No, I don't own Star Trek and I don't own Star Wars either but, as kids use playgrounds I use characters…
AN This has been re-written for an audience not in the Star Trek know. Be nice. I have put in some explainations in brackets, if you are a Trekker feel free to ignore them! If you have trouble understanding the small alien you just re-arrange her sentences, they're sort of backwards; e.g. "Talk like that she does" meansShe talks like that."
Captain Kirk of the star ship Enterprise was in a dilemma. Theywere on an alien planet in pursuit of aillicit trader and somehow a seven foot tallbouncer had his chief engineer Scotty hanging on the end of one arm and ship doctor McCoy on the end of the other. Kirk was pinned in the surrounding crowd unable to either advance or retreat, under orders not to draw attention to himself. Both Scotty and Bones (Dr.McCoy) were highly intoxicated which didn't help the situation. Bones was yelling drunkenly at the bouncer. Scotty was crooning gently to a bottle of foul-looking brown liquid. Spock, his first officer (vice-captain), was typically nowhere to be seen. A trivial matter of paying for the drink had escalated so quickly. By the 22nd century most planets abolished money but not, it seemed, this one. McCoy was yelling again. Straining his ears Kirk could make out some of the (one-sided) conversation;
'Put me down you big-nosed, slug-faced, yellow-bellied monstrosity. I'm warning ya', this is the last chance you'll get…'
Damn! Kirk thought, this wouldn't be pretty.
Meanwhile First Officer Spock shifted aside a tattered curtain to look into a hovel-like shop. He was disguised as a "Romulan" alien, though he was in fact "Vulcan". Both species had the same background and both looked similar because of this. They were, however, very unfriendly toward each other. Vulcans worked logically, Romulans worked emotionally. Vulcans were pat of The Federation of Planets, Romulans had their own Empire. Nevertheless, it was easy for Spock to pretend to be a Romulan; all he needed was a dark cloak, a ready smile and a bag of gold.
Various illegal imports surrounded the make-shift shelves of the hut and the whole tent reeked horribly. Rumours of stolen Federation Dilithium Crystals (things which make the star ships work) being sold to Romulans in this impoverished town reached Spock's pointy alien ears and the informer had named the alien who ran this joint as ringleader. Spock turned and spoke quietly to the security guard who had followed him to the hovel.
'Assuming our co-ordinates are indeed correct I must go alone from here; a Romulan trader with a Terran (human) companion looks suspicious and we would not accomplish our task. I will not be long. Please report to Captain Kirk, tell him I will rendezvous with the rest of the landing party outside the meeting house at 1800 hours.'
He turned and strode into the shack.
It was Kirk's truly worst night-mare.
Here he was, forcibly restrained by rules and regulations and a massive crowd of aliens baying for blood, while two of best friends was about to get knocked about. Damn that man Bones anyway! What possessed him to get drunk on a mission like this? And where the hell was Spock! He should have been here by 1800 and now it was 1823. Kirk had put the delay down to Spock having difficulty retrieving the necessary information but now he wasn't so sure. It was definitely uncharacteristic of his first officer to be gone this long without reporting back.
A sharp hiss returned Kirk's attention to the situation at hand. Scotty had fallen asleep and was drooling on the bouncer's sleeve. With a look of disgust the guard dropped him to focus on the more immediate problem of McCoy, who was still yelling loudly. Kirk willed Bones to shut-up. Surprisingly Bones didn't hear him. The bouncer raised one ham of a fist and swung it towards McCoy. It was too much, Kirk swiftly un-holstered his phaser (laser gun) to fire.
Then everyone froze.
A small figure in a long brown cloak stepped into the centre of the now silent circle and raised a twisted hand. The bouncer had stopped mid swing. Very softly the stranger said:
'Do that you do not wish to, my friend. Lower the good doctor you will.'
Very slowly the guard dropped the fist clamped around McCoy's throat. The small alien waved its hand and the bouncer calmly turned and strode back into the meeting house. Kirk rushed forward through a dispersing crowd to catch his swaying friend. Bones looked up at Kirk and giggled before the small stranger came over and placed a wrinkled hand over his eyes. The doctor slumped involuntarily and fell to the ground.
It was a few moments before Kirk realised that Bones wasn't breathing.
Earlier:
Spock stepped into the shack and sensed something was amiss. It was very dark with the curtain closed and his eyes took a while to adjust. The stench of filth and smoke made him want to turn heel and leave. But he was Vulcan. He had a mission to accomplish and to leave now would be illogical. He took as deep a breath as his self-preservation instinct would allow in the murky air and whispered the name he was given by the informer. Somebody moved ahead of him but he got no response.
'Curious' thought Spock.
A sudden sharp hit to his lower chest caused him to gasp and crumple forward slowly. A pirate squatting in the corner chuckled deeply. The Vulcan fool had never even seen it coming. Four of pirates lifted Spock onto their shoulders and exited the tent. A slight, slim figure followed them out. Exactly twenty-five seconds later the tent blew up behind them.
