section Commander approached the two, gun still in hand. "I swear, Annie, if this is a stunt you two are pulling-."

"It's not," the Shifter interrupted, glaring up at her.

She knelt to the unconscious boy and check his pulse. He was still breathing, though the shallow breaths pointed to all signs of passing out. "Take him down to the infirmary and stay there," she ordered. "We will continue this tomorrow. Make sure he's awake by then."

Annie didn't bother responding as she carried her boyfriend towards the door.

"Do I make myself clear, Annie?" Hanji pressed, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.

The Shifter paused, not bothering to look back at her. "Yes, Section Commander."

Once the two left the room, Hanji sunk into a chair with her hand on her forehead. Things were starting to spiral out of control. The constant defiance towards her and Levi, no matter who was at fault, were escalating matters. At this rate, the Scout Regiment would fragment irreparably if this kept up. This whole thing was meant to prove or disprove Annie's stance within the Walls whether as an ally or enemy. Without Dillon, it would be nigh impossible to figure out her motivations. To cut their losses would mean to dispose of the two, something that humanity couldn't afford to happen. She needed Dillon and Annie under their control to prevent that outcome. If she had to be viewed as an enemy to do what needed to be done for just a little bit longer, so be it.


AN: Okay, before any of you jump down my throat out of frustration, here me out. The backstory plot with Annie is still happening in this arc. Unfortunately, there are some wrinkles that need to be ironed out first; namely, Dillon and Levi's issues. I hope I was able to show why, at least, Hanji is acting the way she is. The military can't bend for people like Dillon or Annie. It doesn't work that way. They have to be submissive and follow orders. The constant acting out only causes problems and friction among the Regiment more than anything.

Working on this story has made me realize something, and I apologize if I sound like a broken record: no one in the manga or the show seems to ever address the psychological issues the characters face. Eren is borderline insane and has not received psychological help for his traumas, Levi hunkers down unhealthily and acts out in violence to solve his problems (works against the Titans, but not so much for others), and pretty much every single person in Attack on Titan needs therapy. Reality would dictate psychological discharges, evaluations, and help. Seeing that there is no such thing in this universe, I'll have to deal with those problems in a different way.

Still, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I look forward to your reviews, and I'll see you all in the next one.